skinniryan

[skinniryan]

haven't been on in a while but i am a whole ass 4 ish pounds away from my ugw. what the fuck.

[skinniryan]

126 is no longer my lowest weight. oh my god.

[skinniryan]

i am 7 pounds from my lowest weight omfg

[skinniryan]

made it past my second gw :D

[skinniryan]

been stuck at my current weight for over a week :(

[skinniryan]

i ate such a big dinner today and i'm scared i'm gonna gain even though i burned most of it off and it sucks cause tomorrow my family and i are going out to dinner and just ugh fuck

[skinniryan]

i gained .2 pounds for why

[skinniryan]

red alert, my mom told me "i know you're trying to eat less but that doesn't mean you just don't eat" LMAO WHOOPS

[skinniryan]

earlier today i was talking to my mom about buying me more high waisted leggings cause somehow mine keep disappearing and she asked what size i needed, i said medium.

she goes "sucks it all in, right?" talking about my stomach fat.

no, mom, i need a medium because i've been fucking starving myself so much that the mediums actually fit again.

(but also yes, i need high waisted so my stomach looks slightly less huge. sigh)

[skinniryan]

just found out after almost 4 years of taking my current meds that they should be taken after or with food. WHOOPS but that does explain why i've always felt nauseous after taking them lmao

[skinniryan]

i reached my first gw today

it's not that big of a deal i'm still fat and whatever but i thought hm maybe making like goals along the way to my ugw might be helpful and i think it is tbh. i feel semi proud of myself even though i know i'm still fat and i still have a long way ahead of me but yk whatever. time to work towards my next gw

[skinniryan]

i ended up eating, didn't lose control, i feel better, the world didn't implode, all is well :)

i've been doing omad (i still live at home and parents make me eat dinner) for 16 days in a row and i've been starting to feel sick and just bad before eating the past few days. i know i need to start eating something during the day but i'm so terrified of gaining weight i don't know what to do :( even thinking about low cal foods and things that are good for me like fruits, veggies, protein such as eggs makes me panic because i'm scared that once i take a bite of food not at dinnertime i won't be able to stop. on one hand i'm like "why am i even feeling like this in the first place i'm not even skinny" but on the other im like "okay but i hate feeling like this so please just fucking eat something" and then on some weird third hand that i apparently have i'm just repeating to myself "you're gonna gain if you eat that" so aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa fuck

[skinniryan]

i've been doing omad (i still live at home and parents make me eat dinner) for 16 days in a row and i've been starting to feel sick and just bad before eating the past few days. i know i need to start eating something during the day but i'm so terrified of gaining weight i don't know what to do :( even thinking about low cal foods and things that are good for me like fruits, veggies, protein such as eggs makes me panic because i'm scared that once i take a bite of food not at dinnertime i won't be able to stop. on one hand i'm like "why am i even feeling like this in the first place i'm not even skinny" but on the other im like "okay but i hate feeling like this so please just fucking eat something" and then on some weird third hand that i apparently have i'm just repeating to myself "you're gonna gain if you eat that" so aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa fuck

[skinniryan]

is anyone else terrified of liquid cals or is it just me?

[skinniryan]

y'all my internet has been out since before i woke up this morning (just came back for a bit and i'm using my phone hotspot) and there is NOTHING TO DO i've just been reading this entire time but my eyes are tired lmao part of me wants to eat just cause i'm bored but i know the moment i have food in front of me i'm not gonna wanna eat it because i'm scared i'll gain aaaa

[skinniryan]

hello! i'm ryan/ry

please block, don't report!

not new to edblr, just a new account. i used to have a blog on here early 2020 but it got termed after like 4 months lmao. after that i reached my lowest weight on halloween (not gonna share stats cause i'm uncomfy as of right now (edit: stats are now in my bio lmfao)) but then couldn't stop binging so i gained everything back and more.

i am definitely pro recovery, i just needed a space to talk about ed relapse since the only person in my life i can talk to about it is my girlfriend (but she's going through similar stuff so i don't want to trigger her with talking about it).

just a few things about me: i'm 19, nonbinary (they/them), not in school and don't got a job (i'm the family disappointment lol), been struggling with weight and body image since 12 years old (or younger lol idrk), but my ed got significantly worse in early 2020.

i mainly created this just so i have a place to rant, and i'm also looking for buddies and friends who i can talk to about stuff like this because like i said earlier, i have pretty much nobody. dms or asks are always open! all i ask is that whatever you send is not suuuper super triggering. i'm going to try and not use many tags on future posts because i want to decrease the risk of this getting taken down again.

please dni if you don't have an ed, are in recovery, or under the age of 17. ty <3