shrimpfriedjpegs

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Tommy Wiseau feels like the isekai protag that resurrected in OUR world

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what did YOU contribute to the Stardew Valley luau soup?

i drink this every night

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1/1000 chance of obtaining this form

i know he ate a cheese

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I have waited ALL FUCKING YEAR TO POST THIS

Santa is coming tonight.

And none of us are getting ANYTHING CUZ WE’RE ALL A BUNCH OF DISGUSTING PERVERTS

But that’s fine.

I bought myself the Loki costume in Minecraft, so its a Merry fucking Christmas for me!

Happy Holidays, followers!

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too few spoons

too,,, much,,, pudding,,,

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phineas and ferb au where they can't build anything and everything looks like this

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humans need a healthy dose of believing in benign bullshit. four leaf clovers. salt over the shoulder. if you don’t let it out in little ways it builds up inside of you where it rots until you join qanon.

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an advent calendar but everyday you receive different things with "advent" in their names

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Talk fantasy prosthetics to me.

An elf maiden dances on feet of living wood sung into shape, planted in soil and watered when she takes them off. Every year she plants the old ones and sings a new pair. (Incidentally, the pair of peach saplings from three years ago have produced an excellent crop- She makes preserves from them, and despite the inevitable jokes about “toe-jam”, they are appreciated.)

A dwarf king has a metal fist, all tiny gears and fine wires, kept wound by a mischievous mine-spirit bound to the spring as punishment- the more it struggles, the tighter the spring. 

An orc chieftaness is regularly asked for the story of how she earned the name Wyrmthrottler- she boasts of how she strangled the dragon that ate her arm, and had her shaman make a new arm from its bones, with its fangs as the fingers.

A necromancer simply re-attached his old leg bones- Sacrificing a few mice each day keeps it going.

A pirate captain lost her arm to a shark attack: a passing selkie saved her, and gave her tattoos of kraken blood. Now she has an arm made of salt-water, that grows and wanes with the tides, and swings a cutlass as well as the original. (She doesn’t sail as far these days though: she doesn’t want her wife to worry.)

A wandering swordsman was broken at the waist- his ancestral armour allows him to walk again, as long as he keeps it polished, and burns incense to the ancestors regularly.

A high priestess has an eye made from a crystal ball- to predict the future, all she has to do is wink.

A bard was struck deaf by illness- he struck a deal with the god of music. Now he wears hearing-trumpets made from his old pipes, and dedicates his every song to the god of music- the better he plays, the better his hearing. (It is said his music could make statues weep, and he can hear a mouse fart at 60 paces.)

A princess has the arm of a golem, enchanted clay with mystic words carved in- her music tutor despairs of how her harp playing has become even worse, but her calligraphy tutor is ecstatic over her handwriting.

A goblin pickpocket has an arm made of whatever he steals- no-one feels his fingers, and even if they did, they couldn’t find their possessions amongst all the rest.  

A witch has eyes made from shadow and starlight, given to her in a game with a demon. Nobody dares to ask what she wagered- they aren’t even sure she won.

A warg was born deaf and blind- his people learned of his power when the nearest birds started staring at them, and dogs pricked up their ears as he walked past.

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if it shines, it should be mine 💖

Next from the party:

Uh *checks notes* CVZX "Queen" Gyzzrd

A female lizardfolk rogue.

Complete dumass [affectionate] with an insatiable desire for shiny objects.

This character was made and played by @shrimpfriedjpegs

I love her<3

[shrimpfriedjpegs]

Tatami Time Machine Blues

character design by Yusuke Nakamura