sirost1-blog

[sirost1-blog]

Second Half of the Semester Highlights...

Module 5: Sexual Health

Sexual health is a crucial field of knowledge that everyone should place importance on. Without this knowledge, we would continue to lose people at a high rate due to infections and diseases such as HIV/AIDS. An article that spoke to me from this module was written by Maanvi Singh, and is titled “Sex Ed Works Better When It Addresses Power In Relationships”. This article spoke to me because it gave me immediate flashbacks to my experience during sex education. I was in 6th grade and attended a relatively large public school in Southern California. We used one of our class periods to have our gym teacher and regular teacher talk to us as a class, so we remained in our classes of 35 kids or so, we were not brought into an auditorium for an assembly or anything. Although I cannot remember the exact words, I can remember the topics talked about, and more importantly, wasn’t talked about…

We were given a brief talk about the anatomy of a vagina and penis as our teachers pinned some basic anatomical posters on the wall of each of the body parts. They described to us what sex was, and that pregnancy could be a result if we didn’t use protection. For some reason they really pushed the idea that pregnancy would result if we didn’t use a condom, there was little to no mention of birth control, and absolutely no mention of an IUD- but perhaps that’s because this discussion was practically a decade ago. As I stated above, I remember what we weren’t told, and what I wish I was told about sex. I wish they would have told us girls that it hurts. I wish they would have taught us about consent. Simply educating us on the physical motions of how sex works only prepares us for a tiny bit of what sex actually is. I wish they would have told us to wait for the right person, and to not be in a hurry to lose it. I wish they would have told us that it is okay if you are homosexual, and what you are learning about right now

might not pertain to you as a result.

As I read through this article by Maanvi Singh, it pulled me back into that classroom on the day of sex ed, and started answering the questions and giving me the information I wish I would have learned in sex ed. Through skimming through the article I realized that I didn’t want traditional sex education, I wanted empowerment based sex ed. Singh tells us that, “Knowing how to communicate and negotiate with sexual partners, and knowing how to distinguish between healthy and abusive sexual relationships, are as important as knowing how to put on a condom” (Singh 2015). In the article we are walked through how one of these empowerment based sex ed classes work. Children (age unmentioned) are taught the basics of sex ed: contraceptives, disease prevention, and anatomy. But then, they segway into a topical discussion about how to talk about safe sex with their partners, especially if they are in a relationship where they may be in a dis-empowered position. Singh goes into detail about the program when she says, “They play out, for example, how do they negotiate with their sex partner, particularly if they’re in a dis-empowered relationship, and maybe their boyfriend doesn’t want to use a condom and is threatening to leave, to hurt her… The goal is to help young women feel empowered to ask for what they want from their sexual partners. And to feel good about themselves, so if they decide they want to be assertive with their partner, they can do that” (Singh 2015).

I have considered being an educator, and if I don’t end up loving what I do with my Communication and Organizational Leadership degree, I am not afraid to go back to school and pursue a career in education. Therefore, if I ever go into a field of education, I can use this information and reference my poor experiences with sexual education to bring a better place of education for children in the future. Chances are that the kids I sat in sex ed with have experienced abusive relationships, and have not been taught on how to bring about a better power dynamic within a relationship. After all, a study by Huffpost states that, “nearly 60 perfect of young women have experienced abuse” (Glamour 2011). Additionally, Safe Horizon argues that “1 in 7 men are in abusive relationships” (Safe Horizon 2019). With these statistics in mind, I plan to use this information in the future to not only educate children if I go into a field of teaching, but to encourage those in my life to make sure that their relationship dynamics are healthy, and to encourage a conversation about safe, consensual sex.

_______________________________________________________

Module 6

This module was centered around the topic of Disability, Aging, and Sexuality. It was here that we gained a foundational understanding for disability, both as a theory and as a concept that we will all one day have to deal with. We were then educated on the definition of ageism, and applied this concept to the popular show of Grace and Frankie.

My favorite part of this module was writing and responding to other peer’s discussion board posts. After watching the assigned episodes of Netflix’s Grace & Frankie, many stereotypes about women aging and their sexuality were brought to light. It was a shock to me that one of the first examples of the two women being shamed for talking about their sexuality came from someone super close to them- their own children. Grace’s daughter went as far as to call the two “filthy women” for engaging in a conversation that I guess Grace’s daughter deemed to be too young of a topic for them to still be allowed to discuss. It also appeared that our discussion about the topic of constructionism could be looped into these episodes of Grace and Frankie. Social constructionism discusses shared concepts of reality, whereas age-constructionism happens as people develop stigmas of the older generation as a whole, rather than examining the behaviors and attitudes of elders as individuals. This is exactly what the women’s children were doing by condemning them for talking about their sex lives; they just assumed they were just a couple of old ladies too old for that talk, and didn’t stop to think about their mothers desires and feelings.

One of the most important concepts I took away from this module and included in my discussion was the concept of “fearless aging”.  As Health Gerontologist Pat Sanborn puts it, “everybody is aging, and it’s better not to have a fear around it” (Sanborn 0:37). Sanborn explains to us that, “When people are looking at the opportunity for fearless aging, they are considering options, they are gaining insights, and they are helping other people and they are not buying into ageism” (Sanborn 1:15). In the case of Grace and Frankie, Frankie continuously reminded, and taught her friend Grace that she still has an entitlement to enjoy her sexuality, regardless of her age, or what others have to say. It was also really inspiring to watch the show and see these two women continue to gain insight and want to help other women as they get into the vibrator business and even make their own lube. My goal for society is that we too can one day practice fearless aging, like Grace and Frankie. We should all be aiming to end the stigma that sex has to stop at a certain age! As I take what I have learned from this module outside of class, I want to first start by reminding my Grandmother that she is not defined by her age (which is 83). I know that she has struggled in the past with slowing down because she doesn’t want to be labeled an “old lady”, so I will remind her that that term, at least within our house, does not have to be a derogatory term. I will also make sure to encourage those around me way down the line to “go with the flow”. As Pat Sanborn states, age is something completely natural, so we should not be condemning ourselves for letting nature take its course!

_______________________________________________________

Module 7

Our last module revolved around the topics “Pornography, Erotica, Pleasure, and Resistance” (Watson Module 7). Our goal by the end of reading through and interacting with the module was to be able to connect how resistance plays a role in women’s sexuality, especially when it comes to marginalized groups. We were also tasked with gaining an understanding the role of intersectionality, which is looking at categories like sex, gender, race, and class, and applying them to an individual group to see if they create any overlapping or interdependent cases of discrimination or advantage.

In this module, the piece that stood out to me the most was a TED Talk by Christopher Ryan titled, “Are we designed to be sexual omnivores?”. It is here that Ryan examines the extent of our sexual nature all while relating it back to our origins, and argues that humans shouldn’t penalize themselves so heavily for their natural desires. Ryan first talks about the agricultural revolution. Before that time, we were foraging, and sharing all that we had, making sure that the women and the children came first. In a way, these items (meat, shelter, protection) were all being traded in exchange for women’s sexual fidelity. As he analyzed this sharing behavior, he related it back to sexuality. He states that, “human sexuality has essentially evolved, until agriculture, as a way of establishing and maintaining the complex, flexible social systems, networks, that our ancestors were very good at, and that’s why our species has survived so well” (Ryan 1:07).

Another common occurrence within relationships nowadays is the concept of monogamy. For some it is something that they actively seek out in a relationship, and for others it is considered a deal breaker if their partner desires it. And, although it has become common within our society to seek our monogamy, Ryan argues that it goes against our ancient desires, since we are so closely related to chimps and bonobos. He paints for us a picture of his parents; they have been monogamously married for 52 years! But does that mean that the exchanging of wedding vows was also an instant repellent of attraction for people outside of his parents marriage? No. Chances are his father sees hot women in the streets and has occasional fantasies, or his mother goes to see a movie and falls in love with the lead role actor. This is because human’s don’t stop desiring sex with others just because they have a commitment to one another. As Ryan puts it, “to argue that our ancestors were sexual omnivores is no more a criticism of monogamy than to argue that our ancestors were dietary omnivores is a criticism of vegetarianism. You can choose to be a vegetarian, but don’t think that just because you’ve made that decision, bacon suddenly stops smelling good” (Ryan 4:57).

Ryan further argues his point that humans are sexual omnivores when he brings up the topic of female menstruation. He states that, “humans are among the only species on the planet where the female is available for sex throughout the menstrual cycle, whether she’s menstruating, whether she’s post-menopausal, whether she’s already pregnant. This is vanishingly rare among mammals. So it’s a very interesting aspect of human sexuality” (Ryan 5:47). It is very hard to argue his point when evidence is brought about like this. If we were not designed to be sexual omnivores, we would not be so sexually active, and our bodies wouldn’t be designed to be capable of such great sexual activity. After all, Ryan told us that the average human has sex roughly 1,000 times per birth. Meanwhile, other typical mammals like gorillas and orangutans have sex only roughly 12 times per birth. He wraps up his point by urging us to move away from the classic saying “men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Because, the reality of this situation is that, “men are from Africa and women are from Africa” (Ryan 11:44).

This talk spoke to me so greatly because I really feel it as though it will help me with my relationships moving forward. Ryan talks about how families are continuously ruined by our false vision of human sexuality, all because we have engineered this idea that monogamy ultimately ends our sexual desires for others, while our history does nothing but strengthen our sexual desires beyond those who we are in a relationship with. Moving forward, if, say, for example, my parents were to get into a fight because my dad looked at a lady in the parking lot for a little too long, I will aim to understand his sexual nature rather than retaliating with a comment such as “ew, gross, you’re married to Mom!”. In the end, your relationship status doesn’t end your sexual desires, and we should stop making it seems as though it does. Like Ryan said, when someone becomes vegetarian we do not assume that bacon stops smelling good to them- so we need to end this mindset and false assumptions about the aftermath of monogamy.

________________________________________________________________

                                                  Works Cited

Ryan, Christopher. “Are We Designed to Be Sexual Omnivores?” TED Talk, Feb. 2013, https://www.ted.com/talks/christopher_ryan_are_we_designed_to_be_sexual_omnivores.

Glamour. “Shocking Number Of Young Women Have Experienced Relationship Abuse.” HuffPost, HuffPost, 17 Nov. 2011, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/glamour-relationship-abuse_n_857472.

“Domestic Violence Statistics & Facts.” Safe Horizon, https://www.safehorizon.org/get-informed/domestic-violence-statistics-facts/#our-impact/.

Singh, Maanvi. “Sex Ed Works Better When It Addresses Power In Relationships.” NPR, NPR, 17 May 2015, https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/05/17/407063066/sex-ed-works-better-when-it-addresses-power-in-relationships?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20150517 https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/facts-american-teens-sources-information-about-sex.

Sanborn, P. (Director). (2017). Fearless Aging - What is Ageism? [Motion picture]. Vimeo. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/attitudes-about-sexuality-and-aging.

Kauffman, M., Morris, H. J., Fonda, J., Tomlin, L., Taylor, T., Weinstein, P., Goldberg, D., Ellison, D., Ross , M., Junge, A. (Producers), & Kauffman, M. & Morris, H. J. (Directors). (2016). Grace and Frankie [Video file]. Retrieved from http://www.netflix.com

[sirost1-blog]

First Half of the Semester Highlights...

Module 1: What IS Women and Gender Studies?

We began module 1 week 1 with the desire to answer the question “what is critical thinking?”. Upon reviewing the YouTube video and going through the lecture, critical thinking could be defined as “the art of analyzing and evaluating thinking with a view to improving it”- Dr. Richard Paul. With that in mind, the lecture then went on to ask us about what exactly women and gender studies is. According to week 1 lecture 1, women and gender studies is an interdisciplinary that considers many areas of research with a focus on race, sexuality, and class. When one studies women and gender studies, they should expect to notice that there is both an activism and academic history behind the courses material.

You should also consider the following terms in relation to this course…

The term “patriarchy” is defined as a male dominated society, and often came up as we moved forward. From there we introduced the term “oppression” which explains how one might be weighed down by patriarchal institutions. We also talked a lot about male superiority, which lead to the definition of the term sexism, as defined as “behaviors, attitudes, and institutions based on the assumption of male superiority”. Another common term that needed to be understood was culture, which is made up from the social behaviors and norms found in each society. The last component from week 1 lecture 1 that heavily resonated with me with the slide about understanding gender. The slide read, “One of the major ways people organize their lives- so pervasive it tends to be invisible except when missing or deviant” (Watson Module 1 Slide 9). This prompted me to go into deep thought about how prevalent gender is in our society and culture, in the sense that gender is thought about in advertising, how we speak to and address one another, how we relate to someone or try and differentiate ourselves from. We often think that we organize our lives with time management in mind, or a quest for happiness. I had never thought previously that one of the ways in which I organize my life has to do with the fact that I openly identify as female. One way that I think this realization will be applicable to me in my future life is that I will try and move away from organizing my life based on my gender. I will strive to organize my life in a way that pulls me away from female norms (ie: meet a man, get married, have kids. Maybe go back to work, but find a female suited position such as teaching, nursing, or secretary). Rather, I will organize my life in a way that leads me to a partner who makes me happy, and doesn’t push gender roles within our relationship. I will search for a career path that meets my desired salary, provides a good location, and gives reasonable vacation time, rather than a position that should suit me well because I am a woman.

_____________________________________________________

Module 2: Coding Bodies and Desires

Out of all of the learning materials from module 2, the piece that stuck with me the most was the TED Talk by Peggy Orenstein titled “What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure”. Since this is a women and sexualities course, this title resonated with me because I felt as though I was about to get a crash course in the entirety of the course material. During this 17 minute video, Orenstein speaks to us about women’s capacity for and entitlement to sexual pleasure. While America is getting better about having open dialog’s between parents, friends, and partners about female sexual enjoyment and entitlement, we aren’t anywhere near where we need to be. Orenstein told us about how she spoke to women between the ages of 15 to 20 about their sexual attitudes and experiences. She found that,“They may feel entitled to engage, but they don’t necessarily feel entitled to enjoy it” (Orenstein 1:14). She then went on to recount on a conversation she had with a college sophomore who described herself as a loud, expressive, and independent young woman who isn’t afraid to talk about her wants and needs, except for when it comes to sexual desires. The girl told us that “I guess we girls are socialized to be these docile creatures that don’t express our wants or needs” (Ornstein 2:00), despite this girl describing herself as being smart and strong. She really felt as though those qualities of hers couldn’t be applied to sex. The problem here is evident.

Peggy then went on to tell us that “womens feelings about their genitals have been directly linked to their enjoyment of sex” (Orenstein 4:00). If not that many women are reporting true pleasure from their sexual experiences, it must be a result of them having low self-confidence or not feeling properly connected to their genitals. As a way to kind of test how women felt about and treated their genitals, Orenstein surveyed the young women on the practice of removing their pubic hair. Over half of them reported fully removing their pubic hair on a regular basis as a personal choice, some reporting that it made them feel cleaner. But then, Peggy got us wondering; if these girls were alone on a deserted island, would this truly be how they would be choosing to spend their free time? Through the sometimes painful removal resulting in a very temporary result… to feel “cleaner”? Peggy, and myself, truly doubt it is to feel cleaner, but rather, to make themselves more appealing and attractive to a male suitor.

She then moves into her closing portion that focuses on intimate justice. “Intimate justice asks us to wonder who is entitled to engage in an intimate experience, to enjoy it, who is the primary beneficiary, and how does each partner define “good enough” (Orenstein 7:42). I think the answer to that is simple: everyone. Men. Women. All of those in between. The reason that this piece of literature stood out to me the most from all of the other learning materials from module 2 was because it urged me to take this intimate, yet so important, topic of sex and pleasure and share it with those in my life. Whether it be other classmates in WST 313 as we get into intimate discussions, my female friends, or even my mother/elders. I could take what I learned from Orenstein’s talk about everyone being entitled to pleasure and intimate justice, and help others believe that they too are worthy. This TED Talk has encouraged me to help others see sexuality as a source of self-knowledge, creativity, and communication.

_____________________________________________________

Module 3: Language and the Shaping of Desire

Out of all of the reading materials and videos from module 3, the article that stuck out to me the most was “‘Slut’: Gender Policing As Bullying Ritual” written by Elizabethe Payne. In this article, Payne dives deep into the world of slut shaming, specifically for young women, and talks about how detrimental that form of bullying can be. The article reminded me just how powerful words can be, especially to our youth. Payne emphasizes how using the words “slut” and “fag” can really affects someone’s self esteem and confuse them about what their value as a human being is when she said, “both “slut” and “fag” tell young people that they are doing their gender “wrong” and that they’d better get in line or suffer the consequences (Payne 2016). I think it is important that we start the conversation about bullying to young children as soon as they enter school. Moreover, studies have shown that bullying based on sexuality begins to occur during the last year or so of elementary school, then continues to build in middle school, and reaches an all time high in high school. It is because of this article that I have decided that when I have kids of my own, whether I have boys or girls, I will start educating them on the importance of letting both themselves and those around them express their sexuality without ridicule. If they see two boys holding hands on the playground they should have the thought that “love is love” and go back to playing. If they see a girl chase down a boy and then they share a kiss, it is not anyone’s position to judge someone for beginning to explore what feels good and right to them.

Focusing more on the top of slut shaming, Payne states that, “being called a “slut,” makes it clear to all that there is an association between a woman’s worth as a human being and her sexual behavior” (Payne 2016). We see the word slut being used far beyond the ages of grade school. Being a student at ASU, I have a few friends in sororities and you hear about the “sorority slut”; the one who has had interactions with many men from fraternities and therefore deserves to be bullied behind her back and gossiped about amongst girls who are supposed to be her sisters. As a young woman, and someone in the working world, someone who is a student, and someone who is a friend, this article has inspired me to open a dialog with those in my life about how important it is to not judge other people for the things that they enjoy, simply because you couldn’t picture yourself engaging in those behaviors. Payne tells us that, “breaking the rules of gender and sexuality makes a girl a “bad” person, and she therefore “deserves” the social harassment she receives (“She brought it on herself”)” (Payne 2016). I think it is time to do away with the “she brought it on herself” culture, and welcome a culture that is more uplifting and inclusive about however it is that you choose to express yourself. I really love the way that Payne closed her article by saying, “we surely have not seen a discussion of how the continued cultural privileging of traditional straight-male masculinity and the devaluing of all other genders are key in understanding how and why the same groups of kids get targeted for bullying decade after decade” (Payne 2016). I plan to keep this quote in mind to help combat bullying for women, and men, of all ages in all aspects of my life: work, school, my future family. I want to break the cycle of bullying, and help be a part of the movement that ends bullying decade after decade.

_____________________________________________________

Thank you!

Going back and reflecting on all of the material I was given during the first half of this semester has reignited my passion to end bullying and help others see sexuality as a source of self-knowledge, creativity, and communication. I also thoroughly enjoyed learning important terms from module one that have made me more educated on the topics of oppression, patriarchies, sexism and culture. Allowing me to write a blog about the material rather than complete a multiple choice/matching exam has given me the opportunity to think about the potential that I have to make the world a more understanding place, and how I plan to execute educating others on creating an environment of inclusivity. Thank you for your time and attention. Best,

Shannon Rost, WST 313

_____________________________________________________

Works Cited

Payne, E. C. (2016, February 2). ‘Slut’: Gender Policing As Bullying Ritual. Retrieved October 5, 2019, from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/slut-gender-policing-as-bullying-ritual_b_1952205.

Orenstein, P. (2016, October). What young women believe about their own sexual pleasure. Retrieved October 5, 2019, from https://www.ted.com/talks/peggy_orenstein_what_young_women_believe_about_their_own_sexual_pleasure#t-664985.