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Coworker 1: I swear I’m on like speed right now, I’m all over the place trying to get stuff done

Coworker 2, quietly: I wish I could have some…

Coworker 2: *looks off wistfully into the distance*

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Me: is annoyed my roommate stole some of my dip.

My roommate: walks out with a half eaten box of my candy and throws it on the table in front of me.

Me: dies inside.

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In hindsight, reading cookbooks and dictionaries the way I do novels could have been a hint towards being on the spectrum.

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I will say it’s great for keeping my anxiety down, but I hate to think how many kids are getting away with stuff.

I turned 21 a week ago and I’m deeply concerned that twice this week I was not carded, (once at the actual liquor store and not a restaurant) additionally, the first time I purchased alcohol, she hadn’t planned to until she heard me mention my age…

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I turned 21 a week ago and I’m deeply concerned that twice this week I was not carded, (once at the actual liquor store and not a restaurant) additionally, the first time I purchased alcohol, she hadn’t planned to until she heard me mention my age…

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Me: I need a sun lamp

Also me: *has light sensitivity issues and is a total baby about it*

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It’s so weird sliding through the broad range of what’s considered middle class, because for most of your life you think you’re poor until you meet someone who’s actually poor, but you also get invited to a fancy gala or party at someone’s mansion every third year because one of your parents is working a higher class job at the time or one of your other middle class connections has become a somewhat successful entrepreneur. So like, you know what it’s like to worry about having enough food for the week and cutting the cable to make food more affordable but also you know what it is to wear a $200 dollar dress in a $2 million house while eating caviar and cheese you cannot name.

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My family doesn’t appreciate me enough. My sister forgot to grab something for Mother’s Day, so I put together a bouquet of flowers for her to gift. On multiple occasions I’ve gifted them flowers with cards that explain the symbolism behind the flowers, but they never remember that I know what flowers mean. Anyway, this year I created a bouquet of everlasting motherly love and gratitude and neither of them have bothered to look up the flowers.

It was also the most beautiful bouquet I’ve assembled to date.

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I think one of my more satisfying interactions of the day was when somebody went:

“You’re not in charge,”

And I got to turn around and be like, “actually, I am and here’s why”

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My family whenever I speak another language: Oh my gosh, why you always gotta try to sound like them, you’re not one of them, knock it off, you’re being pretentious... Ugh, she’s so ridiculous. She thinks she sounds cool or something.

Um... maybe because practicing the accent is a natural part of language learning and because it’s harder for native speakers to understand and speak with you when you don’t use the accent.

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Torn between the ideas that I’m not afraid of something because I was introduced to it at such a young age (i.e. clowns), and that I enjoy something most people find scary because it took me so long to be able to experience it (i.e. flights).

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have y’all ever hung out with someone who went to culinary school because they will straight up eat mayo out of a jar and call it a good meal like I’m not remotely picky but I have a basic standards seriously guys you studied international cuisine maybe don’t eat mcdonalds for every third meal

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how the HECK are there people who can go to bed or wake up without having to do anything i literally have to put on glasses take out my retainer and down 3 kinds of medicine before i can leave my bed in the morning

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Imagine not knowing anything about current conspiracies and hearing my family’s conversation

M: They really should just fingerprint you at birth, already have your information ready to go.

D: It’ll all be easier when the microchips are in anyway

M: Don’t worry, the Coronavirus vaccine comes out in a few months

D: I heard it’ll target the cerebral cortex and change existing political biases

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My friend texting me at 1pm to see how I was doing

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we’re not required to keep our cameras on during our zoom classes so tonight i decided to keep it off and use my phone to watch netflix. i accidentally tried to pause the class during the episode’s climax and accidentally unmuted my mic for like .3 seconds. nobody said anything but i’m pretty sure everyone knows.

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update:

last week his mom asked for his phone number and i know that thing by heart now.

i was watching an anime where the main character’s crush gave them their phone number and immediately they had that thing stored in their heart, like they could probably recite it in their sleep…

so i was like, wow, i wonder if i’d be able to do that, like i don’t think i liked this guy yet when i first got his number, but if he gave it to me now, would i have treasured that thing like they did?

and then i remembered a few years ago the boy gave me his email address and i kept that thing locked up in my memory for over a year before i ever wrote it down and i’d periodically recite it to myself just to make sure i still remembered it.

so yeah, i can be just as obsessive as these anime girls.