skandikonata

[skandikonata]

How about your game.

You mean the second VN? If so, I haven't even touched that since last September. Or, rather, I've written down a lot of notes for scenes and jokes since then, but I've not actually added anything to the script itself. I didn't work on the VN because of good old depression, at first, and now I'm not working on it because I've got like two hours of free time a day, what with having a kid and a job, and I spend that time chilling.

[skandikonata]

what has you insane?

Nothing too interesting! For no obvious trauma reasons, I've got avoidant personality disorder and a pretty severe depression.

[skandikonata]

>doctor gets me wednesdays off due to being insane >let my boss know >he suddenly starts being all friendly >"hey, skandi, good to see you!"

Patronising prick. Fucking piece of shit. Hear that I'm struggling and decide to try to be nice, did you? Well, joke's on you, that pisses me off despite it being completely well-intentioned. I'm gonna put a pipe bomb under your desk, and then you'll see what trying to be nice gets you. Fucker.

[skandikonata]

>have a baby >sometimes he needs to be carried and sung to in order to sleep >realise i know maybe two lullabies >start singing whichever slow-paced songs i know >see which ones he likes by how calm he gets when i sing them >he has one absolute favourite

So, hm. I'm gonna have to either change this one out of the rotation, or make new lyrics, when he starts learning English in a few years. Explaining sex work and heroin abuse is more like a 13+ thing at best.

[skandikonata]

>work in a bookstore basement dealing with incoming books >someone from the store proper asks if I want some help dealing with the early Christmas rush >sure >"okay so the new guy upstairs with the ponytail has anxiety" >uh >"it's way worse when he's at home, but it's fine here" >uuh >"but since being around a lot of customers is stressing him out then working down here might be better" >uuuh

It was perfectly fine, I gave him a quick rundown of how to do stuff and he got to work. But don't go around talking about other people's mental health like that, that stuff is personal! If the info was, like, "he's deathly afraid of snakes, don't mention snakes," then that'd at least be info I could do something with, but nah, it was just "this guy crazy, he's going to work for you." Bizarre.

Besides, he's a guy with a ponytail, a button-up shirt and wire-framed glasses, of course he's mentally ill.

[skandikonata]

>somehow end up getting an official subordinate at my temp job >panic >she turns out to be perfectly pleasant and eager to learn >it still sucks

I want to be alone! In my corner! Away from everyone else (unless they have to walk past me to get to the cardboard baler)!

Someone standing like 10 feet away from me at all times stresses me out... I just want to enter robot mode and listen to podcasts...

[skandikonata]

Everyone less depressed than me should get shot. Everyone more depressed than me should wear cat ears and a collar with a bell on it and I get to pet them.

[skandikonata]

>pay $4k for ketamine treatment for depression >it eases up symptoms by maybe 5% >or maybe me feeling a bit better was placebo or a coincidence

Man, I do sometimes get unironically jealous at mentally healthy people. It's as pointless and unproductive as if I were born deaf and were jealous of people who can hear, but I do still feel that way.

Just imagine waking up in the morning and feeling like there's a reason to get up other than avoiding future discomfort. Not having to force every smile. Not having to always feel like butter scraped over too much bread.

[skandikonata]

35. Nor would I be thought to speak this at Ran- dom. For I cannot easily forget the supercilious Checks and Frowns (to say no worse), which I have upon this occasion alone met with; and for such innocent Argu- ments and Persuasions, I have, in the opinion of some chill Professors (otherwise called Atheists), perhaps less prudently, (I am sure to the Ruine of my small Interest) been sometimes bold to urge to our People, in order to their Conviction, as to the necessity of this Duty.

Godwyn, Morgan. The Negro’s & Indians Advocate, Suing for Their Admission into the Church, or, A Persuasive to the Instructing and Baptizing of the Negro’s and Indians in Our Plantations. London, J.D., 1680, p. 37.

[skandikonata]

>mention to ketamine treatment guy that i don't really care about music >"is it because it's noisy? does the noise overwhelm you?" >"btw do you find it hard to tell what other people are feeling?" >"and do you have restricted interests and do you freak out if there's a change in your schedule and do you do stimming?"

I am not autistic. All mental health professionals need to shut the fuck up.

[skandikonata]

And here's the final picture of Tony, before he had any idea that he'd get put in a cage and taken to some weird place with a stranger in it. I opted to stay for the entire process, and watching someone kill my cat of eight years right in front of me was, well, rough.

But he got all his favourite food in his last few days, basically no rules applied, he even got to eat stuff with onions in it. And then he fell asleep for the last time with me petting his head, and died with me scratching his belly. Before leaving, I kissed his forehead a final time, and that was it. He'll now get cremated along with other pets.

Whenever I see anything on the floor out of the corner of my eye I assume it's him. When I get off the couch I expect to see him sleeping in his tower. It's gonna take some getting used to.

[skandikonata]

im drunk. you're cool :)

Thank you! Getting drunk and telling people you like that you like them is a fundamental human experience imo.

Glad to see you typing properly, too!

[skandikonata]

This car is xenophobic Homophobic Traaansphobic

Why, it's the greased right wing!

[skandikonata]

My "proud dad" instincts are screaming at me to show everyone how cute my son is, but thankfully those instincts can be tamped down. As a compromise, I feel like I can post my insanely cute son with his face censored.

[skandikonata]

I guess I'll just go fuck myself.

[skandikonata]

I was looking for a fag boutique, and then I stumbled over one that also has top service! It must be my lucky day.

[skandikonata]

Just thinking about my son makes me smile, and when I look at him I get completely overwhelmed by love. This rocks.