skeletonflower202768

[skeletonflower202768]

[skeletonflower202768]

My child runs to me.

He runs to me when he's hurt.

He runs to me when he's proud. Or upset. Frustrated. Even elated...

He runs to me for it all.

When the world feels wrong and he needs guidance, he turns to me.

When the days rock him to his core and he feels like his world is spiraling, he looks for his mama.

i am his rock. His foundation.

I lift him up. My embrace makes things better.

For the first time in my life, my existence feels vital. My kids need their mama, more than I ever realized anyone would need me. More than the word "need" ever used to imply.

In a full world that is so busy, so distracting, and so exhausting, my child runs to me.

And every day I remember what a blessing it is to be a mama. To be his mama. Because of all the people he could run to, he chooses me.

CTTO.

[skeletonflower202768]

MOM GUILT.

So my eldest son, 4 years old was always crying EVERY night. Like 5 consecutive nights already. Like he'll go to sleep and then he will suddenly wake up some time of the night, sometimes 10pm, then/or 12, sometimes 2am.. and he will just cry and cry and cry....AND I DONT KNOW WHY..

we sleep in one room, Me, my eldest son and my youngest son who's just 1 month old. And every night my eldest cries, i automatically get mad at him. Then last night, i tried doing reverse psychology method where i will really be needing a lot of patience... He cried less. Then tonight, he cried again. This time, because he waa having toothache. I calmed him, hugged him and sing to him to sleep, then...while i was singing, i cried.

The line "e ano naman kung ilan oras ang masayang, di naman ako manghihinayang, handa akong magbabad, makasama ka pang..ayos lang kahit gabihin pa ko kakatingin..." hit me. I cried coz i remembered, for the past 3 years, it was only him and me. I sing to him every night before we sleep, i was his protector. i remembered i was the sweetest person in the world to him, i was his comfort, then all of a sudden changed coz i am now too focused on his baby brother.... I realized that i am slowly becoming a MOMster to him.. 😢

It hits me. Ohh, the guilt im feeling right now while he sleeps beside me. The things im thinking right now. I feel like i am failing as a mom. I love him with my all, I feel like i dont deserve to be called "mommy".

😭😭😭😭😭

[skeletonflower202768]

TOTGA

do you believe in "The one that got away"?

I've been crushin on this boy for SO long, and then just like that, we became each other's first boyfriend-girlfriend. We dated for 6 months (2 months together and 4 months long distance) we broke up, year 2007. I broke up with him for no reason at all...well maybe because of the distance.. he tried to fix things, he tried contacting me ovee and over. He even flew back here in pH just to talk to me and try to make it up to me although he didnt do anything wrong.. fast forward, we havent seen each other since then... (Well, on FB and IG maybe)

Its already 2023, he already have 3 kids and i have 2. We have families now, we have been going on with our lives smoothly for all this years... Not until today, April 16, 2023! I was scrolling on my Facebook then suddenly i saw his mom's post, i dont know whats got in to me that i looked at the pictures posted and then BOOOOOMM!!! I SAW HIM again, and i was like... "Wow, that's my first boyfriend right there." And then that's when i cant stop thinking about him again, and the what ifs..if i didnt break up with him..

Well, i guess that's just the way it is. Its not like i want to be with him again, its just that, its really a strange feeling to think of those "What ifs" and i guess, He really is my greatest What if. He is my TOTGA for sure.

(dont get me wrong, i love my husband and my kids so much, and we're good)