shwayyispoetry

[shwayyispoetry]

it’s okay to miss home /

when you call your mother to ask her “how many spoons of sugar would be enough?”, for the custard you’re making for the first time -

she tells you exactly how much and still it doesn’t taste as good as the one she makes back at home.

[shwayyispoetry]

how could I be too much for you? or maybe too little / but never just the right amount, never just enough?

[shwayyispoetry]

In between the spaces of my words, I have kept you somewhere safe.

[shwayyispoetry]

In the corners of my mind, we still exist—

It’s still you I stroll with in the park, our dogs by our side, It’s still you who reaches for the pen to make our weekly grocery list.

But in reality’s harsh grasp, it’s the ghost of you I still miss.

[shwayyispoetry]

I’m a mosaic, made of pieces of others.

I wear my perfume the way my sister taught me, so it lingers longer / I cook my noodles just as a friend showed me back in seventh grade / My PIN is still an ex’s birthday / I love coffee because someone I loved once loved it too / My playlist is a collection of songs that remind me of certain people / and I watch movies because someone once said they were their favorite.

To say I’m entirely my own person wouldn’t be true — I am a mosaic of everyone I have ever loved / a part of them exists — either in my being or in the words I write.

[shwayyispoetry]

and if you ever start doubting your own worth, come sit next to me, maybe then I’ll let you read everything that I’ve ever written about you / maybe then you’ll understand your existence is why I exist too.

[shwayyispoetry]

where do I keep this rock filled with the most unwanted, unappreciated and unreciprocated emotions sitting inside my chest?

It’s getting too heavy now / I cannot carry it within my ribs.

[shwayyispoetry]

Maybe it's a fault I was born with/ Maybe I'll never learn to appreciate myself for the things i have checked off my to-do list / for all the roads i have crossed / I haven't learned how to pause -

because if i am not moving forward, I feel like I am drowning.

[shwayyispoetry]

They say, "If you could love the wrong one so much, just imagine how much you will love when the right one arrives."

But how does that even work? I gave all my best parts to someone. In fact, I'm not even sure if they were the wrong person or if it was me.

I'm scared I will never be able to love the right person in the right way because I will always fear them leaving or me messing it up. There will always be a lack of self-love or too much of it.

[shwayyispoetry]

Emotions usually tend to co-exist.

you can feel the weight of solitude but find solace in your own company / you can grieve the loss of someone while wishing them a happy life ahead /You can be proud of your strength yet crave to crumble in the arms of someone you love /

You can be happy thinking about the laughter you shared while still feeling the ache of goodbye like a knot in your stomach.

you see, emotions, are so beautifully intertwined, it’s like one wouldn’t exist, without the other.

[shwayyispoetry]

love must be a very shiny thing / brighter than the sun, sparkling like the fireworks /

What other explanation could one have to go blind in it?

[shwayyispoetry]

It is so deeply enrooted inside of me - it runs so deep in my veins, you can cut me out / and I'd still bleed HOPE.

[shwayyispoetry]

I think I am a paradox.

I pretend to lose all my hopes, saying I don’t care, while hoping that life somehow proves me wrong—hoping that the gods tell me, 'See, you thought it wouldn’t ever work out, but see, it did.'

I hate being touched, but somehow, physical touch is my love language.

I am someone who maintains her distance in fights and arguments, but if I love you, I’d even fight myself to keep you.

[shwayyispoetry]

I’ve only ever seen love as a luxury, It is not something you can buy or steal, It is not something you get very easily /

a dish served on a sharp-silver-knife, and every time you try to lick it off, you are likely to end up with a bruise or two.

[shwayyispoetry]

Please don’t walk out of the house in the middle of an argument.

Don’t just walk away like that - abruptly; without any explanation, Because I will keep waiting/ keep my eyes fixed at the door, waiting for the knob to turn,

But I am afraid— What if the wait never ends? What if you never come back?

[shwayyispoetry]

If I cannot feel 'at home' inside my own head / If my own arms cannot hold me as my skin wraps my bones,

then where do I b e l o n g ?

If I am someone who makes a home out of people who have no intentions of staying,

then how am I different from a v a g a b o n d ?

[shwayyispoetry]

“If i loved you less, maybe then you could love me more” -

I hate how people think of love these days, this is not the love poets and writers talked of. If i love someone, why can I not show it to them? If I care for someone why should I pretend that I don’t?

If the weight of my emotions scares someone away; if it’s too heavy for them to hold on to, then maybe they were never meant for them.