silverocean1111infj

[silverocean1111infj]

Every time I watch a series that has a romantic story involved, (even If romance is not the main genre of the series which is the case mostly ), every time feels even much lonelier than ever.. How the protagonists love each other in a way that makes you believe that love can exist somehow or somewhere in this world is just very sad...

It is sad how I know that it is all acting and not true, but it still scratches the surface of that bulletproof armor I put around my heart unconsciously as a way to protect it from further damage that could be caused by another human. It scratches and digs deep into the wounds of my heart; it echos a very nonchalant truth. The truth is that not even in a million years that I would be loved that way I see every time on screens, not because I am not worth it, but because love doesn't exist in such a cruel world of materialistic glow only. It hurts so bad that the voices in my head keep shouting "you are lonely", "you'll be lonely forever", "you are not to be loved ever that way",.... etc.

I am not waiting for solace or pity, it is just that I am so fed up of repeating those things inside my head over and over again so I felt like I need to write them down to be able to sleep tonight maybe... Maybe in my dreams I would live that happy love story I can't live awake...

[silverocean1111infj]

That is nice 👉🏻👈🏻

[silverocean1111infj]

My cutie 💜

day 332/547 until joon returns

[silverocean1111infj]

I am Asexual/Pan-romantic and for those who don't understand what is it, it means that I don't get sexually attracted to others... Like, I wouldn't see someone and feel sexually aroused and be like oh my I wanna f*** this person😂 However, sometimes I feel like I might get flexible regarding it IF I met someone and we connected deeply first which might take long and that is fine as it is necessary for me to romantically connect with my significant other first. But I still feel like I wouldn't be 100% into the idea unless I am the Dom in it...

For Pan-romantic, it means that I don't care about the gender of my partner, female, male, non-binary, trans, or whatever their gender is. The most important thing is that we connect romantically, emotionally and spiritually. Also, I am into kisses, hugs, hand holding, cuddling and all those romantic cute stuff.. Being Asexual doesn't need to mean I am not into romance 👉🏻👈🏻

So yeah this is me, and I am single too 😂😂😂

[silverocean1111infj]

Oh my oh my oh myyyy💜💜💜

day 326/547 until joon returns cr. jung-koook

[silverocean1111infj]

I have just finished watching Heartstopper season 3 and what the f***?

What is this ending??!!!!! 😭

I want season 4 NOW😢

[silverocean1111infj]

I can relate A LOT to that :")

I confuse people. i have a happy personality and a sad soul. i'm bold but shy. i love deeply but sometimes i feel heartless. i'm healing and hurting at the same time. i'm dedicated to growth, but i self sabotage

[silverocean1111infj]

" To each his suff'rings: all are men,

Condemn'd alike to groan

The tender for another's pain

Th' unfeeling for his own.

Yet ah! why should they know their fate?

Since sorrow never comes too late,

And happiness too swiftly flies.

Thought would destroy their paradise.

No more; where ignorance is bliss,

'Tis folly to be wise. "

=" Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College " (by: Thomas Gray)