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It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

This is one of 28 images I made for a Sailor Moon project that will be released soon! I will be posting more about the project on here~

Cheers, ~Joy

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hotaru wishes she could stop crying. but the tears continue to flow, falling too fast, too countless to do anything other than let them. it makes her appreciate his silence even more. she can pretend that he won’t think less of her for them, think of her as weak for being so openly torn apart by his absence. she certainly wouldn’t blame him if he did. 

she expects to react when his arms encircle her. she’s ready to give voice to her objections, to press her palms into his arms & push, to demand answers for what gives him the right to hold her as if all is well. but she doesn’t. she can’t. for all the resistance she thinks she’ll have, hotaru allows herself to sink into the familiar warmth of kai, inhaling deeply & almost immediately choking on the nostalgia, the sorrow, the uncertainty. how is he always so warm ? her own arms hover over her chest, crushed in the space between them, but the slight ache is a welcome almost-distraction. 

❝ i was so … so upset with you, ❞ she whispers, almost apologetic, as if she should never have been. as if her anger had been unjustified, festering inside her & growing sharper than any knife she’s ever known. it’s duller now, certainly. but that doesn’t mean the cuts left behind have stopped bleeding. no, they’ve become more shallow, certainly - taking more & more exertion to wound her again. but they’ve never gone away, not completely. no bandage or gauze could ever heal the heart that kai’s fragmented in his absence, could ever soothe the despair turned ire turned resignation that’s lingered in her chest for so long. 

❝ i cried and i got angry but - but - ❞ & the words catch, caught in her throat, snagging on embarrassment & hesitation & the knowledge that once she speaks them aloud, gives them her voice, she can never take them back, but she can’t bring herself to lie to him - even now, she needs him to know - ❝ i just wanted you to come back. ❞

& that admission destroys the seal on the last dam of her emotions, tears coming faster, breath hitching as a sob catches in the back of her throat & she tries to swallow it, but she can’t. ❝ i missed you, i missed you so much - ❞ & she cannot bear the weight of his attention, cannot risk his gaze, burying her face in the juncture of his shoulder if only because there’s nowhere else for her to go. its humiliating, really. hotaru has never been known to allow herself to be so emotional in the presence of anyone, let alone someone who could not comprehend the weight that burdens her as a soldier. her arms are around him before she can stop herself, grasping the material of his shirt as if her fingers alone could hold him, keep him, prevent him from running away from her again. because she isn’t sure she could carry the heaviness of that grief a second time. 

what has this boy done to her ?

                                    He knew that nothing he was saying would be enough to forgive him for what he done. Kai did not DESERVE any forgiveness. The fact that she was willing to even hear him out & not just slam the door in his face & rightfully so. What he done & the way he did was INEXUSABLE, plain & simple. Rei was right, they weren't children anything & he was responsible for his own actions & feelings. No one else to DESERVES to be on the receiving end of his disregard.

                                & then, it happened. There was no way to escape his crime anymore for it was his negligence & disregard that brought him to this point. & she was nothing more than a CASUALITY of it all. Her tears fell; nothing else mattered to him in that instance. Not the tournament, not blading, not dranzer, not being the best. Its really UNFORTUNATE that in order to put priorities in order those that weren't before need to be burned. 

                           HANG HIM FOR THIS TRANSGRESSION! How dare he make her this way! & what does he have to say for himself? Well...what can he say? They were past the point of sorry & I'll never do it again. The best he could do, no, the only right thing to do was to let her get it all out in whatever way she saw fit. There was no RIGHT & WRONG in this instance.

                         & the more she cried into him & the more he made himself reflect on what he could have done different. Would have truly been that different to let her know BEFORE he left? A simple 'I am doing this thing & will be radio silent until we come back' would have been a thought REGULAR PEOPLE would have easily. Having to navigate this pesky thing love was becoming the most CHALLENGEING thing he'd had to work out to date. But, for her, it meant she'd never have to cry again because of him (OF ALL PEOPLE) he'd do anything.

                       He had a bit of a height difference on her & as she continued to curse his name Kai stayed silent. It was his signature & many people thought him rude for it. But, in the silence he listened. He observed & took mental notes. He did the same thing here because this CANNOT happen again. Not by him. Not by anyone. His hair continued to cover his eyes but Kai's gaze was still intense; he looked angry but to at her, never her.

                      Why wasn't she shoving him away? Why wasn't she telling him to leave & never come back? What wasn't she doing to him what he was SURE he deserves? It didn't make sense to him & that in it of itself, is a problem. It was not her job to teach him how to treat her. SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. He knew that. He royally FUCKED up. ❛ If I wanted to break up, I wouldn't show my face to you ever again. But...I fear there is nothing I can do to fix this. ❜ His tone, SOMBER. His demeanor, DESPONDENT. HE HAD TO ADMIT DEFEAT. ❛ I already lost you...didn't I? ❜

                      Kai didn't wait for an answer out of fear of being proven right. He instead, allowed instinct to take over. This was probably the last time they would ever be like this & to end it in such a manner most UNBECOMING. He had to give her what she deserved. She had a right to it & not even he can keep it from her. Kai stepped alittle closer & almost shadowed her. Without thinking about it & not caring what will come to for doing it, Kai allowed his arm to wrap around Hotaru & envelope her in his embrace. Against his chest he held firm & in her neck his face buried. Any minute she'll push & kick him away & that will be ok. He braced himself for it but not before saying what needed to be said.

                    ❛ I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry. ❜

                                                                       (LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!)

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❝ GUILTY ?! i'm not guilty of anything -- ! ❞

@silencedglaive said: ........... is this a threat -

“ Tsk tsk... suspicion always plagues the guilty mind...~ ”

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hi it isn't done yet but @isaworks made me a new theme + carrd for hotaru, commissioned as a birthday gift for me from @blazingsourpuss & i am SO in love with it PLEASE LOOK HOW PRETTY IT IS but also don't judge me bc the carrd isn't finished yet

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immediately, her lips draw to a purse, their corners quirking down in a flicker of disapproval. what a silly suggestion. 

❝ you’re right - that was rather blunt, ❞ she asserts with a small huff, the rigidity of her posture returning as she shifts, heels hard against the ground. ❝ i’m delivering them as a favor to a dear friend of mine. what kind of person would i be if i agreed and then tried to force this task on someone else ? ❞ 

& she would never have agreed if she were concerned about the physical exertion the task would require. it’s more than a body as seemingly frail as her own would normally endure, but there’s value in pushing your limits every so often, isn’t there ? at least, she would like to believe as much. not that this mission is one for her benefit regardless.  ❝ besides, they’re gifts. for children. ❞ hotaru speaks slowly with clear emphasis, as though she should need no further explanation. she forces her shoulders to fall, hoping to relieve the tension she can already feel building in response to her own apprehension & the strain of her endeavor. maybe she should’ve waited a little longer before allowing herself a break. ❝ it feels nice to know this could make even one of them feel better, even if just for a minute or two. ❞

His eyes wandered down at the packages once more, regarding them for a brief moment before he'd look back up at the girl. She clearly didn't appear to be the type to be carrying this many packages... In a way, it was nearly impressive she had even managed to make it this far at all.

Naturally, it was not his business to judge a book by its cover, nor was it up to him to lecture her - a complete stranger - on whether or not she should be carrying this much. Despite having merely pointed out that she looked like she could have used a hand, Sebastian made no effort to rise to his feet and actually assist her ( yet...). This is what humans strive for after all, no? Push boulders uphill for little-to-no reward?

Glancing in the direction of the hospital she mentioned, Sebastian let out a small hum in acknowledgment before turning his eyes back to her - and her bags. “ ... This might come off as rather blunt, ” He warned, crimson eyes reflecting uncertainty mixed with silent wonder. “ It is a rather lengthy way, and you are clearly struggling given how exhausted you appear to be. All for the sake of delivering something you easily could have paid someone else to do it for you. Why? ”

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“Death is the fairest thing in the world. No one’s ever gotten out of it. The earth takes everyone - the kind, the cruel, the sinners. Aside from that, there’s no fairness on earth.”

— Svetlana Alexievich, Voices from Chernobyl: The Oral History of a Nuclear Disaster (via lilys)

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mother,  i  have  pasts inside  me  i  did  not  bury  properly.  some  nights,  your  daughter  tears  herself  apart  yet  heals  in  the  morning. / ©

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Mistress 9 (Sailor Moon)

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♄ 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝐈𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌?

a child’s laugh.

your voice carries a melody. a secret. you are pure. you know pain. you look it in the face and smile. nothing you do will stop it. you will embrace it, let it change you. there’s nothing else you can do. you’re just a kid.

tagged by: @acollapsar ( thank u ! ) tagging: @rosahope @vtriol @yinbug @fatechose @sleetsong

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halloween/fall starters ! 🎃

masterlist of autumn and halloween themed sentence starters! 

​❝ i made pumpkin cookies! want to try one? ❞

​❝ thanks for bringing me to this fall festival. ❞

​❝ let’s go to the fall carnival! ❞

​❝ let’s go get a pumpkin frappucino! ❞

​❝ do you wanna go walk in the leaves with me? ❞

❝ did you cut yourself carving the pumpkin? let me see it. ❞

​❝ how does my pumpkin look? ❞

​❝ we can go get hot chocolate after this movie? ❞

​❝ want to go to this halloween party with me after school? ❞

❝ stay still i’m almost done with your costume. ❞

​❝ let’s paint pumpkins. ❞

❝ hurry up! we’re going to be late for the costume party! ❞

❝ help me decorate! ❞

​❝ let’s open some windows, okay? ❞

​❝ it’s starting to rain… ❞

​❝ bring a jacket! ❞

​❝ i didn’t expect it to get so cold. can i borrow your jacket? ❞

​❝ do we really need to go to a pumpkin patch? can’t we just buy one at the store? ❞

​❝ let’s go pick pumpkins! ❞

​❝ it’s chilly out here, you need a coat. take mine. ❞

​❝ you sound sick. are you sick? ❞

​*throws leaves on your head*

*sneeze* ​❝ sorry, allergies. ❞

​❝ wanna go out for halloween? ❞

​❝ looks like it’s time to rake the leaves… ❞

​❝ let’s go get hot chocolate then go for a walk. ❞

​❝ let’s go trick-or-treating! ❞

❝ let’s go jump in the leaves! ❞

​❝ come in here where it’s dry! ❞

​❝ it’s dark?! already?! ❞

​❝ ooh it’s chilly out. ❞

​❝ please, enough with the pumpkin spice. ❞

​❝ good morning. no, don’t get up, it’s raining, let’s stay in bed a little longer… ❞

❝ did you hear about the werewolf/vampire/witch roaming around this town on halloween night? ❞

❝ let’s go to the haunted house! oh, please, please, please, please?! ❞

❝ i don’t get scared. i’m practically fearless. ❞

❝ did you hear that? ❞

❝ we have to get out of here! ❞

❝ are you going to hide in my shoulder the whole time? or actually watch the movie? ❞

❝ i’m not going in a graveyard. ❞

❝ what did you get? ❞

❝ want to trade candy? ❞

❝ i got a rock. ❞

❝ don’t blame me! it was your idea to come in here! ❞

❝ what are you going as for halloween this year? ❞

❝ i just can’t wait for halloween! ❞

❝ you should totally buy that costume! ❞

❝ trick or treat! ❞

❝ happy halloween! ❞

❝ happy fall! ❞

❝ i wanna make sure that my jack-o-lantern is the best! ❞

❝ i’ll race you through the corn maze! ❞

❝ that guy in the gorilla costume has been following us for the past ten blocks. ❞

❝ aww come on! it was a prank! ❞

❝ please, please, PLEASE no scary movie marathon! ❞

❝ that wasn’t funny! ❞

❝ i keep tripping over my costume. ❞

❝ i’m not sure we should go down that street. ❞

❝ no fair! your costume is getting you more candy. ❞

❝ faster! we need to get to all of the houses! ❞

❝ forget being ‘too old’ to trick or treat. i’m doing this forever! ❞

❝ i don’t like these woods. ❞

❝ i just saw something! ❞

❝ look at that intestine cake! ❞

​❝ i’ll trade you candy. ❞

❝ i’m a real vampire. ❞

❝ do you think stuff really happens on halloween? like..supernatural stuff. ❞

❝ i made us matching costumes! ❞

❝ i think i just saw something move outside your window…is someone watching us? ❞

❝ you’re not going to make me carve this pumpkin all by myself, are you? ❞

❝ did you hear there’s a masquerade ball this halloween? let’s go! ❞

❝ you shouldn’t go out there! ❞

❝ s-scared? me? i’m not..scared. ❞

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“ur so quiet” thanks i do not want to talk to you

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💢💢💢

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be honest....what do you really see in kai?

( be honest. / accepting ! )

well, this certainly wasn’t an ideal question. especially not right now. hotaru still isn’t quite sure where she stands with the young man mentioned, the very thought of the strain between them making the space in her chest tighten. 

& it isn’t the first time this has been asked. her best friend, her parents, hell, even kai’s friends, on occasion - everyone seemed to want to know what she saw in the young blader. she’s always shrugged them off. that’s far easier than explaining why her heart still manages to skip a beat or two each time that deep ruby gaze met hers. hotaru allows herself the opportunity to take a slow breath, eyes averting to the floor. 

❝  more than anyone else who knows him, it seems, ❞ she answers, a hint of ice clinging to the words. she normally didn't allow herself to get defensive when this topic came into conversation. but she’s still so frazzled about everything between the two of them … 

❝  i see that he’s passionate. about … about anything he wants to be passionate about. and i’ve always admired that about him. it’s honestly very refreshing to see someone so … determined. ❞ there’s pride in her tone, but it’s tinted. shadowed by a hint of bitterness. that same passion, that same determination, that drive of his to dedicate himself to that which matters most to him - it’s why they’re in this strange limbo now, isn’t it ? she tries not to think about it too much.

❝ even if others don’t think so - and he would certainly never admit to it himself - he can be kind. and maybe he shouldn’t have been kind to me when we first met, but he was. and he has no idea how much that meant to me in that moment. ❞ there’s a pause, the faintest of smiles flickering over her lips. she still feels silly sometimes, reflecting on their first interactions, her persistence even in the face of his confusion & frustration. hardly a romantic scenario. 

❝  he’s exactly who he says he is - which is also very refreshing. he’s very intelligent and so well-read. on the days where he’s feeling talkative, he just … has the most fascinating perspectives. unique ideas, ones that often challenge my own, and he can be so clever about it ! i’ve loved reading things in his library, just to have something new to hear him talk about. i'm sure he knows i’ve been sneaking a few books with me after i visit, but he’s never said anything, so he probably doesn't mind. ❞ then, a waver - her confidence falters. a few months ago, she could’ve made that statement with certainty. now … now she isn’t quite so sure. 

realizing how long she’s been talking, a rush of pink colors her cheeks. hotaru tucks a curtain of rich black behind her ear, the vibrancy in her violet hues melting away alongside her enthusiasm. 

❝  … i think those reasons are more than enough. at least, they always have been for me. ❞

damn it. she misses him.

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