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Birthday tea party that only my aunt, mom, grandma, and sisters went to because my friends fucking canceled on me very last minute even though there was no emergency!!!

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Mini haul

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"I think... you're the sweetest guy in the world. And the most handsome."

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50's baby doll dress for my "i do" ༉ ‧ ₊˚.

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creds: @beautifuiprincessdisorder

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You know it's bad when you're crying on the way to school, at school, on the way home from school, at home, and up until you go to bed.

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Happy Halloween!!! Wishing everyone a skinny Halloween and a great night eating candy because we all need a sweet treat <3

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Meet my boyfriend <3

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Going to school where there's a few girls that dress exactly how you want to and are skinny, small, and pretty is the most humiliating thing ever. I feel so ugly compared to them. I am not eating until Halloween. I can't stand how ugly I look in pictures. I try so hard just to see all of my ugly features and it's all I can think about. I just want to be pretty but I'm not. I am disgusted with everything to do with myself and I want to hide until I fix it or just forever. It's embarrassing to go out. I am so ugly.

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Always having to choose😞

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american dream

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Rant- tw 3d

Can someone relate? Idk I feel pretty alone in my goddamm dramatic teenage suffering

Venice Bitch is the background rn it's been on loop this whole roadtrip I am totally living a wonderful life because I'm st⭐️rv1ing and lightheaded and this nausea is so validating! I have been having such insane mood swings and writing till my arm cramps up. Is this anything other than 4n4??? We will probably never know because your girl is never telling anyone anything <3 help is noĺt for me. I am so happy because my w31ght went down finally after a week of trying to eat normally and no 34ting today!!! AHH I am so ready to do something insane to myself. My b0dy is fat and ugly and I have to get sk1ny before I see the boy I like at work in January. I work seasonally and it's typically long weekend work setting up stages and stuff for all kinds of dancers and he works with me. I met him in May and omg we were so connected I'm gonna make a post recounting everything because it's legit a movie type thing. Anyway, I got his number and we texted for a few months on and off but he was busy with school and he's a year older than me but I am so so in love with him and all I want to do is see him again. He saw me for me for just a few days and that experience was so priceless. Ever since I've had that experience (the only experience I've ever had with any boy ever) I have missed him. We never did anything much more than talk, but he was so flirty and hung out with basically only me. All I ever wanted was love and though I've tried to accept that I am just a teenage girl with my whole life ahead of me with or without boys, part of me will always just be miserable about him. But latley I have realized that I am way way more motivated by something other than reactions from people at work when they see my w31ght loss that WILL happen. I can finally be in control of EVERYTHING. At first when my 3d had "clinically" developed (idk how to describe it I mean i was a full fledged 4n4rexix), i felt pressure to lose weight quickly because I spent a month at an island over the summer and was in a bikini basically all day. I felt out of place and miserable so I changed that. Of course, I had "d1s0rdered" thoughts since around 8 years old ever since ballet and gymnastics where I'd constantly get made fun of and compared. But 3ating has always been comfort f0od, so I would b1ng3 3at a lot. Half a jar of Nutella, a bag of family sized chips, and a bowl of mac and cheese whenever I felt upset. When things escalated to me being overw31ght (not super 140 p0unds but short and pretty much sedentary from depression) and extremely out of shape, I had to change something. It was little because I didn't look up losing on the internet. It was skipping lunch and breakfast but night b1ng1ng. Just stuff that got me to stay the same and even get worse. But then things changed and I lost 15 p0unds in about a month and a half. Then I ended up completely depressed, trying to reverse things for volleyball for the season but it ended early and I still didn't like myself. So then i went back to st⭐️rv1ng and lost another 8 or so. Now I'm roughly 118 and hoping to be 97 by Jan.

I want to be skinny and in control of my life even if that's the only thing I can. EVERYTHING IS FINE AND I AM IN CONTROL AND I WILL REFUSE TO LET ANY BOY CONRTOL MY LIFE. Idfk I'm just a teenage girl who is confused with how to deal with my emotions who spends all day on tumblr when she's alone because she doesn't fucking have any friends to talk to. All I know is that I am not going to achieve any happiness unless I am in control of my life which is showed by "EXTREME th1nn3ss" or whatever people call it. I will be und3rw31ght, finally mean something, and have everything I have ever wanted.

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How to reach out to people without exploding or word vomiting????