skeletalwishes-blog1 - Tumblr blog

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sometimes when i’m lonely i talk to my shadows.

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falling in love with your ed.

you start cutting down the calories. 1,200. you start to exercise every monday. you quit chocolate. 1,000. you lose two pounds a week. no more carbs, bread is banned. no more eating at school. 800. you notice a change in your face. people start complimenting you. you’re confused. everyone always thought you were ugly, why pretty now? skinny=pretty? alright, 600. caffeine in coffee acts as a laxative? give me three coffees a day. exercise everyday from 3am-6am before school. no more proper meals. 400. hUNGRY? HAD A MEAL? PURGE. PURGE. PURGE. CHANGE IN BODY. THIGH GAP. COMPLIMENTS. COMPLIMENTS. COMPLIMENTS. THEY FEED YOUR DISORDER WHILE YOU *STARVE*. COLD, FREEZING. WHERE ARE ALL MY FRIENDS???? NO PERIODS ANYMORE. WILL I EVER HAVE KIDS???? CHEST PAINS. RIB PAIN. HEADACHES. ACID REFLUX FROM PURGING. BAD BREATH. BLURRY VISION. COMPLIMENTS, LOVE. PEOPLE LOVE ME BECAUSE IM SKINNYSKINNYSKINNIIII. NEED TO BE PERFECT. 200. NO THX, I DONT NEED FOOD. COFFEE. COFFEE. HEART PALPITATIONS. TEA. TEA. TEA. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I SHIT???? STARVE. STARVE. STARVE. SCALES. NUMBERS. COMPLIMENTS. HUNGER PAINS. TEARS. BUT I WILL BE SKINNY. SKINNY. SKINNY. SKINNY *whispers on hospital bed* skinny. skinny. skinny. skinny. skinny. skinny. *beep*

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me: i’m not really anorexic honestly i feel like i’m just faking it

also me: *spends the whole day thinking about calories and food*

*freaks out because of 100 calories*

*is constantly fasting and binging*

*feels like purging when eating any kind of meal*

*feels like crying anytime a thin girl passes by*

*gets jealous of friends who get sick and end up losing weight*

me: totally faking it

[skeletalwishes-blog1]

there's something so special about feeling skinny with an ed. of course i have body dysmorphia but sometimes i see myself and think 'wow. i look good.' and it's so validating to be barely eating while looking thin. like yeah, i fucking worked for this. i resisted so many cravings and so many impulses and look where it got me. i can't leave the house without getting looks. i counted 11 catcalls when i spent the day in town. i strutted down the street with my zero cal drink and dammit i looked the part. yeah i look fucking skinny. you better fucking believe it. i earned this.

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nothing is more boring than loosing the same weight you have before

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110lbs

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I need to fast for 24 hours at least so today I'll only drink water, tea and diet Coke. If I need to eat I'll eat pickles.

I've been eating like a pig these last few weeks and it shows; I've gained about 4 kilos. That's a lot. It sickens me. I need to get back to 46kg before university begins, I want to be beautiful and thin in college so I can focus on study and not worry about my weight all the time.

I'll go for a walk today with my little brother and play videogames with him.

[skeletalwishes-blog1]

I highly recommend going for walks

Disclaimer: this info does vary based off you current height and weight

I based this info on two apps I use to count calories and steps.

1 pound = 3,500 calories

20, 000 steps burns 1,000 calories

1, 000cal × 7days= 7,000 cal

7,000 cal ÷ 3,500 cal = 2lbs lost every week

Every month you will burn 8 pounds.

Not just water weight or backed up waste, but fat.

Walking relieves stress, aid sleep, and tone the body.

Walking is also for the lazy inclined like me ~❤

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Reminder #2

You control food, food does not control you You control food, food does not control you You control food, food does not control you You control food, food does not control you You control food, food does not control you You control food, food does not control you You control food, food does not control you You control food, food does not control you

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Eating disorder logic

- I’m lonely I’m going to isolate myself - I’m hungry I’m going to starve - I’m full I’m going to eat - I feel enormous I’m going to binge now - I can tell I’ve lost weight I’m never eating again - I’m happy I’m going to trigger myself - I’m sad I’m going to pretend I’m fine - gum has 5 calories no - ice cream has a million calories I’m going to eat a whole 7 pints

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