shrieks

[shrieks]

ianfm​

Ian still felt a bit awkward for using the Ryder household as a pit stop for his anxiety but he felt better now that he’d calmed himself down some. Even though the visit was relatively short Ian knew that he’d have to make more time for friends again in the future. Ian might not be as outgoing as his partner that was waiting back at home for him but he still needed the social interaction all the same. Ian nodded his head at Lou’s promise of future plans. Even if there was no date in sight Ian would be sure to make it happen or at the very least put it on Bo to make the hangout happen. He was a lot better at this sort of thing than him and he was sure Bo would be more than happy to arrange plans to hang out with the Ryders again. “I’ll be sure to let Bo know that I stopped by,” Ian promised. “Thanks again for letting me use your bathroom,” he added as he headed for the door and eventually let himself back out of the house he’d come in to. Fortunately Lou’s place wasn’t too long of a drive back to Ian’s apartment and he didn’t waste any more time once he got in his car and proceeded to drive off in the direction of home. Hopefully he’d be able to make it without any more stops along the way.  

               lou understand anxiety; they often don’t allow others to see that side of them, the type of person who actively tries to appear stronger than they are, untouchable, unaffected by the emotions that plague other people, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. they are strong, but they’re still human; they don’t know of ian’s true intentions coming here, but if they did know, they’d understand. even if they didn’t understand, they’d have supported their friend, anyway. “any time vogt, for real,” they offer casually, but casual is often laced with sincerity when coming from lou. if lou doesn’t have a temper going, it’s often safe to say that they’re affectionate in their interaction, in their own way. they don’t follow ian out the entire way, but they do trail behind enough to keep an eye on him all the way to the front door; it’s the polite thing to do, and while lou doesn’t care an awful lot for manners, there’s nothing preventing them from seeing ian out properly, like a good host should. “get home safe, man, good seeing you again!” they call, feeling an uncharacteristic amount of worry as they let ian go back into the world that has hurt him so irreversibly.

[shrieks]

ianfm​

“That’s good, enjoy them while you’ve got them. They don’t send you home with them,” Ian said trying to keep some small talk going. It was a small positive of being in the hospital. Ian hurt a lot more when he was sent home that’s for and even though Ian gladly would take the discomfort over spending any more time in the hospital he was trying to look for positives for Lou’s current stay. Being on the “good drugs” was one of those few perks that Ian knew the hospital had. 

“I feel like most places operate that way,” Ian said with a shrug. There were few times where working off of assumptions was in someone’s favor. Whenever Ian went anywhere he knew he had to tell folks what he wanted and he didn’t see why the hospital would be any different. “You’re welcome,” Ian told them. “You sure there isn’t anything else I can do for you?” Ian asked. He wasn’t always so helpful but he really felt the urge to do more for Lou. Perhaps it was his own feelings having been in a situation similar to theirs that he wanted to really step up but he wouldn’t press much further if Lou really didn’t need anything from him. 

               while it’s a positive thing for lou to have all of the best medication currently while still in the hospital, they can’t help but to fixate on the negative side of things - they’ll be sent home soon, without any of the stuff that will actually help them. if it were charlie in this bed, the entire interaction would have been much more positive, but alas, ian is unfortunately stuck with the least favorite ryder twin - not that lou would ever wish for their brother to take their place; they did sacrifice themself for the bubbly boy, after all. despite it all feeling like a lose-lose situation, lou recognizes ian’s attempts at keeping their spirits up, and they do appreciate it, despite the efforts not working. they remember ian being in a similar state to themself when he was attacked, but even while they believe he’ll understand, they don’t dampen ian’s spirits by being honest and telling him that their mind is still completely clouded by negativity. it’s not an easy thing to be in ian’s position either. 

              it makes sense for places to work this way, lou supposes, but they still think it’s complete bullshit for that to be the case here. they’re not in the right state of mind - or body - to be spelling things out for people; they were under the impression that nurses and doctors study hard so that they can step up for their patients when they need help, or in other words, when they’re not in the right state of mind - or body - to be spelling things out for people. lou’s opinions are extremely narrow minded and biased due to their suffering condition in this insufferable experience, obviously, but no matter why they feel the way they do, they can’t bring themself to agree with ian’s difference in opinion. “not that i can think of,” they answer, and they shake their head cautiously. “thank you, though,” they appreciate ian, especially knowing how much he’s been through since these attacks begun, 

[shrieks]

antonio hadn't meant to sound surprised hearing of hector's successes with other people; a light blush comes over his cheeks, and he laughs at the other man's reactions. "sorry, i didn't mean to sound surprised," he tells him through the laughter - laughter that grows with each next word hector is speaking. it's nice to speak to someone as open-minded as hector. when antonio was in high school, he couldn't imagine speaking so openly about something like this, and the joy he feels from the comfort gained from hector reminds antonio that for the most part, he definitely was surrounded by the wrong people back then. he hesitates for a second, and then finally decides to speak his mind. "i've just never been with a guy before," he admits. "guess i was just trying to pick up pointers, or something," he admits, embarrassed, but not afraid to allude to his own sexuality for the first time. he's surprised at the lack of nerves and fear he feels, but even without them, adrenaline kicks in.

"i've been playing forever, man," he tells him, and there's an equal amount of pride and disappointment in his tone. "you should have seen me out there on the court, you would have if we were closer in age, i suppose," he was a prodigy, a brilliant player, a staple of the team. if things had turned out differently the night of his graduation, the night of the accident, antonio would have been working towards his shot at the big leagues. "that's how chandler and i became friends, actually. always in the same places, training- her with her one hundred and two different sports and teams, but me just for basketball, for the most part," he chuckles. "i haven't really played seriously since high school, though," he tells him, less pride in his voice, leaving mostly disappointment in its place.

"yeah, more than the ladies. don't sound so surprised. i'm a cultured man, antonio," he said, smirking as he did so. "many men have been lucky enough to have a little piece of this. maybe more than a little piece," he added with a wink. "and you know people who don't identify as either. i'm really not picky, dude. if they're hot and ready, i'm hot and ready," he added and shrugged. maybe it sounded crude of him but he was just being honest. he wasn't aware of how much his comment had been a shock to antonio or that it was something he was unsure about but hector was always happy to talk about his love life. or his sexual life rather. he had been a bit more nervous about it as a teenager but he had always been too full of himself to even be shy about it. it wasn't like he cared what his father thought and his mother, well what she didn't know didn't matter. it was his life after all.

"she might. i'm only allowed to say it so many times and we've been friends forever." hector was proud of his friendship with chandler and sometimes he really thought no one would ever be a friend to him the way she had. what they had been through together and apart, he was grateful for all their time together and this new chapter of living together was just proving that more and more. "yeah as you get older life is just a bunch of working huh? but down at the basketball courts? alright, okay, Dr. J, I see you. we should play together some time. i mean baseball was always more my thing than basketball but i still got some skills. how long you've been playing?" hector was realizing in the moment how few questions he had asked him. he had spent time with tony but he hardly knew him. maybe it was time to change that.

[shrieks]

despite the fact that danny knows next to nothing about ted, he reads the man extremely well. it's easy enough to do in a moment such as this one; ted is still working on his people skills - on his life skills, even. knowing how to act and interact with others comes with so much difficulty, so it only makes sense that his emotions are so easily displayed on that frightened face of his. with no disrespect to danny, ted isn't strong enough to interact with somebody like him, not yet, and so it goes without saying that ted really is ready to bolt, feeling not only unwelcome and called out, but embarrassed, ashamed, terrified and incompetent, too. while ted went into the interaction believing that it was okay to have lapses in education when it comes to skillsets and hobbies outside of ones own, ted now feels like the stupidest person alive.

even with danny's efforts, with his backtracking, ted feels like a shell of human being, standing there in fast times. he hardly even feels human, actually, struggling with getting himself together so that he can make it through the interaction without making it worse for himself. if this is how danny reacts to a question about a sport ted knows nothing about, ted would hate to see him react to a grown man crying in the store. ted doesn't cry, but he does feel bad, and bad is a feeling that lingers on ted like a bad smell. he doesn't easily find his way out of it, like he's trying to find his way out of this store as swiftly as possible. "she has an exacto knife," ted recalls. while it might be in ted's best interest to leave without making a purchase, to get away and recover from the shock of being made to feel so lousy so unexpectedly, ted believes it's easiest to go along with everything that danny suggests. "that all sounds great, thanks," there's defeat in ted's voice, but that's still better than crying!

It takes Danny a second to realize what he's doing. If this were some schmuck who came in acting like they owned the place, like they mattered more than they did, Danny wouldn't let up and would keep pushing them until they left, embarrassed and ridiculed. They deserved it, in his mind. But that's not Ted, at least not as far as Danny can see. He sees how nervous – even afraid – Ted seems, and Danny tries not to flinch when he realizes it's his fault.

Danny doesn't know the first thing about Ted, but from what he can read, he's feeling exactly the sort of thing Danny feels in most other parts of town. Unwelcome, called out, and ready to bolt. And all because of Danny. By all accounts, Ted's just trying to do something nice for his sister, and Danny's being his usual impudent self by throwing his lack of knowledge back in his face. He tries not to let the shame color his face as he chews on the inside of his cheek, sighing to himself. He's being too hard on the guy.

"If she's artistic, that's a good gift, yeah. You can kinda just go crazy with it, and it'll usually look good. You should probably get an Exacto knife too to carve it out if you don't have one." He explains, backtracking and trying to turn things around. He steps away from the counter and moves towards the section of the store reserved for extras and supplementary equipment. "She might already have this, but these are also great. I have, like, four," he tells the other man, pulling one of the T-tools off the rack. "It's kind of an all-around tool. If a bolt's ever loose or she's gotta replace something on the road, this is a godsend." He clarifies. "I'll grab the tape and stuff from the back. Just wait there," he instructs Ted, moving swiftly towards the backroom of the store, trying to swallow the frustration rising in his throat over his own behavior.

[shrieks]

takemecn​

“she might be! though if i had to guess your age, i would guess that you’re a little bit younger than her- just like i am! which doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t know her, of course, but maybe not as well!” aera laughed over herself and her inability to give a straight answer. “marina, that’s her name. marina davies. she was always really good at every sport she played - she’s good at everything she does, in my opinion - but she never really cared to get on top of the leader board or for the notoriety. she’s only ever played because she loves to! which i think is very admirable- not that playing to be the best isn’t! i only meant that you might not know her even despite the sport connections because she’s never cared to be known; her priority has always been on living her best life, and that’s what i think is admirable.” though she stumbled over her words, aera got to her point eventually. “that’s okay if you don’t know the answer!” aera quickly tried to reassure him. she hadn’t meant to ask him a tricky question, she was only interested in getting to know him better. “everyone grows and changes, i think it’s rare that you find someone who walks the same path for their entire lives.” she concluded.

               “how old are you? if you don’t mind me asking,” he asks curiously, smiling at the way she’s speaking. “i’m only twenty-two,” he confirms, having no reason to keep her guessing about his age. he listens to aera’s rambling and stumbling through the information about her sister, and his smile only grows. she’s a very charming conversational partner, antonio finds, and very quickly he finds himself quite immersed in their interaction, no longer thinking too much about his fears and his troubles that have come from the killers and their attacks. his face lights up with a fond recognition as soon as aera drops her sister’s name. “marina!” he nods, knowing the girl from their shared history with sports. “i know who you’re talking about, yeah,” he nods again, not having expected them to be siblings. “and i know what you mean, don’t worry,” he laughs softly, not minding the little stumbles that aera took on her way to her point. “she was a really good player, no matter what her priorities, and that’s why i noticed her, i think,” he shrugs, and he tries to stop himself from thinking too much about the sadness that easily wells up in his chest at the topic of passions - something that antonio has had a hard time figuring out for himself, particularly after high school. “yeah, for sure,” he nods, and he tries to really hold on to aera’s words, hoping to use them in order to inspire hope inside of himself, hope that ideally will be able to help him with the troubles he finds with having no idea of his future or his passions.

[shrieks]

[shrieks]

it's one of those days where donnie finds himself struggling to stay focused as he stands behind the counter at dick's sporting goods. it's thankfully for no sinister reason, for no regression in his mental health journey, no trouble in his relationship, and no new activity from the killers to take his mind away from his work; donnie's only preoccupied by thoughts of the rapidly approaching and last minute planned wedding, which is nice to think about, but also quite stressful, and definitely not the right thing to get so caught up in while at work. thankfully business in dick's is slow today, slow enough to warrant donnie jotting down notes about matters he wishes to speak to bo or finn about later on, but as he does so, he completely loses focus on what's happening around him, to the extent where he's completely lost when the security guard comes in to speak to him.

donnie looks at the man with wide and confused eyes, wondering what he's missed while busying himself with non-work related matters, but at the admission that the guard is the one who has it wrong, donnie sighs a sigh of relief, and he chuckles. "no, man, you're all good," he finds it amusing, how much he was made to believe he had missed. "i didn't call, no, but you had me thinking i'd missed some trouble for a moment, which had me totally about to freak;" he shakes his head sheepishly. "to be completely honest with you, it's been a really slow day, so i wasn't paying the most attention just now," this isn't to say that donnie would easily miss someone with sticky fingers coming in here, but it makes sense why he easily thought he might have. "but i totally get it," he doesn't want the other man to feel embarrassed. "it's a big place," he shrugs. "you new around here? Or just still getting used to the mall?"

Davis was still getting used to life in Shrike Heights. After all, it had only been a week since he'd been here, and his life was drastically different than it had been back in Boston. Before he'd been a military man respected by both the army and his family. Now he'd been honorably discharged, so the military definitely still respected him, but his family was another story. Thousands of miles from the place that was no longer home, Davis felt a bit adrift. He'd been here before to visit his grandmother before she'd retired to Florida, so the town and the house were somewhat familiar. But everything was so different, and Davis hated the way that made him feel. He'd only been working at the mall for a few days, so whenever he could, he walked around, getting to know the place; maybe if his workplace felt more familiar, he'd be a little more comfortable.

Knowing the mall better would have definitely come in handy in the situation Davis found himself in now. It was near the end of his shift, and he walked into the store with the stolen item in his hand; someone had just tried to shoplift it, the clerk calling security, and Davis was pleased he had managed to find the perpetrator and retrieve the item; at least he could do that right. "So I got it back, but the guy got away unfortunately," Davis said as he approached the clerk. But then he paused, looking around - this was the wrong store. "Uh...you're not the person who called me, are you?" he asked, feeling embarrassed. He didn't know what store he was in, nor did he know where the store he was supposed to be was located. "Dammit," Davis muttered under his breath. "Sorry," he apologized, "I guess I need to learn my way around a little more."

[shrieks]

“Grief is love’s souvenir. It’s our proof that we once loved. Grief is the receipt we wave in the air that says to the world: Look! Love was once mine. I love well. Here is my proof that I paid the price.”

— Glennon Doyle Melton (via 89words)

[shrieks]

despite having her fair share of days where she feels like an empty shell of a human being since enduring her traumatic experiences with the shrike killers, rosie still tries her very best to be true to the version of herself that is consistently and constantly looking for happiness and fun. now more than ever, rosie wants to live a good life, she wants to find every silver lining and follow every rainbow to its pot of gold. while nothing that extraordinary happens in shrike mall - not unless it's extraordinarily bad - in the quaint town of shrike heights, the mall is still rosie's go to place to find entertainment and positive distractions.

she raises her eyebrows in happy anticipation as the person speaks to her, and only then does she begin to take in the sight of the impressive spread they have on the tables in front of them. very quickly, a grin spreads across rosie's face. "sounds like a monster of a man, to be standing you up when you've gone to such effort," she gives them a sympathetic but not pitiful smile; rosie's been there before, too, there's nothing to be ashamed of. "a food court feast more than strikes my fancy," she accepts, nodding enthusiastically and helping herself to a seat. already she vows to herself to make rory's experience better than it could have ever been with the rude individual who decided not to show. "it's absolutely his loss," she offers. "but lucky for you, i'm quite good company.

"hey um! would you perhaps be interested in joining me?" cheeks were beat red, standing out all too well against pale flesh, "i was supposed to be meeting some guy but it appears as though he's stood me up. i uh, kinda anxiety ordered." rory said with a chuckle, gesturing toward the plethora of food that took up not one but TWO tables, "and got something from each place. way too much food." irish accent was thick with every word despite the fact that they've lived in shrike heights since the age of twelve. while you could take the lad out of ireland, you could never take the ireland out of the lad. "does a food court feast strike your fancy?"

@shrikestart

[shrieks]

@highfears

[shrieks]

ianfm​

“You’ll make it,” Ian assured them. If he’d made it through his stay in the hospital he was sure anyone could. “Just think of it like a really shitty vacation with the best drugs. Do they have you on the good painkillers? You should ask for them if they aren’t,” Ian stated hoping to lighten the mood a little bit. His physical pain had certainly been best managed within the hospital and he hoped that Lou was getting a similar treatment for their injuries. He also hoped that they’d get out a lot sooner than Ian had but he didn’t want to ask Lou too much about their recovery. It was a sore subject and one that he was sure they wouldn’t want to speak about more than they’d have to with the professionals they were seeing. 

“Unfortunately they don’t operate on assumptions you’ve got to be straight with them,” Ian explained. It was one of the quirks with hospitals that he’d learned from his time as a patient. Unless he was specific and direct with the people in charge of his care they’d offer up all sorts of services and bedside manner that Ian wanted no part of. “They’ll still come in and bother you but I promise it’ll be less if you request it. It’s one of those things that they put on your chart.” Ian was glad that he was able to offer Lou some comfort even if it was in the form of a vice. “I wish I would’ve had a fuller pack on me to give you,” Ian stated. He’d been smoking more since the latest attack had triggered so much extra anxiety in him and he’d already dipped into the pack he’d passed along quite a few times. Had he known that was something Lou would’ve wanted it wouldn’t have been going out of his way at all to supply them with their own fresh carton. 

               they probably will make it, ian is right to suggest it, but knowing that it will one day come to an end doesn’t make lou feel any better in the moment; they wish it would, that anything could, but as much as their physical pain is gone thanks to the painkillers ian speaks about, their discomfort remains, as does the mental pain and suffering. it’s hard, even if not permanent. they know that ian knows this, too. “yeah,” they nod. “i’ve got all the good stuff,” they confirm. unluckily for lou, this isn’t the first time their body has been pumped full of intense drugs, so their tolerance is a little more stubborn, and the effects a little lesser. thankfully no matter what, it’s still better than if they had to go without the medication. their mind is naturally pessimistic in thoughts and feelings, so even the things they have to be grateful over aren’t easily being appreciated, especially not with the pessimism only intensified after their attack. 

               “sounds like a bullshit way to operate,” they think aloud, though to save ian from having to deal with the negativity for much longer, they decide to keep the rest of their rambling and venting to themself. it just doesn’t make much sense; the nurses are presumably in good health - overworked but otherwise well - so shouldn’t they be picking up on what their patients want? particularly as the last thing that the patients can or want to do is have to spell everything out for the employees here. it bothers lou to no end. “i’ll have to tell ‘em them.” they conclude. “this is more than enough for now, i appreciate it,” they shake their head, honest. while lou has a bad history and a bad reputation, they are capable of appreciating someone else’s good doings. “even just this one has made me feel a little more sane,” they hold up the cigarette they smoke to gesture to it.

[shrieks]

Steel Magnolias (1989) dir. Herbert Ross

[shrieks]

"fingers crossed, i could reach it any day now," antonio plays along with hector's joke about puberty, grinning and laughing. only a few short years ago, such a joke would have left a bad taste in his mouth; while antonio isn't anywhere near happy about or thankful for the things - the trauma - that led him to grow up as a person, it is a life so much better lived, one where he can take a joke and have more fun. "more than the ladies?" he doesn't even really mean to say this out loud, but it sparks his interest; antonio knows that he's attracted to more than the ladies, but it's not something that he's ever been able to act upon as of yet. a feeling of half anxiety, half excitement washes over him as he thinks about potentially being able to follow hector's example and attract all sorts of people.

"speaking from personal experience, you shouldn't trust her cooking," he laughs. "careful, if you say the 'f' word in her vicinity she might flee," he teases their beloved close friend. none of them are perfect - no matter how many jokes antonio makes about hector being perfect, and nothing but desired - and it's fair game for chandler or hector to make jokes about his flaws in a similar manner, just as he does to chandler. it might sound a little harsh to an outsider, but it's all love between them. "i'm so good at this, i can definitely help you," antonio boasts, though hector would have laughed if he saw his bedroom, and likely wouldn't have employed antonio for the job if he did. "that's pretty much all i do," he tells hector in a serious voice, though he is joking - arguably sadly not stretching the truth that much, though. since antonio stopped seriously playing basketball after graduation, after his accident, he's been somewhat lost. "that and working," he adds, to make sure hector knows he now makes an honest living for himself - not by choice, a detail he leaves out. "recently though, i've actually been spending a lot more time down at the courts," the ones down in old shrike.

"oh extremely special huh? like what? you getting through puberty?" he grinned to let tony know he was joking, not actually interested in being mean to him. but hector was still who he was. "ah just you wait one day it'll pop out and you'll be a wolf man." he let out a louder laugh at tony's assessment and paused to grin and turn his face. "the ladies do love me, that they do. more than the ladies too but i think if i had facial hair i'd get more older women which would be...hot. you know we just might have to. get coupons for her to buy us dinner and shit cause i don't know if i can trust her cooking." he smiled again at tony's reflection on his interaction with juliet and then caught himself. did she feel like this whenever she heard someone talk about him? he didn't believe she did but there was a part of him that hoped she did. "yeah she let's you around to annoy her cause she doesn't want to admit she actually likes having friends," hector joked but he had known chandler for most of his life at this point and he figured he knew her pretty well. sure tony was eager and could be annoying in his own way but so could hector. he knew antonio had a good heart and good intentions and that's what mattered most to him. "alright then we're hanging out then. you can help me set this shit up. i'm trying to maximize space in here. i mean i'm no interior decorator but i like to think i have somewhat of an eye for this stuff." he led tony back into the apartment and set the boxes down before heading out again. "what about you though, huh? when you're not on chandler's ass, what do you be getting up to?"

[shrieks]

LOGAN LERMAN  talks Hunters & being the internet’s boyfriend on TODAY with Hoda & Jenna  (x)

[shrieks]

ted's stomach is twisting and churning with anxiety; he feels guilty, having come into the store with no knowledge himself, even though he knows that knowledgable employees are employed specifically so that they can help their customers. even being aware of the logic, ted doesn't feel any better about needing help from danny. "she does some tricks," he nods meekly. 'which you obviously don't' ted wasn't previously ashamed of his lack of knowledge - he still isn't, really - but having the fact pointed out to him makes him feel bad. it's not hard to make ted feel bad, but even when it's a feeling that he should be so used to by now, it doesn't get any easier to deal with it. "some of the grip tape and paint pens sound good," he suggests, glad to finally feel like he's getting somewhere with his attempt at getting something for his sister - and completely brushing past the fact that he indeed doesn't know who mark gonzales is. "i don't know," he answers, probably not to danny's surprise. "a good, decent, adequate sized gift. she's done a lot for me, so," he shrugs.

Danny clenches his jaw to prevent rolling his eyes, and he shoves his hands in his pockets as he leans back against the counter. "Okay, so riding around town means street, but the skate park could be lots of different styles. D'you know if she does tricks?" He asks. At a certain point, it becomes irrelevant to try and question Ted, but there's also a meaner part of Danny that likes to see people squirm when they're so clearly out of their depth.

He decides to throw him a bone. "Look, she might not even need trucks. You really only buy those if you broke something or if you're building a board. And with that, you really wanna know the specs of what you're working with, which you obviously don't." Play nice, Shaw, he hears his boss berate him in the back of his head. "Meaning," he pivots, "if you wanna get her something she can use, regardless of kind of skating she does, your best bet is gonna be accessories. We've got some stickers that are good, and we just got a new shipment of patterned grip tape and paint pens that'll probably sell out the second we stock it 'cause everybody wants to be Mark Gonzales." He recommends, not that Ted would know who that is. "How big of a gift d'you wanna get her?"

[shrieks]

ianfm​

“I would. I think lines like those only work if the other person gets it,” Ian suggested. Not that he was a master at dating. Even though he’d had quite a few partners and flings in his time it was often the other person courting him and not the other way around. His flirting skills were probably even worse than Lou’s in all honesty. 

Ian shuttered at the mental image Lou put in his head. “Believe me I wouldn’t be with Bo if his crafting got to that point. As far as I’m aware the puppet that shares my likeness is only an homage to me and doesn’t actually have any part of me to it,” he insisted not that he knew that for a fact. Ian was a heavy sleeper and he’d certainly sleep through Bo stealing a lock of his hair. He was just fairly certain Bo had no desire to make voodoo dolls… at least he hoped. Talking with Lou had definitely calmed Ian down. He didn’t feel nearly so panicked and felt he could make it home safely without his fear induced from the attack overcoming him at random again. “I should probably start heading back, yeah. I don’t want to worry him,” he stated apologetically as he changed his mind. Ian really didn’t want to scare Bo by being longer than expected. He’d already put him through that once and wasn’t looking to do that ever again.  “We should all get together soon though. Charlie too,” Ian insisted. Even though he hadn’t anticipated coming over to the Ryder residence he’d enjoyed the brief encounter he had with Lou. 

               “i’ll see what i can do, then,” lou decides, though they don’t really have any plans to work on their game right now. despite the fact that lou would love to have a girlfriend, someone who loves them, to work on their game would require them to confront their flaws, and to find a girlfriend would force them to confront their loneliness; they don’t need any of that right now. “yeah, i trust that that’s the truth,” despite the jokes that lou has made, they don’t really think bo to be weird enough or twisted enough to do something like craft out of pieces of his partner and their cat; bo is eccentric, but he’s not... like that. “yeah, totally,” lou doesn’t need any explanation from ian. while in an ideal world he’d stick around and keep lou company for longer, in an ideal world none of them would be going through what they are, so to think of that is pointless. they understand that ian needs to prioritize the wellbeing of himself and his partner right now, rather than hang out with a friend for too long on his own. “yeah, totally,” they nod. “i know char would love that. we can make it happen, whenever we see each other next,” ‘we’ including bo and charlie, too. “or if you wanna phone, just whatever,” they want to give him options, while also not forcing ian to commit to any sort of plan he might not be up for in the near future. 

[shrieks]

ianfm​

“They will eventually,” Ian promised them. He knew that that would offer little comfort now but eventually Lou would get their autonomy back. “I was able to walk around and do what I wanted towards the end of my stay,” he added hopefully his own personal anecdote would help bring some hope back into their life even though that wouldn’t be easy. He didn’t feel any of Lou’s anger was directed at him. He’d done nothing to anger Lou and had no problem listening to them vent now. Ian had been in a very similar situation when he’d had his extended stay in the hospital. His room wasn’t even that far from the one that Lou was staying in now. 

“I think that you can ask them to not disturb you unless it’s absolutely necessary. I think it’s part of their bedside manner to check in on you even if they don’t have to but you can change that. I mean at the end of the day they can’t actually force you to do anything,” he explained. Ian had definitely had his own version of that in place during his stay. He didn’t want the constant doting on him from nurses or candy stripers and preferred the solitude and company of those he’d chosen to visit him. Ian’s attempt at keeping the conversation somewhat light had failed. It really did feel like everyone he knew and cared for had fallen victim in this latest attack. When he wasn’t with Lou Ian could easily be found with one of his other friends who’d suffered at the hands of the killers. “That’s good you’ve had some visitors,” Ian said. “And seriously if you need anything at all let me know. Bo and I are at your disposal,” he encouraged. He’d offered that to quite a few folks lately but he meant it in earnest to all of them. 

               lou doesn’t always feel bad for their attitude, in fact, they probably should feel more guilt over more things in their life, just in general. lou feels such bitterness for the world; they feel like they’ve only ever been dealt a band hand, that they’ve only ever pulled the short straw, and so they act out and they lash out. they’re not proud of this, and while they’ve grown, they haven’t yet changed. as they sit in their hospital bed, surrounded by four walls that feel as dreadful as the mall to be inside of, they do feel bad for their attitude. ian doesn’t have any bad intentions, and he’s trying his hardest through really shitty circumstances. ian doesn’t deserve any attitude, and while it seeps out of lou naturally like water dripping out of a leaky faucet, they try their best to keep their anger to themself, not projecting it out onto ian. “it just feels like i’ll never reach the end of my stay,” they admit, there being multiple reasons to what they say, all reasons that lou can’t find more words to elaborate on them. 

               “you’d think they’d know by now that i don’t want them in here when i don’t want them to be,” lou suggests. they don’t have someone like bo by their side the entire way, someone to dot all their i’s and cross all their t’s without them having to think it all up for themself, but now that ian has presented them with the idea, lou fully plans to tell the nurses up front to stop bothering them. “it still feels like they’ll be bothering me more than i’ll want them to, but, guess i can’t win all of my battles,” they don’t mean to be so negative, but how can a person not be negative in lou’s current predicament? “thanks, man,” they take another drag of their cigarette. “i mean, this is a great start,” they speak about the cigarettes, “so really, thank you,” they enunciate their last words more clearly in order to properly stress how much they do appreciate ian, no matter how much they’re complaining at him.