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Vash the (stupid babygirl) Stampede

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even if the movies look a little dated now, the character designs in Scary Godmother were so good!!! sometimes all you need for a good halloween party is a 7 year old girl and a bunch of gay people

[click to fullview]

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BLUE PERIOD episode 1 ♡ Yaguchi Yatora

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“Well Caleb’s a little in love with Jester Lavorre...”

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Just saw the trailer for Underwater and as someone with a crippling fear of the ocean/fish, that movie is one giant FUCK NO.

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Finally worked out why the last 30 minutes of Underwater (2020) didn’t work for me.

As soon as the creatures are properly revealed, the conflict of the movie switches from:

“We’re stranded at the bottom of the ocean in a damaged rig with dwindling supplies and no way to contact the surface.”

to:

“There’s a bunch of spooky monsters that are trying to kill us.”

And I don’t think I need to explain why the former is a more interesting premise than the latter.

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Black Guy, First to Die

*** Spoilers for “Underwater” and “Star Trek: Picard” ***

Sadly this trope is still popping up in modern sci-fi.

I’m really tired of seeing darker skinned actors/actresses included in casts only to get killed first.

Anyone who watched “The Get Down” knows that Mamoudou Athie deserves the world. He does not, however, deserve to play the character in “Underwater” that implodes 20 minutes into an ensemble piece where’s he’s the only Black person in the cast. Especially when that cast includes T.J. Miller, whose lengthier survival only contributed quips written in the ‘voice of the audience.’

Miller’s presence offered few laughs and was a constant reminder that if anyone had to die first it probably should have been him. But I guess we needed comedic relief?

And did anyone cringe during the premiere of Star Trek: Picard when the trope manifests again in such a visceral way that we’re shown a dark skinned character, portrayed by a Black actor, unnecessarily stabbed through the chest with a knife?!

In a century when people can easily be beamed away or stunned, we had to see this guy be the first character killed in the entire Picard series…with a dagger.

Simply casting people of color in films- specifically films with ensemble casts or films that purport to contain any allegory for modern societal issues- feels like virtue signaling when they’re still not cast in substantial roles or still only represent lighter hues of skin tone. 

Jessica Henwick is a person of color with a more substantial role in “Underwater,” and while that’s wonderful as an actress of East Asian descent, it doesn’t counter the issue with Colorism.

Why do you invite us darker folks to the party just to tell us we gotta go home early? Was it just so you can say we were there?

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Kristen Stewart in Underwater (2019)

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Gee, Scraps, you didn’t have to freak out like a jerk and kill all humanity. Scooby-Doo (2002)

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i owed twt some dirkkat so imma share it with you guys too

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repeat after me:

even if i don’t like my body today i will take care of it

even if i don’t like myself today i will still be patient and kind with myself

even if i do not love myself i will still take care of and be kind to myself, despite not wanting to

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if my ex girlfriend lived across the bay from me and i threw extravagant parties that i thought she would like so she could fall in love with me and repeat the past, i would simply not die because her husband set me up.

rip to gatsby, but i’m different.

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Stages of Relationships Starters

Stage 1 — Dating:

“Will you go out with me?”

“What do you say? You and me, that great pizza place downtown, tonight?”

“You look— amazing tonight.”

“Just one date. I promise. You won’t regret it.”

“I had an amazing time tonight. I’d love to do it again, sometime.”

“I know we’ve only just met, but I’d really like to take you out tonight.”

“I promise, I’m usually better at this—”

“This is my favorite restaurant. You’re gonna love it.”

“Wow, you look even better than your online profile.”

“It’s so amazing to finally meet you, in person.”

“Do you— wanna come upstairs/inside?”

“I can walk you home, if you’d like.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d show up. But I’m glad you did.”

“I was starting to think you’d stood me up.”

“Oh, God, my ex is here.”

“So, do I get a goodnight kiss?”

“I’m not great at first impressions, am I?”

“I know we’ve been on two dates this week, already— but how about another?”

“Whoa, that is off-limits until, like, the tenth date!”

“Wait, you’ve really never been on a date before?”

Stage 2 — Love/Intimacy:

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“Please— just kiss me.”

“I don’t want you to go. Stay the night?”

“More, please—”

“Come a little closer— please.“

“Do you think you might be ready— to take the next step?”

“I didn’t know what real happiness was until I met you.”

“I love you more.”

“God, you are so perfect.”

“Stop— you’re making me blush.”

“Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly love you more—you do this.”

“Do you love me?”

“I know it’s soon, but I think I’m falling in love with you.”

“I’ve been in love with you for months—I was just too scared to admit it.”

“Just one more kiss—okay, one more—just one mo—”

So—how do you say ‘I love you’ in your mother tongue?”

“I’m sorry— I’m just not ready for sex, yet.”

“My roommate is out of town—why don’t you just stay over?”

“So, I was googling ideas for our date. I found something called Netflix & Chill—I think we should do that.”

“I think we should move-in together.”

Stage 3 — Marriage Proposal:

“_____, will you marry me?”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“I always thought that marriage was just a shame— but with you, I think it’s worth it.”

“Remember that time when (insert significant moment)? It got me thinking.”

“So, there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you for awhile now.”

“I’ve been carrying this around in my pocket for a month, waiting for the right time. There is no right moment. So, I’m just going to go ahead and ask right now.”

“You make me a better person, and I want that forever.”

“Let’s run away together. Elope. Sounds like an adventure.”

“Dammit, my hands are shaking. Hold on, I’m super nervous.”

“Can we talk about this in private?”

“Why are you kneeling?”

“Is that a—?!”

“I–I don’t know what to say?”

“I thought you didn’t want to get married.”

“I knew there was a reason you were acting funny all day!”

“So, what’s the occasion? You never plan dates this fancy.”

“I know I said I didn’t want to settle down, but—”

“I asked your dad for your hand in marriage. Now, it’s time to ask you.”

“Of course I’ll marry you. Did you think I’d say ‘no’?”

“If this is about the baby— don’t do this. That’s not a good reason to get married.”

Stage 4 — Wedding & Honeymoon:

“I’m so nervous I could throw up. Someone get me a drink!”

“Please, get some sleep. Our big day is tomorrow. It’s gonna be amazing!”

“I can’t wait to marry you tomorrow.”

“Nah, omens are fake. No one believes that stuff. Tomorrow is gonna be perfect.”

“I promise I’m not getting cold feet, I’m just really nervous my ex is going to show up and ruin everything.”

“I do—”

“We’re married! We’re actually married now. I get to call you my husband/wife forever!”

“I know the guests are waiting at the reception—but I need a few minutes alone with my new wife/husband. Come here, you—”

“Do you think we’d get in trouble for skipping our own reception? I can’t wait to get out of here and start our honeymoon!”

“I know it’s supposedly bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding— but how do I look?”

“Pop the champagne! Let’s get this party started!”

“I know this day has been a disaster from the start—but I’ve never been happier, now that you’re mine.”

“I’m gonna cry—”

“I’d like to propose a toast to my bride/groom—”

“Wow—you look stunning!”

“Don’t panic— but I the best man/maid of honor is MIA.”

“This day has been perfect. I hope the rest of our lives together is just as amazing.”

“Last night was amazing. I’m glad we waited until we were married.”

“Let’s just stay in bed all day. Order room service. Maybe have a bubble bath. I have you all to myself, now.”

Stage 5 — Domestic Life:

“The food is not burnt. It’s—slightly toasted.”

“Tampons? You want me to buy you tampons? Me?”

“What do you mean, you lost the keys? This is the third time this week.”

“Change the channel, and I will kill you. I’ve been waiting for this show all day.”

“My underwear are all bright pink, now. Thank you for that.”

“Did you forget to walk the dog? He just made a puddle on the floor.”

“You, me, PJ’s, bed. PJ’s are totally optional, by the way.”

“I know you don’t like my parents, but we have to visit them sometime.”

“How about we never mention this situation again?”

“You should call the doctor about that. Don’t try to macho your way through it.”

“So, I got all the groceries. Except for this last one on the list. Is that an actual word, or did you just scribble something random with your elbow?”

“Did you steal my shirt again?”

“I made dinner. Your favorite.”

“Wait—you want me to wear that? In bed? It doesn’t cover anything!”

“I just bought this dress/shirt/etc at the store today. How do I look?”

“You look tense. You want a massage?”

“I just started a bath. Care to join me?”

“Thank you for taking care of the laundry.”

“Did you pay the bills today? I don’t get paid until tomorrow.”

“I couldn’t sleep either. Want me to make you some tea?”

Stage 6 — Pregnancy & Birth:

“I think I want to start a family, now.”

“What do you say we make a baby tonight?”

“What do you mean, you stopped taking your birth control?!”

“I’m out of condoms. Are you sure you still want to do this?”

“So—if we were to hypothetically have a baby, how would you react?”

“I took a pregnancy test today.”

“Have you been to the doctor yet, about that stomach bug?”

“You’re pregnant!? How far along?”

“When were you gonna tell me you were pregnant?”

“We haven’t told _____, yet. We should call them.”

“Who do you think we should name the godparents?”

“How are you feeling? Need me to rub your back? Get you something to eat? Turn the air down?”

“What do you think about (insert baby name), for a girl— or (insert baby name) for a boy?”

“Do you want to feel them? They’re kicking up a storm, right now.”

“Did you hear that? They said we’re having a boy/girl!”

“Please don’t freak out, but I’m pregnant— I SAID DON’T FREAK OUT!”

“I think my water just broke!”

“We need to go to the hospital. Now!”

“Just squeeze my hand. It’s gonna be alright. I’m here.”

“One more push! You can do it!”

Stage 7 — Children:

“They have your eyes—”

“Can you run to the store? We’re out of diapers, again.”

“Is it even possible for one baby to scream so much?”

“Ugh, they spit up on my good shirt.”

“They’re your kid before 5am.”

Shhh—they’re finally asleep.”

“I’ve been up since 4am. It’s your turn.”

“We make damn beautiful babies, don’t we?”

“The kids won’t stop fighting, again.”

“_____ got sent home from school for fighting.”

“_____ came home sick today. Great.”

“How do they outgrow their clothes so damn fast?”

“Their first word better not be a curse word. If it is, it’s your fault.”

“I think we’re damn good parents.”

“Why are both you, AND the baby, crying?”

“Can you help _____ with their homework tonight, while I make dinner?”

“It’s your turn to change the dirty diaper.”

“Is locking the kids in the closet—against the law?”

“No. She’s not allowed to date. Ever. End of discussion.”

“Wow, they have a very natural talent for _____. Maybe they’ll be a _____ when they grow up.”

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Person1: can I ask you something

Person2: sure

Person1: do you like even wanna talk to me? You send the shortest replies to me now… And you don’t even bother to talk. Do I annoy you? Or something? Because if I am, please tell me so I can stop wasting my time trying to get you to talk to me

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Person1: why do you always do this?

Person2: do what?

Person1: we stop talking for a week. Then you RANDOMLY text me like nothing EVER happened? You get my hopes up and lead me on. Because you know that no matter how long you ignore me, I will always be here waiting for you

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lullaby (feat. the inimitable jeff ball on violin <3)

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I’m guessing Cyborg is all of us!😅 •Art-@/_picolo on Instagram•