sirlanthelot

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going here would fix me actually

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truly some people have no genre savviness whatsoever. A girl came back from the dead the other day and fresh out of the grave she laughed and laughed and lay down on the grass nearby to watch the sky, dirt still under her nails. I asked her if she’s sad about anything and she asked me why she should be. I asked her if she’s perhaps worried she’s a shadow of who she used to be and she said that if she is a shadow she is a joyous one, and anyway whoever she was she is her, now, and that’s enough. I inquired about revenge, about unfinished business, about what had filled her with the incessant need to claw her way out from beneath but she just said she’s here to live. I told her about ghosts, about zombies, tried to explain to her how her options lie between horror and tragedy but she just said if those are the stories meant for her then she’ll make another one. I said “isn’t it terribly lonely how in your triumph over death nobody was here to greet you?” and she just looked at me funny and said “what do you mean? The whole world was here, waiting”. Some people, I tell you.

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that comment about how you should not borrow grief from the future has saved me multiple times from spiraling into an inescapable state of anxiety. like every time i find myself thinking about how something in the future could go wrong i remember that comment and i think to myself: well i never know, it might get better. it might not even happen the way i think it will and if it does happen and it is sad and bad ill be sad about it then, when it happens. and it’s somehow soo freeing

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My favorite part about being sapphic is when the things I love about other women become things I love about myself. One day I was tracing another woman’s stretch marks in a dim bedroom light. And then, seemingly by accident, I was doing it to myself in my bathroom mirror. I loved the feeling of a full hand of flesh when I grabbed a woman’s hips, and then mine didn’t need to be so skinny anymore. I looked at a woman’s lower stomach pudge and thought it was so soft and cute, then never wanted a flat stomach again. Loving women can be so healing when you come from a world that doesn’t.

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the sexual tension between me & what i’m capable of

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I am about to walk into a new season of my life filled with

abundance. financial security. new career. + benefits + salary increase joy. love. peace. confidence. purpose. spiritual growth. change. new opportunities. traveling. knowledge. reciprocity. creativity. passion.

Claiming it as if it’s already mine.

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Peaked Interest Oil on canvas 760×1010 #oilpaintingoncanvas #portaitpainting #urbanartists #architectureart #oilpaints (at Johannesburg, South Africa) https://www.instagram.com/p/CVdbXFQN64i/?utm_medium=tumblr

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fluorescent lights, express laundry

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the desire to ruin myself completely and the desire to become fucking perfect is constantly at fight and it’s just so ugghzghzhhszhhhhhg

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#133b2d

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concept: me, laying in the sun on the softest grass imaginable. i have nowhere to go, no one to be

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drawn from x

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yea 😐

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Peace is my priority forgive me if I’m distant

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