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the effects of kevjean on a lesbians psyche needs to be studied

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We need to be going door to door telling men about bisexuality. We need to start standing outside grocery stores

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the public thought kevin day left EAU for andrew minyard.

the public thought kevin day left his brother, his team, his home for andrew minyard.

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cosplay as an exy goalpost, it’s the only way they’d ever hit on you

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no but really. riko's "lessons" on grief crumbling the second kevin finds out about riko's death though!!!! all of that suppression, all of the buried feelings, all of the time spent avoiding and hiding and concealing left to rise to the surface the second riko is dead!!!

i am convinced kevin freaks out in a way he's never freaked out before, in a way that sincerely shocks anyone who witnesses it, once he finds out riko is gone. in a way that subtly begs the question about inpatient care and an extended leave of absence and rehab. in a way that nobody else really understands because it was riko of all people to trigger this meltdown, but in a way that is genuinely terrifying

that codependency, even if undercut by relief that the abuse is over, does not go away without a freak out!!

-childhood in the nest anon

oh that's such a good point. Especially if Riko was successful in not letting Kevin mourn, if Kevin never really grieved his mother because Riko said, "You have me."

Like, what if the whole basis of Kevin's avoidance of grieving his mom was based on Riko saying, "So long as I'm here, you don't have to worry about her." Imagine every time he almost cried, every time he almost said I miss my mom out loud, Riko would grip his arm or his hand or his face and say something to the effect of, "Your grief is a waste of time and the only thing that matters is me, is us, is exy."

And then Riko's dead? And oh, he remembers this feeling that he'd only felt in vague bursts before, buried so deep he couldn't even be sure he felt it at all. The words, "Riko is dead," sound like "Your mom is dead". They found her body this morning. They found his body last night. There's nothing they could've done to save her. He was dead when the ambulance arrived.

It's like this doubled grief, all the things he'd never been allowed to feel for his mom suddenly coming back up, and like, these are feelings that Kevin thought he was too young to have felt. He thought he was too young to remember, he thought he was too young to understand but now he's reminded that, no, you felt it. You understood. You just weren't allowed to feel the monumental loss that you'd faced. You weren't allowed to work through this gnawing icy pain in your heart. And now that Riko's dead, you're allowed. You're free.

But now Riko's dead. Now Riko is dead, and his mom is dead, and fuck Riko for making him feel both of their deaths at the same time because he shouldn't exist in the same world that his mother does. The pain he feels for them both should be incomparable.

I like to imagine that for just a few moments after Kevin is told, he goes into shock, completely and utterly unable to function with the knowledge that Riko is dead.

"Riko killed himself last night," David says, and Abby is by his side for backup, for protection, for Kevin's safety. Betsy is on speed dial. "They won't tell me much, but they think it happened fast."

Maybe Abby nudges him because nothing he says will be okay, or good enough, or soft enough so as to not destroy Kevin. And he hears the words. He knew they were coming. They had to come, this was always going to happen. This was always how it was going to end. But his brain goes quiet and his hands go numb and he smiles a weak smile. He doesn't feel those words at all.

"Okay," He nods, like he's just been told that it's raining outside or he's wearing odd socks. "Thank you, Coach."

"Kevin, did you..." Abby's voice is soft as she reaches out. "Did you hear what David said?"

His eyes are empty, someplace far away, but his voice does not shake as he says, "I did."

For a while, maybe, they don't let him leave the room. He's quiet, disassociating, but not yet crying. Not yet throwing things around the room like David expected. Not yet begging for a bottle of vodka.

Does Renee come to the door first, or Neil? Does Abby answer the door because David asked her to, and what snaps him out of it? Is it Renee saying, "I called Jean. I told him to avoid the news," or is it Neil saying, "Have you told him yet?" that snaps him back into the real world, back to reality, to Jean can't find out, to Jean is alone, to Neil knows, to oh my god to this is real to Riko's dead and Riko's dead and Riko's dead.

Everything is familiar and nothing is the same. His body tells him he’s allowed to mourn his mom now, but he can’t handle it, and he can’t handle Riko being dead and Jean not knowing and Riko being dead and his mom isn’t here and he just. can’t. get his head around it. It’s all of a sudden messy and loud and confusing. He can’t let himself think about how Riko probably didn’t kill himself, he can’t ask himself why Neil knew before he did. He can’t believe it. If he believes it then it’s real and it’s his fault and who has him now? That was Riko’s job. To stop him from mourning so he could keep his eye on the prize and now he has it; They won the season. He put all his focus on exy, and look where it got him. All those lessons, all that burying of his feelings and compartmentalising to deal with it later hits him at once like a fucking truck and I think Kevin had the breakdowns of all breakdowns that day.

I think whatever happened to Jean on his own in that dorm room would’ve happened to Kevin, and more. He’s lucky that he wasn’t alone, I suppose, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. He’s tall, and he’s strong, and his head isn’t in the room when he’s throwing shit at the walls and screaming like it’ll help make things make sense. He doesn’t see where the chair lands. He doesn’t see who the books are thrown at. There is a chance that not one person in that room has ever seen anyone lose their mind so quickly, and intensely before. Because it’s not just Riko, it’s his mom, it’s his childhood, it’s his future, it’s his abuser, it’s his brother, it’s his identity and purpose and fuck, it’s Riko. Who is he without Riko?

If I keep going this will just end up far too long but oh lordy lord I think you’re absolutely right

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your thoughts on riko and kevin always make me realize like a bullet to the chest how long kevin was in the nest before jean showed up let alone before he got out like what a nightmare no wonder he's Like That

No but like… do you think that Riko was jealous of Kevin and his relationship with his mom for the longest time? He never knew his mom, he never had a mom, but he had to watch her kiss Kevin’s head and call him love and tell him she was proud of him?

I wonder if Riko made fun of him for mourning because he couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to be sad to lose a mother figure. Maybe he felt glad that she was dead, because now Kevin knew what it felt like to not have a mom. He understood Riko, now, and he had to know that he didn’t need her. Riko did just fine without one, so what was the big deal?

Was there any part of Riko that wanted to comfort Kevin, stood in a room with Tetsuji, cold and clinical and unloving as he told him that his mother had died that morning? Or did he smile in the corner of the room, like he’d been waiting for this moment, to have Kevin to himself without the distraction of love and family getting in the way? What if Kevin knew not to cry in front of Tetsuji, and left the room with a trembling lip until he was alone with Riko in their bedroom where he broke down, too young to understand, too young to know such a huge feeling of loss.

I think Riko would’ve used his vulnerability during that time in his life to assert his control over him, to plant the seed that Kevin needed him. Do you think Kevin believed him when he told him he shouldn’t cry over her? Did Kevin believe him when he told him that his mom didn’t love him, when he told him that she was just a distraction? Was it the excuse Kevin needed to put everything into his sport? (Is it why he can’t see death as more important than exy, because all that time he should’ve spent mourning his mom was spent ignoring her death instead, because this was always going to take priority over a mom that went and left him anyway?)

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2024-03-04, 500, “Orange”, 1971

The halved orange is scratch-n-sniff.

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For Kevan’s dogs with n and a names May I put forth Andreas (Greek version of Andrew) or Alexander (Alexander the great) for A and Nero for n? Because I feel like Kevan would also use historic names too

kevin day, my beloved, would definitely pick something from history

andrew would disregard those chosen names immediately and start calling them shit like apple and napkin

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the front seat of the car is a type of confessional

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waking up out of a dead sleep to proclaim that kevin day should get two massive dobermans whose names start with A and N

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aaron minyard being the funniest character in aftg

i love this man

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kevjean but it's that scene from jennifers body

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nobody:

roman: I'LL DO IT. i will make this noble sacrifice for my family by flirting with the handsome evil man of the week. no no, don't try to talk me out of it, the burden is mine alone to bear. 👄💄

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this is insanely Kevin coded I fear

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nachtmahr