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skyward-artworks · 5 years ago

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All For Honor Combat Translations [Hitokiri Update]

Back at it again with some more translations. The last posts that I made here needed some updating as it’s 2 years old, so here we go. [Disclaimer: I speak none of the following languages fluently. The following translations were found on the For Honor wiki, Reddit, and TheMajorN on Youtube, and this post is for the convenience of the For Honor community. I won’t include emotes, executions, or feats either for the sake of brevity.]

KEY:

M- Male

F- Female

E- Enemy

None of the above mean that all say the same thing.

So it’s as followed:

Character name:

M/F/E/ None (Move name): “Line in original language” - English translation

So let’s get started.

KNIGHTS, LATIN:

WARDEN

M(Shoulder bash): “Miserum!” - Pitiful

F(Shoulder bash): “Te secabo!” - “I’ll cut you!”

M(Crushing counterstrike): “Incumbe!” - Fall upon my sword!

F(Crushing counterstrike): “Peri!” - Die!/Perish!

CONQUEROR

Full Shield Stance: “Te affligam!”- I’ll crush you!

Shield Bash: “Te occidam!” - I’ll kill you!

PEACEKEEPER (F)

Stab: “Peri!” - Die!/Perish!

Deflect + Light: “Tu moriturus!” - You’re going to die!

LAWBRINGER (M)

Unblockable: “Ad mortem, inimicus!”- Death to the enemy!

[Removed from the game] E(Unblockable): “Ad mortem!” - To death!

Long arm: “Nolo superstes!”: No survivors!

[Removed from the game] E(Long arm): “Mors pro te venit!” - Death comes for you!

CENTURION (M)

Charged heavy: “Incontinens!”: [I am] Uncontrollable

Charged jab: “Incredibilis!”: [I am] Incredible

Leap: “Infirmus!”: Weakling

“Etaim!”: Do it again!

GLADIATOR (M/F)

Bamboozle: “Tubae carrissimus!”: Favorite of the crowd!

Fuscina Ictus: “Audaces fortuna iuvat”: Fortune favors the brave!

Skewer: “Mars me adituvat!”: Mars favors me!

Fuscina Ictus (Opponent has no stamina left) “Demisse manete”: Stay down!

BLACK PRIOR (M/F)

Shield bash: “Tenebris!” - For darkness!

Heavy cancel + bash: “Sindon cadit!” - Fine linen decays!

Bulwark stance + heavy: “Tace cor tuum!” - Silence your heart.

Shield flip: “Ad profundis!” - To the void/To the abyss.

VIKINGS, ICELANDIC:

RAIDER

M(Unlockable Fury): “Ég ríf ykkur í bita!” - I’ll tear you to pieces! [plural]

F(Unlockable Fury): “Ég ríf Þig í bita!” - I’ll tear you to pieces! [singular]

Stun tap: “Þú ert dauður!” - You’re dead

BESERKER (M/F)

Heavy Leap: “Þú ert dauður!” - You’re dead

Deflect: “Náði þér!” - Caught you!

WARLORD (M)

Shield Stance: HORFÐU Á MIG! - Look at me!

Headsplitter Leap: “Þú ert dauður!” - You’re dead

VALKYRIE (F)

Leg Sweep: “ÉG DREP ÞIG!” - I’ll kill you!

Shield Charge: “Dauðastund!”- Time to die!

HIGHLANDER (M)

Offensive stance: “Dunmaghlas!”. An old Scottish warcry, translating to “Don’t touch the cat without the glove.” [Basically, don’t f*ck with me.]

Offensive Strike: “Kryfja Hann! “ - Dissect him!

Celtic curse: “ Til Orrustu!“ - To battle!

Kick: “Fjallabrjótur!“ - Mountain breaker!

SHAMAN (F)

Predator’s Hunger: “Hægur dauðdagi!” - A slow death!

Zone attack: “Andar vísi veginn!” - Spirits guide me!

Predator’s Mercy: “Bölvuð sé ætt þín!” - Cursed be your kin!

Wild Cat’s Rage: “Éttu skít!” - Eat sh*t!

SAMURAI, JAPANESE:

ALL

When grabbed: “何?” (Nani?) - What?

KENSEI

Kensei (剣聖) - Means “Sword Saint” or “Sword master”.

M(Top unblockable heavy): “尋常に勝負” (Jinjyo ni shoubu) - Let’s have an honorable showdown!

F(Top unblockable heavy) - “これで終いだ “(Korede shimaida) - This will be the end

M(Side heavy) - “これで終いだ” (Korede shimaida) - This will be the end.

F(Side heavy) - “死ね” (Shine) - Die!

Parry: “まだまだ” (Mada mada) - Not good enough!

Parry/Block: “甘い” (Amai) - Naive!

OROCHI

Orochi (大蛇) means “serpent”.

F(Riptide Strike): “逃がしはせぬ” (Nigashi wa senu) - I will not let you escape!

M (Riptide Strike): “尋常に勝負” (Jinjou ni shoubu) - Let’s have an honorable showdown!

Deflect + counter: “死ね” (Shine) - Die!

SHUGOKI (M)

Shugoki (守護鬼) translates literally to “guardian demon”.

Charged heavy: “ 我が手中にあり” (Waga shuchuu ni ari) - It’s within my hands!

Demon’s Embrace: “ 潔く死ね” (Isagiyoku shine) - Accept it and die!

[Removed from the game] Taking damage w/ hyper armor: “ぬるいわ” (Nuruiwa) - Weak.

[Removed from the game] Taking damage w/ hyper armor: “甘い” (Amai!) - Naive

NOBUSHI (F)

Nobushi (野武士) translates to “Outside/Wilderness/Civilian Warrior”.

Poke the Nest/Light attack chain: “ 其方に死を” (Sonata ni shi wo) - I give you death.

Cobra strike: “ 推して参る” (Oshite mairu) - Here we go!

SHINOBI

Shinobi (忍び) means “patience”, “endure”, or “conceal”.

F(Ranged guard break): “お覚悟” (Okakugo) - Prepare yourself!

M(Ranged guard break): “覚悟” (Kakugo) - Ready yourself!

Slide kick: “遅い” (Osoi) - Too slow!

Deflect: “必殺” (Hissatsu) - Critical hit!

Death: “ここまでか” (Kokomadeka) - This seems to be my undoing.

Death: “無念” (Munen) - Regretful.

ARAMUSHA (M)

Aramusha (荒武者) roughly translates to “Rough/Wild Warrior”, possibly referring to a Ronin.

Zone: “喰らえ” (Kurae) - Take this!/Eat this!

Kick: “ぬるい” (Nurui) - Easy!

Twin Vipers: “詰まらん” (Tsumaran) - Tasteless!

HITOKIRI

Hitokiri (人斬り) means “manslayer” or “murder”.

F(Magetsu Rift): “我は影なり!” (Ware wa kage nari) - I am the shadow itself.

M(Magetsu Rift): “我は影!” (Ware wa kage) - I am the shadow.

F(Mekai Rift): “斬る!” (Kiru) - [I’ll] cut [you down]!/ [I’ll] behead [you]!

M (Mekai Rift): “食らえ!” (Kurae) - Take this!/Eat this!

F (Kick): “我は死神!” (Ware wa shinigami) - I am the reaper/I am the god of death!

M (Kick): “我は死!” (Ware wa shi) - I am death!

F (Sweep): “我に委ねよ!” (Ware ni yudane yo) - Entrust [your soul] to me!

M (Sweep): “委ねよ!” (Yudane yo) - Entrust [your soul to me]!

WU LIN, CHINESE:

TIANDI

Tiandi ( 天地) means “Heaven and Earth”.

M(Dodge + Heavy): “疯狂就是力量” (Fēngkuáng jiùshì lìliàng) - Insanity/Madness is power!

F (Dodge + Heavy) “让你灰飞烟灭” (ràng nî huīfeīyānmiè) - You’ll vanish into dust!

M (Dodge + Light): “吾乃天地” (Wú nǎi tiāndì) - I am Tiandi!

F (Dodge + Light): “害虫去死” (hàichóng qù sǐ) - Die, you pest!

M (Palm Strike): “吃我一刀” (Chī wǒ yīdāo) - Eat my blade!

F (Palm Strike): “我所向无敌” (Wǒ suǒxiàng wúdí) - I am invincible!

M (Kick): “你已败矣” (Nǐ yǐ bài yǐ) - You’ve lost!

F (Kick): “乱臣贼子” (Luànchén zéizǐ) - You scoundrel!

NUXIA (F)

Nuxia (女侠) means “female hero” or “female warrior”.

Jade Ballet: “女侠在此” (Nǚxiá zài cǐ) - Nuxia is here!

Trapped enemy: “你中招了” (Nǐ zhōng zhāole) - I got you!

Mirror Raid: “送你一程” (Sòng nǐ yī chéng) - I’ll take you away

JIANG JUN (M)

Jiang Jun ( 将军) means “General”.

Might Sanction + guard break cancel: “无能之辈” (Wúnéng zhī bèi) - You’re incompetent.

Sifu Swirl: “不学无术” (Bù xué wú shù) - You’re unlearned!

Dou Shi Swirl: “好生愚钝” (Hàoshēng yúdùn) - So dull/

Dou Shi Choke: “认真点儿” (Rènzhēn diǎn er) - Be serious.

Block: “雕虫小技” (Diāochóngxiǎojì) - You have no skill.

Block: “百无一用” (Bǎi wú yī yòng) - So useless

Block: “ 浪费时间 (Làngfèi shíjiān) - You’re wasting my time

SHAOLIN (M)

Death Point Strike: “就让我超度你吧” (Jiù ràng wǒ chāodù nǐ ba) - Head my prayers and die.

Leap: “金刚伏魔” (Jīngāng fú mó) - Vajra conquers the demon! [Vajra = Buddhist warriors]

Kick: “南无阿弥陀佛” (Ná mó ēmítuófó) - Buddha blesses you/Amen.

Qi Stance “金刚不坏” (Jīngāng bù huài) - Vajra is invincible!

And that’s all of them until Ubisoft decides to add more characters.

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skyward-artworks · 5 years ago

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King of the Monsters is the Best Season of Game of Thrones Ever!

When I came out of the theater, I hadn’t had warm and fuzzies about a movie in…I can’t tell you how long. And this movie gave me warm and fuzzies. And this is despite the nay-sayers and the idiot critics who are slamming this movie. Just a little FYI here, Godzilla beat out Aladdin for the #1 spot. Godzilla pimp-slapped the Mouse into second place opening weekend. And I approve of this.

But despite all the critics REEEEING over Godzilla and calling it garbage, I’m gonna tell you this movie is awesome and is worth your money. And if you have a $5 dollar Tuesday like me because you have a Cinemark Cinema in your town…and you’re worried about shelling out too much money for something you think you might not like…go see it on Tuesday, pay the 5 bucks, and then see why I said it’s worth every cent. And then go back and see it again full price if you want to.

So like any review I’ve done, usually I review a movie that I found bad and wanna shit all over it. It is my thing, after all. I mean see what all I’ve said about Godzilla Final Wars and everyone got pissy at me for hating on Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah 1991 and why I said I like GMK so much better…

And of course me shitting on Minya every time I mention Godzilla, because I hate that shit stain…I’m gonna actually give a positive review.

I mean the last movie review I did was Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, and…well…

It’s safe to say I really hated that movie.

But this one, I didn’t.

Just remember, this movie is worth every cent of your money. You did it! You did it, Hollywood! You finally made a REAL GODZILLA MOVIE! COMPLETE WITH THE ACTUAL GODZILLA THEME SONG! And the Blue Oyster’s Go, Go, Godzilla at the end. And yes, there’s even Mothra’s theme song. And I was singing it during the movie. To anyone out there who said it couldn’t be done…Cough-Steven Spielberg-Cough…we did it! America has finally made a real Godzilla movie! You also made the first Godzilla movie that actually gave a proper jump scare…and Godzilla was the one who did it, and I actually jumped! 10/10! You made me jump at a jump scare and I don’t usually jump at jump scares. And yes, there was one, and it’s at the beginning but…it’s good. First Godzilla movie to have a genuine jump scare that actually made me jump. Thank you, movie! So, how does it start out. Well, it starts out in 2014 and we’re following a family called the Russel Family. No sign of the Brody family, but that’s probably because they finally got eaten by sharks because…JAWS, damn it! And also the Brody family was dull, save for Brian Cranston, and why the fuck didn’t G2014 keep Brian Cranston in there? Anyway, we have Mark Russel, Emma Russel, and their daughter Madison Russel…who is played by the actress from Stranger Things…Millie Bobby Brown. I’m gonna refer to her as Eleven from here on out because that’s who I know her the most as. And yes, next month, Stranger Things is coming back to Netflix, and I’m gonna be watching that. There’s also Eleven’s little brother, but he only appears in photographs because he ended up getting squashed by Godzilla’s foot in San Francisco…so…I’m not gonna bother to learn his name. Interesting to note, the actor who plays Mark…played Bruce Baxter from King Kong 2005. But I barely recognize him…so, he doesn’t get a quirky name. We do have Ken Watanabe returning as Ishiro Serizawa. Who I suspect is actually the sun of Daisuke Serizawa…though Daisuke is a completely different kind of person in the MonsterVerse than what he was in the original Gojira.

Okay, so, we cut to about 5 years later, so 2019 and we meet up with Eleven and her mom and El is contacting her dad who is not with them. He’s studying wolves. And they have a little email convo, Dad’s worried about his wife, El is worried about Dad, and so on. And I like how they build things up here because we don’t realize that Eleven and her mom are in China studying Mothra’s egg. Until we hear Mothra’s call, and yes it is very recognizable. I suspect that there weren’t veteran Godzilla fans like myself in the theater with me, so, pretty much every fan moment in this movie was something I would recognize but would mostly fall flat on most viewers. The monster calls and the music. Except for King Ghidorah’s call…they were trying to do his call but…to be honest, it sounded like a bad mix of Heisei Ghidorah and the version they used in Final Wars. With a little Showa in there. The most perfect Ghidorah call was done in GMK. It made him sound powerful, big, and kept the iconic call. However, King Ghidorah’s design looks rather interesting. It’s more of an updated version of Heisei Ghidorah than any of the other Ghidorahs. Even more interesting is that the three heads all have their own separate personalities. How can I explain them? This fan art done by Michael J Larson just might help.

I present to you, Moe, Larry, and Curly. Legendary turned King Ghidorah into the Three Stooges. And here’s the funny bit, Moe is the middle head, while Curly is the one on the right, and Larry is the one on the left. And just like in Three Stooges fashion, Moe hates Curly a lot. He even bops Curly a few times to pretty much make a point on just who these thee heads represent.

Rodan’s call didn’t sound much like Rodan’s call either, but, I’m not a big Rodan fan, so I forgave it.

So, Eleven and Mom here goes down into a cave where Mothra’s egg is so they can witness Mothra being born. And of course call the giant moth-like creature…Mothra. Because yeah. We need to state that. Complete with Mothra’s theme!

Well Mom’s got a gadget that seems to be able to create a signal that makes the monster docile, and lo and behold it works! And then Tywin Lannister shows up!

This is Charles Dance’s character Alan Jonah…you know, like the whale…however, I’m gonna stick with Tywin Lannister. Because that’s who he is! Well, Tywin kidnaps mom and Eleven. Tywin actually is trying to be a little nice to Eleven, even making a silly face at her. Which I thought was cute. Until she flipped Tywin off…because yes, Eleven can do that to Tywin! She’s probably the only person who can flip Tywin Lannister the bird! Anyone else would have been beheaded.

Apparently Tywin now runs an eco-terrorist group who are a bunch of nihilists. And they wanna release King Ghidorah for the purpose of ending the suffering that man has caused the planet. So…Anime Godzilla Xaliens? Really, Tywin? The Dragon has three heads, but apparently you merely wanted to end the Targaryan dynasty just to set up the new Ghidorah dynasty. Well, to tell you the truth, King Ghidorah would make a better ruler than Bran the Broken, so he has my vote on that. Honestly, this whole movie is like the best Game of Thrones climax ever! With a little Stranger Things mixed in for good measure.

And King Ghidorah…or rather Ghidorah as they call him in the movie…is actually located in Antarctica. Because of course he is. How did he get there? We don’t know. He is a space monster just like he usually is, and he also wants to fuck over everything on planet Earth, like usual. But this time…it’s him doing it, and not someone controlling him…or rather…that device they call Orca sends out a call at first controls him, but the he’s like “Naw, man, I’m my own boss.” And really fucks over Tywin’s plans. Because King Ghidorah at least listened to Olena Tyrell’s suggestion of “Be a Dragon.” And he pretty much shows how much he is a dragon, rather than what Danaerys did until the very last minute. Yes, I won’t stop the Game of Thrones comparisons, shut up! So, apparently, Ghidorah has the Queen of Thorns on his side and she’s been talking into his ear more than Mamma Russel’s Orca’s machine has. And to show Olena how much of a dragon he is, King Ghidorah eats a few humans as he is freed.

No, I’m serious, King Ghidorah eats people! Olena would be proud.

He also doesn’t listen to Tywin Lannister. And neither did Aerys, but that’s only because Aerys didn’t want Cercei to marry Rhaegar. So, Tywin pretty much gave that dragon a middle finger and decided to get with another three headed dragon…a literal three headed dragon, and they’re gonna fuck up the planet, yo! Until Olena Tyrell started talking to King Ghidorah about playing the Game of Thrones, and now King Ghidorah uses his magic monster call to literally “Call the Banners!” I’m fucking serious! There is a reason why the Game of Thrones references will not stop! King Ghidorah pulls a Rob Stark and turns to Maester Lewin.

King Ghidorah: “Maester Lewin…”

Lewin: “Yes, your Grace.”

King Ghidorah: “Call the banners.”

Lewin: “All of them?”

King Ghidorah: “All of them.”

And the ravens fly!

Meanwhile, Daddy Russel got wind of his wife and daughter being kidnapped, as well as Orca being used to summon King Ghidorah and well, he seems to have a big beef with the monsters in general. Apparently, he has a bone to pick with Godzilla for the death of his son. And he wants to Inigo Montoya Godzilla’s ass. The problem is, he’s about the size of Godzilla’s talon, so I don’t think that duel is gonna work very well. However, it’s here where we get to the jump scare that works and why I loved it. You see, in this scene, we’re in an underwater Monarch base where they discuss what they want to do with Godzilla. Russel is on the “let’s kill the bastard” boat along with the American military, and Serizawa is more on the boat of…we becoming Godzilla’s adopted children in which he protects from other threats out there. Or rather…his pets. Which of course doesn’t go very well over with the Americans. Because…

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You honestly think we’re gonna be Godzilla’s little pet humans, Serizawa? HELL NO!

But I chock that up to poor translation since English isn’t Serizawa’s first language. And maybe that came out wrong. Anyhoo…yeah, Godzilla’s pets. No. I like you, big guy, but I ain’t gonna be your cat.

So, while we’re in this underwater base, Godzilla decides to show up! And they start pointing their guns at him…which kinda pisses him off. While Russel here hates Godzilla, even he knows it’s not wise to go and pick a fight with him without a plan, so he even tells the guys to stand down, which they do. And then we have a moment where Godzilla slowly inches close to the glass and Russel and the King of the Monsters have some kind of moment. And to tell you the truth, it’s a better moment than what we had with Brody and Godzilla. Well, Godzilla at first slinks back into the darkness…and everything seems fine. And this is where the jump scare happens. They don’t draw it out to where you expect a jump scare to happen, like…most jump scares do. That’s how you know it’s a bad jump scare, they draw it out for so long that you know it’s gonna jump out and get you. You’re just waiting for it to happen. Here? Nope, the moment you think everything is okay, Godzilla jump scares you by just suddenly swimming by the glass.

And that’s it.

And I did not expect it at all!

That’s how you jump scare people! Again, this shows why Godzilla is King of the Jump Scares! There is no lingering shot, there is no “he’s still there, he’s still there, he’s still there…he’s still there…” It just comes right out of nowhere like a jump scare does. And I did jump. So again, good work, movie.

And I will say I like Russel as well. Yeah, he’s in the “I hate Godzilla and I wanna see him dead” boat, but it’s not taken to ridiculous extremes like you’d think it would be. He’s smart, he knows when to fold them if he has to, which in Godzilla movies…is a good thing. You see, Godzilla movies tend to have characters like Russel be so over the top moronic in their hatred…you just wanna skip right over them and get to the monster fight. Russel is not one of these characters. His wife on the other hand…is an idiot, and I might as well address her.

She’s flawed, and I’m glad we have for once a flawed female character in a world of female protagonists have to be perfect awesome people so that the feminazis can relate to them.

Apparently, the SJWs didn’t really affect this movie much, and I’m grateful for that. Yeah, I had one guy tell me how he hated that Ghidorah wasn’t called King and that he wasn’t really a he…but an it. But I had to remind him that pretty much that’s all the monsters. Including Godzilla. And Ghidorah’s first movie was Ghidorah the Three-headed Monster in which this movie is a bit of a remake of. But not quite. In fact, I went into this movie thinking it was going to be a remake of that movie. Right down to Eleven being maybe a person possessed by some supernatural being who wanted to warn everyone about King Ghidorah’s coming. She wasn’t at all. I half expected Tywin to be some guy trying to assassinate her and he wasn’t. And I thought Rodan would team up with Mothra and Godzilla against King Ghidorah after Mothra smacked their asses around and talked about friendship and the heart of the cards and shit, but he didn’t and neither did Mothra. Mothra was on Godzilla’s side, but not Rodan. Rodan was on King Ghidorah’s side! He was one of the banners Ghidorah had Maester Lewin send a raven to. And another one of those ravens went to Nevada of all places and to…and I’m shocked to say this…Kumonga! Yes, our giant spider from the 60’s Showa era has returned in the American reboot! And much like his Final Wars counterpart, he decided to be in the American Southwest. Maybe he liked Cowboys or something. We also had a giant mammoth creature rising out of Wyoming. And another MUTO. Why, Legendary? Why another MUTO? I guess we needed to reuse an asset or something. Well, it wouldn’t be a Godzilla movie if we didn’t. So…you’re checking off the marks here, Legendary. We even have stock footage in the form of clips! They are checking off all the Showa marks!

So, while King Ghidorah is flying around in a hurricane he created (totally awesome) and telling Lewin to call his Banners, we suddenly find out that Mamma Russel was actually the mastermind behind this whole “the Dragon has Three Heads” thing. Yeah, Tywin Lannister wasn’t the guy in charge, it was Ma Russel. And she managed to convince Eleven that this is for the well being of mankind. You see, she wants the monsters to basically cull the humans and our evil technology, and return the world to a more peaceful time where we were subsistence farmers worshiping giant monsters as gods? Because that was a more peaceful time?

And this is why she’s an idiot. And her ideas is batshit crazy! The world has never been more at peace now than any other era. I’m not kidding about that. Yeah, we’re polluting the planet, and we need to cut back our carbon footprint, but to be honest here…the planet was much warmer during the time of the Dinosaurs than it is currently NOW. And while I’ve touted about the lessons of the P-T Extinction Event, aka the Great Dying, in which a flood basalt in Siberia started an out of control greenhouse that resulted in nearly 90% of all life on the planet dying, including the life in the oceans, and set our planet in a biological to be resetted in a way…and that was caused by just the temperature rising on top of all the nasty gasses put into the atmosphere by said flood basalt…I don’t think that just going back to subsistence farming is gonna solve the problem, lady. In fact, it’s stated even if we just stop all the polluting now, the damage has already been done. There is no stopping it. And NO! Suddenly causing the entire planet to just become more radioactive is not gonna solve your problem either. She honestly believed that radiation is some miracle grow fertilizer. When, no it isn’t. And Carl Sagan can tell you why! Did you not listen to Threads? Did you not watch that movie, lady? I feel like I need to sit you and Final Wars Godzilla down and you both watch that movie together to see why just pumping a bunch of radiation into the atmosphere is not gonna help things. Final Wars Godzilla needs to learn that we understand the message of nuclear war. Threads has told us that. And you, you moronic bitch, need to learn the lesson of radiation will make farming HARDER!

And apparently for a scientist, she’s never heard of the Red Forest of Chernobyl.

If you want to know what it looks like to an entire ecosystem when it’s been bombarded by radiation…just radiation alone…

See those red trees? That is caused by massive amounts of radiation being released upon a forest.

Again, I prove why I know more about radiation than anyone who makes a Godzilla movie. But this time, I will forgive it because this lady is actually stupid and everyone else is far more intelligent in regards to dealing with radiation. Seriously, how did this woman get a doctorate in which she ended up working for an organization built to study monsters from a time when the Earth was “more radioactive” as it’s was stated in this universe’s past? And unless you wanna die from cancer or bleeding out your ass, you need to sit your ass down and shut the fuck up. But thank god this woman is basically the villain and a stupid one at that. Even Tywin Lannister got tired of her shit. And Eleven just figured out her mother is a loon.

Basically, Tywin Lannister makes more sense than crazy lady, because well, he at least just wants to release the monsters and wipe out humanity as a whole. In which the radiation will certainly do that. So, he’s pretty much on the bar on the consequences of what will actually happen more than the idiot bitch. He just wants to make it happen because he’s seen enough evidence of what humans are like, and he’s tired of it. Which I can respect. Not the whole genocide thing, but the whole…I’m not doing this to “save humanity from itself thing” like crazy moron had pretty much talked herself into…to the point of stupidity and forgetting what radiation actually will do to humans and the ecosystem. Sure, maybe the ecosystem was actually more hardy against radiation in this universe than in our own…but still…that doesn’t resolve the issue that TODAY’S plants and animals are not hardy against it! Well our Monarch heroes show up to where Rodan was popping out of that volcano like in the trailer, and we finally get to the first fight. Monarch leads Rodan to the storm and King Ghidorah, hoping to just have the two fight…but they don’t. Because Rodan is on Ghidorah’s side. So, it’s up to Godzilla to take this false king down. And he does! He literally pulls a Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah 1991 and decapitates Ghidorah’s head!

Well…the United States has a plan to finally put all three monsters down and it’s….

The Oxygen Destroyer

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Okay, this is where I’m gonna have to gripe. Because this thing is the single most stupid idea ever! But at least it does have a pay off in the stinger at the end when everyone basically states that the Gulf of Mexico is now devoid of fish. However, the existence of this weapon in this movie is uncalled for. But I suppose it’s meant to set up the scene where Serizawa decides to sacrifice himself to bring Godzilla back onto the field. And to be honest, it’s not needed. King Ghidorah could just be enough to knock Godzilla out for a few rounds while he goes on his little mayhem run and Serizawa can still sacrifice his life to revive Godzilla from that horrid beating. You don’t need this thing in this movie, guys! You don’t! You put it in there because you had that little teaser a few years back showing the Oxygen Destroyer in an old Monarch location and people were speculating it. So, you had to give us something.

And people wonder why my Game of Thrones references are happening in this review…because…this is Clegane Bowl, people. This is Clegane Bowl and how stupid Dumb and Dumber made it. It comes out of nowhere because the fans were expecting it, and you didn’t even bother to set it in the Dragon pits and fill it to the brim with chickens. We are disappointed with you!

However, I did get a laugh out of it. Military guy: “We have this weapon we’ve been developing. It’s called the Oxygen Destroyer! We’re gonna use it on these monsters.”

Thanks, America, you just killed all the fish in the Gulf. You morons!

And it didn’t work on King Ghidorah because he’s an alien. Tell Kiryuu Knight that! He managed to stick his Oxygen Destroyer into King Ghidorah and it worked like magic.

However, I will say that you’re not the only ones who did something stupid with the Oxygen Destroyer, Legendary. Kiryuu did to in Halo 3 Different. He had the thing with him, took it to High Charity, and then forgot that he had it. Yeah, I’m capable of my idiot moments in writing as well. But I noticed that no reader really noticed the Oxygen Destroyer was even mentioned in that story…so, can’t complain.

Well the Oxygen Destroyer also didn’t really kill Godzilla, however it did wound him enough that he retreated to the bowels of the Earth to recover. Basically Hollow Earth theory. Or rather, not really. They call it Hollow Earth Theory, but it really isn’t. I know Hollow Earth Theory because I love poking fun at morons who claim stupid shit. Hollow Earth Theory looks like this.

See that? That’s a sun instead of a molten core. This is the theory touted by racists like Hitler and Lewis Farakhan. The thing the MonsterVerse came up with is more like…the crust is made out of Swiss cheese. Rather than the Earth being hollow. Basically, the Earth is Tennessee. Tennessee’s crust is made out of Swiss cheese, and now these guys applied that to the entire planet. But no, the Earth isn’t really hollow in the MonsterVerse, not the way the actual Hollow Earth Theory states. And that has been my biggest problem with the nomenclature they use for this theory in this universe. but I guess Swiss cheese Earth didn’t really catch on as good as Hollow Earth. So Godzilla falls through one of these Swiss cheese holes and King Ghidorah regrows his head. Holy shit! However, I noticed, to regrow his head, he had to be sitting on a volcano with his storm raging over him. So…he’s drawing power from somewhere to regrow that head, which is why he probably can’t regrow his entire body from a single severed head in the totally not gonna make Mecha-King Ghidorah with Tywin Lannister as the pilot stinger. And he’s calling his banners.

So this is where we have our Serizawa sacrifice scene. They go into one of the Swiss cheese holes after Mothra in her full glory appears and starts raining down her prettiness on top of the water to guide them to where Godzilla is…complete with her theme of course…and the guys find out some very ancient ruins of a civilization long gone. These ruins appear to be a hodgepodge of Egyptian, Mesoamerican, Mesopotamian, Eutruscan, Celtic creation. Why are they down there, why haven’t we seen these things before, and is this the Lost City of Atlantis…I’m banking it’s Atlantis. And the Atlantians worshiped Godzilla…before they all moved to Georgia and built the greatest airport mankind has ever seen.

It’s all connected, I tell you!

LAX has nothing on Atlanta!

And the closer to where Godzilla is sleeping, the more radioactive it becomes. They decide to deliver a nuke to him to wake him up because nukes feed Godzilla. But the battle with Rodan and King Ghidorah damaged the sub’s launching bay and they have to deliver it manually. So Serizawa draws the short straw, gives Papa Russel his notes on Godzilla, and decides to go in and give Godzilla the pick me up he needs. But not before Serizawa boops the Goji snoot. Which is cute. And going back to think on it. At least Serizawa gave Godzilla much deserved pats. Because he’s a good boi, damn it! Unlike Jon who…only gave Ghost pats at the last second!

Why you so mean, Jon?!

It seems Godzilla is very much aware of our existence. As he’s shown even in the 2014 film to notice those tiny ants under his feet. He is very much aware of the humans, and even after he awakens…to the sound of this…

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Since when did we import Akira Ifukube into this thing?

Okay, are you trying to show how awesome you are to us G-fans, movie, because we get it! We get it! You are awesome. Thank you for that.

Alright, so Goji theme going on and Godzilla starts heading to where King Ghidorah is.

Meanwhile, Tywin Lannister and his eco-lions along with crazy bitch and Eleven are in Boston of all places. While King Ghidorah is making a mess out of Washington DC.

But he is making a mess out of the place and according to the scientists, he’s also trying to reformat the planet to suit his needs. In Boston, Eleven decides to steal the Orca and head into Red Sox Stadium. She hooks it up to the massive broadcaster speakers to signal to King Ghidorah to come to Boston. And it works. Unfortunately. Godzilla also gets that signal and he heads for it too. Papa Russel then gets the idea of rather than letting the Gods duke it out in the Red Sox stadium, it’s probably time for the humans to show Godzilla that they are on his team. And so…by the power of Akira Ifukue…Godzilla and Monarch charge into battle. And no, not kidding about that either. They charge in with Godzilla’s theme song playing in the background. And yes, Godzilla knows they are on his team. You can tell. You can seriously tell. Godzilla is surrounded by military planes and he’s like “These guys are with me!”

I’m literally getting Godzilla vs. Hedorah vibes from this because Godzilla and the military actually did team up to defeat Hedorah. And not only that, but Godzilla acknowledged humans several times in that movie. And yes, this movie is actually dedicated to Banno, who was the director of Godzilla vs. Hedorah. So, I approve. And so would he. And it’s explained in the movie why Godzilla recognizes the humans as his allies. The Orca’s signal is not only mixed with the call of an alpha “titan” as the kaiju are called in the movie, but also the voice of humans. Because we’re the alpha predators of this planet! So, Godzilla, obviously hearing not only that sound, but also seeing human dominance all over the place has pretty much recognized humanity as a partner species. And apparently he also recognizes Mothra as a fellow partner species that helps him keep the order, so he now has “imprinted” that status onto humans as well. We’re not his pets, Serizawa, we’re his partner. I knew the Serizawa’s English was off on that. But it reaches the coexistence he is trying to achieve. Mothra also joins the fight, but a bit later when Rodan starts fucking Godzilla’s shit over. Meanwhile, Godzilla is building up for a finishing move on Ghidorah…and because of that, there’s a timer. Papa Russel wants to go in and save Eleven before that timer runs out. And I’m suspecting Godzilla knows this because he’s actually holding back a bit. It’s severely hinted that Godzilla knows this. At least to me it is. Like Russel shot Godzilla a message or something.

Russel: “Can you keep that thing busy, Godzilla? I gotta save my daughter!”

Godzilla: “Sure, but not for long. I’ll give you 10 minutes, tops! But after that, I gotta unleash this nuclear pulse, or else I might blow myself up if I don’t.”

Russel: “Ten minutes! Got it!”

Again, not that I mind, but Eleven has Arya Stark plot armor, so…she’ll be fine. However, the plot armor is a staple of Godzilla. So, not that gripey about it either. Honestly, when dealing with Godzilla, no character, not even the main ones, should have plot armor. Unless they are so far away from the fight it wouldn’t matter.

That rule goes for you as well, Toho! Especially with that whole 24 week long half life thing you had in Shin-Godzilla! Plot armor was the only thing keeping those boring characters alive, because it sure wasn’t their hazmat suits. Those things looked like they were made out of tissue paper. Which wouldn’t help in dealing with rads that high. Even my mother would know that!

So, if 24 week long half life could get a pass on not killing characters in that shit of a movie, this much better one can get a pass on Eleven not dying.

Meanwhile, crazy bitch Russel finally decides to do something of actual merit and go after her daughter. And Tywin lets her. Because that’s not his problem. Just as long as she doesn’t take his men with her…he doesn’t give a shit.

He really doesn’t give a shit.

So that’s it for Tywin, we don’t see him again until the Stinger, but I’ve revealed that already. So crazy bitch goes after her daughter, Papa goes after his daughter, and they end up finding the Orca all smashed up. And Godzilla is not doing very well in the fight. He is obviously holding that nuclear pulse in. And yes, it is a nuclear pulse. He’s like: “Russel, hurry up! I can’t hold this fart in!”

Mothra punctures Rodan in the chest with her stinger. And honestly, she’s GMK Mothra. Which is cool. However, she does end up dying during this fight in the attempt to help Godzilla get back on his feet. But like always, she is basically a phoenix and will rise from the ashes through another egg. King Ghidorah is kicking Godzilla’s ass all over the place. And when the Russels finally reunite and fix the damned Orca, they turned it on and lead King Ghidorah away from Godzilla long enough for Godzilla to unleash his secret weapon that I spoiled. The nuclear pulse! And it is glorious! He goes red like Burning Godzilla from Godzilla vs. Destroyah, but…it’s so much cooler. This red burning look isn’t because he’s gonna die, it’s him charging up his new weapon. And that nuclear pulse is…basically like an atomic blast! Right down to the shearing of flesh from bones! Unfortunately, crazy bitch basically dies in the fire, leaving Russel and Eleven to watch from a distance as Godzilla incinerates King Ghidorah.

And for good measure to make sure Ghidorah doesn’t come back…GODZILLA EATS KING GHIDORAH! That has never happened in any Godzilla movie. EVER. Clap! This Godzilla is just the most brutal of any Godzilla. I think GMK Goji might have to bow to this king since he EATS his foes!

And Godzilla stands over a demolished Boston, roars in triumphant. And as the other kaiju show up, he pretty much pulls a Robert Baratheon.

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As if the Game of Thrones references couldn’t stop there. So, Godzilla reveals himself to be King Robert Baratheon, which works out because Tywin Lannister is wanting to take him down. So, I’ll describe the stinger at the end of the movie. We show Tywin Lannister and his eco-lions walking into a bunker and the guy is explaining that after the Oxygen Destroyer, the fishing in the Gulf is shit now. Because yeah. It would be. It’s the Oxygen Destroyer. Well, as he walks into a large room, we see King Ghidorah’s only remaining head with flies buzzing around it. And it looks exactly like the scene from Godzilla vs. Mecahgodzilla 1993 when General Aso and a team of scientists come into a room with Mecha-King Ghidorah’s head in it…saying “We have it now, a robot to kill Godzilla.”

And this is why I think Tywin Lannister is gonna build himself Mecha-King Ghidorah…and take over Westeros.

So all in all, I really look forward to Game of Thrones season 10. It really is shaping up to probably the best season we’re ever gonna get. And Season 9 of Game of Thrones ended with a huge bang. I was really satisfied with what they did. Tywin’s back! And he’s backing the real Dragon…with the Three Heads. I don’t think Maester Aemon thought the dragon having three heads meant King Ghidorah, but as George RR Martin stated…prophesies do end up biting your prick off.

So, what do you all think Season 10 of Game of Thrones is gonna be like?

All joking aside, I loved this movie. I really did.

And continuing the Game of Thrones comparisons, the night fight shots in this film…10 times better than The Long Night of Season 8 of Game of Thrones. Why? BECAUSE YOU COULD ACTUALLY SEE FIGHT! But if I have one true gripe to say about it…aside from the Oxygen Destroyer…it’s that this movie happened BEFORE Godzilla vs. Kong.

No, I’m serious on this. This movie sounds like it should have been done after Godzilla vs. Kong. And I did kinda hated that King Ghidorah had to die in this movie, rather than return as an actual threat again later.

But who knows….we do have that head left over, so anything can happen.

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