showmanfreakshow

[showmanfreakshow]

Chapter 1 development is going smoothly! Also, I have decided that for the daily life I will post one day in one chapter. So basically when Elysia goes to sleep (and after the After Show), that is the end of the ao3 chapter. Deadly life will work differently of course, but we aren’t there yet. So when day 1 is officially over, that chapter will be posted immediately!

I had the idea of writing all of chapter 1 before posting it, but doing this not only is more efficient, but also gives you guys more content to work with. So uh yeah

[showmanfreakshow]

Here’s that other oneshot I posted to my main account! This one specifically is a little non-despair AU ship with Kevin and Margaret because I absolutely ADORE these two together. This is, of course, not canon. It’s just a fun little thing. Like before, feel free to use this to get a feel for my writing if you haven’t read the actual prologue yet (which you totally should if you haven’t) and get a feel for these two characters since the prologue is a bit brief. Enjoy!

Philophobia

Woahhh me? Posting another oneshot of my ocs that literally no one knows about except me and my IRL friends? More likely than you'd think. These are different characters than the ones I posted about last time but they're in the same universe. Also I'll be generous and provide a tiny bit of context for the characters and scene.

This oneshot (and most of the ones I'll post probably) is non-canon to the story they're a part of

Both characters are in college; Margaret is 25 and Kevin is 24 in this story specifically

Margaret has a lot of phobias. Like, a lot. An insane amount of them. This story only mentions like three but she has way way way more so that's why she's Like That

Kevin's just a guy I guess

No you don't get to know what they look like fuck you

Anyway the boring stuff is over now so it's oneshot time! Yippee! Content warning for emetophobia (she doesn't actually throw up but it's still a threat), panic attacks (or at least my attempt to describe one), self-deprecating thoughts, and just very mentally ill thoughts in general.

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Nightmares were an interesting concept. Dreams alone were fascinating, but the fact that your brain could create something unsettling and scary enough to force you awake while all of the information from the day is being cataloged was something that should be studied in Margaret’s opinion. At the very least she wished that a way to stop nightmares from happening at all was made; she’d buy the entire stock at her local store if there was. But there wasn’t. So Margaret had to deal with the horrors that her brain created each and every night with no reprieve.

If she was a normal person, this wouldn’t be a big deal. Most people’s nightmares could be scary, sure, but Margaret highly doubted that her nightmares were anywhere near normal. When she had a nightmare, which was any night that she dreamed at all, it always ended the same way. If it didn’t immediately shove her into a panic attack, then it would at minimum keep her up for the rest of the night by giving her somniphobia steroids. Tonight she wasn’t so lucky. She was hunched over the toilet in her dorm’s bathroom, desperately resisting the urge to throw up. She didn’t often get nauseous during her panic attacks (she’s had enough of them to know that for a fact), but nightmare-induced panic attacks were the exception apparently. Her emetophobia loved that.

Don’t throw up don’t throw up don’t throw up please please for the love of any god that’s out there do not throw up I can’t handle it right now I can’t I can’t please please–

Margaret retched, gripping the porcelain as if she would float away otherwise. Her entire body was shaking and covered in a cold sweat. It would go away, it always did, but knowing that there was a light at the end of the tunnel didn’t stop her from being afraid of the dark. Once she calmed down, she could eat one of those breakfast bars she bought and play some Stardew Valley until she fell asleep or until it was morning, whichever came first.

In for four, hold for four, out for four, in for– it’s not working it’s not working calm down stop freaking out this is embarrassing you are 25 years old stop crying stop crying you’re an adult you can’t do this every night calm down–

A gentle hand touched her shoulder, immediately making the woman flinch and whimper pathetically. She completely forgot that her boyfriend was staying the night with her. He could see her. He could see her.

“Do you need some water?” Kevin asked quietly, his voice heavy with sleep.

Margaret couldn’t speak. Every time she tried, she could feel the bile rising in her throat again, threatening to spill out. She let out a sob, her face going back into the bowl in front of her.

Stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it don’t throw up don’t throw up no no no no no no no–

She half expected Kevin to touch her again, but he didn’t. Instead, she could hear him leave the room and return, presumably with the bottle of water he offered earlier. She couldn’t even imagine drinking right now; her tongue was fat and heavy and she was practically choking on it with every sob and retch.

“I brought you some water. Do you want a drink? I can help you.”

Margaret immediately shook her head furiously. She appreciated the gesture, but she just...couldn’t. She’d drown. The water would go down the wrong pipe and she would get pneumonia and die. She would choke and throw up and she could NOT throw up right now otherwise she may not recover.

“Okay, okay...can you raise up for me?”

She could do that. Somehow. She raised up just enough for Kevin to see her flushed, bodily fluid covered face and for her to see his tired one. He was clearly worried for obvious reasons. Margaret knew that he had no clue how to help her right now. He’s never had a panic attack to her knowledge; if he has, it wasn’t nearly as bad as hers could be. She couldn’t even imagine him freaking out this bad.

Oh god oh god don’t look at me stop looking at me stop it stop it stop it I don’t want to be looked at right now I’m gross and it’s late and you should be sleeping not taking care of me go away go away go please–

Kevin carefully brushed her hair out of her face, not seeming to mind her tears and snot running down her cheeks or the way that she shied away from his touch at first. He tore some toilet paper off of the roll and slowly wiped her face clean. It wasn’t very comfortable due to how rough the college’s toilet paper was, but it was a nice gesture in her mind.

“There you go. Better?” Kevin asked as he threw away the soaked toilet paper.

Margaret did not answer. She didn’t trust herself to speak. Her brain was so conflicted right now. She wanted Kevin to just leave so that he couldn’t see her so vulnerable this late at night, but she also knew that she would assume that he thought she was ugly and weak if he left now that he was here. She wanted to hug him and cuddle until she fell asleep in his arms, but she wanted to scream every time he touched her.

Why can’t you just be normal?!

Thankfully, the urge to vomit was finally gone. Was she calm? Far from it. But this was significantly better. Margaret shamefully shuffled into the corner her shower created with the wall, bringing her knees to her chest and burying her face in them.

This is pathetic why can’t you just be normal why can’t you sleep through the night just once why can’t you have a boyfriend and love him without being scared why can’t you have a normal brain and not a brain that hates you–

“Do you want to be alone?” Kevin sat down in front of her.

“No– no. Don’t leave,” Margaret choked out, lifting her head immediately.

“I won’t. I promise.”

“...I didn’t– I didn’t mean to–” Margaret hiccuped, more tears falling onto her lap. This was pathetic. She was pathetic.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, you did nothing wrong, Darling.”

It didn’t feel that way. Margaret knew that her vast amount of mental illnesses were the reason that she felt like everything that happens ever is her fault, but knowing you’re colorblind doesn’t mean that you can suddenly see the difference between red and green.

Kevin frowned and reached his hand out, hovering over her knee. “Can I touch you?”

Can he? He only had the best intentions in mind and loved her so much, but that was exactly why Margaret didn’t want him to. She couldn’t be loved right now. It was a sentiment that would confuse any mentally healthy person, possibly even other mentally ill people. But she couldn’t. It was a miracle that she could allow herself to love and be loved sometimes in all honesty.

“...no.”

“Okay,” Kevin responded softly, pulling his hand back into his lap.

He was always so kind and understanding. It was confusing. Why was he so nice to her? He was a master of love and the most attractive man she knew; why wasn’t he with someone else? Kevin was a golden apple polished to perfection while she was the rotten one chucked haphazardly into the bucket, spoiling the bunch. She could suck the joy out of a room simply by entering, but he chose her to be his one and only. He called her beautiful and held her close and kissed her hands like she was a princess. She was no princess; she wasn’t even a rat that roamed the castle halls.

For longer than she liked, the only sound in the room was Margaret’s shaky sobs. This was awful. She woke up her boyfriend at an ungodly hour and forced him to sit on the bathroom floor and watch over her like she was a child. She might as well be one at this point.

In for four, hold for four, out for four, in for four, hold for– you idiot you didn’t hold it start over start over quit crying stop you won’t calm down if you keep crying stop it stop it think of anything else for the love of god–

Kevin interrupted her out of control train of thought by just...talking. He just started talking about his day. Margaret was confused at first, but quickly realized that he was trying to distract her. Or at least she assumed that was his plan. The only other options were that he didn’t know what else to do or that he was narcissistic enough to think that now was a good time to talk about himself. Neither of those seemed likely.

“Let’s see...I went to the store at about 11 today. I needed some basic groceries, but I saw those chocolate muffins that you like and bought them. I forgot to bring them over, but I can give them to you tomorrow if you’d like. No need to answer me right now, of course. Then I had a work appointment at 2:30 for a classmate you don’t know. She’s really nice. I can’t say much about the appointment for privacy reasons, but it was very productive.”

He continued to talk and talk about whatever came to mind. What he ate for lunch, his thoughts about certain subjects, everything he loved about her (that one made Margaret flush again for a very different reason), and even the homework he had this week. It looked silly, but it actually helped her calm down. It was enough of a distraction for her to feel normal, a rare feeling for her.

Margaret finally stood up after...who knows how long it’s been. It was probably better for her mental health if she didn’t check how long she’s been in here. Kevin stood with her. The two left the bathroom in silence. Kevin approached the bed, but Margaret staying by the door caught his attention.

“Not going back to sleep?”

“...I can’t.” Margaret looked away, staring out the window at the moonlit sky.

“...I’ll stay up with you then.”

“No– no you shouldn’t. I’ll be okay!”

Kevin shook his head immediately. “I don’t want to leave you alone. It would make me worry.”

...he’s too nice. He should be sleeping; you’re keeping him awake. Just go to sleep. Who cares if you have another nightmare at this point? It’s not the last one you’ll have.

She sighed quietly, her entire body deflating. She was so tired. Her bones felt like they were made of lead as she made her way to her boyfriend, practically collapsing into his chest. The force was enough to make him fall onto the bed, which made him laugh quietly and instantly hug her back.

“Let me know if you need anything, okay? I’ll get it for you.”

“...love me...please…”

“I already do, Margaret.”

Kevin pressed the gentlest of kisses to the top of her head. It was scary and made Margaret’s heart race in the worst way possible, but she needed it. She was terrified of him loving her. Her fear hurt him so much, she was well aware of that, but he never complained. She was a beaten dog that bit at her owner’s hands with every attempted pet, and yet he never minded the blood and bruises.

Margaret buried her face into his sleep shirt in an attempt to shut out the rest of the world. She so desperately wanted to love him as much as he loved her, but she couldn’t. She never would. No matter how much she loved him, her fear would always smother that out. No way could she ever love him as much as he loved her.

But he was okay with that. No one else in the world would love her as much as he did. He gave her as much love as she was comfortable with each and every day. On good days, that was everything he had to offer; on bad days, it was nothing. And yet he was happy with her. He was happy.

She was...okay with that. She was willing to be scared of his love as long as he was willing to provide it. Her brain was doing its best to convince her that he’d stop one day, as it was wont to do. Maybe one day he would. It was a thought that kept her awake at night when she was alone; it was a thought that spurred several late night texts that he immediately answered so that he could reassure her.

He deserves someone better...but he chose you. He loves you. Don’t make him regret it, or else you’ll be alone. He won’t be there to comfort you forever.

...I love him so much.

[showmanfreakshow]

Felt bored so I drew Hiroki in an outfit she’d wear during a show! Her drag name is “Oh Honey,” a play on both her last name and the fact that she focuses on a dessert aesthetic for her outfits.

[showmanfreakshow]

Development for Chapter 1 has officially started! Aka I have 2 paragraphs in a document and like 75% of the story planned in my head.

[showmanfreakshow]

You guys probably could tell but the prologue for The Showman’s Freak Show has officially been posted! Simply follow the link on my pinned post! I hope you all enjoy ☺️

[showmanfreakshow]

Welcome one and all to The Showman's Freak Show!

It's my turn to contribute to the Fanganronpa community with my circus/carnival based one! This is a Danganronpa-inspired killing game that I have been working on for a long time and can finally share with the masses.

All characters within this fanfiction are 21 or over and live in America! You can find this fic at the AO3 link provided on this post. This blog will contain updates, pictures, and other related content for this Fanganronpa specifically! Please feel free to give me any feedback or questions you may have; I don't mind at all!

Finally, PLEASE keep in mind that my Fanganronpa is intended for an 18+ audience. I am an adult, and sensitive/mature topics will be brought up in my story.

[showmanfreakshow]

Good news: I officially have an ao3 account!

Bad news: I’m so so so extremely busy so I still probably won’t be able to post the prologue soon.

I definitely cannot do it tomorrow, so I’ll try and shoot for either Sunday or Monday. So be prepared >:)

[showmanfreakshow]

Here’s one of those one shots I mentioned! Feel free to use this as a way to get a feel for my writing style (and also to get a crumb of character for Katja and Sebastian. As a treat.)

Please keep in mind that this is entirely not canon and is simply a very cursed ship/scenario that and me and a friend came up with.

A Wine-Filled Heart

So I have a bunch of OCs rattling around in my brain and wanted to practice writing for a few of them and me and my IRL friend accidentally created The Worst ship known to man so uhhhh here's the first little oneshot thing I wrote for them. No you do not get to know anything about them for context so feel free to fill in the gaps with your own headcanons. Constructive criticism is welcome just don't be mean

It was not a surprise that Katja hated people. Kind people, mean people, adults, children, everyone was horrible in her eyes. People were hateful, people were untrustworthy, people were unpredictable. If it could talk to you, it could lead you astray. Animals were slightly better; they at least gave you visible signs of what they were thinking. The best, however, were the non-living. Robots, technology, money, they couldn’t lie to you. Money was especially reassuring; a stack of cash in your hand meant security. It meant that you would live another day peacefully. Katja loved money.

However, getting what she loved meant interacting with what she hated. She couldn’t get money without people. Usually that just meant emailing some schmuck that wants a robot dog for their kid or something to assist a disability. She could tolerate email. She loved making robots, so she could tolerate it for the sake of doing the one activity she loved in order to gain the item she loved. Unfortunately, she was currently going through a dry spell. She had enough money to handle not having any work for a couple months, possibly even years, but...she was antsy. It was a biological fact that people craved interaction. She couldn’t stay isolated forever, and she didn’t have the excuse of work to stay in her workshop for hours on end.

That’s how she ended up here. At a party for people with way too much money, drinking bitter wine that she hated, wearing a dress that she hated, talking to people that she hated. She hated this, but she was being paid. The bastard that was her plus one needed to keep up the appearance that he was a functional member of society and agreed to give her 40% of the payment he received in order to pretend to be his girlfriend. It wasn’t her first time doing this, but it was the first time attending such a formal event. It would hardly even be considered a party by some people she knew. Everyone was just standing around and talking with the occasional attendee deciding to sit instead. It was practically a circle-jerking fest for people wanting to stroke their own egos. Katja hated this.

She was sitting in a table near the front door, drinking sour red wine out of a glass that she was definitely going to steal and eating...something. It had some french name that she didn’t care to remember, but it tasted decent. Plus it was free. Her ‘date’ was fraternizing with some women far older than him with a charm that would be convincing if she didn’t know what his actual personality was like. Everyone in their year knew that Sebastian Stone was an asshole. He thought he was so much better than everyone else, so he felt no need to keep up the act since “no one could afford him anyway.” He was a prick, but he was a prick paying Katja $1,000 just to sit here and look pretty, so she couldn’t complain. She could actually, but she’d do it later.

Sebastian eventually broke away from the other guests to grab some food and a drink himself. He, annoyingly, sat next to Katja. He leaned over to press a kiss to her temple. It made her skin crawl.

“Don’t touch me,” Katja snapped, taking another sip of her drink. She never liked alcohol, but it was making the situation somewhat tolerable. Maybe she should get another glass…

“Don’t be like that. You know why you’re here,” Sebastian spoke in a hushed voice, the venom dripping from his lips not matching the loving smile on his face.

“I’ll be whatever I want. Everyone already thinks we’re dating; the PDA is not necessary.”

“It’s just this once. Shut up and eat your food.”

Katja scoffed, standing up to refill her glass. She hated it here. She hated being touched by this man pretending to be in love with her, she hated this dark red dress that he bought for her and required her to wear, she hated the bright lights, and she hated this disgusting wine seeping into her veins. She hated this.

The bartender refilled her wine glass without another word, filling it halfway this time instead of pouring a proper serving after seeing the look on her face. Katja tried to make it back to her table without running into anyone, but God seemed to exist for the sole purpose of spiting her, because an older couple stopped her to chat. She vaguely recognized them as the hosts of the event.

Their questions were relentless. “How long have you known Sebastian?,” “So what do you do for a living?,” “And who are your parents, exactly? We might know them,” “How is everything tonight?,” “We’re planning another event in a couple months; would you like to come?”

Katja hated this.

She tried her best to be somewhat nice and engage in this conversation, but she was already pissed. She wanted to go home. She wanted to go home and go to sleep and never speak to a rich person again. But...she was getting paid. She was getting paid to be here. This interaction was good for her in a biological sense, but more importantly, she was gaining money by simply standing here.

It took 10 whole minutes to break away and sit back down in her seat. Her remaining food was cold and somehow tasted worse. Her wine was warm, which only made it more bitter. If it wasn’t for the fact that this was a formal event, she would down this glass right now. If she was lucky, then it would fill her lungs instead and give her an excuse to leave. Or, even better, she would get sick and throw up all over these stupid white tablecloths and force those motherfuckers to clean it themselves. Oh who was she kidding; no way they would clean it. They definitely have maids or butlers to clean it.

“Katja, calm down. You’ll break the silverware.” Sebastian’s voice broke her out of her anger-fueled trance. His facade was breaking, a small wrinkle near his brow the only sign of his anger.

Katja took a deep breath. “...when does this shit show end?”

“In an hour. We’ll leave 30 minutes after; I have to make my final rounds and collect my payment before we can leave. Now hush.”

She tsked and stepped on her date’s foot under the table, making him suck air through his teeth. An hour...she could do one more hour. An hour was nothing. Her work took weeks, she could handle one measly, stupid, drunken hour. She could handle this cold, disgusting food and this sorry excuse for a wine for one more fucking hour and 30 minutes.

And so she did. Katja begrudgingly finished her food and downed her drink, the red liquid donning a shitty Halloween costume of her blood and settling into her heart as if it belonged. Sebastian did the same. While he was able to keep his back straight and his head held high, Katja could feel her heart becoming waterlogged and too heavy for her to do anything except stay in the corner and out of sight. He was used to this; he was at home here. He was used to the menial small talk and the small portions of food and the bitterness of the drink that these rich pricks drank as if it was water.

Katja hated this.

By the time that it was finally time to leave, Katja was drunk and Sebastian had to wrap an arm around her shoulders in a fake display of chivalry in order to keep her upright. He carefully guided her to the car before getting in himself. Of course, he wasn’t driving; of course he had a fucking chauffeur to take the two of them home. Of course he did.

Katja groaned, leaning her forehead against the cool glass on the window. This caught Sebastian’s attention. “Don’t you dare throw up in here.”

She just flipped him off instead of responding. She didn’t want to talk. She talked enough to last her at least two weeks. The liquor was traveling through her bloodstream at this point, keeping her inebriated and making her see red. Was she angry? Was she as bitter as the wine she forced down her own throat? Katja didn’t care enough to analyze her own feelings right now.

The car stopped at her house first, where her roommate was waiting patiently to help her inside. Katja hated people, but Leif was...tolerable. He kept the house clean and made her food, so she had to deal with him. Sebastian got out of the car, helped Katja out of the car, and made her stand in front of the man. He counted out $1,000, as they had agreed, and shoved it into Leif’s hands.

“There’s her payment. She drank too much, so be wary of vomiting. Bye.”

He walked back to the car without another word. They were no longer at the party, so all of the charisma that he had been displaying was gone. Katja didn’t care. It’s not as if they were dating for real; who cares if he treated her like shit? She did the same to him. They hated each other, and they would always hate each other. No amount of money or liquor would change that.

Katja hated him.

[showmanfreakshow]

I’ve posted all the pictures I have and introduced everyone, so what’s next?

Well, I’m not supposed to get my ao3 account until Saturday, and due to my schedule, I won’t be able to post the prologue until Monday at the earliest. Rest assured that I will make a post and link the fic the second it’s uploaded.

I have written some non-canon ship fics that I posted onto my main account, so I’ll most likely reblog those. Not only will it help to characterize some of the characters introduced, but it also helps anyone who sees them to get a feel for my writing style. No point in following a fanfic fangan if you don’t like the writing style, right?

Other than that, I don’t have much else besides actually posting the prologue. As always, if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask!

[showmanfreakshow]

As promised, I have photos of the bots! First up is the lowest in the hierarchy, the doll that’s been put away for a little too long, it’s Peanut!

Next up on the ladder is the bot that is absolutely not a clown, the fan favorite, it’s The Royal Creature!

Finally, the leader of all, the king of the circus, the almighty, it’s The Showman!

[showmanfreakshow]

That’s all of the students! But what is a kingdom without their royalty? What is a host without its parasites? What is a show without its coordinators? I finished drawing the bots today, so I’ll post them tomorrow!

[showmanfreakshow]

Last, but DEFINITELY not least, it’s the guy that I definitely would get a crush on if this wasn’t my own fangan, it’s Kevin Rao, the Ultimate Matchmaker!

Age: 22

Birthday: February 18th

Height: 5’10” (178 cm)

Weight: 182 lbs (82.5 kg)

Likes: Cosplaying, board games

Dislikes: Facial hair (on himself), enamel pins

[showmanfreakshow]

No you do NOT get any explanation as to why she looks like that; she’s totally 100% definitely absolutely normal and nothing is wrong with her! Meet Luna Etnyre, the Ultimate Match Maker!

Age: 24

Birthday: September 24th

Height: 5’9” (175 cm)

Weight: 144 lbs (65 kg)

Likes: Fire, warms baths

Dislikes: Nail polish, hair spray

[showmanfreakshow]

I know I said “I love her she sucks” when I posted Belladonna but trust me when I say that this guy sucks just as much. Maybe a little less or more depending on your perspective. Say hello to Sebastian Stone, the Ultimate Body-for-Hire!

Age: 21

Birthday: October 12th

Height: 5’10” (178 cm)

Weight: 160 lbs (72.5 kg)

Likes: Money, chocolate

Dislikes: Wasting time, ‘cheap’ things

[showmanfreakshow]

Welcome to the stage the resident Ultimate ??? because every fangan needs one, it’s Belladonna Ashby!

Age: 21

Birthday: December 11th

Height: 5’4” (168 cm)

Weight: 134 lbs (61 kg)

Likes: Money, manicures

Dislikes: Working hard, nerdy stuff

[showmanfreakshow]

He’s the only muscular person in the cast (at least visibly), and he has probably been rattling around in my brain the longest! Give a round of applause for Quíco de Alma, the Ultimate Matador!

Age: 24

Birthday: April 30th

Height: 5’11” (180 cm)

Weight: 190 lbs (86 kg)

Likes: Shiny objects, sunbathing

Dislikes: Sweets, cold weather

[showmanfreakshow]

Welcome to the stage one of the few people actually used to a stage, it’s Hiroki Oh, the Ultimate Drag Queen!

Age: 25

Birthday: March 4th

Height: 5’2” (165 cm)

Weight: 210 lbs (95 kg)

Likes: Cute clothes, painting

Dislikes: Horror movies, peppermint