siennawrites-blog

[siennawrites-blog]

do i wanna know?

summary: you tried to stay away from rafe cameron, not that any of your efforts sufficed.

pairings: rafe cameron x fem!reader (enemies with benefits)

warnings: rafe being toxic, manipulative and obsessive. mentions of alcohol and sex. | SMUT: unprotected sex, masturbation, slight voyeurism

wc: 2.5K

my masterlist! | my requests are OPEN.

i.

He was a bad person, with a lack of moral compass, indecisive loyalties, and questionable definitions of right and wrong. And you knew this.

He was an awful person, actually. He'd hurt you and all your friends, never stopped to think about his actions, his conscience completely muted inside his head.

Rafe was bad for you.

But for some reason you couldn't stay away from him— he kept drawing you in, he was suffocating, exhilarating, intoxicating in a way that made you want to run away from him, and to him at the same time. And no matter how much you tried to resist him, you two always found a way to end up tangled in each other's arms.

Like right now.

His lips were pressed against yours, desperate and hungry as he caged you against the bathroom wall, your hands trailing over his hair momentarily before they kept moving, eager to touch him.

You knew you shouldn't be there, it was one of your best friend's birthday and you ought to be celebrating with them, not making out with Rafe inside a bathroom. But then again, the moment you saw him walk in, you knew it would happen. He had no business being there except you.

His hands trailed up your legs, subtly pushing the edge of your dress up to bunch the material around your waist, so you could get a hint of what he wanted. His touch made you feel on fire, the sensation of his hands on your skin was simply so addicting that you craved to feel more.

You bunched up your dress over your hips as his tongue made its way inside your mouth, making you let out a soft moan against his lips, the one he throughly enjoyed, as he showed by pushing his hard clothed cock against you.

"I should hate you," you mumbled the moment his lips moved to your neck, as you heard the sound of his belt unclasping.

Rafe chuckled darkly, his hot breath brushing over your skin as his fingers hooked on the edge of your panties and swiftly pulled them down your legs, to then stuff them inside his pocket.

"I hate you." You said the very moment his slender fingers trailed over your wetness, spread it and ever so softly circled your clit, he had no rush, no intention on actually getting you off this way, he was just being a teasing little bastard.

"Oh, I'm sure you do, princess," he mocked you, taking a hold of your hip with one hand, using his other hand to wrap it around his cock, sliding his angry red tip up and down your glistening slit a few times to coat yourself with your wetness, and then entering you in a single, devastating thrust of his hips.

The only way to contain the moan you'd let out was for Rafe to press his hand against your lips as he kept fucking you against the wall, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you took every single thrust delightfully, your legs tightening around his waist and pressing him closer to you, to feel him deeper.

You knew Rafe wasn't good for you. But you couldn't stay away from him, he made you feel so good every single time. He fucked you like he'd memorized your body for life, he knew all your sweet spots, how to make you moan and scream for him, how to make you cum so hard you'd be thinking of him for days.

You were addicted to him, the feeling of his lips against yours, his hands on your skin, his cock buried inside you, addicted to the intimacy of it all, to having him all to yourself, as a dirty little secret— it felt empowering, too.

Rafe wasn't making any efforts to stay away from you, either. He couldn't fight what he felt, or the urges that arose every time he saw you. You were his, he saw no point in hiding it. Yes, he knew he wasn't a good influence on you and your friends would hate you both if they knew of your little rendezvous, but he didn't care. He wanted you.

ii.

Chances are, this wasn't a normal behavior, Rafe could at least acknowledge that.

Chances are, he looks obsessed and nearly psychotic while looking through your window, but, can you really blame him for staying? His original plan was to climb up your window and sneak into your bed, normally you'd be asleep at that hour, and he planned to surprise you– the thrill of it all, the risk of being caught, it turned him on.

What he didn't expect, though, was to catch you red-handed. Your hands were between your thighs, your head thrown back as heavy breaths escaped your lips, tangled with moans and grunts– perspiration covered your body, his eyes followed a single drop of sweat that rolled its way down between the valley of your breasts, making him wet his lips.

"Rafe..." you hadn't even realized you'd said his name, it came out so naturally, since he's the one occupying your mind.

Rafe’s grip on the window's ledge got impossibly tighter when he realized you weren't just touching yourself, no, no. You were touching yourself to the thought of him.

"Fuck, just like that..." you mumbled, a moan escaping your lips right after, your breath was rapid and he could basically hear you pant as your hand sped its movements.

He felt his dick twitching in his pants as the sounds of your moans reached his ears– he let out a low grunt, shuddering violently out of pleasure. Should he climb up and give you a hand? Fuck, he wanted to. He really, really wanted to touch you.

But then again, he could just let you desire him so badly you touched yourself, so desperate you'd basically throw yourself at him the next time you saw him.

He wanted you to crave him, lust him, to want him so bad you'd come running to his arms just so he could satisfy you.

Your mind and lust were fueled by the memory of his skin against yours, a thin layer of sweat between both as he kept his relentless pace– the memory of how it felt to have him between your legs had you clenching your walls around your fingers, trying to push them deeper.

But no matter how hard you tried, your fingers didn't suffice, your digits were not even close to his, as his were longer, thicker, faster– you felt empty without him. A wave of frustration took over you as the near orgasm washed away.

Rafe planned to leave, he was about to, but to see you this frustrated... he could not leave, not after seeing you being left unsatisfied by your own ministrations.

He got down from your window and hid behind a tall bush near your house, it was stupid and borderline childish behavior, but it would do for now.

Once he was sure he was out of sight, he texted a simple: 'U up?'

In less than a couple of minutes, you two had settled a mid-night fuck. When it was convenient, Rafe finally crawled up your window and sneaked into your room. He had barely made it in before you threw yourself at him, desperate to feel him against you, inside you, all over.

He immediately pushed you to the bed and crawled on top of you, his hands discarding your clothes swiftly as yours basically ripped his off, his lips trailed down your neck, leaving little teasing bites, while his hands caressed your legs.

"Fuck," you moaned out, feeling his hot breath near your wet core, his lips were merely teasing around your clit, slowly licking. "Rafe, don't tease."

"Where are your manners?"

"Don't–" you rolled your eyes as he sucked on your clit, barely. "Don't play with me."

"Isn't that what we do, huh princess?" he wondered, slowly teasing your entrance with his fingers, while he sucked on your clit. "We just play around with each other."

"Yes– that's all we do," you managed to say, your back arching at his ministrations. "and we have to stop, this is the last time we're doing this."

He stopped in his place. You were kidding, he knew you were kidding. You couldn't stay away from him, not even if you tried. You were bluffing.

"What is it?" you asked, gaping at him as he stood frozen at the end of your bed, slowly undoing his pants and pushing them down his hips.

He didn't say a word, he just took a hold of your ankles and pulled you to the edge of your bed, wrapping your legs around his hips, his arms caging you against the mattress– his hot chest pressed against your cold, perky tits, making him let out a groan at the sensation.

He pushed in slowly, making you feel every ridge, every vein, every curve, absolutely everything. Ever so slowly that every nerve of your core could feel him, his hips rocking slowly, moving in and out, in and out.

In an attempt to hide a desperate moan, you turned your head to the side, which he did not appreciate. He took a hold of your face, making you turn to look at him as he fastened his pace– his lips hovering over yours, his eyes meeting yours. You almost saw yourself reflected on the darkness of his eyes.

You clenched around him without noticing, and that was enough for him to pick up a speed that had you biting your lip to keep a moan in– it pissed him off to not be able to hear you, but the last thing he needed was for someone to walk in on you two right now, and while he wouldn't stop, you would.

You were a complete mess in his arms, he kissed you desperately and you matched the same energy, running your nails down his back as your heels pushed him closer to you– your pussy clenched around him repeatedly, the waves of pleasure almost uncontrollable when his hand sneaked between your bodies to rub your clit–  you felt tears of pleasure pooling on the edges of your eyes.

Rafe wanted to chuckle. 'This is the last time', were you even serious about that? You kept denying whatever was going on, saying that you'd had enough and that whatever flame between you two was dead. But your kisses and your body told him the complete opposite, he could always feel the way you cling to him, how your walls tighten around his cock, how you kiss him as if you wished the kiss would never end, how you hold on to him for dear life while you let him fuck you like a man possessed.– He could feel how much you want him, every single second.

“You don’t get it, do you?” He says, voice rough, words breathy and surprisingly honest despite the brutal, constant snap of his hips against yours, his pace is so unrelenting. “You could swear me off a hundred times, and I’d still be right here. ‘Cause the second you let yourself want me again— and you will— I’ll be waiting. Always.”

You could’ve sworn he was trying to leave an imprint of his cock inside you in case you actually pushed him away this time around, but even though your mind was screaming at you to do so, you couldn’t bring yourself to.

“Y-you think I’m just gonna let you talk me into this again after this?” Your hands push against his chest, but there’s no real force behind it. Your breath catches as his lips brush over your neck, his hips are going so fast it’s like he’s trying to fuck the arguments outta you . “You’re full of shit, Rafe.”

He smirks against your skin, his hands finding their way to your waist, pulling you closer, raising your body from the bed to have a deeper angle.. “You’ve been saying that for how long now? And yet… mmmph— fuck, here we are. You—ah- you tell yourself it’s nothing, but you’re still letting me in. Funny how that works.”

“Maybe I’m just bored.” But even as you say it, your voice wavers—like you don’t believe it yourself.

“Bored, huh?”

And just like that, he picked up his pace again, as if he’d never stopped in the first place, his hips snapping into yours with such brutality you were sure his hip bones would leave bruises on the back of your thighs. Every single thrust brought you closer and closer, and he knew it, of course he did. The fucker even chose to keep eye contact as he lowered his face to your chest, wrapping his lips around one of your nipples, giving it a hard tug to then twirl the stiff peak with his hot tongue.

He hiked one of your legs even higher, allowing himself deeper angles, using his full body weight now to make sure he reached the deepest he could, where no one else would be, ever, if it were up to him.

You were so close, so so close now. Rafe could read your body like an open book with font size 70, so one of his hands slid down between your bodies, blindly finding your clit and rubbing tight little circles on it.

“You close baby?” He whispers in your ear, kissing the shell of your ear, reaching your earlobe and nipping on it. “Cmon, that’s it— mm fuck, you’re clenching down on me, that’s it, come for me, cmon, I’m here.”

It took a few more seconds before you found your climax again, body tensing up and your cunt squeezing down on his cock like you wanted to keep it there; sucking him in for all his worth. — That plus the moans? Please, Rafe came almost immediately after you.

He fell on top of you, at least being careful enough to not suffocate you under his weight, he peppered soft kisses on the sweaty skin of your neck, his nose subtly trailing over your skin. He finished with a kiss under your jaw, before pulling back just enough to be able to lay on the bed.

And you knew. You just knew he’d picked up the conversation from earlier.

“Bored, huh? So, you come to me every time you’re bored?” His tone shifts, teasing but with a hint of something softer, his breathing is heavy as he recovers from the activity. “This? I’m gonna be honest with you, princess, since you insist on acting daft. This seems like more than just sex to me.”

“It’s not like I’m asking for anything more, Rafe.” Your voice drops, almost defensive. “We don’t do that… feelings thing.”

His expression changed, eyes searching yours, but there’s still that edge of cocky confidence. “You keep saying that like it’ll make it true. But every time we’re together, it’s not just the usual… you know.” He glances down at your tangled bodies, the sweat, the intimacy, then back at your face. “I feel it. And I know you do too.”

You pull back slightly, meeting his gaze, the vulnerability in his words catching you off guard. “You’re not making this easy. Why are you making this so— we’re supposed to absolutely hate each other.”

“Don’t twist it, I never said it was supposed to be easy. And I know damn well that I should hate you, but I don’t want to. And I’m not just here for the damn sex. Not anymore.” His voice is quieter now, more serious. “I want you… more than you’re willing to admit.”

You hold his gaze, searching for any sign that this isn’t just another one of his games. But what you find there is different—real.

“You’re such an asshole.” But there’s a soft smile on your lips, and for once, it’s not mocking. “But… I guess I want you too.”

[siennawrites-blog]

★ — cop!rafe making his dumb girl feel smart after his buddies made fun of her !!

cw: : smut, eighteen plus content, unprotected sex, semi-public, heavy heavy praise, cussing, aftercare

cop!rafe x dumb!reader

you were so excited for this. you’d been talking about it for weeks—“omg, rafey, a fancy dinner? with cops? like, real ones?”—while spinning around your bedroom in three different mini dresses that were all technically inappropriate for a formal event, but rafe didn’t have the heart to stop you. he just sat on your bed, arms crossed over his chest, watching you twirl like a proud, tired boyfriend, biting the inside of his cheek when you landed on the satin pink one that barely reached mid-thigh.

now here you were. strutting into a fully catered police banquet with your hand wrapped tightly around rafe’s arm, hair curled to perfection, sparkly heels clicking with every step. you looked like a barbie doll in a room full of navy blue uniforms and neutral-colored cocktail dresses—and you loved it. you beamed up at your man the whole time, practically bouncing as he led you to the table reserved for officers being honored. the room was full of polished silverware, white tablecloths, and tight smiles. everyone looked… serious. clean. reserved. but you were a little slice of chaos wrapped in pink satin and lip gloss.

“babe,” you whispered excitedly, leaning into his arm as you sat beside him, “i think this bread is, like, free.” you tore a piece off and popped it in your mouth. “that’s, like, so nice of them.” rafe didn’t say anything. just reached under the table to rest a hand on your thigh, giving it a slow squeeze. you smiled at him like he hung the moon, completely oblivious to the looks you were getting from the other end of the table.

one of the wives leaned toward another, whispering something behind her glass of red wine. the two of them giggled, then not-so-subtly looked at your bow-covered purse and bedazzled nails. you didn’t notice. you were too busy trying to figure out if the guy across from you was a sheriff or “like, just a mall cop.”

“wait,” you leaned into rafe again, lowering your voice but still loud enough for the table to hear, “are firefighters invited to this too? or is it, like, just real cops?”

the table went awkwardly quiet. a few people chuckled—but not in a nice way. rafe didn’t laugh. he just reached for his water, jaw tightening, eyes narrowing as they passed over the people across from him. you blinked, confused, and reached for another piece of bread. “this is like, super fancy applebee’s. i love it.”

one of the men scoffed, “don’t,” rafe muttered under his breath, squeezing your thigh harder.

you looked up at him, pouting slightly. “did i say something bad?”

he turned to you, expression unreadable, “no, baby. you’re perfect.” and then he stood, “come with me.”

you blinked. “where’re we—?”

“now.”

you took his hand, confused but obedient, heels clicking against the marble floor as he pulled you away from the table. you kept glancing over your shoulder, giving the others a cute little wave, still not understanding why they weren’t smiling back. he led you down a quiet hallway, past the catering staff, past the restrooms—until he found a private door with no name on it.

the second the lock clicked behind him, rafe had you pinned to the wall. your gasp barely had time to echo before his mouth was on yours—hot, demanding, needy. his hands were everywhere at once, one gripping your thigh and hauling your leg up around his waist, the other wrapped around the back of your neck like he couldn’t stand being even an inch away from you. you whimpered into the kiss, breath already shaky from the sudden shift, your gloss smearing between you.

“rafe?” you giggled, a little breathless. “what’re you doing? we’re gonna get caught…”

“good,” he growled, hand already sliding under your dress, fingers curling around your ass. “let those assholes hear how much you fucking belong to me.”

your heart fluttered at the possessiveness in his voice, your core already aching from the way his hips ground into yours, slow and deliberate. you could feel his erection through his uniform pants, pressing right between your legs. you blinked up at him, eyes wide and dazed. “wait… are you mad?” he didn’t answer with words—just grabbed your waist and spun you toward the desk behind you, bending you over the edge with one firm shove. the satin of your dress rode up instantly, bunching around your hips as you gasped, palms flat on the cool surface. “rafe—!”

“be quiet,” he snapped, already unbuckling his belt, the sound sharp and fast and filthy. “you don’t even know, do you?”

you peeked over your shoulder, lashes fluttering. “know what?”

“why they were laughing at you.”

you blinked, confused. “who was?”

he stepped up behind you, dragging your baby blue thong down with one hard tug and letting it fall around your ankles. his voice dropped, dangerously low, “they were making fun of you.”

you froze for half a second—then softened again, relaxing back into the desk with a pout, “ohhh. why?! what’d i do?!”

rafe clenched his jaw, running his hand up your spine until it wrapped around the back of your neck, pushing you gently back down against the wood, “you didn’t even notice,” he muttered, pulling himself free and lining up behind you. “too busy bein’ such a sweetheart. all you wanna do is be good for me, yeah?”

you nodded, face flushed against the desk. “uh-huh…”

out of your line of sight, rafe nodded in agreement before slipping his red tip into your soaked pussy. he bottomed out, pulling you flush against him before gripping your ass cheeks and snapping his hips back and forth. you moaned—loud, needy, your hips instantly rocking back into him like your body had been waiting for this.

“oh my gosh,” you gasped. “you feel so good… rafe, i—fuckk, i think i saw stars for a second—”

“you don’t have to think, baby,” he growled, thrusting hard enough to make the desk creak under you. “i’ll do it for you.” you whimpered, back arching. his grip on your waist was bruising now, pulling you back into each thrust like he wanted to bury himself inside you forever. “they don’t get to talk about you,” he muttered, bending over you, hips slamming into yours with every word. “they don’t get to laugh. don’t even get to fuckin’ look.” your lip gloss was smearing against the desk, your moans turning to helpless little whines. “only i do,” he whispered, kissing behind your ear. “only i get to see you like this. bent over, fuckin’ soakin’ wet—taking me so damn good.”

you nodded, gasping, legs shaking. “y-yeah—only you, only you—”

“that’s right.” his voice dropped to a low murmur, suddenly softer, breath hot against your neck. “you’re so good for me, baby. so sweet. so fucking smart.” you choked on a breath, crying into the desk, “my perfect girl,” he whispered, pressing a slow kiss to your shoulder as he rutted into you. “i love you so much.”

your whole body jolted from how deep he was, how slow he moved now—not rough anymore, not punishing—just claiming. deep, grinding thrusts that made your legs shake and your breath hitch with every roll of his hips. his mouth stayed on your skin, trailing slow, open kisses along your shoulder and neck like he couldn’t stop worshipping you even if he tried. “you feel so good, baby,” he breathed, voice shaking with it. “taking me so perfect. you’re always so perfect.” you whimpered, barely able to form words, your head spinning. your lip was caught between your teeth, eyes glossy, mouth parted as you gasped softly every time he pushed back inside.

“i’m not even mad anymore,” he murmured, one hand sliding down the curve of your stomach as his chest pressed flush to your back. “they’re just fuckin’ jealous. so jealous i get to come home to the sweetest, prettiest, smartest little thing they’ve ever seen.”

you let out a broken little moan, blinking back tears as your hips twitched against his, “i’m not smart, rafey,” you mumbled, dazed.

he grabbed your face gently from behind, fingers curled along your jaw as he turned your head to kiss your cheek. “don’t say that.” his voice was soft—but serious. serious in that way that made your chest flutter, “you’re smart where it counts. you know how to love me. how to make me feel like a man. that’s more than any of them could ever do.” you gasped at another slow thrust, your fingers tightening on the edge of the desk. he followed your reaction with another kiss to your temple, his hand still gently cupping your jaw, “you know how to make me proud.”

you let out a little hiccup, overwhelmed—eyes fluttering shut as your body clenched down around him. he groaned at the feeling. “that’s it, sweetheart. you feel that?” another thrust—deep. “that’s how good you are for me. you’re my perfect girl.” you were unraveling under him, his uniform brushing against your skin, his hand still holding your face as he slowed even more—grinding into you like he was trying to melt into your body, “say it,” he whispered against your ear. “say you’re my perfect girl.”

you sobbed out a soft, whiny, “i’m your perfect girl…” and he melted.

“yeah, you are.” another kiss. a soft groan. his hand slid down to your stomach again, holding you tight while his hips moved with a lazy, desperate rhythm. “my good girl. my smart girl. my fuckin’ baby.” you were trembling now—every part of you raw and worshipped and full. and when you came for him, gasping his name like it was the only thing you remembered, rafe followed right after, pressing his chest to your back and whispering “i’ve got you, baby. i’ve always got you.”

you were still shaking, forehead resting against the desk, soft little whimpers leaving your lips every time your body twitched from aftershocks. your skin was flushed, your legs barely holding you up, and your lip gloss was completely gone. rafe stayed close. one hand still wrapped loosely around your waist, the other trailing down your back—soft, soothing. like he was petting you. like he couldn’t stop touching you even now. “you okay, baby?” he murmured, lips brushing the back of your neck.

you nodded weakly, blinking back the dizzy tears in your lashes. “mhm…”

rafe smiled—soft and real. he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the spot between your shoulder blades, then carefully reached for your hips and helped ease you upright. you stumbled a little and caught yourself on his chest. “whoa—hey, i got you.” his arms wrapped around you instantly, holding you close as he helped you sit on the edge of the desk. “just breathe, pretty girl. we’re good. you’re okay.”

you blinked up at him, mascara smudged, eyes glossy, lips kiss-bitten and pouty. you looked wrecked—and he’d never seen anything so beautiful. “my legs feel like jell-o…” you mumbled, voice all soft and floaty.

he huffed a little laugh and kissed your forehead. “yeah? that’s ‘cause you took me like a damn champ, baby.”

his hand slid between your thighs, gentle this time, and he cleaned you up with one of the tissues he always kept in his pocket for exactly this kind of chaos. you whined at the sensitivity, and he shushed you sweetly, brushing his nose against your cheek, “you did so good, baby. so, so good for me. i’m so proud of you.”

you smiled dreamily, playing with the collar of his uniform while he adjusted your panties back into place and smoothed your dress down over your thighs. he straightened your straps, fixed your necklace, and wiped the corners of your mouth with the gentlest touch. “do i look pretty still?” you whispered, eyes wide and hopeful.

he tilted your chin up and gave you the softest kiss—slow and loving, the kind that made your heart feel full. “you look beautiful.” he kissed your cheek. “like an angel.” another kiss. “like the smartest, prettiest little thing in this whole damn building.”

you giggled. “even with mascara under my eyes?”

“especially with mascara under your eyes.”

you giggled again, wrapping your arms around his waist like he hadn’t just destroyed your body over a desk. he held you there, big hands sliding down to your hips—then squeezing your ass without warning.

“rafe!” you squealed, although showing to attempt at stopping him.

he smirked, kissing your pout away. “sorry, couldn’t help it. still mine.”

“always yours,” you whispered, hiding your smile in his chest.

he hugged you tighter. “damn right.”

pink bow divider : @bernardsbendystraws  <3

a/n: thank you anon for telling me your dream about cop!rafe hehe

[siennawrites-blog]

ᯓ★ MINORS DNI 18+

RAFE CAMERON hits it from the back n curls an arm around to get at your clit. at first he started doing it so you could cum but now he does it like it’s some fidget toy. he’s got all this energy and nowhere to put it, ugly licking at the tips of his fingers to wet them so he can go under you to swipe at your needy bud. the kind of pressure that makes you ache. it’s this bewildering cross between pain and pleasure, and it renders you unable to keep still. “yeah? yeah, you like that, baby?” he taunts cruelly, knowing the kind of torture you’re under right now. lodged up in your guts moving in tandem with rough fingers, caressing your clit like it’s a job while you’re incapable of speech. you writhe and you claw at the sheets, anything to occupy the bucking of your body and the agony of the sensation. choking out variations of his name in some sorry semblance for pleading mercy—ultimately it falls on deaf ears. it’s the kind of orgasm he takes from you, your gummy insides stinging from his dick digging out its own shape and a mean hand scrubbing your little pearl like it’s a playground bully.

[siennawrites-blog]

dealer!rafe x brainwashed!reader

cw: mention of SMUT(18+), drugs and pills, rafe lowkey runs her life (and i need that(so so bad))

a/n: drabble that i literally got from a dream (if anyone has done something like this before and i´ve just forgotten, credits to them(can never trust my dreams))

Dealer!Rafe didn’t meant to keep you. Not at first at least.

The first time he saw you, it was supposed to be nothing. Another night, another party, another girl too pretty for her good. Your denim shorts rode too high on your thighs, a spaghetti strap slipping from your shoulder like an invitation, and you looked at him like you knew exactly what you were doing. Like you had the slightest clue.

You didn’t.

He figured you’d be an easy score, a quick sell, a quicker fuck, someone to forget by morning. But then you pushed through the crowd, all honeyed laughter and half-lidded eyes, and asked him what he had. Not shy, not hesitant, but like you belonged in this world like you’d done this before.

Like you already belonged to him.

He should’ve known then. Should’ve clocked the way his pulse jumped when your fingers brushed his palm, the way his breath caught when you bit your lip, pupils already blown wide. But it wasn’t until you tossed back the pills without a second thought, no caution, no questions, that he realized what you were. Perfect.

It was a game. A pretty girl with a reckless streak, someone eager and pliant beneath him, high off whatever he fed you. But then he started learning things. About the mess you called home, the way you barely scraped by. How you were always searching, always aching for something just out of reach.

That’s when the idea took root.

Rafe could take care of you. Fix you. Own you.

So he reeled you in, slow and deliberate. He made sure you only bought from him, made sure the come-downs hit just hard enough that you came back, eyes wide and desperate. And when you started spending more time in his bed than your own, when your things started showing up at his place, one shirt, then a toothbrush, then a drawer full of clothes, you never even realized it was happening.

Until it was too late.

Until you needed him.

The day you moved in, there was no discussion, no formal agreement. Just a slow suffocation disguised as safety. He watched as you set your bags down, as your fate sealed itself with the quiet click of the door shutting behind you.

That’s when the rules became clear.

"Act up, and you get nothing," he told you, voice smooth, patient. Like he was doing you a favor. "No, ‘m serious, baby. You wanna misbehave? Then no blow. No pills. Nothin’."

And it worked.

Because when you were good, when you melted for him, hazy and pliant, when your lips parted on soft, gasping pleas when you stared up at him so far gone you barely remembered your name. Letting him do whatever his sick mind desired.

He controlled everything about you. Well he called it “takin’ care of my sweet girl.” He chose what you ate, what you wore, where you went. His own little doll.

He’d won. You were his and followed his every order, and he fucking loved it. He could turn you into a pliant free use puddle with only a few pills and puffs of whatever shit he was smoking, letting him fuck you so hard you were either almost sober or almost seizing.

Sure, your quality of life had declined rapidly since you’d met your so called “savour”, but you had structure and you had “love”. A sick, twisted, manipulative version of it, but when you were high off your mind and half naked in his bed you were able to convince yourself it was love.

[siennawrites-blog]

buzzcuts 𐙚₊˚⊹♡

rafe cameron + insatiable!kook!reader

warnings: mdni 18+, smut, buzzcut rafe, p in v, making out, cumming inside, cocky rafe, slapping (it happens like twice), use of "daddy" (only once), choking, squirting, reader and rafe live together

word count: 1.3k

you had been suggesting he get a haircut for about a week now, and of course he avoided listening to you to piss you off. he knew you were a spoiled little princess who always got what she wanted, and always thought she was right about shit.

which is ironic because he spoiled you along with everyone else.

there you sat in a silky pink nightie that sat just at the top of your thighs, leaving almost nothing to the imagination as you watched television on the flatscreen of your bedroom. of course you sat around all day doing nothing, you could afford to when your boyfriend wanted to do everything in order to stroke his ego. paying the bills, buying all of your clothes, whatever he could to make sure you couldn't shit talk him for anything.

considering he was out this late, you knew he was with his friends; he wasn't stupid enough to cheat on someone like you, he knew better.

but he also had been gone all day.

there wasn't much he could have been doing, since the last time you saw him was early the morning of before he left the house.

so, where the fuck was he all day?

you weren't crazy, you had better things to do than to blow up his phone and track his every move; but he'd definitely hear an ear full once he got home.

and of course you were more than prepared to talk his ear off once you heard the slam of a truck door, mouth practically watering to complain.

you'd lay in the bed, arms crossed, letting him come to you.

though that wasn't the case anymore once rafe stepped into the dimly lit bedroom with a freshly buzzed haircut, arms almost too large for the sleeves of the polo he wore.

your demeanor had completely shifted, shifting from a thick irritation, to a dying thirst, the folds of your cunt practically pooling at the sight.

not only did he look delicious, but you loved being listened to.

no, you weren't gonna let him win so easily.

"you've been out late," you coughed, rolling your eyes as your arms remained crossed. he gave a scoff, a smirk on his face. "don't start your shit, you know I was with topper and kelce." you gave a short huff, looking away from him.

it was hard maintaining the attitude when all you wanted to do was give him the sloppiest sucks of his life.

he walked over to you, his large hand holding your chin with a tight grip, forcing you to look into his eyes, but of course that smug smirk tugged at his lips when he saw how your eyes dilated.

"you play pretend, but you can't resist me."

rolling your eyes, you spoke softly. "i see you listened to me."

"mhm. don't get too used to that."

he walked into the bathroom of the master bedroom, the door open as he turned on the light and slipped off his shirt, revealing his toned body underneath, his arms even more visible as you looked out of your peripheral. rafe ran the shower, not before he caught the little side glances you gave him, a self satisfied grin on his face.

- - - - -

as the water turned off and rafe wrapped himself in a towel, he stood in the bathroom shaving off any amount of stubble he could find on his face.

there you stood, a sultry look in your gaze as you leaned against the bathroom doorframe.

"fuck..." was all that passed through your thoughts as you looked at him and his haircut. it sharpened his features even more, giving him an intimidating, almost mean appearance. instinctively, your legs squeezed together, the wetness of your folds damping your legs as there no barrier to keep it from dripping slightly.

"you're staring princess," he spoke in a husky tone, cutting off your thoughts. you walked over unfazed, standing in front of him as his broad figure towered over you, his bottom half still wrapped in his towel as he pulled you close to him by your waist.

you didn't speak, but your gaze said everything as you ran your manicured nails through the prickly strands of his buzzcut, slightly biting down on your bottom lip.

"i take it you like the haircut," he smirked, his free hand lowering to grip onto your ass.

"shut up." you didn't want to boost his ego even more than it already was, the tension building as you stood close enough to feel his body heat, your eyes drifting to his toned chest as your hands remained in his hair, the tip of your tongue darting out to lick your lips.

without a word, you pulled him by his hand to the bedroom, sitting him onto the edge of the bed as you straddled on top of him.

immediately, you captured his lips with your own into a heated, wet kiss. his tongue forced his way into your mouth as his hands found the curves of your waist, holding you in place.

"you look so fucking sexy rafe." the praise was breathy and brief as you grazed your wet lips over his before capturing him in another heated kiss.

"mhm, im knowin' it," he said lowly, smirking into the make out you were having. out of impulse, his fingers trailed between your legs as your straddled on his lap, his breathing heavy as he pulled back to see the sweet wetness you left all over his hand.

"look at this, all wet fa' me," he taunted, his other hand gripping your chin as he forced you to look at his drenched fingers.

"that's what happens when you listen to me you fucking idiot." it was in a flash that you felt a harsh sting to your cheek, rafe grabbing your chin once again forcing you to stare back into his darkening eyes, his jaw tightened.

"i don't think you have the right to be smart with me angel, when you're the one soaking up my lap."

"dont fucking sl-", and he did it again. "it's the only way to shut you up baby."

you definitely didn't want to egg him on, but the sheer force he used against you had your cunt dripping, the towel wrapped on his waist collecting the droplets.

and the feeling was mutual, as his swollen hard cock was constricted by the soft towel on his waist.

it was then that you removed the towel from his waist, almost moving to kneel before him until he restricted you by your thighs.

"don't bother." with a swift movement, he sinked your cunt fully onto his thick cock, giving you no time to adjust as he practically ripped you apart with his harsh thrusts. both of you let out breathy moans, rafe letting out a low groan as he gripped onto your neck.

"move princess, don't make me do all the work," he scoffed, his grip on your throat tightening.

you let out a small cough as he choked you, bouncing on his hot cock as the veins of his thick length scraped at your tight walls.

it was nothing unusual to go from such a soft intimacy to his cock now kissing your cervix as you rode him, your slick cunt gushing against him as he held you by your throat.

he pulled you close to him, capturing you into a passionate kiss as his hands rested on the jelly like curves of your pillowy ass cheeks.

you had pushed him back onto the bed, your manicured nails scraping his chest, causing him to let out a deep groan.

"fuck, im gonna-"

"do it baby, come all on me."

but it wasn't just cum as you threw your head back.

"ahhh, fuck~" you moaned, your body convulsing as you squirted all over him, his own cum mixing with your juices as your cunt clenched around him.

softly, you fell back onto the bed beside him as you pulled off his cock.

he let out a faint chuckle, his tongue licking his bottom lip as he looked at the juicy mess you made. "if i knew a haircut would have gotten me pussy, i woulda' done it sooner."

"that's what happens when you listen daddy."

[siennawrites-blog]

arguing with boxer!rafe was rare, and not fun — but you’d be lying if you said that the part where you make up didn’t make it all worth it.

you’d both been cooling off for a while now. he’d been frustated at the ring, you’d been frustrated with him not spending time with you — and it all kind of exploded. arguing is normal, rafe was at the point in his life now where he had a control over his anger having just turned thirty, but that didn’t mean he didn’t still have that same attitude occasionally.

you feel him enter the living room where you stand, still refusing to look at him. you busy yourself pretending to rearrange the couch cushions until you feel his hand briefly on your waist as he steps past you. “fuck this, okay — i’m — i’m done fighting. come with me.” he mutters, and takes a few steps away from you, glancing over his shoulder. when you continue to hug yourself, unmoving — he stops, pressing his lips together and leaning over close to you. “i’m not gonna ask, or tell you again. move it.”

this gets you to move, legs blindly traipsing along behind him until you reach the bedroom, staring up at him with shameful doe eyes. his eyes flicker over you as he paces infront of you, wiping his hands down his head and face. “things just… just got out of hand… alright? whilst you should not catch an attitude like that with me…” he softens, stopping his pacing to turn to you, slowly and cautiously coming towards you and placing two hands on your shoulders. “you’re my girl — and… i’m meant to be the one lookin’ after you, right?” he points to himself and your eyes fill with tears at the acknowledgment of what you wanted all along. you nod, lip wobbling.

“now i gotta make it better. yeah? can — can i make you feel better?” he tilts his head, lips hovering over yours as his hands gently tug your waist.

“mhm.” you sniffle and he’s on you in an instant, determined on kissing away the pain he caused.

the whole thing gets him sprawled on the bed, letting you rut away on his cock, using the flagpole of an appendage to massage your insides until you could barely remember your own name. he sits up against the headboard, watching you intently, making sure you felt good the whole time. he’s got one thumb loosely in your mouth, and another hand on your waist helping you along.

“let it out. s’my fuckin’ girl. anything you fuckin’ want, s’yours.” he grits out as he fucks up into you to the best of your abilities. “you forgive me yet, angel? wha’s it gonna take, huh?”

at this point you’re totally fucked out, barely able to keep yourself up. you let his thumb lull off your tongue. “want you to do it!” you cry pathetically making him nod frantically.

“you want me to— alright, f’thats what you want.” he’s quick to flip you on your back, rolling his hips as he grinds you into the bed, strong arm holding himself up. “fuck. that’s it, isn’t it?”

“daddy you have t— ohh!” you cut yourself off with a whine, clenching hard around him.

“have to what huh — what — what’s daddy gotta do, mm?” he’s breathless but lifts his head to lock eyes with you anyway as he massages your guts. your lip quivers again, all that pent up emotion still finding its release as you suck in a shaky breath like you were on the verge of hyperventilating. he bottoms out and stops, catching his breath as he hovers over you before settling a little, grabbing your face. “breathe or i stop. seriously.”

you regulate your breathing, though it still trembles. “and… i need you to use your words. what do you need?” he enunciates each word, trying to ground you and help you understand.

“slap me.” you beg, pink eyes gazing up at him desperately.

“quit. m’not doin’ that shit.” he goes to move again but you let out a cry.

“i’ll feel better. please daddy please— please i’ll be good jus’ want it once —”

“alright. shit�� gently. you’ll take what i goddamn give you, yeah?” he raises his eyebrows and you nod, eyes fluttering with a flinch when he raises his palm. he counts you in, before giving you a firm slap on your cheek making you whimper loudly. he immediately counteracts the sting by cupping your cheek in his palm and starting to thrust again, all but fucking you into the bed. your pained whine is replaced by pleased ones. “yeah. there you fuckin’ go, always punishin’ yourself when you don’t need to, kid. s’over now. lemme have it, baby. just give it up for me.”

[siennawrites-blog]

rafe counting the inches

warnings: s2 rafe, size difference, p in v, unprotected sex, rafe being 9 inches

rafe thrusted into you with no warning, stretching your poor little cunt. “one.” you let out a gasp, finding it difficult to adjust already. “two.” he drilled further into you. you held your breath, preparing for the next. “three.. don't forget to breathe, baby.” he taunted. his hands were gripping on your hips so tightly as he restrained himself from going any faster. “four” he let out a grunt, the walls of your cunt gripping tightly onto him. “y-you're being cruel, rafe!” you looked up at him, your bottom lip wobbling. “me? cruel? never.” he chuckled. he was going so painfully slow, making sure you felt every inch of him. “annnd that's five.” he had a smirk on his lips as he watched you struggle. you felt so full. “six” he violently slammed into you. you let out a cry, looking up at him with those eyes. you reached your limit. “three more. think you can handle that, baby?” he took his from your hip, running it through your hair. “mm-mm no more” he let out a hum, moving his hips as if he was about to thrust into you. you let out a groan, glaring up at him. he raised his hands up in surrender “no more, no more. i swear” he cupped your face, placing a kiss on your temple.

[siennawrites-blog]

⋅˚₊୨୧↷ bf!rafe loves your lingerie sets

warnings ; suggestive !, pretty fluffy - nothing else, rafe refers to reader as baby :)

notes ; i bought new lingerie today so here's a fic based on how he acted when i showed my very real boyfriend rafe cameron ( i'm gonna go touch grass now xo )

"raaafe, i've got a surprise for you..."

you sang as you walked through the door of your shared condo, trillions of bags in hand. he mumbled something in response from the bedroom, distracted by something on his phone - probably work related - so you snuck into the bathroom, plotting to grasp his attention.

the door creaked open as you stepped into the bedroom, the soft click of your heels against the hardwood floor drawing rafe’s attention from where he was sprawled lazily across the bed. his phone slipped from his hand onto the mattress, forgotten the second his eyes landed on you. his gaze swept over you slowly, taking in every detail of the lace hugging your curves, every inch of skin it left exposed.

he froze, his mouth slightly open, the corners tugging into a faint, incredulous smile. “what-” he started, his voice rasping, but the words caught in his throat.

you shifted under his gaze, tugging at the hem of the delicate fabric even though it did nothing to cover you. “stop staring,” you muttered, your face burning as you glanced away.

“stop staring?” he repeated, pushing himself up from the bed so quickly it startled you. his eyes stayed locked on you, wide with disbelief. “baby, how am i supposed to stop staring when you walk in here looking like this?”

“it’s just lingerie, rafe,” you mumbled, trying to play it off even as your heart pounded in your chest.

“no,” he said, shaking his head as he crossed the room, his bare feet padding against the floor. his hands found your waist without hesitation, his fingers firm but gentle, his touch warm against your skin. “it’s you in lingerie. don’t downplay it.”

you laughed nervously, trying to step back, but his grip held you in place - not forceful, just steady, grounding. “you’re being dramatic.”

he tilted his head, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. “dramatic? baby, i’m not even playing it up enough.” he leaned in closer, his breath brushing over your ear. “do you even know what you’re doing to me right now?”

your breath hitched, and he pulled back just enough to look at you, his hands sliding down to rest on your hips. his thumbs brushed over the lace, and he shook his head, his eyes softening as they roamed your face.

“don’t hide from me,” he said when you started to glance away again, his voice quiet but commanding. he cupped your chin, tilting your face back toward his. “you’re the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen, and i’m not just saying that.”

“you’re ridiculous,” you whispered, your cheeks flaming, but the way he was looking at you made it impossible not to believe him.

“i’m not,” he insisted, his voice firm but full of affection. “you walk in here looking like an actual dream, and you think i’m gonna let you downplay it? not a chance.”

he bent down slightly, his forehead brushing yours as his fingers traced idle patterns over your sides. “you don’t even need this stuff to have me losing my mind over you,” he murmured, his lips brushing against your temple. “but this? this just isn’t fair.”

you laughed despite yourself, your nervousness melting under his touch. he pulled back enough to catch your eyes, a satisfied grin spreading across his face. “there’s that smile,” he said softly, his thumb brushing over your cheek. “that’s my girl.”

before you could respond, his lips found yours, the kiss slow and deliberate, like he had all the time in the world to savor you. his hands slid up your back, skimming over the lace, pulling you closer until there wasn’t an inch of space left between you.

“you’re staying in this,” he murmured against your lips, his voice dropping lower. “because we’re not leaving this room for a while.”

his words sent a shiver through you, and you barely had time to catch your breath before he was kissing you again, deeper this time, his hands roaming like he couldn’t get enough of you.

and from the way he was looking at you, like you were the only thing that mattered in the entire world, you were starting to think maybe he couldn’t.

taglist ;  @rafegetinmybed @sqfewrd @dreamyy-cloud @vampteeth @wtfisastiles @flvredcas ( feel free to ask to be added! idm! )

[siennawrites-blog]

It's my 3 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[siennawrites-blog]

pairing: reader x bsf!rafe

synopsis: reader gets depressed after sex, so rafe comforts her.

warnings: smut, angst and comfort, fluff MDNI! - wc: 700

author’s note: i wrote this last night when this site went down; it's a bit different and doesn't have much dialogue but i was feeling poetic. also, trying out yet another layout style ⟡ ݁₊ .

it always starts the same; the feeling in your stomach building up, the heat spreading through your veins, making your body feel like the sun is rising, slowly warming up every one of your limbs as your whimpers turn into quiet moans as you’re brought closer and closer to the edge, to bliss.

then, all of a sudden, rafe touches just the right spot at just the right pace, whispering just the perfect words into your ear before sucking your earlobe into his mouth as he continues thrusting into you, your nails digging into his back, and then the soft sunlight titillating across your body turns into a blazing fire.

the moment you come undone your back arches off the bed, into him like a moth to a flame, your sensitive, pebbled nipples pressing against his muscular chest as you let out raspy words that are supposed to be his name, but ultimately end up being incomprehensible mumbles, rafe letting out groans on top of you as you clenched around him, your tight walls basically calling for him to come.

you can feel the rush of dopamine released by your brain the moment your back hits the mattress, your entire body becoming tingly, and a small, pleased smile playing on your lips as you felt rafe pull out of you with a satisfied grunt before getting up and discarding the used condom into his trash can before coming back to bed with a satisfied grin on his lips, your head still slightly fuzzy from the pleasure he'd given you.

you stared up at the ceiling fan, watching as it spun around, feeling the cool air on your face, feeling it take care of the sheen of sweat that covered your skin, rafe pressing small kisses on your bare shoulder, causing shivers to run down your spine. you felt content.

but just like usual, you crashed.

you didn't know what caused it, but hot tears started stinging in your eyes once again, rafe pulling back to look down at you, his lips twitching into a slight frown as his hand cupped your cheek, his thumb moving to brush away a tear that was rolling down, disappearing into your hair.

"shhh, it's okay..." rafe mumbled against your skin, continuing to press more kisses on the soft skin on your shoulder. you knew it was irrational, that there was no reason for you to be crying, that there was no reason for there to be this hollow feeling in your chest, no reason for your head to be filled with doubts and melancholy; but your emotions didn't much care for logic, "i'm here."

rafe pulled you into his chest, holding you tightly against his warm body while his hand stroked your hair, pressing soft kisses on your hairline while tears continued escaping your eyes, your throat stinging with pain. "you're beautiful. you're alright." somehow, rafe had gotten used to you getting emotional after coming down from your orgasm, and he knew there was nothing he could do to get you out of that mindset, except just be there. and he always did that, he always grounded you. he was like your anchor. "you're amazing."

you held onto him as tightly as possible as he continued whispering sweet nothings into your ear, leaving gentle, loving kisses all over your face, wiping your tears away with just a touch of his lips.

and eventually, the hollowness inside of you slowly faded away and was replaced by him, and you looked up at rafe, into his ice-cold eyes that felt so warm whenever you gazed into them, and your lips finally curved up into a small smile, your heart steadying until your heartbeats were in sync.

"there's my girl." rafe says softly, quietly, as if he was being careful not to break the fragile serenity that had now taken over your features. and before he could pull your lips to meet his, you beat him to the punch, so full of him and his adoration, you felt like you'd die if you didn't return it right back to him.

and as your lips met, every thought, every tear, faded away.

[siennawrites-blog]

party girl ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹

starring; rafe cameron . sweetie!reader

synopsis; when you somehow end up in the hands of rafe cameron at a party, you find yourself trying all sorts of things that you’d never imagine yourself doing

content; use of cocaine, intox, slight coercion, dry humping, exhibitionism, taking of virginity (depending on how u view virginity), topper and kelce’s existence 

note; trying a new layout to match my new theme

“uhm… I think I’m just gonna go find my friends.” you try to excuse yourself from the conversation you’d find yourself caught up in with rafe cameron, you’d heard from many that he would be very bad news for you. 

he chuckles, “oh, nah,” he shakes his head, smirking down at you, “you don’t even know where your friends are. a girl like you shouldnt be walkin’ around all alone at a party like this, why don’t you come sit with me and my crowd huh?” 

you hesitate for a moment, the more rational side of your head thinking you definitely shouldn’t follow and alleged drug addicted psycho and possible murderer to his second location. the less rational side is thinking that you don’t want to be wondering around for ages looking for your friends, as it would be easier to just go with rafe and hope for the best. 

you eventually nod shyly, “okay, i guess..” you look down as rafe smiles and starts to lead you through the party, you follow him all the way downstairs to a corner where there are multiple chairs and couches placed around a coffee table that is scattered with cups, plastic baggies, pills and powder. 

rafe leads you to one of the couches, sitting down in what was presumably his spot before he went on the detour on which he acquired you. there isn’t any more space on the couch so you make to perch on the arm next to rafe, he smiles up at you. 

one of his friends – you recognise him as kelce – speaks up, “what’chu doin’ here sweetheart?” his voice is loud and yet barely audible over the buzz of the party around you. “didn’t think you were the type for this scene.” 

you shake your head timidly, doing your best to speak up and answer him, “rafe brought me,” you tell him, “i lost my friends.” kelce smirks, so does rafe’s other friend topper and you watch all three of the boys exchange looks you can’t tell the intention of.

you feel quite out of place as the men around you are all completely comfortable. they are loud and rowdy, all of them drinking or doing lines or both. you are drinking a pink fruity cocktail that you didn’t actually want for the alcohol and only asked for because it was cute and you could. 

you feel scared to chime into the conversations, so you end up not speaking until you’re finally spoken to. rafe turns up to you, that same wicked smirk plastered across his lips, “you ever done a line sweetheart?” he asks, voice carrying a suggestive tone. 

you immediately shake your head, “of course not. that stuff is so bad for you… i couldn’t ever destroy my body like that.” you say confidently, but then immediately realise your mistake of criticising the use of drugs, in a room full of people who do drugs, everyone is looking at you now. you smile uncomfortably, “but i don’t mind that you guys do it.. that’s.. just fine.” 

rafe chuckles, patting your shoulder, “no you’re right. shits terrible for the body,” he affirms your point, “feels too good to stop though.” he finishes, before leaning down to snort another line off the table. 

topper looks up to you, “maybe you should try some,” he suggests, “would make you understand us, not be so quick to judge.” he smiles smugly up at you. 

“i’m not sure,” you rush out, “i don’t know if my tolerance will be good enough for coke.” you try to make an excuse. rafe sits up, looking right up to you, his hand comes up to wrap around your shoulder, making it hard for you to not slip off the arm of the couch and land in his lap. 

rafe speaks, “nah it’s not that bad.” he assures, “toppers right. why don’t you try it, to expand your horizons.” 

you shake your head, “I couldn’t possibly—“ but rafe cuts you off, clearly set on his motive now. 

���just a little bit,” he smiles, holding a line on his thumb, right there for you to accept. you feel like you can’t say no. 

“I don’t know how to do it,” you inform him and he chuckles, patting his leg. with everyone watching there’s really not much you can do, so you scoot over to sit on his lap, looking around the room self consciously. 

rafe chuckles, lining his hands up under your nose, “when I say, you just sniff, okay?” he says and you nod timidly. a few seconds pass and then rafe speaks, “go.” you immediately sniff, scrunching your face up as you feel the powder go up your nose. you feel the urge to sneeze but you just about manage to hold it back.

rafe smiles, rubbing your back as the others around the table cheer just a little. it’s already starting to hit you, the high, its weird, like everything is a bit distorted, sounds muffled, faces blurred, you feel good. 

soon you’re the highest in the room, despite probably being the one on the least substance. you’re now completely comfortable in rafe’s lap, leaning against his chest and almost constantly giggling at something in passing. 

something else is happening too, you’re starting to shed, that means you are beginning to want to get more comfortable, first taking your hair down and then removing your coat, now you want to take off the tights under your dress. with no social awareness due to the fact that well, youre up in the clouds, you stand from rafe’s lap and begin to pull them down as if undressing yourself. 

“woah there,” topper laughs, “bit forward don’t you think.” he jokes, looking to kelce as they both laugh at your behaviour. rafe smiles up at you, a different look in his eyes. 

“getting hot there?” he asks and you nod, assuming he’s referring to temperature. “need somethin’ to calm you down a little bit? i think you do.” 

you frown, “like what?” 

rafe smiles and leans back on the couch, spreading his legs and patting his leg, “come here and get yourself off.” he says, it’s blunt and forward and surprising. but in your drug addled mind, it just doesn’t take you aback.

almost without hesitation you start to approach, the only thing that makes you stop and think is topper and kelce in the back, laughing and saying something about ‘oh shit she’s really about to do it,’ and ‘didn’t think his plan would really work.’ 

you only look back for a second though, you decide fuck it! you climb into rafe’s lap, straddling him. you lean into his chest and without second thought you start to grind against his crotch. the material of his pants is rough against your pussy that is only covered by your thin little panties.

but you allow yourself to forget that, and soon you’re losing yourself in the feeling of deep, pleasurable stimulation. your head is thrown back and you’re moaning out loud, uncaring of the looks you get from all over the room. 

its minutes of total bliss for you until you finally reach an orgasm, you nearly scream in pleasure. you’re so high and happy that you don’t even register the fact that this is the first ever orgasm you’ve experienced. 

when you’re done with your moment of bliss you flop into rafe’s chest, completely spent and ready to crash from your high. the last thing you hear before basically passing out is something from toppers mouth, “guess she really is a party girl.” 

[siennawrites-blog]

ex bf rafe seeing you do yayo with another man

warnings: s2 rafe, exbf!rafe, cocaine, violence, p in v, unprotected sex, hate sex, finger sucking, size kink, toxic!rafe, toxic!reader, reader not caring about rafe beating someone up

rafe pulled up to the party in his motorcycle, carrying a case of beer in one and as he walked into the mansion. “where's top?” he looked at kelce, who just shrugged, preoccupied with a girl on each arm as he sat at the center of their attention. “dunno” kelce mumbled before saying a joke, making both the girls laugh.

rafe let out a scoff, setting the beer down on the kitchen counter before wandering around the mansion. he was about to take a turn and go out to the pool when something caught his eye, a head of hair waaay too familiar in a tiny dress he immediately hated. he gritted his teeth and took a few strides closer, only to find you sitting on a man's lap.

the man was gripping your jaw, rubbing coke on your gums with his index finger. you were looking up at him, your gaze lingering a little too long as you sucked on his finger. a familiar cologne filled your senses, but before you could register it as rafe's, you heard the heavy sound of knuckles against bone.

rafe's fist plowed into the side of the man's face, his head snapping violently. the man was quick to get up, but he was careful to slide you off his lap. the man sized up rafe before shoving him. “what the fuck is your problem? huh? what the fuck is your problem!” he lunged at rafe, slamming his fist against the square of the rafe's jaw. rafe faltered for a second before taking the man down and pinning him onto the ground, gripping on his collar so harshly the man couldn't breathe.

rafe then reached for an empty beer bottle, smashing it against the side of the table, small shards of glass shattering. but before he could do more, he caught a glance of you, completely unbothered and fed up with his bullshit. you were sitting at the very same spot, lighting up a cigarette. you didn’t even bother to turn your head, to take a look at him, at what he was doing behind you. that gave the man the chance to get away, taking the glass out of rafe's hand. “you fucking psycho!” he yelled, scrambling far far far away from rafe.

rafe was furious, he made his way towards you, standing right in front of you as you stayed seated on the couch. “who the fuck is he, huh? who the fuck is he.” he let out a scoff when you stayed silent. “you know what he is? he's a coward.” he snatched the cigarette away from your fingers, tossing it onto the floor, crossing his arms while you shot him a glare. “really? i think you're a little bruised.” you taunted.. “what are you gonna do, hm? clean me up?” he looked down on you, a smirk playing on his lips. “oh fuck you.” you scoffed. “i like that idea, that's a better idea.” rafe grinned ear to ear.

“you're an asshole” you muttered as you sank down onto rafe, his dick practically splitting you open. “yeah?” his grip on your hips tightened as he guided you, your hands falling onto his chest. then it hit you. you let out a sob, squeezing your eyes shut as your walls flutter around rafe, your whole body going limp.

he flipped you onto your back, placing kisses all over you as he pounded into you. he was relentless, going at an unforgiving pace. “r-rafe, please!” your nails dragged down his back while he took out all his pent up jealousy with each stroke of his hips “sitting on a his fucking lap, letting him put his flithy finger in your mouth. i never once let you touch that shit.” you let out a sob with every thrust of his hips. “it's not good for you” he then took a hand off your hip, placing it on your tummy and gently pressing down on the bulge. “neither are you” you choke out, your second orgasm hitting you harder than the first.

[siennawrites-blog]

౨ৎ ˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 rafe is tired, but never too tired to have pretty little sheep!reader bouncing on his cock <3

warnings: dealer!rafe, light fluff, sleepy sex, riding & reverse cowgirl, dirty talk, praise, spanking, hair pulling, use of the name ‘daddy’, tit sucking

a/n: sheep!reader has been getting heavily requested.. so ask and you shall receive! i’ll be giving longer fics a small break until my pogue!sweetheart!reader series is done because my brain is actually going to explode lol

nothing felt better than coming home to you after a long day of bullshit and seeing you in nothing but those cute thigh high socks of yours. especially when you were so needy and willing to do all of the work. you’d give rafe what felt like a thousand kisses all over his face, his arms wrapped around your waist as you gushed about how much you missed him and thought about him all day. “yeah? i missed you more.” you’d smile at his words, quickly getting him out of his clothes.

you massaged the tension out of his shoulders and left trails of kisses along his skin, your boyfriend growing more relaxed as your skilled hands worked to get him unwinded. by the time you were finished, he was barely able to keep his eyes open, his heavy-lidded gaze meeting yours. “what do you want, baby? you’ve been looking at me like you got something on your mind..” your cheeks heated in response, his fingers dancing along your flesh.

“i know you’re tired.. but can i get on top?” a lazy smile made its way to rafe’s lips before he pulled you onto his lap.

“fuck, yeah.”

those two words were all the confirmation you needed, your shaky hands planted on rafe’s thighs as you moved on top of him, his cock filling you to the hilt. watching you move so fluidly on top of him was enough to make his eyes roll to the back of his head, the sight of your soaked cunt gripping him with every drag of your hips drew more moans from him than the last. “ah, f-fuck! you’re just taking that shit..” rafe was mesmerized, his large palm resting in the curve of thigh.

you cried out when his hand came down on the globe of your ass, a stinging sensation spreading across your sensitive skin. “riding me dumb, huh?” rafe grunted, wrapping a fist in your hair before pulling you back against his chest. you were arched almost painfully in this position, his teeth nipping at the sensitive skin of your neck. “poor baby, here by herself all day..” you whimpered, his free hand snaking down your tummy until he had your clit pinched between his fingers.

you shrieked, white, hot pleasure blinding your vision. rafe knew your body like the back of his hand. he knew what would have you yelping in pain, and what would make you all soft and warm like putty in his hands. “riding daddy makes you so fucking wet,” your hips stuttered when rafe starting rubbing hard circles on your sensitive bundle of nerves, a sharp gasp leaving your lips at the lewdness of his words, “just letting me use you like the cock slut you are, right?”

“y-yes!” you whimpered, sighing in relief when he let your hair go. “make yourself cum, ‘pretty girl, let me feel you.” rafe watched as you leaned forward, your back arching deliciously as you bounced on his length. your ass met rafe’s thighs in rhythmic claps, the sound making both of you moan. “turn around, precious, ‘needa see that pretty face.” you slid off of him for a moment, finally swinging a leg over his lap before sinking back down on his cock.

pushing his face into your chest, you whined when you felt him take one of your tits in his mouth, his tongue circling around the sensitive bud. he licked and sucked as you worked to make both of you cum. you relished in these moments when you two were panting into each other’s mouths, skin hot and burning with fiery need and desire, never wanting it to end. rafe’s abs constricted as he inched closer and closer to his climax, your thighs aching for a break.

“don’t fucking stop..” rafe dug his fingers in the flesh of your hips, “oh, my god, don’t stop!” he repeated, your eyes brimming with tears as your clit slapped against his pubic bone. as soon as you doubled over, your head falling against his shoulder, rafe knew the band in your tummy finally snapped, his own orgasm hitting him at the same time. embracing you tightly, rafe thrusted up from below you so you could just cum without keeping up your pace.

you shook against him, tears rolling down your cheek and onto his collarbone as you reveled in each wave of pure bliss. rafe’s mouth stayed open, his eyes screwing shut as you milked him for all that he had. eventually, you two came to a stop, your breaths being the only sound in the room. if rafe felt tired before, he was even more drained now.. literally. nothing beat his pretty thing of a girlfriend taking his load at the end of the night.

[siennawrites-blog]

i would absolutely love to hear you talk more abt crybaby!reader and rafes ddlg/little space dynamic💕

i’ve gotten two asks abt this so i’ll just combine them here !! this is more of a darker aspect of their dynamic, so let me know if you’d like something sweeter :) cw ; ddlg themes, subspace, manipulation (emotional and psychological), slight mention of watersports, icky rafe

i think no matter which !rafe we’re talking abt, he will always be a stickler for rules and discipline. this is probably something that’s transferred over from ward and from the way he was brought up, but he does not stand for disobedience. rafe has rules for crybaby that he expects to be followed, for example, a strict screen time limit of two hours and bedtime at 8 o’clock. if she’s acting up, being bratty or not listening, rafe gives her one chance to stop and apologise. if she doesn’t, she’s getting sent straight to timeout. crybaby hates timeout. he makes her sit at an empty corner of the room while he lectures her about how bad girls get punished. he’s got her on her knees, hands fidgeting in her lap as warm tears flow down her face. he’s so mean. he doesn’t even let her hold onto her comfort plush, says that she ‘doesn’t deserve it.’ rafe doesn’t tell crybaby how long she has to sit there. he waits until she’s wriggling around uncomfortably, knees achy and legs asleep from the position. she’s not allowed to make any noise, because that would distract rafe from his work. sometimes he’ll make her strip her clothes or remove a few pieces, and then turn the aircon up so he can watch as she shivers and shakes. he gets some fucked up sense of pleasure from seeing her completely vulnerable.

rafe needs her truely and utterly fucked over before he’s even thinking about offering any sort of comfort. he needs to make sure she’s sorry for what she’s done.

he’s not above denying her the bathroom.. watching as she struggles to stay still with her bladder full.. eventually soiling herself in front of him …

sometimes he’ll guild her towards subspace under the guise of it being for her own good, when in reality he just really. really gets off to how pliant she becomes, how soft and impressionable. he could do anything to her, and she’d let him because he was her dad. he was her everything and she would never, ever want to disappoint him. rafe encourages her dependency on him, “can’t even stand up on y’own, can y’baby? y’need dad, right?” he says things like “you’re too little f’that,” and “that’s f’big girls only,” to keep her small and floaty, just for him.

there’ll be times where crybaby doesn’t want to, where she doesn’t want to be small and stupid. but rafe’s raising his eyebrows and giving her such a scathing look she has no choice but to shrink into herself, afraid of what he’d do. “dad just wants t’take care of his girl. y’don’t want to take that away from him, do you? he’s doin’ you a favour.” rafe pretends it’s for her benefit when his hand slips under her skirt or when he slides a finger up against her lips. “just helpin’ you out, angel. ‘feels good, doesn’t it? y’feel better?” he acts like he’s won a trophy or something every time he manages to force her into the headspace.

he plants ideas in her head, trying to make her more susceptible to his words. rafe makes her believe that she needs physical contact in order to feel better. he’ll push his thick fingers into her mouth, tone cloyingly sweet when he mutters, “suck niceee ‘n slow, sweetheart. ‘f’you bite dad’ll have t’stop, ‘n you don’t want that d’you?” he’s just so — demeaning. she isn’t allowed to talk back if they’re having an argument. if she tries, rafe’s hushing her with that mocking voice of his; “uh-uh, babies don’t talk.”

he does spank her on occasion as another punishment, but the most effective one is probably the silent treatment. it really messes with crybaby’s head whenever he does this. rafe cuts her off entirely, acts as if she doesn’t even exist in the first place; it forces her to feel completely isolated and alone. she could be ugly crying and desperately begging for him to come back to her, and he’d let it go on for hours. it starts of slowly. he stops responding to her questions or looking at her when she speaks. his answers, if any, are clipped and dismissive: “don’t have time f’you right now,” “figure it out yourself.” crybaby can immediately pick up on the shift and she starts panicking. rafe removes anything that could give her comfort, her favourite plushie, her comfort blanket, her phone. if she tries to cling to him or crawl up into his lap, he’s moving away from her, deliberately keeping space between them. when it does finally end, it’s on his terms. he’s pulling her into his arms, stroking her hair gently. “there we go, there’s m’good girl. this didn’t have t’happen. if you’d jus’ listened, dad wouldn’t have to do this. you’re not gonna make him do it again, are you?”

[siennawrites-blog]

staying in my play pretend

Your relationship with RAFE CAMERON is complicated.

includes 18+ MDNI / fem!pogue!reader / car sex / unprotected sex (wrap it up!) / cowgirl aka reader does all the work / angst / implied unrequited feelings / reader gets gaslighted / petnames ("baby") / inspired by normal people / wc 1.3k

When the sun dipped below the horizon, the sky littered with stars, Rafe would text you.

That was the only time he ever did. Not because he wanted to talk but because he needed something from you.

You weren’t sure when it started. This back-and-forth. Push-and-pull. Strangers through the day but meeting in secret when night fell. You knew why it started, though. You weren’t stupid. Rafe was a Kook, and you were a Pogue. He was embarrassed to be seen with someone born and raised on the Cut, and you didn’t want to be associated with him.

But nothing could replicate the warmth that curled up your ribs and kissed your face whenever you stuck your head out your bedroom window and saw his parked truck waiting for you. So, you allowed it to happen. 

And somehow, along the way, you convinced yourself that you were okay with it. People hooked up with other people all the time. It was normal. That was easier to accept than acknowledge the possibility that it meant nothing to him—that you meant nothing to him. 

Rafe cared. He had to. If he didn’t, what were the two of you doing now in the backseat of his car?

The air in his truck grew thick and sticky, and the windows fogged. Clothes barely thrown off, skin sheen with sweat, your panties slid to the side. 

Your thighs burned as you moved over his lap, but the moans Rafe let out told you to keep going. Don’t stop. His large hands grabbed your ass, shamelessly squeezing the fat there and helping you fuck yourself on his cock. The knot in your stomach tightened, and your head fell back, eyes heavy and fingers digging into his shoulders. It was a little sloppy like always, movements fast and uncoordinated, but neither of you seemed to mind. 

One of Rafe’s hands lifted to the nape of your neck. “C’mon, wanna see you,” he mumbled, and you felt him lean in and peck your jaw. You shivered. “Fuckin’ look at me, look—there you go, baby.”

You rested your forehead against his. His blue eyes looked dark, pupils dilated and full of want. 

“You love this dick, huh?” You managed a nod. “Yeah, you do. Can feel you squeezin’ me and shit. Fuck, your pussy’s perfect.”

Rafe's words fueled you. Your desperation was hard to miss; your whines and gasps wrapped into one breath. Whatever exhaustion you felt disappeared and was replaced with a sense of urgency. You picked up the pace, moving as if you had something to prove. Maybe you did.

The man beneath you groaned. His hand fell back down to your ass, the light slap making you jolt, and he soothed the sting with a greedy knead. Rafe’s head lulled against the headrest, drunk on your eagerness and warmth. As you rode him, he took advantage to touch you everywhere he could. He pushed your shirt up and tugged at your bra until your breasts spilled out. You felt his cock twitch. You heard him whisper your name. 

“Shit, you’re so sexy,” he murmured, his gaze flickering between your face and your tits. “Y’gonna make me cum, baby.”

Your heart raced. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Rafe let your shirt fall. He then leaned in and closed the gap, his lips slanted over yours, his tongue darting into your mouth. But he parted all too soon to say, “Want you to cum with me, ‘kay?” 

Your stomach flipped. “Okay.”

And as you continued to move up and down, the sounds wet and obscene, you inched closer and closer to the inevitable. You knew he was close, too, from how he peppered open-mouthed kisses on your jaw and moaned something fierce into your neck. He grasped your hips, almost bruising, and he slammed you down harder on his cock, his hips flexing up, nudging that spot that had you seeing stars. Your mouth dropped open, and you gasped.

Rafe sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth. “That’s the spot, huh? Right there?”

You whined a string of yeses, your voice high. It was as if he had control of your body, moving you up and down like you were nothing but a fleshlight.

“Fuck, yeah, baby. Give it to me,” he coaxed, his grip on your hips tightening as he pulled you down again.

The knot snapped. You cried out.

Hot white pleasure erupted from the pit of your belly, shooting through your limbs and making your body tense. Your fingers slotted through his hair, and you held him to you as if he was the only thing grounding you to the earth. Rafe wasn’t far behind, unable to resist the way your cunt pulsated around him. He wrapped his arms around your waist, his hips jerking while he emptied himself inside of you, whimpering like he was wounded. 

With your sweaty bodies pressed close, the intensity faded, heavy breaths filling the air. Neither of you moved—an unspoken decision to stay connected just a little longer. 

You felt one of his hands creep beneath your shirt, following the path up your spine, his touch light. If Rafe didn’t care, why did his hands feel like confessions?

“Rafe.” 

He hummed against your neck, placing one last kiss before pulling away. You stared down at him, your hands leaving his hair to hold his face, your thumbs brushing his flushed cheeks. He felt warm under your fingertips.

“Do you like me?” You didn’t know what compelled you to ask.

A frown tugged on his features, his brows pinched together. His eyes darted across your face because maybe if he looked hard enough, he would give you the answer you wanted. But then he glanced down, and the corners of his lips quirked up. He chuckled.

Nervous, you chuckled, too. “What?” 

“I’m literally inside you.”

Was that his answer? 

You gave a sheepish smile, and your gaze traced the slope of his nose and the curve of his mouth. You tried again, “C’mon, do you?”

Rafe gave your hip a light squeeze. It didn’t feel comforting. It felt like a warning. Stop pushing. “Does it matter?” 

Yes, it mattered. It mattered to you. “I guess not,” you resigned, your hands dropping from his face as you went to fix your shirt.

“Hey.” He grabbed your chin, and you had no choice but to look at him. His eyes looked softer than usual, and his mouth opened then closed. “You’re the only one I’m seeing, you hear me?”

Could you believe him? Trust him? Your heart so desperately wanted to, but your mind told you otherwise. He was Rafe Cameron—anything he said could be a lie. Again and again, you had gone through that in your head, hoping it would finally stick.

But you were weak. “I hear you.”

“Good.” Rafe nodded, his hand slipping down to the side of your neck. He still had you wrapped around his finger. “So, you don’t gotta get all sappy or whatever, alright?”

You nodded, feeling defeated.

What confused you further was how he leaned in to kiss you soon after. It was gentle, almost sweet. This was what you craved, what you starved yourself for. Then the doubt crept in again. If he were trying to express the unspoken through it, you wouldn’t know. You never did when it came to him. And for your sake, you pulled away, your eyes remaining shut, unable to look at him.

“We should, uh, clean up, yeah?” Rafe sighed. He ran his hands down your thighs, giving them a light pat. “Gotta get you home.”

You ignored how your stomach churned. “Yeah.”

But this wasn’t the end. You knew there would be another time. And, like every other night, you would wait for Rafe’s text to light up your phone.

sunnie speaks! hey i hope you guys enjoyed reading :D i honestly struggled writing this for some reason?? so lmk what you guys think!!! also the title is a lyric from habits (stay high) by tove lo let's chat about rafe cameron!

if you like my work, consider following @sunniefics to stay up to date on all my future fics!

[siennawrites-blog]

𝜗𝜚 c!w. dirty talk, sexual themes, aftercare, shy!reader, soft!rafe.

heavy pants filled the air of rafe cameron's bedroom. the breaths bounced from wall to wall as he laid his back against the mattress, chest slightly heaving.

his eyes were busy, darting across each of your features and trying to gauge any emotion.

"c'mere, baby." you felt his hand grab at your upper arm, his own large bicep curling around you, holding you close so you could feel the warmth of his body radiate off of your own.

you were trying to regain your breath, softly breathing through parted lips as your head laid against the boy's chest, legs already beginning to dangle between his own.

it was hard to ignore the sudden heat to your face, a blush creeping across your cheeks.

you'd had sex with rafe quite often and you didn't think he was keen on slowing down anytime soon. though neither were you. however, it was only in your shy nature to feel suddenly flushed against him.

he felt you nuzzle against him. it was almost as if you were trying to hide your face in the crook of his neck.

his words plagued your memory.

"that feel good, sweetheart, huh?" "fuck, baby, your pussy's so fuckin' warm." "there you go, good girl." "love bein' fucked by this dick, i'nt that right, angel?" "like bein' my good girl, huh? all mine, that's it, baby.".

rafe's lips often spilled words that were awfully crude when he fucked you.

"y'okay, sweetheart?" he felt you nod in the crook of his neck. rafe was typically soft after moments like these, especially like tonight, when he knew he pushed you a little further than normal. "you're quiet. not upset, yeah?"

once again, he felt you nod.

he gently moved you, nudging your face with his nose. "gonna answer me, princess?" you sort of blinked at him. "with words."

he felt you squirm against him. "'m okay." you muttered, though your voice was so quiet it hardly reached his ears. while the tips of your own were turning red.

the stare he was using seemed a little dangerous. "yeah?"

a hum was on the tip of your tongue but it was awfully hard to concentrate when he was looking at you like that. his head slightly tilted, eyes piercing into your own, pretty lips bent into a slight smirk. all you could think about were the filthy things he was whispering in your ears not five minutes ago.

shrinking in on yourself, you had to shy away from him.

finally, he got it.

his lips quirked up into a smirk. "getting shy on me now, huh?" rafe liked to tease. "all shy like you weren't jus' gushin' around my dick, baby?"

"rafe!" you shot your hands up to cover your bashful face with a blush spread across it.

"what?" a half laugh fell from his lips, hands pulling your own from your face so he could look at you. "you liked me talking earlier." you uttered something, rafe didn't hear it. "speak up, angel." nudging your face with his nose for the second time. something about the act seemed soft, gentle.

once again, you squirmed. "'said stop bein' mean."

his brows raised. "how am i being mean, sweetheart?" a laugh on the edge of his tongue but he held it back, not wanting to make you feel more embarrassed than you already did.

"'cause." your fingers were absentmindedly trailing up his arm, eyes too focused on trying to escape having to look at his face. god, you couldn't look at his face.

while rafe was merely staring at yours. "you're cute." the grin sitting on his lips and the cocked brow was enough for you to hide your face in his chest. he heard you mumble something about him having to be quiet. "'m serious, baby." he pulled your face up with his fingers hooked around your chin. "my shy girl, 's so cute."

the way he spoke to you had your head feeling sort of blurry, a floaty feeling that you couldn't quite understand.

"head feelin' fuzzy, princess?" you nodded at his words, confused on how he always knew what was going on inside your head. it seemed he knew better than you did sometimes. "'s okay, pretty girl, c'mere."

for the second time that night, he pulled you in closer, this time you were practically on top of him, bodies wrapping together like gloves. as rafe said, you "fit so perfectly, like 't was made for it."

"that's right, princess, 'm gonna take care of you." with a kiss to the crown of your head which he watched you hide instantly. "gonna take care of my shy girl, yeah?"

all that you could muster was a nod.

[siennawrites-blog]

i need u to write forced ddlg... so cute

forced ddlg with rafe… </3

it starts with the cute things that make your head spin. like when he goes “you’re too little to do that, baby” as you’re trying to complete a task by yourself, when he makes you hold onto his hand or a few of his digits as you’re crossing the street, when he buys you childish activities to pass the time with while he works…

but of course, there’s always an angle with rafe. he needs total control. so suddenly you’re given new rules and limits… your screen time is cut down. you have a curfew. you’re not allowed to swear or cuss or use adult language. you’ll admit it, it feels euphoric at first. it feels amazing to have no worries— to be his little girl and be so spoiled. so cared for in every aspect. who knew being fucked absolutely dumb with your favorite stuffie tucked in your arms before a long nap was all you needed most days?

most days— today is not one of those days. today is the kind of day where you’re tempted to throw away everything that reminds you of this sick dynamic in the trash. the kind of day where you scream “i’m not a fucking child, rafe” so loud that you hope the neighbors hear. even if they did,they’d never say anything.

and rafe can only grab up your face in his rough hand and nearly slam your pretty, little head against the wall. his jaw is tight— his words come out between his teeth as his hand trails down to your neck, squeezing with such a mean grip that you choke out a sob.

“you’re whatever the fuck i want you to be, understand?”