skippy20

[skippy20]

not doing too well

i'm not doing too well at keeping up with this - especially since the moble apps dont seam to be connecting... 

it just causes another excuse to avoid writing =/

[skippy20]

"when it's going good, It's going great" - go figure; i'm quoting eminem...

but it's true to an extent.  because, while i was here alone on campus, with only my wonderful team as company, i was writing every day.  now that i dont like everything getting in my way and all of the responsibilities i have to start gearing up to wade into the real world... life is more hectic, scary, and daunting; therefore, i dont like to write about it.  so much for keeping up with my new years resolution. the semester is only going to become worse as time goes on.  

[the poem is not in it's original format b/c tumblr is being ridiculous]

The Road Not Taken

by: Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

not only have i had to explain my situation about the past boy to one of my nosy roommates, but my mother asked as well. he's not returning this spring because the school is not offering the credits he needs to graduate, (no idea who's poor planning that was- his or the school's). therefore he will be returning in the fall to finish up.  he lives and hour and a half from school and i'm in season during the winter... it would be frustrating for both of us. i have a life here, and he has a life there, as well as a good job now.  but he wants us to "pick up where we left off", he wants to preserve it from ending badly - what does that even entail? is that physically? emotionally? it really wasn't that long of a relationship, but i'm on the cusp of being "more upset than i should be" about this "break."  i really don't think, or more so, i hope he didn't just want it to "end" so abruptly.  but even before before i even sent him that drunken, grammatically poignant text, he sent me this at 2:22 (in the morning!)

"legit, i miss you, and you are the best girlfriend i ever had" 

it's just frustrating when everyone is coming back to school and i know that he wont be.  it was worse last night though. i was cold; and he's always so warm.  

[skippy20]

just had to inform my nosy roommate that the former boyfriend will not be returning for the semester.  not an enjoyable thing to remember.  

i've had this room to myself for a month and now i have to be bombarded with prying questions.  

i have an early practice tomorrow - i need sleep 

i wish i could convey how horrible and also magnificent life is going to be this semester.  

[skippy20]

I made a new years resolution to try and write every day- and damn it, I will sick to it. No, this is not in depth, and I'm probably cheating he system, but it's a whole process, not an instant change. (Right?)

[skippy20]

Exhausted

I lie in my bed, not understanding anything that goes on. All of the world is out of my control- I never believed I needed control until someone pointed it out to me. And now, I'm scared of that. Scared both in thinking I might have that kind of problem. And scared to think about how true it is. I wish I knew; desperately, I wish I knew.

[skippy20]

"greatest photobomb ever"

completely true =]

stumbled upon it here 

[skippy20]

just because it's adorable 

[skippy20]

i think it all works on balance - each person seems to compliment the other in this relationship.  they let the other be- "be" as in an ethereal essence of existence. 

i let him be; i didnt really know what that fully entailed, but i really loved finding out. he's a quiet, reserved, and pensive kind of guy.  i love[d] his layers.

he let me be- sorta. i don't think he knew exactly what that entailed, i'm a very very free spirit.  and sometimes a little much to handle.  i went to him one day, and asked if he wanted out of the relationship.  

"i know i'm a lot to handle, and i know i come with a lot of baggage. no one wants to break up with someone in my situation. and this is your free ticket out if you want."  

"soo... are you beaking up with me?" "no, i'm just giving you a free ticket out if you want" "oh, ok" and he simply rubbed my back. no, no direct answer.  

the next night he calls me and asks me to come over. while we are cuddling and watching tv he starts kissing and nuzzling my neck. "what's gotten into you?"

"you"

i chuckled a little "that's not fair, i set you up for that one"

"i'm sorry" he said with his face next to my neck, his mouth muffled my a pillow, "i'm sorry, i've been so busy. and i felt bad when you came over. i'm sorry."

"so you dont want that ticket out?"

"no"

and yet, we arent together anymore...  the story connection is a little eclectic. but all i want is to share a happiness like the ones in the pictures.  

[skippy20]

this is kinda how my last relationship has ended up.  neither of us wanted it to end. but we're taking a break... i guess...

he's a quiet kinda guy- me, not so much; i'm very forward.  he's fine now, i guess.  told me i was the best girlfriend he's ever had.  a little cheesy maybe, but when he says something, he means it with every fiber.  

because i feel it important to tell someone how you feel about them - i've been looking more clingy than i really am.  so unfortunately, while i was very drunk, i sent him a very grammatically poignant text...

"Crap. Look, I'm sorry; I miss you. Again, I'm sorry, very much so. But for all inclusive purposes- I miss you. & I'm very, very sorry I've been bothering you."

no response.  

it's just a festering sore because he says he wants to try again in the fall, "pick up where we left off." Were his words.  i have so many questions to the circumstances that have arisen, but i forgot to ask them when we had our initial discussion to "take a break"

so i feel like i am a combination of the blue pen and the black pen... he's more of the black pen though.  i think.  or i guess, i'm hoping.  

found here

[skippy20]

there is something about this

[skippy20]

there arent many poems like this made today- wish i had the attention span to write like this

[skippy20]

this is the way i wished my childhood was, and this is the exact way i imagined it to look like while i was playing.  

there is something so pure about a straw hat and overalls 

[skippy20]

In kindergarten, my teacher used to say there were "warm fuzzies" and "cold pricklies" a cold prickly was when you said something mean, or not very nice to someone. a warm fuzzy was when you said something nice, or sweet. 

i cant figure out if this bubble is bursting a warm fuzzy, into a cold prickly- or if this is then entirety of a warm fuzzy 

[skippy20]

i've often found my thoughts drifting back to her eyes when i first saw them in the National Geographic Magazine in '02

i couldnt tell you what they say - eyes are a fantastic phenomenon that rarely speak or reveal anything.  but in the same odd way of saying nothing, they tell everything.

often, i try to place a specific color to the iris.  while a friend and i were simply kissing under the sheets, the boy closed his eyes and asked me "what color are my eyes?"  i sighed and thought for a moment.  he sighed, thinking i needed to remember. i said "no, i know it! you know that color?" he tilted his head and raised his eyebrows in order to say a combination of ooohh really? and go on... "wait!" i protested. "you know that color, right where the sea meets the sky? the horizon line? that. that color"

he made a bemused and satisfied face.  and this was all off the cuff too.  unfortunately this was the last time i'd be that close to him.  i rarely see him any more, and he looks my way even less.  i cant figure out what went wrong though.  

This is where i found her again

[skippy20]

a little late - but the sentiment is year long

[skippy20]

nummy nummy

[skippy20]

WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

Dancing to the Beatles with my father in our family's apartment