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survived checking my bank account. i deserve a little treat

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alright i am readyto catch it

toss me the object and i will catch it because im peepared

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& they say romance is dead

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look at my head boy

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*eating wasabi peas next to you on a plane, coughing after every one* *tapping you on the shoulder* That one was hot.

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Turning into an adult is so crazy. I had a nightmare last night about accidentally paying 300 Euros for a slice of ham. I woke up sweating. No one prepares you for that.

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hey guys, what do you think of my dinner?

(choose your words carefully)

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there’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your adam sandler fit

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just watched a pillbug trip on the worlds smallest twig. absolutely fucking embarrassing

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sad they give tissue boxes plastic labia folds but no clitoris

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knuckle tats that say GODS PEED

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the only grind I respect is girls grinding against each other or something. like whatever the mortar and pestle get up to