slygirlboy

[slygirlboy]

guy who thinks food was significantly harder to chew 17 years ago

[slygirlboy]

spends so long thinking so much about balls that i'm not looking where i'm going and i fall down a manhole and a work crew comes and starts pouring hot tar down the manhole and the tar engulfs me and i stay there for 100,000 years until a team of archaeologists unearth the tar during a dig and my body is perfectly preserved and there's a fossil of a thought bubble above my head that says BALLS and it's shaped like a big heart and all the scientists say i looked at peace and also kind of handsome

[slygirlboy]

we could be fucking in our #minds but you threw away our #dreams

[slygirlboy]

boymoder neo: why are my nipples so sensitive?

bisexual morpheus: youre using them for the first time

[slygirlboy]

[slygirlboy]

Hey man. Lets watch nosferatu together. Can you hold my hand if I get scared?

[slygirlboy]

Rest in Peace, Mr. Turner

[slygirlboy]

i dont think i want to let madame slurs anywhere near my pet tyvm 😭

[slygirlboy]

[slygirlboy]

i turn later in the series and the main character leaves me and like an episode later he walks into an abandoned building where theres one zombie thats like 1.5x bigger than the rest and it has a cool crown and the others are all bending the knee to it and its sitting on a throne of human bodies. it locks eyes with the main character and gives a knowing wink

*in the zombie apocalypse* listen....promise me...if im gonna turn...dont kill me. i wanna be a strong as fuck zombie. i wanna be like really cool and kill like thousands of people. dont you dare kill me

[slygirlboy]

*in the zombie apocalypse* listen....promise me...if im gonna turn...dont kill me. i wanna be a strong as fuck zombie. i wanna be like really cool and kill like thousands of people. dont you dare kill me

[slygirlboy]

notice how nobody’s alive anymore

[slygirlboy]

[slygirlboy]

[slygirlboy]

That one tweet that says something like "guys need to start treating their girls better because faggots bi asf these days"

[slygirlboy]

you really just have to see this one