smallpoemsfortheweak

[smallpoemsfortheweak]

I can't sleep without you

But I have to

[smallpoemsfortheweak]

Liar.

Change is promised, but never seen

His ice blue eyes holding false sincerity

"I won't go out tonight", "I won't see them", "I won't stay long"



Liar

I sit waiting, for a call that was promised

but it never comes

Funny, you keep disappointing me, but I never fail to trust you each time

I put everything into you, I put my whole life into you, into us.

I CHANGE FOR YOU

I do my best. I am NOT perfect but I do my best.

And you...

You lie.

I say I wanna talk, you say "later I promise"

and later never comes

I say we have problems, you say "I don't see one"

You say its in my head, you tell me I'm overeacting, and overthinking and I BELIEVE you because that's just how insecure I am

You tell me not to let myself question what I know, and then you make me do just that

I KNOW something is wrong. I can read you, I can read you well.

I KNOW not everything is in my head.

I know you love me, even tho I question that and you help me get back into reality

But I also know, our relationship is messed up, it's got problems and holes and I wanna talk, and mend them and tell you things I never dare say out loud, because I fear you'll turn me away and tell me I have everything upside down. Like you always do.

You say you're here for me, but you never wanna talk when it gets emotional. You'll comfort me but never admit when something is wrong.

You liar.

Why can't you be serious? Why can't you be honest? Why can't you stop being such a man and ADMIT there is a PROBLEM?

Why do you lie to me and say everything is fine. The same way you lie to me about going out, and staying the night at a friends house.

The same you lie to me and tell me you'll call me when you get home and you never do.

and it's always "I fell alseep", "My phone died", or "I forgot"

I've accepted those excuses for a year and a half, which ironically is how long we've been together.

But I can't anymore. You should've learned by now, to charge your phone, and to think of me before you sleep, and to not leave me WORRIED about you! Just like you should've learned by now, to open up to me, and it's okay to be emotional, and that you don't have to LIE!

And I feel in such a large way its my fault. That I'm too selfish and focused on me, I don't give you enough chances, or enough time to talk about yourself and your feelings, and I don't even know what I expect you to say. But you never complain, you never cry, you never do anything.

Some would say that I should be grateful for that, but they wouldn't be saying that if they were in my shoes. If they loved someone as much as I love you, they'd be just as worried, that something is seriously WRONG. Because it is! You're not acting human.

EVERYBODY COMPLAINS, and it bothers me that you don't. And I know you have something to complain about,

and go ahead.

Say "I just want to focus on the positive"

I can respect that. I can accept your decision to not be negative.

what I can't accept is that you treat my problems as invalid.

You run away when I want to complain, you're not there WITH me when I'm feeling wronged, or sad, or alone. And I feel like a burden to you. And when I want someone to share this with, you're my go-to.

Because you're my person.

But you just shut me down, and tell me to shut up. Tell me to stop.

That's not fair. and it hurts.

And when I try to tell you about the things you do that bothers me.

Like going out, and not talking to me. Like you not seeming to ever think about me the way I think about you.

I NEVER forget to text or call you, I NEVER let my electronics die, and if it happens, I find a way to tell you, to let you know what happened so you're not worried.

I ALWAYS tell you when Im going out, and I ALWAYS tell you when I make it home.

It's really not hard. It's not.

You have no more excuses. Not anymore.

And when I try to tell you this, when I try to resolve it. To feel heard, and understood,

you make unfullfilled promises.

every.

single.

time.

and I fall for it, and believe you, and set myself up to be dissapointed

every.

single.

time.

I just want to understand you. I want to understand why.

and you've made it abundantly clear, that I never will.

Because, you may promise to change, but you never try.

Liar.

[smallpoemsfortheweak]

"What's it like to be in a relationship and insecure?"

I wish I coulda gone back in time, and left you alone

I wish I never woulda caught your eye and took you home

I wish I knew then what I know now

It hurts too much to be with you 

And somehow,

I see you as bad and toxic and a cheat

And now Im wondering if Im reflecting unto you whats inside of me

I want to keep you and call you my own

But I also just really fucking hate you

And wanna be alone

This relationship is shitty cuz I always feel like a mistake

But these are all words I am afraid to say

I never need you to tell me, im weird or awkward or gross

I can see it in your eyes, hear it in your heart, 

And it hurts, cuz youre the person I love most

I see judgment that may or may not be there,

I feel ashamed for being so scared

I love you, my dear, but I don't love me

and for that I am so very sorry