signefaine

[signefaine]

I will write here, so I may be honest and true, and not be concerned with others telling me what I must feel and must not, can say and cannot…

I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going on.

I know I promised. I promised I would never make a premature exit stage right. Because I have seen the pain it gives to everyone left behind. The guilt, the questions, the what-if’s and the if-only’s and why-didn’t-I’s that are even worse than a normal exuent brings. And because I honor vows that are that solemn…I cannot break it.

But. But.

There are always work arounds, aren’t there…? Forever and for always work arounds…death by cop. (Which I would never. Honestly that goes right up there with the first vow but I use it as an example.) I am just that tired that these things start to actually appear in my consciousness. Because I have been dealing with this physical monster of pain for over two decades now. It isn’t getting any better. It ebbs and flows. And it is slowly getting worse and I am so very tired…tired of dealing with the macrocosmos and microcosmos that doesn’t get it. The mediocre relationships that exist until they wither on the vine, or else disappear.

Waiting for the dogs to die so I can get my life/house back because I am trapped in the bedroom with them at night, and sometimes during the day. No one wants to take care of them but me, and many times I don’t want to deal with them either. I know how horrible that sounds. I do. They are going on 13 and 12. They are old, cranky, and barky. One of them will destroy whatever he takes a shine to, even though he was taught not to…both of these dogs were well trained. But they are just…dogs, these days. Not bad dogs. But not good ones, either…just another lash for my back, bringing me no joy or happiness…I cannot even get a full night’s sleep anymore, because they are waking up at least once if not twice at night, needing to go outside…I know they aren’t sick. I don’t want to euthanize them just for being old. I just wish they would move on to the Happy Hunting Grounds so I could have some peace.

Mediocre sex. No matter how often I tell him what I like, he listens, and then doesn’t really follow through. Because what I like…he doesn’t. It doesn’t turn him on. He tries, a bit, but doesn’t put any mental work into it. But then, what can I expect from a man that *still hasn’t read the book I published?* I even put his foot into admitting that there are other things more important for him to read…like Reddit. And watching YouTube videos. Because while he will tell me “You’re such a good writer” he can’t be arsed to read it…

My kids don’t value me because I was a stay-at-home mother so really, what can I possibly know? The fact I have a graduate degree, so what? I never “did anything with it” because I had no real career. All the jobs I did before kids, that was decades ago. And obviously my brain is mush. Anything I have learned along the way is meaningless. I know nothing of value. All I do is cost money (that I am sure they see as being better spent on them). And I don’t bring anything in. Because that’s the value of a life, isn’t it? How much you’ve earned?

All the things I thought I would have been able to do by now, or have gotten to visit, and I have not, because there is no money…and yes, yes, I know there is one thing that happened last year that I thought I would never have…and I did. And it is marvelous and I am so glad and grateful for it…but I also know exactly how much it cost, and I am also (perhaps projecting?) sensing resentment from the kids that the money was spent for what they see as money wasted on mom’s vanity. Hubs doesn’t see it that way, even though I do not think he is nearly as overjoyed with it as I am…(Ok. I needed an abdominoplasty because of complete diastasis recti…but the breast reconstruction was a bolt out of the blue, and I am beyond thrilled with outcome. Yes my back and neck are still fuckstains but not having the extra weight in the front? VALHALLA.)

It would be so god damn easy to have an accident. So fucking easy. Whoops. There goes mom again.

I don’t want to…I want to be like I was right before I went to see Betrayal. I was excited and happy and looking forward to the future…and now, I can’t even see as far as next week. I don’t even care.

Tired. Tired. Tired.

To die, to sleep—

No more—and by a sleep to say we end

The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to. ’tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish’d.

Play it again, Will. Play it again

[signefaine]

If I write here, will anyone see it? Will it be as invisible as I am? Can it be my place to call out into the unhearing universe?

[signefaine]

The Alpha and the Omega

This dream, it keeps coming to me of nights, and so I stop my wanderings, and put these notions to paper. I know these people not.

Nights before battles were always tense, it has ever been so, and this was no exception.

Loki paced in his tent, sweating lightly, unable to calm the usual sense of adrenaline that was coursing through his veins. It was unreasonable for him to be so unsettled, and it angered him. He was a seasoned battled commander. His troops were ready, eager for the fight that awaited them, and though it would be fierce, their cause was just (not that it mattered, for their part, but for him, it did...mostly), and his planning was perfect. They would have everything to their advantage...the terrain. His tactics...their obedience was unquestionable. He would return victorious, and Thor would be once again see that he had done the correct thing by retaining him, Loki, as his Right Hand...

But why, in the name of all the Nine, was he so ill at ease?

It was the first time since he wed, it was true, that he was off to war. But his bride, Lordiss, was no shrinking violet, for all that she was such an unexpected gift to him...he stopped his frenetic movement, his face softening as he cast his thoughts back to her...so many things had changed since he met his Vanir sorceress, the Omega to his Alpha...she matched wits with him, challenged him, never giving quarter...for all that she was the softness to his steel, she did not yield easily, and he loved her all the more for it. When they discovered each other at a secluded Scholastica for Sorcery, buried deep within Vanaheim’s forests...it was two puzzle pieces snapping into place. He did not know he was an an Alpha, completely ignorant of the the Alpha/Omega universe and dynamic. They were thought to be completely extinct. She knew she was one of the few Omega left in the Nine, and kept her unique position close to her heart...it was a position of power, even as it could be seen as a deep flaw of weakness in her makeup. She had studied the deep magical lore she could wield, if she could only find the right mate. In Loki of Asgard and Jotenheim, she found her match, immediately. No more suppressing her true self...just as he no longer had to mask his Alpha tendencies he had often thought were deficiencies in his character. Tinder met flint...they met. They fell. They bedded. They wed.

Thor was furious, for Thor. Loki had not asked for so much as a by-your-leave, and Loki was officially his heir. Marrying a no one from Vanaheim threw major kinks into diplomatic relations with all the realms, but Loki gave not a single fuck, so to speak, and Thor knew it. Once he saw how perfectly matched his brother was with his new bride, and the contentment she brought to him, Thor soon was mollified. He loved his brother, and after all, a contented Loki was infinitely easier to bear than an irascible, irritable, scowling God of Mischief who was his chief adviser, diplomat and tactician in times of war, as now.

Loki drummed his fingers on the crude wooden table he had fabricated with his seidr...he should have doffed his armor, and be seeking his bed, and some form of rest. Once the darkest hour before dawn arrived, he would be donning it once more, and preparing for attack...and yet...he was struggling with this deep, restless certainty that something was gravely amiss...

:Loki...:

He spun, daggers in hand immediately. He had shielded his tent and campfire completely, no one was to gain entry, and yet there was a voice, a presence behind him, who could have breached his wards...?!

Standing behind him, with a wry smile, was none other than his bride, Lordiss...

“Lordiss,” he croaked with a tight throat and chest. “Are you real, or are you a Sending?” He reached out quickly, although his hands were shaking. What could have brought his wife to attempt such magic, on the eve of battle, so close to the enemy...

“It is I, husband...” She reached out, and clasped his seeking hand with hers, clasping it so he could feel the warmth and strength of her grasp. “Across the distance, I could sense your unease, and came to comfort you. You should not be so restless...what troubles you, my heart? Come, you should be in your bed, mean and rustic as it is...let me hold you awhile.”

“Are you mad, or have you gone simple?” He raged, even as he took Lordiss to his chest and held her tightly. “Whatever possessed you to come to me, this close to enemy lines, and...our son, you left him...our child, and my heir, he is just a babe...”

“Our son is safe, you numpty.” Only his wife could say such things to him and survive. Anyone else would have lost their life for such open mockery, even though it was said with such loving tenderness. “Think you I would abandon any child, let alone our infant son, without the strongest of spells protecting him? The slightest hint of him stirring will whisk me back. You forget, my Prince, to whom you speak...I may be your wife, and your Omega, but I am also the Omega Goddess...and I protect my family, and what is mine.” Her eyes flashed momentarily. It was one of the things he loved about her...she was skilled in her craft, and brooked disrespect from no one, let alone him.

Loki bowed his head slightly, resting it atop his wife’s curly hair, which was as wild and unruly as ever. “You still have not made me understand how you are here, my seidr has set up the strongest of wards...”

“And you are my Alpha...my husband...and father of my only son. I felt your need, and I am here. There is nothing that can keep me from you, Loki...and it would do you well to remember that. I respect you, and will never intrude or interfere in your duties...but when I feel your need, I will always come.” Lordiss looked up at him, her eyes hot and her breasts heaving with the fierceness of her commitment to him. “And what is more...I have need of you, this night. Come to bed with me, Loki of Asgard. Let me care for you. Let me bring you some release from this tension, so you may find some rest...”

Without fear or awkwardness, her hands reached out to cup and stroke his manhood through his armor, and his body responded, as it always did, rising to her touch. “Lordiss...goddess, woman, I am in the middle of an army, surrounded by thousands of soldiers! I cannot simply...”

“None shall hear. You can, and you will...because I have need of you. Will you deny your Omega, Alpha, when she comes to you in need?”

Those were potent words, a challenge, and well she knew it. Loki’s eyes became hooded, as his swelled under her caressing fingers, and he quickly pushed her back against his modest bed. The only care he had taken with it was to ensure it was large enough to fit his long frame, but now he extended it to fit both of their bodies. “Woman, I simply do not understand, why you feel the need for a tumble now, of all times...” he groaned as he tugged at her clothes, and she divested them both of their garments with a quick charm, bringing another moan from his throat.

Their son was less than a year, and her body showed signs of carrying him still, which aroused his lust further...her belly still rounded and soft, and her breasts still ripe, and full from feeding his voracious appetite, as she refused the services of a wet nurse, much to his erotic delight. “I am going to have you fill me so completely with your seed that you are going to go into battle bone dry,” she growled, rubbing her wet nether lips across his straining cock. “You will be able to ride your horse as hard as you must, because I am going to ride you, tonight...”

“Gods...!” He gasped in utter delight and shock. True, the passion between them was fiery and scorching, but to have her suddenly appear like this, to be so blatantly wanton and eager...he wasn’t going to question! But it was almost enough to make him wish to be going into battle more frequently, as her mouth descended upon him, and began to make good her promise...like a succubus, she fell upon him and did not stop her ministrations, licking, bobbing, sucking, even as he cried out her name, his hands caught up in her luxurious hair, her mouth engulfing him so completely that he could see and feel the bulge in her throat.

“Lordiss...gonna...oh my wife, you...cumming! Gods!” She looked up at him, her eyes sultry, and continued to lick and suck, her nose buried in his curly hair, breathing in his scent, swallowing him down, and gentling his high as he continued to thrust up against her until eventually he slowed, and became still...

Only then did this...vixen, that was somehow his bride, release him to slowly slide up against his panting form. “Are you feeling better now, my dearest? Do you think you can rest, now...?”

“No, I do not believe I am quite able to say I have slaked everything you have aroused in me just yet...” Loki answered her with a hot, filthy grin as he quickly rolled her over, and pinned her to the bed. “You have...come, all this way, and the least I can do is return the favor, my indulgent, dearest, most giving bride...”

Provocatively, Lordiss arched her hips up against her husband, panting with the exertion of her efforts of earlier, as well as with her own needs. “All I am hearing are words, words, words...”

“I’ll give you words,” he snarled, and pierced her with one quick stroke, causing her to keen with pleasure. She was wet, aching with repressed desire, and he shuddered as he found her swollen and hot, so ready for him already.

“Norns, Lordiss, you are positively drenched,” he groaned. “What...? Why...?”

“Too many words, my love...fill me...I need you, ah, gods, Loki, my own, please...!”

Within half a dozen hard pumps, Loki could sense her walls fluttering around him already, and she was crying out incoherently, shaking her head back and forth. “No, please...stop, wait...!”

This was enough, always enough, to have him still. “Lordiss? What is it, am I hurting you?”

“Get up...I want to be on top...in your lap...please...”

Quickly, he allowed her to be in the position she requested. With a beatific smile, she soon had him tightly within her again, but now she whispered in his ear, “Look down...and watch, as you enter me, my love...see how well my body receives you...!” As he did so, he let out a loud groan, watching his length pierce her lips, and felt her shuddering in delight again...and then...and then...

Lordiss took his head sweetly in her hands, and drew it to her breast, murmuring, “Drink me down, my husband, my Alpha, my love, as you cum...oh, my Loki...! Cumming me...! Drink me down! Ah! Ah! Ahhhh...!! I love you!!”

As Loki felt her walls clamp down on him like a vise, her body’s natural let-down reflex began, and his mouth was instantly filled with the sweetest milk he had ever drawn from her, and to such an extent he almost sputtered on it...eagerly he drank from her, and the more he suckled, it seemed the harder his wife came on his cock, crying out in the loudest, most uninhibited ecstasy he could every recall, if he could think...He was now forming a knot, which easily popped into her body, unlike before...Loki did not always knot with every orgasm, but now he was tightly joined with Lordiss and soon cumming as well, jerking up into his convulsing wife who was incoherent with bliss, filling the area between her thighs with his spend as completely as she was filling his belly with her rich, warm milk, which was somehow even more satisfying and erotic than he ever, ever recall...

How long this went on, neither of them could say...it seemed as though their orgasms were endless, so profound and shattering they were...

But eventually, their cries, and their strainings, lessened, grew gentler. Loki’s head fell back, his eyes closed. There was a trickle spilling from the corner of his lips, and Lordiss’s face was enraptured, smeared with euphoria. He leaned back limply into his pillows, taking his wife’s body with him, even as she still warmed his slowly deflating cock.

“Lordiss...that was...are you...did I...”

“I am well, my Alpha. Better than well...and I will stay right here, and now you are forced to rest, until I can move away...and I have no desire to do so.”

All Loki could do was mutter a hum, and then a snore. Lordiss giggled. This was very like her husband, and she was quite pleased with the way things turned out...she had her reasons for summoning all of her skills to travel so far, break through his spells and appear. She had felt his agitation, and knew the source of it. She felt guilty because of it...and now, at least, she had solved part of the problem...

With a push of her own seidr, she waved her fingers, and a flask appeared, bearing her personal crest. Should Loki feel the need for sustenance whilst on the field, he would have his own...personal refreshment, none of that nasty mead or dirty water for her Prince. No. What she had to offer him was powerful, and she would explain it to him later.

Much later...

But soon, she knew she had to nudge her beloved, and with much regret she did so... “My Prince. It is time to rise. You must prepare, and I must away.”

With the discipline of centuries, Loki was immediately alert. “Yes. You must leave, immediately. And we will discuss this, upon my return, Lordiss, do not think we will not!”

She merely smiled, and kissed his cheek, as she cast a spell to refresh the air in the tent, which now reeked of their activities...because she brought with her clothing the scents of lavender, vanilla, and honey, if nothing else, and there was definitely “something else” heavy in the atmosphere. She also gestured to the flask. “Drink that, and you will never grow faint, lose focus, or your alertness...forgo mead. You will find it keeps your wits as sharp as...well. It will not fail you.”

Loki’s eyes narrowed, and he unfastened the stopper. After sniffing the contents, his pupils dilated. “Lordiss...”

“No one will notice. Remember who and what I am, and have faith in my abilities. I have faith in yours. Kiss me, and I am gone. I will see you when you return in triumph...I await your return in our bedchambers.”

Passionately, Loki grabbed his wife, even as he was still nude, and she was already clothed. He kissed her deeply...and she stepped away, smiled...and was gone. She did not fade, or shimmer. One moment she was in his vision. The next, she was not. 

Loki shook his head, with a wide grin on his face.

“What manner of a woman have I married?” He asked himself aloud, looking around at his empty tent, remembering how he was so anxious before, and now he was completely confident, raring and eager to begin this battle, so he could return home to the bewitching creature that he had wed...

He flung open the flap doors, ready to roust his aide de camp and everyone else that had the misfortune to caught asleep. It was time to go to war. It would be a difficult, challenging battle, and he would glory in every moment of it, because how dared these imbecilic scum challenge his might? They would be routed, and schooled. No one would make this mistake again.

Lordiss was right.

He was able to ride his steed without fear, because she had rode him so skillfully the night before...legends were made that day, of how the great Prince Loki rode like a madman...the enemy saw him coming, and many of them fled in fear from the sight of him alone...those that were close enough to see him throughout the bloody day caught him taking tiny sips from a small flask that obviously held some great magic potion, because each time he brought it from his lips, he was always re-energized, with the strength of ten. His eyes would fairly blaze, and he would have new insights on how to further accelerate the rout his plans and the army’s might were already creating. What he had hoped would take at least a full day’s worth of hard fighting was completed by early afternoon, and by that point he had obtained a full surrender, with minimum Asgardian casualties. High on his success, he drafted a message of this victory and had it sent to King Thor, who arrived shortly thereafter to accept the defeat of the vanquished, and to celebrate with the valiant army.

As ever, King Thor’s Right Arm, Leader of the Vanguard, gave not two shits about the pageantry and pomp of the celebrations...he wanted nothing more than to get his troops back home.

He wanted to get himself home. Battlefield carousing was never his style and never would be. Yet there was work to be done, and it took a full three days for everything to be completed before he and and his army could return to Asgard...

When he led the victory procession into the palace, he looked up hopefully towards the palace dais, wishing to see Lordiss to welcome him. Yet, it niggled at his mind. She had been so very specific... “Look for me in our bedchambers,” she had said. Rather ill form, that. She would know she should be present here, to publicly celebrate his return, just as she had been there to see him away...there would be very few things that would excuse her from this duty.

One would be childbirth, which would be out of the question. Three days would not give her that excuse, he had just seen her, not that anyone knew that, and he knew she was not giving birth...

Another would be illness...and again, he had just seen her, hale and hearty...

His gut clenched as his eyes flickered about...whom had she sent in her stead?

There. Standing with her head bowed in patient humility (although it made him roll his eyes so vigorously he could see behind him, but needs must) was her second-best lady. Brigyd.

Hold.

Second-best.

So, where was Alva?

Lordiss did not stir without Alva at her side...

Loki barely dismounted before he was at Brigyd’s side. “Lordiss. Alva. Where are they?” He spoke quietly, but tersely. He did not wish to create more of a scene than he already had, more than Lordiss’ absence had undoubtedly created.

“Your lady wife is unwell, Prince Loki, and Alva is attending her, but she will recover,” Brigyd was serene, but he could sense the flicker of anxiety beneath her poise. “She is resting in your bedchambers, Your Grace...”

Loki was striding down the halls before she was even finished.

Unwell? Unwell?

When he reached his suite of rooms, he was even more dismayed to see the rooms had guards posted by Lordiss’ personal men-at-arms. What the almighty fuck was taking place that Lordiss felt the need to place guards about their rooms in his absence? Thor would tear the palace apart if there was any threat to his beloved sister-by-marriage...granted, their union was not of his choosing, but he had grown fond of Loki’s wife, and was completely enraptured by his nephew.

“Captain Ivar? Sigurd? What is the meaning of this...?!”

“Now that you have returned, Prince Loki, we may stand down. Many congratulations upon your mighty deeds,” Ivar spoke respectfully, but once again, Loki sensed the man’s deep unease, and the two guards could scarcely wait to leave his presence. In fact, they could not move quickly enough...

Loki flung the doors open with his seidr, and was about to bellow for Alva, for Lordiss, for answers, but as soon as he entered, he was hit with a wave of scent that all but drove him to his knees, and he had his answers.

Alva awaited him in the foyer, and spoke quietly.

“Your lady wife has entered...her heat, Your Grace.  For reasons she has refused to divulge with me, she is adamant about not taking any suppressants, and has barred herself in your chambers. This began three days ago, in fact, the day we heard of your battle. I was forbidden to contact you, or do anything save bar the doors to ensure there were no...incursions upon her presence. Her personal men-at-arms were constantly at watch, and there were no incidents. Now that you have returned, I pray you can knock some sense into her thick skull! I will  leave you to your privacy...”

Alva fled, well aware that being between an Alpha and Omega, while an Omega was in an untrammeled heat, was a recipe for disaster at worst, and embarrassment at best.

Loki had already been prepared mentally to take his wife to bed and ravish her, still high from his victory...then he wished to take her to task her for her wildly undisciplined behavior for coming to the field...but now...caught up in the pheromones of three days worth of unsatisfied, unmet physical needs...

He stormed into their chambers, finding Lordiss lying flushed, miserable, and weak on their bed. No longer the strong, passionate woman that all but pounced on him previously, she was now trembling, sweating, and barely able to lift her head.

“Just tell me why,” he growled fiercely. “You knew. You knew this was coming, and you said nothing to me, and neglected the most basic care for yourself!”

“Ancient...magic...” Lordiss rasped. “The...milk of an nursing omega. Given willingly. Whilst...in...season...grants tremendous power.” Her voice was so faint, he had to cross the room to hear. “I knew I could not tell you. It was...why...you...so distraught. Didn’t plan this!”

As angered as he was, Loki knew she was not deceiving him. Her first heat after birth...she had no way of knowing when it would occur...and it explained why he was as tense as he was on the eve of battle. He knew, across the realms, that his mate needed him. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he knew something was. It was this.

Lordiss even said as much, when she came... “I have need of you...” and he failed to truly hear her.

No wonder she was so eager, almost frantic for his seed...she knew she was facing her heat without him, and had no way of knowing for how long she would be cut off from her other half, her Alpha, her protector...everything in her body was screaming, crying, craving, pleading for him...by the Norns, he’d knotted, how could he be so dense, so fundamentally and cosmically blind? Loki vanished his armor, so desperate to be besides his beloved.

Once he gathered her in his arms he actually hissed, feeling her skin on fire next to his. “Norns, Lordiss, how did you cloak this from me...and why?”

“You know...why...!” She was all but sobbing in relief as he vanished her clothing, pressing the cool length of his form against her, kissing her everywhere. “You couldn’t know...it was the last bit of...the...ritual...” her eyes fluttered closed in exhaustion and ecstasy. 

Her was everywhere, soothing, touching, licking, suckling...and although it was rapidly bringing him to dizzying heights, and recharging his Omega’s energy, he soon noticed she was not responding as he thought she would, and he was chagrined. “Lordiss?”

“Price of the ritual...I sacrificed my ability to peak, for this heat.”

“You what?”

The timbre of his rage actually shook the walls, but she dismissed his ire impatiently.

“Think you I care about orgasms when I knew I was ensuring your safety? Your returning to me safely? I would endure much more, knowing you would in fact come home to me intact, without grievous harm...I remember the nights you would plan and plot, racking your brain...you were so concerned about this battle, and whilst you had my every confidence...it was within my power to give you this extra protection. And I would do it all over again. Once I saw the opportunity, I grabbed it with both hands. It is my right, Alpha, and you cannot stop me...!”

Ah, there was the fierce Goddess he wed...she was returning to him as well...she was still not herself, and she was still going to suffer, for the rest of her heat. He knew he did not have her knowledge, or training in these ancient magics. She had been studying them long before they met, and as arrogant as he was in his own powers, he yielded to hers, unquestioningly. It was foolish not to, and Loki was not foolish. 

Dense, perhaps, but never foolish.

“Omega of mine...I cannot circumvent what you have set in motion,” he purred, his voice a silken threat as he caressed, pleasured, and cherished every inch of his wife. “But know this...I will do everything within my considerable skill set to make this next little while as easy as I can for you, as is my right...and once we are past this, I am going to make up for every. Last. Missed. Opportunity.

“And then, o beloved Omega...there will be discipline. Oh yes. You will never put yourself in harm’s way like this. Ever. Again.”

A deliciously provocative smile crossed her face. “Chastisement there may be...but my beloved Alpha mine...you cannot stop me. And you know it well.”

Loki growled deep in his chest, and Lordiss moaned...for while she was denied orgasms, she was still able to feel sexual pleasure, and his purr always heightened her arousal. The next few days would be one long season of delayed gratification.

But having him in her arms again...and the knowledge he was protected by her great, abiding love for him...made it, and the clawing ache in his absence, worth it.

Loki cared for her lovingly, keeping her as content as he could...their doors sealed from the outside world, food and drink appearing only as he summoned them, so he could feed his beloved by hand, and no one would disturb them...their son was well cared for by his nurse and was even fed well by similar means as Loki’s flask had been filled previously. All was well.

Because she was his, and he...was hers.

Alpha, and Omega. 

[signefaine]

Today I wandered, alone as ever, and sang to the falcons as they dove for their prey, and sang for the prey, that they find speed and clever shelters...it is impossible to feel more for the hunger that drives the raptor than for the fear that drives the hunted, but both have their beauty...I fear I will forever be alone, casting judgment on none, while having empathy for all...it would be interesting, I supposed, to be cast into a world where I was now the prey, or the hunter, but I cannot imagine it. What should I need so desperately, to wield my honed skills of observation, of speed, and camouflage? To use my abilities of deception, and my wiles to ensnare and enchant? It was a cold thing to have cast me out to live my life away from all but the animals, and to learn from them, but never to be with my own kind...the goddess was truly angry, or else threatened. I cannot understand. I hope one day to meet the one I dream of, the one who will bring everything full circle, but yet, I am still alone.

[signefaine]

Long have I dreamed of finding this one, he will teach me many things, including how to laugh richly and weep bitterly. I have yet to learn his name. I know I should fear the pain I will experience from knowing him, but the joy and learning he will give me will more than balance out the tears. But once I do locate this man, what shall I do next? Why will he even look upon me with favor? My magic is but in song, and I am sure his is surrounded by bards that make the very angels fly from the heavens to listen. I have healing skills, but no doubt he has powers that can stop death from the very threshold old it’s lover’s kiss...still, the dreams will not cease until I find him.

[signefaine]

Long have I wandered, following the winds and the birds who have been teasing me, promising there is a home and a place for me to finally call my own...have I found it at last? I am so weary of being alone, searching for a tribe to call family.