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happy belated birthday to BABY!!! KANNA KIZUCHI!!!💚💚

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was it the cure? shell-shock

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dysphoria

sketch on my calculus paper💀:

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when we're out in a crowd, laughing loud and nobody knows why

w/ the trio:

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it's my sister's birthday (oct 5) and as a gift i drew her with shin because i thought it was funny that her and shin were kinda similar

fun fact we actually share matching greenbling pfps:

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TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT FLOORMASTER KANNA PLEASEE ;;;;;;

THANK YOU FOR PULLING ME OUT OF THE GRAVE ASKER!!!

Floormaster Kanna:

• Custard Pudding+Matcha Icecream

• Bittersweet - Main Symbolism: "A Rotting Flower" 

• Vice Floormaster to Midori in CH.3, similar to how Safalin vices for Ranger

• more than 50% human, less than 50% doll

• doll parts created by Midori, with help from Safalin (Safalin preserves Kanna's human flowers+her body from the execution)

-timid, initially kind and is still familiar with the rest of the remaining participants 

"Everyone...please survive" 

-generally as kind as she was before, more generous than every other floormaster & tries to help Sara; this is only possible because Midori basically lets the child run loose and doesn't push a lot on her freedom except the floormaster's code 

-When she exerts a lot of her energy/gets super upset the canna flower around her left eye withers, her face gets a bit more cracked and the stems around her neck soon grow out more from her collar

-the explosion function on her collar has been deactivated because new shoots keep growing out from the seeds in her neck

-most of her memories retained, as well as most of her character/personality

-HOWEVER

-deliberately messed up by Midori to deprive Kanna of the one trait that made Kanna herself: forgiveness

-Gave her instead the thing Sou has that she doesn't: spite

-Because most of her memories are retained, she holds some spite against Kugie and most especially Shin for manipulating her

-from that spite, feels so frustrated to the point it makes her cry

-Upon meeting Shin in CH.3, Kanna feels contempt against him; Shin thinks it's for killing her but actually Kanna has no regrets about that, she just feels spite about everything else

"How could you do this to Kanna...!"

-the parallel of Shin being hated by the only one who he cared for and cared about him

-still has a liking to Sara, lowkey wants her to win

-HOWEVER

"Big sis Sara...are you going to betray me too?"

-Midori has Kanna call him "Big Bro Midori"

"He doesn't really treat Kanna like a toddler.."

-this upsets Sara (and severely upsets Shin)

-this floormaster kanna au is really just causing shin the most suffering 

-reads through the other volumes of the Shin Tsukimi AI Test Data from time to time in an effort to navigate her emotions

-her icecream cones are edible like safalin's hat 

-jk the mint chocolate is actually toothpaste

-Safalin feeds her fertiliser(???) in the form of matcha chocolates for her human canna flowers

-the vibe is the equivalent of a single mom giving her kid their daily vitagummies

-Kanna actually talks to the Shin AI normally (she sees Shin and Sou as somewhat 2 separate entities) and can often be seen in the overworld chatting with him in the security office

-Somewhat tries to avoid the real Shin, reverted to some of her old habits [hiding herself and running away] rather than confronting the problem; only expresses her contempt against Shin when she has to face him

-i imagine if she oversees the next main game she would break and panic and be unable to carry out her floormaster duties and executions

"I..Kanna...doesn't want anybody to die..! Kanna...can't...!"

-is willing to proceed with her own death as per the floormaster's code if it means protecting Sara and the others from being executed, this is where the self-sacrificial part of herself comes through

-i imagine Midori wouldn't let her [not out of pity, he just wants the main game to keep going], and by letting Kanna live instead of sacrificing herself Shin now owes him for saving her, really fked up

tbh i have much more but hoo...hoo boy

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happy belated birthday nao!

i dug up this rekonao trad drawing from more than 3 years ago (yes 2021 holy crap yttd is so old) and wanted to redraw it

i realised when i compared 3 years later i was like woah i improved quite a bit

og sketch:

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disrupting my post streak with robin on a sunday

coloured digitally on my phone gallery editor (again)

og sketch:

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haunting what's haunted you

art for my ghost!shin fic : Momento Mori

actually this notes drawing existed before writing the fic and basically started my brainrot,,

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my take on floormaster kanna!+outfit desc

i did this on my notes so the proportions look wonky,, i'll make a real design of her clothes soon

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guess who infiltrated my chem notes

look at my chem professor dawgggggg i'm goin to die 😫🤯🤣

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i'm always the dog chasing after you so when you leave me, i should die

i deserve it, don't i?

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cannot believe this was the sketch 😭

it's kaworu day ✧ 生

kinda proud of this actually

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it's kaworu day ✧ 生

kinda proud of this actually

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personal shin tsukimi analysis incoming!

i think what i find heartbreaking (from personal experience) is that after you go through something traumatic/toxic, be it internal struggle or relationships, once you're past it, it's as if you can't remember what exactly happened within that period of time. you can't remember the mundane events, the other people you talked to. you only remember what you did that, in the end, ended up hurting you. and you think: what was i doing there? during that time? you were so lost and absorbed in that poison you just couldn't mind anything else.

when i realised that recently, i saw just how bad i got prior to recovering. i couldn't remember anything else that happened to me. i'm sure i acted like a normal person day to day, but i have no recollection of it.

and so that's why i find it even sadder that maybe that was why midori could just leave shin like that. for others, he had to erase their memory of him at some point, but he knew he already left a mark so scarring on shin that once he was past this relationship, the act of burying his confusion will become so commonplace that he just forgets how wrong his relationship was with hiyori.

furthermore, because he probably also couldn't remember the other interactions he had outside of midori, he probably felt even lonelier. in retrospect, when hiyori left him, it's as if he was really alone. he couldn't remember anybody else he talked to, parents or strangers. it's a very isolating feeling. what else happened during that time? shin wouldn't know. he would only remember hiyori, and all the things he did to him.

and maybe that would also make it much easier to break shin, who's been alone and lonely, who's had memories of other daily interaction stripped away from him. it would be easier then to detach himself from "shin" and spiral into the only thing that's never changed in his memories: sou hiyori.

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CH.2 - SYMPATHY FOR A DEAD MAN

Even in death, you will be encased and confined to this place of nightmares. In bleeding, evil metal. The minerals that feed on my bones will feed unto more bloodshed, not peace.

Will you be able to rest here, Shin? Peacefully, and eternally?

His eyes claw deep into Midori's face as he haunts his every step through the facility.

Never. NEVER.

I'll never forget you, even if I'm dead.

Won't you show sympathy for a dying man's body?

Chapter 2 of my Ghost!Shin YTTD Fic: MOMENTO MORI is out!

Words: 5,263 Characters: Hiyori Sou | Tsukimi Shin, Original Hiyori Sou | Midori, Meister (Kimi ga Shine) Relationships: Hiyori Sou | Tsukimi Shin/Original Hiyori Sou | Midori [for this specific chapter] Additional Tags: Kanna Lives | Sou Dies Route (Kimi ga Shine), Grief/Mourning, Ghosts, Trauma, Acceptance, Haunting, Mild Gore, Kugie and Shin are Ghosts, Possessive Behavior, Unhealthy Relationships, Character Study, Obsessive Behavior, Fluff and Angst, Edgar Allan Poe References, Introspection

Within the ever-humming, luminescent monitor room, it seems a piece of scrap paper has been inserted roughly into the edge of a familiar book. With an ominous breath of wind, the page falls out.

"I wonder when Hiyori will come back..."

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ASU-NARO

▇▇CONFIDENTIAL▇▇

Shi▇n DIARY ▇▇ :Compiled and Logged by DR. H▅▅▆▅▅ S▅▅U

Ah, broken is the collar red! The spirit flown forever!

Let the bell toll!--a weakling soul floats on the Stygian river;

And, Man of Green, hast thou no tear?--weep now or lie in sin!

See! on yon drear and rigid bier low lies thy love, thy Shin!

Come! let the burial rite be read--the funeral song be sung!--

An anthem for the pitiful dead that ever died so young--

A dirge for him the doubly dead in that he died so young.

"Wretches! ye loved him for his mind and hated him for his lies,

"And when he fell in feeble binds, ye blessed him --that he died!

"How shall the ritual, then, be read?--the requiem how be sung

"By you--by yours, the evil eye,--by yours, the slanderous tongue

"That did to death the innocent that died, and died so young?"

Through discourse and disclosure; but rave not your composure! Let his corpse belong

Go up to God so solemnly the dead may feel so wrong!

The sweet Shin hath "gone before kin," along Joy, that flew beside

Leaving thee wild for the dear child whose death thy should have decide-

For him, the fair and innocent, that now so lowly lies,

The life upon his cyan hair but not within his eyes--

The life still there, upon his hair--the death upon his eyes.

"Avaunt! Tonight my heart is light. No dirge will I upraise,

"But waft that red scarf on Shin's flight as a Pæan of old days!

"Let no bell toll!--lest his sweet soul, amid its hallowed mirth,

"Should catch the note, as it doth float up from the damnéd Earth.

"To friends above, from fiends below, the indignant ghost is riven--

"From Hell unto a high estate far up within the Heaven--

"From grief and groan, to purgatory alone, towards the gates of Heaven."

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▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

A slow march of thinning blood and coarse rubble, clacking against smooth-leather dress shoes. Through barren hallways, the steady sludge of bloody teal. The remnants of the sheep, throwing himself into the lion's den to protect the herd.

A green-haired man steps with a macabré elegance, dragging something. Dragging someone. His red scarf sways in the encroaching darkness as a trail of rouge follows behind him.

Up a long flight of stairs, through walls thick with wire, to a cold, silver casket. Glum and static. The perfect place for unfulfilled desires to dissipate.

The green-tailed silhouette, his polished flow broken up by an uncanny rigidity of his joints, halts mechanically in front of the coffin's silver sheen.

The dim room is accompanied by nothing but the dripping din of muddy, stained crimson. The man that holds his pale, fragile wrists doesn't even breathe.

Dull, doll-like jade pupils stare into the empty, bottomless casket. His uncanny gaze shifts towards the bloodied beanie on his beloved's head, beaten with grit and dirt.

Sigh...

The man effortlessly picks up the corpse in his arms, already feeling lighter than when he still had life in him, and carefully drapes the body across the coffin's dark interior.

And slowly, he wakes.

It's true when they say death deprives you of all other things. He once imagined he would wake up, screaming, wanting to scream, perhaps in rage, perhaps in agony, like waking up from a nightmare.

But as he rises once more, all he feels is his numbness. As if all the emotions have left him, buried along with the shell of his mortality, in the gaps of void within the coffin.

The shell of Shin Tsukimi.

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I'm dead.

Shin Tsukimi sees himself, the same grassy strands of cyan hair on his head. Thin like silk thread, ruffled by his beanie.

Dead. He's dead. Dead? Dead. Dead.

The notion passes through him. Like mercury slides over his tongue every time he says it. He is but a wisp, and only regret tugs at him now.

The searing pain on his neck has left him, and he finds himself as translucent as a ghost. He stares past his hands, vision gluing onto the marks on his body's neck, the symbol of his final resistance. Finally, the first shreds of humanity come back to him as an injustice, a feeling that follows him to purgatory.

Sadness.

He wishes he could cry. Can he cry now? Is he deprived of that too? Maybe he is, but when tries to, it just feels like his spirit is only wallowing and weighing heavier.

I..I wanted to live too...

This...is worthless...all so worthless...

Why has he been left on earth? And here, of all places? This dingy, hellhole.

Shin, now a ghost, can't help but mourn himself. How could he not? Even though he sacrificed himself for the one girl who in turn, selflessly cared for him, A life lost is still a life lost. He lays beside the silver walls of the coffin, curling his translucent knees towards his face as he laments to the floor.

What now...what now...

He's so helpless. When will his spirit wither away? Will it do so along with his body?

It echoes through his soul. Gloomy, so gloomy..

His gloominess is startled by the abrupt clack of polished leather soles. Sharp and familiar; a sound he feared, yet one he would still run to. A sound that makes him jolt up on instinct. And when he does, an immediately recognisable face greets him, merely inches away from his own.

H...

..Hiyori...!

Another part of his life comes back to him, hits him like a cold breeze against his neck. This man was his life. The hairs on his head rise, pupils dilated as he starts sweating, cold and sticky like wax against his even more transparent skin.

Isn't he dead? Why is it as if his heart is racing, still pounding horridly at the sight of him?

Why, even after death, do you still cling onto your abuser?

Those wide, jade eyes don't seem to feel Shin's presence though, merely kneeling forward behind where Shin sat to promptly place a picture frame against his coffin.

He's...he's not smiling like usual, as he remembers him. He looks...somber.

Shin ponders, rather bitterly. Why?

Hiyori’s eyes, although shadowed by the dim backdrop, glows with an eerie stagnancy, downlooking the face framed behind glass.

The face of what used to be reveals itself in yellow backlight; innocent and pure, Shin Tsukimi.

No. No.

Slowly, Hiyori stands up, his neon head bleaching the dark canopy like poison. His face is plastered with a frown, wordless. Dormant.

It was these moments that used to make Shin sweat down to his neck. His indifference was more terrifying than his madness.

But now it was that same face, implanted, injected? – None of it feels real– with a sense of despondence. Confusing. Awful. Simply awful.

There is a slight downturn in the way his pupils eye the coffin. There is a crease where he presses his bottom lip into his jaw.

Shin’s wispy figure swivels around Hiyori's brown dress shoes, to peer at a peculiar piece of paper fallen beside his picture.

His ghastly eyes bore and sink into the words engraved fresh in ink.

..He can't be..

'Sou Hiyori, 21, of R▅D▅CTED, Japan, expired March XXth XXXX. Shin Tsukimi, Son of XXXX and XXXX Tsukimi, expired on March XXth in ASU-NARO's 3rd Floor Rubble Room Facility, after succumbing to mortal injuries in resisting the security systems, to give one last hope to Sara Chidouin and the remaining participants of the Death Game. Tsukimi worked as a job-hopper prior to the Death Game. He also loved computers, soft things, collecting, warm soups and cozy clothing. He displayed a self-sacrificial naiveté and beaming smile that charmed his dear friend. He is survived by his mother, father and little sister, Kanna Kizuchi, who he willingly exchanged his life and identity for in the Main Game to protect her. It is a shame he died without knowing their blood connection. He will be resented but remembered by friends, and greatly missed by family. And me. Me too.’

"Pity...such a pity.." The first murmurs draw out under the green-haired man's breath, sending chills down Shin's spine as it pierces through the unnervingly long silence.

Shin jerks up from his position and freezes there, soul growing colder by the second.

He could never get used to it. But then once upon a time, he did. Why. Why now? And why here?

Full Chapter on AO3..

[cg edits by me] [note: it is romantic soushin, but it is for the sake of exploring the characters as an unhealthy relationship. IT DOES NOT MEAN I CONDONE ABUSIVE DYNAMICS IN REAL LIFE.]

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maple sketch on my lesson notes... spot a certain cabbage head here

might turn this into a real wip, i was way too distracted