sjbbear - Tumblr blog

[sjbbear]

Dearest Seth,

You’re finally here! It’s been 3 weeks since you came into our lives and boy, have our days changed drastically.

It’s 12.36am and I’m up pumping milk for your next feed. I went to bed at 930pm pretty soon after you fell asleep. These days it’s a drill for me. I work around your feeds 12/3/6/9 and I sleep at night almost immediately after you knock out and wake about half an hour earlier than you do.

In the past 3 weeks, your papa has taken time of work to take care of you together with myself. Your granny, mama, has also been here every day just to teach us how to care for you, cook delicious meals for us and most importantly, bathe you. Your granddad has bee fetching mama everyday to our house so that she can help accordingly! It’s totally true that it takes a village to raise a child, and my little village has been such a strong pillar of support. I hope that one of these days when you look back, you’re going to realize how much love you’ve been surrounded with since the day you came into all our lives.

[sjbbear]

It’s 1.23am and I’ve only 7 hours left to catch some sleep before we wake up to prepare to go to the hospital to induce you!

I am as excited as I am worried, about whether you will be safe, whether we are ready to take care of you, and even curious about how you are looking and feeling.

I can’t believe that I will actually be a REAL momma by the end of this week. You made me a momma before you actually came and I will forever be grateful.

As your papa, is happily snoozing away, I just want to tell you both that I Love You. Can’t wait for our little family to begin cuz everything’s going to change after tmr! :)

[sjbbear]

It’s week 39 and we are still going through Singapore’s lockdown..

In the past few weeks, we’ve been talking to you nightly and enjoying your kicks and movements at 11.45pm daily. It’s quite remarkable how you recognize your papa’s voice and respond to him whenever he speaks to you.

Tmr, we will be going to the Dr’s just to check on your progress.. We are expecting you anytime now! Every time there’s a knot in my tummy, I wonder if it’s time and whether you’re on the way out.

Which makes me wonder a lot about this whole experience as a mommy carrying you in my tummy. There’s so much I will miss about the whole pregnancy, feeling you in my tummy while I was working, you moving as I laughed so hard or when I felt sad, waiting for you to move during meal times, waiting for your hiccups to know you’re ok. You were closest to me in the last 9 months but I know it’s time for us to meet you! And while I’m going to miss all this, I’m also looking forward to seeing you!

At the same time, I’m going to miss all this 1-on-1 time with your papa. Some days I stare at him a little while he’s taking a nap or hanging out at the TV and wonder how did I get so blessed with a papa like your’s. In this period, he’s taken to doing all the chores at home, chores I used to be the only one doing. He’s indulged in all my favourite food (always has, but even more so now that I’m carrying you), so much so he’s even gone out to queue for McDonald’s when they reopened post our circuit breaker. He’s protected me and you and cared for us like no other. His love and affection for you grows each day, he beams everytime he speaks about you.

Not quite sure what kind of parents we will be, but we thank God for you. For choosing us to be your parents. We love you even before we’ve met you. See you soon Baby S.

[sjbbear]

A Time Such As This

Mama has been working from home since March and your papa started in April. Special priority was given to me because I had you in my tummy. It was quite a blessing in disguise with many people in the community still having to commute on public transport and transmission of Covid2019 increasing day by day. 

Years back when you’re finally able to read, you’d fine a couple of peculiarities which occurred during this period.

Bubble Tea shops are closed (You can’t imagine mama actually abstaining from this)

Almost 80% of the entire workforce is working from home (This might be the new norm in 10 years)

Barely any cars are on the road

Only restaurants or places selling food predominantly were allowed to operate

Nobody goes on holidays or plans for then

Absolutely zero slots for online grocery delivery

No church! We all meet through the live stream online

I can only conclude that you will be born into a very strange time, one where social interactions are kept to a minimum and we are all trying our best to keep abreast through technology. 

For me in particular, this time has been real meaningful. Your papa and I have had so much time together before you officially join our little family. It’s been a great month, working side by side, cleaning the house and cooking together. He’s able to watch you move in the tummy and feel your kicks. While the plans for after your birth are still hazy (is Mama, Mama’s mummy going to come over and help look after you? Do we shift in to 751?), we’ll just take 1 week at a time and see how all this pans out. 

Meanwhile, stay safe and strong my little one. 

[sjbbear]

Almost hitting the 28th week mark. Despite your tumbling through the day, and the waves you create on my belly, I still can’t imagine being a mom to you. As the days draw closer, I am filled with so much hope and anticipation. On paper, we seem quite prepared with all our baby supplies etc, but is this enough? I don’t think so!

Just 2 weeks ago, we were meant to be in Seoul, Sourh Korea until CoVid19 hit and we had to have our plans postponed. What was meant to be our last hurrah before you came along, ended with us just taking time off work and going on a food adventure like we used to. In between the eating, we’d come home and take a nap. That’s when it dawned on me - there would be 3 of us napping in the afternoon next time!

Undeniably, our lives are going to change so much. Just enrolling you for school gave your dad and I some jitters. Felt strange preparing ourselves to send you to school before you’re even here. Felt strange-r feeling so “sayang” towards having to even send you in the first place. But we know what we have to do, and we’ve decided that Infant Care would be the best possible choice even though you’d still be so small at 4 months.

While this is all new for us, we are learning and hope that we are making the best choices for you.

[sjbbear]

1st Kicks

Many friends told me that I might be able to feel the baby kicking as early as 18 weeks, and boy was I waiting to experience it. Since knowing I was carrying you, i wondered if it’d be a thump or a bounce.

Once 18 weeks came, i was full of anticipation, only to feel almost nothing. 

It would be an occasional popping bubble feeling or a shadow of a movement ever so slight. I couldn’t tell if it was gas in my tummy/intestines or you! I was only sure that I felt you much later, when I was 21/22 weeks along. 

These days, you are rolling and tumbling in my tummy every morning when I get up and wishing me goodnight when I turn in for bed. You have also been happily awake during the past few weekly mahjong sessions at Auntie Mable’s place! 

So i guess, if I were to actually set a date on when your 1st kicks were - it would be on 15 Dec - when Auntie Shann came back and handed us these!

Your first pair of kicks (booties).

Jokes aside, the last week of Jan during CNY was when I started feeling you move. Guess the festivities and the non stop eating really got you in a great mood.

[sjbbear]

Baby Supplies

You never know how much there is to buy for a newborn until you actually made a list. With some scouring on the web, I found someone who created this crazy God-sent list of all things required for having a newborn! From cottonballs, creams, carseats, bassinet, cribs and even medication! 

Quickly, I started finding the doing research on all the items required, updated my own list and noted the dates of any upcoming baby fair!

We ended up going to two fairs within the weekend, and it was truly eye opening for us (especially your papa).

Here’s a picture of him, attempting to practice tula-ing a baby! He said it was one of the most challenging things he’d ever done. While it might not seem like it from the picture, he was breaking into cold sweat. 

Guess we will just practice with you when you’re here! 

[sjbbear]

Baby Bear Origins

Only a few of our close friends know you as 小Bear or Baby bear.

Dr Chin told us that you were in a teddy bear stage when we had your scan on 9 Nov. Your hands and legs were little stubs without your fingers and toes. That’s when we decided to give you, your nickname! If you look at the ultra sound picture long enough, you’ll see a small fist of a hand resting on top of your tummy!

It won’t be long before we call you your actual name, but baby bear will always be special to us.

[sjbbear]

Boy

It was one of the strangest dreams I have ever had.

I had just given birth to you and was holding you in my arms with your dad beside me.

As we were looking at you. I said to your dad, “Not Shawn right? He’s a James”. And with that, the dream ended.

While I have absolutely no recollection of your face, all I do remember is that you were the cutest baby ever.

.

.

.

Excitedly told your papa about the dream and he told me that he would like to have a similar dream too. Jokingly, I told him to ask God for one.

A week later, he told me he had a dream, of a pregnant male infront of a mirror giving birth to you and you came out full grown at 4yo. Similar to my dream, he could not recall your features except for a seemingly big head (runs in both our families).

However, when asked if you were cute - he replied with a resounding YES.

And that’s how we knew we were having a boy even before any scan or blood test told us so. 👶🏻

P/s. We’re not naming you James or Shawn

[sjbbear]

Did you hear the heartbeat?

2 weeks after being sick, and 2 pregnancy tests later, we finally scheduled our first gynae visit on 17 October.

With some digging on the Internet, I’d prepared myself to expect that I might not be able to hear a heartbeat but should be expect to see a little gestational sac being formed.

A mere 10 minute wait at the doctor’s office felt like forever. As soon as we got into the room, Dr Chin began a scan and we saw your little sac and the little flashing heart! It was amazing!!!! But what was even more amazing was hearing your soft and quick heartbeat.. Life had already begun inside me, and you are truly fearfully and wonderfully made!

After all the congratulatory wishes from Dr Chin and the nurses, we couldn’t stop smiling. We got to the carpark, and that’s when your dad asked - Did you really hear the heartbeat? Where’s the baby supposed to be? Is the sac the baby?

Your dear papa had been so overwhelmed with emotions he could barely process all that was happening in that short visit to the gynae! He was really bummed out that he didn’t hear the heartbeat the first time, but was quickly assured that there would be a second time.

Knowing we had you in itself was a gift and a miracle. You were so precious to us. We came home and immediately pinned your first ultrasound scan on our fridge just so that we could see you everyday.

& we look forward to doing so every single day. 😍

[sjbbear]

SICK & HAPPY

We got back on the 6th of October and I was so terribly sick. Imagine being cooped up on a 17 hour flight with a hacking cough accompanied with a full blown flu!!

My face was so bloated due to all the water retention and we had no choice but to make a visit to the Doctor the next day.

Against your daddy’s better wishes, I took our first pregnancy test (we had to let the doctor know!) and we were over the moon when we saw a positive result.

Now, there’s a good reason your papa didn’t want us taking a test too soon even though one week had passed since a missed period. Just a couple of months earlier, we’d lost your older sibling at the very early stages of pregnancy.

So, we agreed that while we were very happy, we’d hold our excitement in and wait for another test a week later before actually celebrating.

Who were we kidding through? We could hardly contain our joy. And this was a secret only 2 of us knew. 🙂

[sjbbear]

Sixth sense

It was on the last day of our stay in SF, when it dawned on me that we might have been having you in my belly already at that point in time. Call it a mummy’s instinct or sixth sense - it’s true!

What we didnt know was that this would be one of our last long crazy holidays - our 2 week US West Coast adventure from LA to Vegas, to SF and finally back to LA before you came along.

I recall telling your daddy, “maybe I might be...”.. However, we both decided not to rush into any testing and just enjoy the rest of our holiday.

And enjoy our holiday we did - a last hurrah of Oysters at Hog Island Oyster Co before we set off to Big Sur. That’s been the last Oysters I’ve had ever since. 😀