skynnything

[skynnything]

I gained 1 kg and i am happy with myself despite having an ed

How did that happen?

I went to the cinema with a friend yesterday and ate popcorn. While my ed is unhappy about that, i am happy that i was able to restrain myself from binging on the whole bag and just had half of it. Small success for me already because usually situations like that just set me up for a binge.

Even better(worse) we went to McDonald's after and i had a burger and some fries. My mind was on fire after that. 'The day is fucking ruined just go home and binge', is what went through my mind after. When i got home i even went to the fridge and looked inside, but then i took a deep breath and realised that while i went over my limit that day, there still was no reason for me to make it worse and binge. Sure it sucks but this binge will only make me feel worse.

So when i went on the scale today, the day after, and saw that i gained 1 kg it sucked but im still happy that i was able to resist my binge yesterday because that was a major sucess for me! I know that the weight will (probably) come down very quickly again because the most likely reason for me to gain so much was because of the unusually high amount of sodium i had because of the fast food and i am calm and i am not freaking out about it.

[skynnything]

To add my embarassing 💩 story:

I was at school, everything seemed normal that day. It was a friday and from sunday to thursday i had been on a fast, eat nothing at all fast, (I cant even remember why) on Thursday however i binged, badly. I wasnt worried because it had been my first time fasting so long and i wasnt in pain at all on Thursday despite the binge.

So on friday in school i just went on with my life as if everything was normal, because things were quite normal for me, but suddendly i felt a pain in my stomach. I was relieved that school was nearly over and i could go home soon, because the pain kept getting worse and worse. I went straight to the bus station after school was over so i could get home, but i had to wait for 20 more minutes till the bus would come (i live in Germany we take public transportation, there is no special school bus home just the normal bus and sometimes you have to wait for a bit). I couldnt wait anymore tho, the pain was too bad. I called my mom, please please come im hurting so bad. She came but from home to school is 10-15 min with the car.

So now we get to the 💩 part. I was standing at the bus station, my whole class and others from school stood there waiting for the bus as well and suddendly there was an enormous wave of pain and i cramped and 💩 shot out of me. I just pooped myself in front of half my school.

I lowered my backpack, hoping nobody would notice, praying for my mom to come faster. For the pooping wasnt over yet and the pain continued to raise. I couldnt stay there so i changed sides to get away from everyone while continuing to poop my pants and finally like a blessing from heaven my mom appeared. But how to get in her car with poop all over me? I just fake sat down, like i held my body up with my feet and my back against the car seat and lifted my bottom. As soon as we turned the corner i just started to cry desperatly. My mom was an angel that day, i told her what happened (just the poop part and blamed it on my lactose intolerance) and she soothed me for the whole day. I was so embarassed i never wanted to return to school.

One of my lower points in life but thanks to my ed not my lowest...

This is a TMI question but I think it’s legit important - read something about how most people with eating disorders have a 💩 related story - usually like literally shitting their pants because their eating disorder messed up their stomach so much.

So many people try to glamorize or romanticize their disorder relating it to words and images like “delicate” “butterfly” “fairy” “fragile” “dainty” etc etc. But nothing is less glamorous than popping your pants - or almost popping your pants - or having public diarrhea or something.

Since you’ve had such a journey, going down to such a low weight, forced recovery, relapse, etc. I was wondering if you’d have anything you’re comfortable sharing on this subject to show people that it’s truly the least glamorous thing to get wrapped up in

Also anyone who sees this if you have a story pls drop it - let’s show these young people that are still trying to glamorize eating disorders why they gotta cut that shit OUT

okok so the worst thing that happened to me was at lw just days before i got hospitalized. I remember being rly scared cause i was like ok shit my body is actually shutting down wtf. Like i didnt go out much so usually there wasn't a big chance that something would happen in public but i was orthorexic at the time to i was at the *gym*, running on those god damn machines. And it started to feel like something was passing through my stomach, like air or water i have no idea it felt rly weird. I dont remember if i slowed down or continued anyways, i probably didnt tbh and suddenly literally my entire pants were wet and i was like ok what the FUCK just happened. Luckily i was alone in the gym cause it was a very small gym in a small town so i ran into the bathroom and got on the toilet just in time to literally pee shit out my ass. And i looked down and there was this liquid poop all over my panties and some on my leggings. I had to sit on the toiler for like a good 20 minutes first because i kept fucking pooping pee?? it was like throwing up out of my ass rly weird. Then I had to wrap my panties in papers and put them in the bin and cover them with more paper and pray to god nobody else would see them, wash my pants, put the wet pants on (luckily i had a pair of pants to have over the leggings too so i put them on over), and then act like everything was fine. Tbh i can't even say that i stopped excersising at that point and went home like i should've i probably just kept on tbh. and i also didnt tell anyone about this. Oh god and then there was in the hospital, when ur put in recovery so suddenly and after such a long time ur stomach is like HUH?? tf is this??? food??? for me??? so every day for weeks i had to have some weird liquid be shot up my ass by a nurse just to be able to shit and i got so constipated i looked pregnant. There is NOTHING glamorous abt eds. its shit (literally.) ive been at the lowest bmi most people can get to without dying and lemme tell u, it was not enough. its never enough. i wasnt fragile dainty uwu. more people didnt care about me. i was just the same self hating me, but with half my brain gone, no energy and unable to take a proper shit. not pog.

[skynnything]

[skynnything]

[skynnything]

I was really close to binging today, so when the urge hit i remembered one tip i read here: write down everything you wanna eat during your binge and count the calories first and reconsider if that is really worth it.

I never managed to count the calories of a binge after it happened because i was always far to ashamed so i was pretty curious.

Long story short, i prevented a 5000kcal binge today, thanks to that tip.

[skynnything]

[skynnything]

I used to think 1200 calories was too little but now I think 600 is too much

[skynnything]

my new roommate said that her last roommate had an eating disorder and then talked to me about her clean eating and weight loss goals and how she buys clothes that are a little snug to motivate her to lose more

and like honestly? i have anorexia but this is why i constantly talk about the dangers of the “health and fitness” industry and diet culture bc we have essentially normalized certain symptoms of disordered eating but it’s ok if it’s under the guise of health i guess???

like how is calling it “clean” eating NOT a way to moralize food

how is intermittent fasting NOT the same thing as skipping meals

how come when i buy clothes that don’t fit, it’s something i have to tell my therapist about because it means i am putting pressure on myself to fit into them, but if a “normal” person does it then it’s just motivation for them?

where is the fucking line???

and more importantly when are we going to start acknowledging that the entire world is pro-ana but that’s too harsh of a description so we slap some health buzzwords on it to make it palatable

when are we going to take responsibility for encouraging disordered behavior instead of labeling those of us with EDs as the crazy/imbalanced ones

your fucking Whole30 or keto or whatever “clean” diet you’re on is just as restrictive as the diets we create for ourselves due to our disorders. but we are the crazy ones, right

[skynnything]

me checking the calories of sugar free gum in the morning vs. me eating every single piece of food i can find at night

[skynnything]

finally

[skynnything]

bitches stay the same weight for 8 months and claim they have an eating disorder

It's me, im bitches 🤩

[skynnything]

Where The Term Proana Came From

I think most people don’t understand know how it originated.

Back in the earlier day of the internet, a lot of anorexics and people with eds went on these early forums to discuss their issues. Some of these first forums would ban users if they said anything that wasn’t positive and recovery related. So the ed community made their own forums and called themselves proana meaning pro discussing their struggles and feelings while not in recovery. It was just ed people who werent ready to recover discussing how they felt.

Thats it. It doesn’t mean pro anorexia it means pro talking about not being in recovery. The end. It’s a shame people misunderstand it so much.

[skynnything]

I want those “sitting on my balcony knowing that my life is set” kinda vibes

Soon come…

[skynnything]

Big ana mood: dig in trash ‘cause you forgot to look cals on the package

[skynnything]

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

[skynnything]

Getting back into restricting is honestly the best feeling in the world. It makes you feel like you FINALLY have control over yourself again.

[skynnything]

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.