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We looked inside some of the posts by silly-rabbit-trich-is-for-kids and here's what we found interesting.
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it’s not that my ex (neutral) is dating someone new, that in itself is issueless, i wouldn’t want to date her again and as is i’m kinda annoyed with her behavior as a friend. but i want her to be happy and live life, etc etc
also, like, i’m in a sweet and happy relationship and the timing has really been pretty great
so it took me a while to figure out why i still felt weird about her new gf and i realized it’s bc they were close when we were still dating. and it’s been a year, logically it makes sense, but my sensitive little brain is like ‘what if she was cheating on you’. which is a BIG whump to the emotions for me. and again i don’t think it’s the case but i do think it’s the source of the weird feeling. hate that for me :/
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ok like it’s definitely flirting if she sends me food in the mail and recordings of her playing guitar and jokes about living in the same city and works it into conversation that she’s not romantically interested in the girl she had been on a few dates with??? like it’s definitely flirting right?? there’s not a platonic explanation for this? because i am trying to talk myself out of crushing REALLY HARD on someone ACROSS THE COUNTRY
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i got quoted in SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN and i’m yelling about it but 1) it’s anonymous 2) it’s depressing 3) not many irl friends actually know those details
so i will yell to myself!
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hold on a second why am i getting a crush on someone who lives across the country i didn’t sign up for this!!
why is my brand so heavily ‘bros to lovers’
listen idk what’s even going on but she’s really cool and it Could Be Flirting and it Could Be Friendship but i’m kinda enjoying the in-between and if i get to go hang out with her i’ll be happy either way bc we really click
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got royally fucked over/cheated on/abused and came away with a strong belief in the power of love
healthy relationship ends, immediately doubts everything
this SUCKS
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how am i supposed to have faith in love when everything goes right and it STILL ends? like what keeps a relationship together? how are you supposed to trust someone with all of you when not even a perfect relationship is worth sticking with? what’s the point when i did everything i could and i’m still not enough?
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can’t believe i wrote that whole long post and ended it with ‘i dont think thisll happen’ and then it happened less than a day later
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i feel so empty and it’s humiliating to admit that you’re single and i dont like that kind of sad vulnerability so i’m just alone. gonna call my parents soon
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this SUCKS i’ve never been this sad in my entire life it’s the hardest thing i’ve ever felt. healthy breakup hurts even worse bc there’s nothing to be mad at and no one to did anything WRONG it’s just... over
i hate this so much i feel awful and she’s not here to listen anymore. we’re gonna have to split up everything we gathered together, all the books and furniture and kitchenware and memories. and my entire future plan is down the drain. and i don’t have anything to look forward to anymore.
and if i fuck up the healing process i’ll be HORRIBLE because first of all will i ever even get over her or will she always be the one who got away? i feel like i’ll love them forever. and if i want another partner ever in my life (could i ever even find someone as good as D? frankly, doubt it) i have to figure out how to date and now i’ve lost the biggest source of queer community since im post grad. FUCK this.
i know i spiraled last time but last time it was Bad all around and i thought i was unworthy of love but THIS TIME i KNOW i have so much love in me but it just... wasn’t enough. and there was no bad guy. we were healthy and perfect and never once fought or fucked it up. it was so good. and thats so rare. and now i’ve lost it
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Thinking bout how the theatre dept (but not really... bc it’s always just my friend group) gets called a ‘cult’ and ‘secret society’ and ‘exclusive’ when all of that stems purely from the fact that we had to be defensive and my friends were kind and supportive enough to close ranks around me to protect me/us from an ABUSER. and everyone who gets pissy about it chose to associate with that abuser over us. Like sorry I don’t want to talk to people who prioritized that relationship, but no one owes you shit? The ‘theatre department’ didn’t do this to you.
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Ugh I’m just SAD. nothing is distracting and I don’t want to do anything and social media is swamped with activism which is GOOD but I’m so exhausted from participating and I don’t feel like I can talk about my personal burnout and the feeling that I can barely get out of bed and I’ve been losing hours at a time because it’s not relevant to what’s happening rn. idk what else I can do. I just miss my gf and I hate not being able to see her and I wish I had the ability to change that but I can’t because we both live with our PARENTS
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discourse feelings that I won’t post elsewhere:
People really need to remind themselves of a damn common goal
People really need to be critical of the social systems they’ve grown up in before picking hills to die on
It doesn’t make sense for non lesbians to use butch as a sexual/gender identity because I think part of the definition of butch is performing masculinity apart from men. You can be masc all you want and be attracted to who you want, but I don’t think you can be a butch and be attracted to men because you can’t perform butchness for men. They’re exclusive.
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after all this time you’d think I’d be able to you know. NOT have to see my shitty ex pop up on social media. I have all her accounts AND her friends blocked why does this happen
And while I’m here. Let’s just say I’m FRUSTRATED that she got to stay on campus like? She hates it she should never have come back this year. She basically judged my every MOVE and tried to make my life hell.
Remember when she lied about me to Anna to draw her back into the bs and make her frustrate me life more?
Her fucking bit at No Shame where she slandered my friends and used my damn NAME to try and whine about her treatment? Luckily that one backfired on her bc the faculty know I’m not an asshole
Her little attention grabbing stunts? Her literal blackmail to get the roles she wanted in Goodnight moon?
Literally REPORTING me to HRL for a lie, to threaten me through Melissa for a false conduct charge?
Glad she’s still ugly. Bleach blond fried hair soulless eyes sweet potato fry looking ass.
She’s probably still trying to rope people onto her side. All those kids still on campus don’t know how nasty she is yet. Yet. And she’s trying to pull people into her radar desperately.
Not my problem. I’m better than that and every time I see her dumb face it gets easier to let the frustration go. I hate that I still get so angry but it’s far easier to release it now. And so what? Her opinion doesn’t matter. I never have to see her again. I have healthy relationships on a personal and professional level and I made it through- with honors may I add!
It’d be great if she could truly stay out of my business, but it’s time to evict her from my head. She doesn’t get the chance any more no matter how much she tries.
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really interesting life developments... stopped shaving my legs which is #freeing and my leg hair? luxurious. tryin to reach the point where i toss the razor officially but i also personally dislike deodorant + armpit hair (yeah yeah societal pressure that too but i’ve been doing a Lot of thinking about why i haven’t stopped already) so i might explore with some new deodorants before i can hit that milestone.
Also, i dont hate my boobs anymore!! BIG shock since i’ve wanted to get rid of them since they showed up. I don’t suddenly love them and im DEFINITELY not about to ~flaunt~ em, but their mere existence doesn’t bother me like it always has. Big leap forward for body positivity in my book! I’m starting to be able to look at my body and accept it as my own for the first time, and THAT’S butch self love. Having some problems with the desire to be thin now, since i lost so much weight this past winter and i know, societally, i ‘look better’ this way. And i’m healthy still which is what matters but i’m promising myself that i will NOT change my diet to ‘stay thin’.
I do want to develop some more upper body/arm muscle and i’m looking forward to being stronger. Also, shallowly- dyke bicep hot and i would like to have it.
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I think i’m moving towards ‘i love you’ territory again... the being in love kind... which is very exciting and sweet and im SO happy but far more cautious altho it is weird holding back non-romantic ‘ily’s for me... it’s fine bc we’re on the same page though!!
i didn’t expect this after like 6 months... but its fantastic. and i dont want to lose it again. i commit... maybe too hard... but hold on tight bc here i go again!
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also! Also! It’s easy to brush off like, first years who lowkey flirt w me because I’m just tryna make friends and I can 1) pretend I don’t see it and 2) just continue not making any moves because they’re too shy to do anything so it’ll just stagnate
But when it’s one of my close friends! And it could potentially affect friendship! When I am still healing and not ready to be in a new relationship or do things! It’s like.... scarier. Bc I don’t wanna lose ppl I care about.
Also I hate the way my past relationship could affect future ones bc I’m not ‘getting over’ it in that I still have Romantic Feelings, but it still has a huge impact on my heart and my TIME bc I have to deal with H&A and their issues bleed into my life every single day. I could like, give wholehearted affection to someone and I don’t think it would be a rebound phase but it wouldn’t be fair to another person to be with me when I’m still coping with the past like this.
Also the people??? Like I care about them SO MUCH. (1 hasn’t said anything but like.... I feel the vibes and it’s kinda scary bc I don’t want to have to let her down bc it’ll hurt her a lot. she rebounding onto me) the other... like if there’s anyone I’d have feelings for it’d be her. & I’m so proud of her for being honest with me and valuing our friendship so deeply and I feel awful cause I think I accidentally led her on and I didn’t even SEE it until it was too late. But like! I think we could be good together and I might be attracted to her a little?? but also how much is projection bc I know her feelings so I get weirdly reciprocal? But I think I’m making the right choice and friendship always comes first. I don’t wanna jeopardize that in any way.
And it’s damn scary when you’re having a Feelings conversation and you’re just trying to say the right things and it’s hard and vulnerability is hard and I don’t wanna hurt people!!!
It’s so weird like. I want to say yes to her. Is it too late now? Too late if I realize in a few days or weeks? Idk. The thing is, the thing that tipped me off last time was ‘would I be jealous to see her with someone else’ and like?? I don’t think I would be, I definitely HAVENT been, but am I about to get that way?? Is it gonna be that weird reciprocation?
Forcing a relationship is not good and I don’t plan on doing that. Especially not when things are shit with ex at the moment.
But... I want... something ?
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