showmanfreakshow

[showmanfreakshow]

Me? Making a discord server for The Showman’s Freak Show? More likely than you’d think.

It definitely has a long way to go, and I definitely won’t make it public until after I finish part 2 of chapter 1 (which should be done sooner rather than later), but it is, in fact, being created.

[showmanfreakshow]

Sifting through my photos like a gold panhandler and I found these photos of Kevin in cosplay! So uh enjoy them ig

[showmanfreakshow]

Uhhhhh I haven’t posted in a while but so far I’ve just been working on part 2 of chapter 1 in my spare time soooo here’s my artistic recreation of Elysia and Margaret’s “Hang in There” posters that I made a while back

[showmanfreakshow]

Wow I vastly underestimated how long these parts would be when I started adding free time events in the mix.

Part 2 of chapter 1 is about 1/3 of the way done I think (it’s a very rough estimate and probably inaccurate) but my god. Lots of words.

[showmanfreakshow]

The first two free time events have officially been claimed by my partner and IRL friend because they’re savages and obsessed with one (1) character each.

The first free time event will go to Billy, and the second will go to Luna! The Blue Haired Duo, if you will.

[showmanfreakshow]

I like to imagine that when Leif is thinking/just chilling he has the most devious and disgusting poses imaginable.

Exhibit A:

For context this is totally based off of this Ace Attorney sprite so if the proportions are weird (which they are) blame this guy

[showmanfreakshow]

Here is a (very basic) recreation of the map on everyone’s devices! There’s not a lot on there now, but I’ll update it as more places open up. No I’m not labeling where all the food/game booths are that is Too Much.

If I forgot a place then oh well I’ll fix it later.

[showmanfreakshow]

Part 1 of Chapter 1 is officially on ao3! Join Elysia and the crew as they explore the grounds that they are trapped within!

Additionally, the next part will contain the first free time events of the Fangan! If there’s anyone that you want to see a free time event for, please feel free to either comment on the fic itself or say so on this post! The top 2 requested characters will get one (or I’ll spin a wheel if one or both spots isn’t filled).

[showmanfreakshow]

Man I am so glad that I’m choosing to break up chapters into multiple parts bc part 1 is about 5,000 words, and, if my calculations are correct, chapter 1 will be about 35,000 words. The prologue was 15,000. That is Too Many Words for one ao3 chapter 😔

[showmanfreakshow]

Hey there I read the prologue for your fangan and I'm definitely going to keep an eye on it. Just wondering about something though.

I love to make death order predictions for fangans I'm into and I was curious to know if the Kevin/Margaret oneshots mean that they'll become a couple in the story or if we're not supposed to take them as foreshadowing

Fantastic question! At the moment, I have no intention of making Kevin and Margaret a canon couple. It’s simply a cute ship that I enjoy! To be honest, I highly doubt Margaret could get into a romantic relationship unless she knew someone for, like, multiple years given how she is.

[showmanfreakshow]

Chapter 1 development is going smoothly! Also, I have decided that for the daily life I will post one day in one chapter. So basically when Elysia goes to sleep (and after the After Show), that is the end of the ao3 chapter. Deadly life will work differently of course, but we aren’t there yet. So when day 1 is officially over, that chapter will be posted immediately!

I had the idea of writing all of chapter 1 before posting it, but doing this not only is more efficient, but also gives you guys more content to work with. So uh yeah

[showmanfreakshow]

Here’s that other oneshot I posted to my main account! This one specifically is a little non-despair AU ship with Kevin and Margaret because I absolutely ADORE these two together. This is, of course, not canon. It’s just a fun little thing. Like before, feel free to use this to get a feel for my writing if you haven’t read the actual prologue yet (which you totally should if you haven’t) and get a feel for these two characters since the prologue is a bit brief. Enjoy!

Philophobia

Woahhh me? Posting another oneshot of my ocs that literally no one knows about except me and my IRL friends? More likely than you'd think. These are different characters than the ones I posted about last time but they're in the same universe. Also I'll be generous and provide a tiny bit of context for the characters and scene.

This oneshot (and most of the ones I'll post probably) is non-canon to the story they're a part of

Both characters are in college; Margaret is 25 and Kevin is 24 in this story specifically

Margaret has a lot of phobias. Like, a lot. An insane amount of them. This story only mentions like three but she has way way way more so that's why she's Like That

Kevin's just a guy I guess

No you don't get to know what they look like fuck you

Anyway the boring stuff is over now so it's oneshot time! Yippee! Content warning for emetophobia (she doesn't actually throw up but it's still a threat), panic attacks (or at least my attempt to describe one), self-deprecating thoughts, and just very mentally ill thoughts in general.

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Nightmares were an interesting concept. Dreams alone were fascinating, but the fact that your brain could create something unsettling and scary enough to force you awake while all of the information from the day is being cataloged was something that should be studied in Margaret’s opinion. At the very least she wished that a way to stop nightmares from happening at all was made; she’d buy the entire stock at her local store if there was. But there wasn’t. So Margaret had to deal with the horrors that her brain created each and every night with no reprieve.

If she was a normal person, this wouldn’t be a big deal. Most people’s nightmares could be scary, sure, but Margaret highly doubted that her nightmares were anywhere near normal. When she had a nightmare, which was any night that she dreamed at all, it always ended the same way. If it didn’t immediately shove her into a panic attack, then it would at minimum keep her up for the rest of the night by giving her somniphobia steroids. Tonight she wasn’t so lucky. She was hunched over the toilet in her dorm’s bathroom, desperately resisting the urge to throw up. She didn’t often get nauseous during her panic attacks (she’s had enough of them to know that for a fact), but nightmare-induced panic attacks were the exception apparently. Her emetophobia loved that.

Don’t throw up don’t throw up don’t throw up please please for the love of any god that’s out there do not throw up I can’t handle it right now I can’t I can’t please please–

Margaret retched, gripping the porcelain as if she would float away otherwise. Her entire body was shaking and covered in a cold sweat. It would go away, it always did, but knowing that there was a light at the end of the tunnel didn’t stop her from being afraid of the dark. Once she calmed down, she could eat one of those breakfast bars she bought and play some Stardew Valley until she fell asleep or until it was morning, whichever came first.

In for four, hold for four, out for four, in for– it’s not working it’s not working calm down stop freaking out this is embarrassing you are 25 years old stop crying stop crying you’re an adult you can’t do this every night calm down–

A gentle hand touched her shoulder, immediately making the woman flinch and whimper pathetically. She completely forgot that her boyfriend was staying the night with her. He could see her. He could see her.

“Do you need some water?” Kevin asked quietly, his voice heavy with sleep.

Margaret couldn’t speak. Every time she tried, she could feel the bile rising in her throat again, threatening to spill out. She let out a sob, her face going back into the bowl in front of her.

Stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it don’t throw up don’t throw up no no no no no no no–

She half expected Kevin to touch her again, but he didn’t. Instead, she could hear him leave the room and return, presumably with the bottle of water he offered earlier. She couldn’t even imagine drinking right now; her tongue was fat and heavy and she was practically choking on it with every sob and retch.

“I brought you some water. Do you want a drink? I can help you.”

Margaret immediately shook her head furiously. She appreciated the gesture, but she just...couldn’t. She’d drown. The water would go down the wrong pipe and she would get pneumonia and die. She would choke and throw up and she could NOT throw up right now otherwise she may not recover.

“Okay, okay...can you raise up for me?”

She could do that. Somehow. She raised up just enough for Kevin to see her flushed, bodily fluid covered face and for her to see his tired one. He was clearly worried for obvious reasons. Margaret knew that he had no clue how to help her right now. He’s never had a panic attack to her knowledge; if he has, it wasn’t nearly as bad as hers could be. She couldn’t even imagine him freaking out this bad.

Oh god oh god don’t look at me stop looking at me stop it stop it stop it I don’t want to be looked at right now I’m gross and it’s late and you should be sleeping not taking care of me go away go away go please–

Kevin carefully brushed her hair out of her face, not seeming to mind her tears and snot running down her cheeks or the way that she shied away from his touch at first. He tore some toilet paper off of the roll and slowly wiped her face clean. It wasn’t very comfortable due to how rough the college’s toilet paper was, but it was a nice gesture in her mind.

“There you go. Better?” Kevin asked as he threw away the soaked toilet paper.

Margaret did not answer. She didn’t trust herself to speak. Her brain was so conflicted right now. She wanted Kevin to just leave so that he couldn’t see her so vulnerable this late at night, but she also knew that she would assume that he thought she was ugly and weak if he left now that he was here. She wanted to hug him and cuddle until she fell asleep in his arms, but she wanted to scream every time he touched her.

Why can’t you just be normal?!

Thankfully, the urge to vomit was finally gone. Was she calm? Far from it. But this was significantly better. Margaret shamefully shuffled into the corner her shower created with the wall, bringing her knees to her chest and burying her face in them.

This is pathetic why can’t you just be normal why can’t you sleep through the night just once why can’t you have a boyfriend and love him without being scared why can’t you have a normal brain and not a brain that hates you–

“Do you want to be alone?” Kevin sat down in front of her.

“No�� no. Don’t leave,” Margaret choked out, lifting her head immediately.

“I won’t. I promise.”

“...I didn’t– I didn’t mean to–” Margaret hiccuped, more tears falling onto her lap. This was pathetic. She was pathetic.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, you did nothing wrong, Darling.”

It didn’t feel that way. Margaret knew that her vast amount of mental illnesses were the reason that she felt like everything that happens ever is her fault, but knowing you’re colorblind doesn’t mean that you can suddenly see the difference between red and green.

Kevin frowned and reached his hand out, hovering over her knee. “Can I touch you?”

Can he? He only had the best intentions in mind and loved her so much, but that was exactly why Margaret didn’t want him to. She couldn’t be loved right now. It was a sentiment that would confuse any mentally healthy person, possibly even other mentally ill people. But she couldn’t. It was a miracle that she could allow herself to love and be loved sometimes in all honesty.

“...no.”

“Okay,” Kevin responded softly, pulling his hand back into his lap.

He was always so kind and understanding. It was confusing. Why was he so nice to her? He was a master of love and the most attractive man she knew; why wasn’t he with someone else? Kevin was a golden apple polished to perfection while she was the rotten one chucked haphazardly into the bucket, spoiling the bunch. She could suck the joy out of a room simply by entering, but he chose her to be his one and only. He called her beautiful and held her close and kissed her hands like she was a princess. She was no princess; she wasn’t even a rat that roamed the castle halls.

For longer than she liked, the only sound in the room was Margaret’s shaky sobs. This was awful. She woke up her boyfriend at an ungodly hour and forced him to sit on the bathroom floor and watch over her like she was a child. She might as well be one at this point.

In for four, hold for four, out for four, in for four, hold for– you idiot you didn’t hold it start over start over quit crying stop you won’t calm down if you keep crying stop it stop it think of anything else for the love of god–

Kevin interrupted her out of control train of thought by just...talking. He just started talking about his day. Margaret was confused at first, but quickly realized that he was trying to distract her. Or at least she assumed that was his plan. The only other options were that he didn’t know what else to do or that he was narcissistic enough to think that now was a good time to talk about himself. Neither of those seemed likely.

“Let’s see...I went to the store at about 11 today. I needed some basic groceries, but I saw those chocolate muffins that you like and bought them. I forgot to bring them over, but I can give them to you tomorrow if you’d like. No need to answer me right now, of course. Then I had a work appointment at 2:30 for a classmate you don’t know. She’s really nice. I can’t say much about the appointment for privacy reasons, but it was very productive.”

He continued to talk and talk about whatever came to mind. What he ate for lunch, his thoughts about certain subjects, everything he loved about her (that one made Margaret flush again for a very different reason), and even the homework he had this week. It looked silly, but it actually helped her calm down. It was enough of a distraction for her to feel normal, a rare feeling for her.

Margaret finally stood up after...who knows how long it’s been. It was probably better for her mental health if she didn’t check how long she’s been in here. Kevin stood with her. The two left the bathroom in silence. Kevin approached the bed, but Margaret staying by the door caught his attention.

“Not going back to sleep?”

“...I can’t.” Margaret looked away, staring out the window at the moonlit sky.

“...I’ll stay up with you then.”

“No– no you shouldn’t. I’ll be okay!”

Kevin shook his head immediately. “I don’t want to leave you alone. It would make me worry.”

...he’s too nice. He should be sleeping; you’re keeping him awake. Just go to sleep. Who cares if you have another nightmare at this point? It’s not the last one you’ll have.

She sighed quietly, her entire body deflating. She was so tired. Her bones felt like they were made of lead as she made her way to her boyfriend, practically collapsing into his chest. The force was enough to make him fall onto the bed, which made him laugh quietly and instantly hug her back.

“Let me know if you need anything, okay? I’ll get it for you.”

“...love me...please…”

“I already do, Margaret.”

Kevin pressed the gentlest of kisses to the top of her head. It was scary and made Margaret’s heart race in the worst way possible, but she needed it. She was terrified of him loving her. Her fear hurt him so much, she was well aware of that, but he never complained. She was a beaten dog that bit at her owner’s hands with every attempted pet, and yet he never minded the blood and bruises.

Margaret buried her face into his sleep shirt in an attempt to shut out the rest of the world. She so desperately wanted to love him as much as he loved her, but she couldn’t. She never would. No matter how much she loved him, her fear would always smother that out. No way could she ever love him as much as he loved her.

But he was okay with that. No one else in the world would love her as much as he did. He gave her as much love as she was comfortable with each and every day. On good days, that was everything he had to offer; on bad days, it was nothing. And yet he was happy with her. He was happy.

She was...okay with that. She was willing to be scared of his love as long as he was willing to provide it. Her brain was doing its best to convince her that he’d stop one day, as it was wont to do. Maybe one day he would. It was a thought that kept her awake at night when she was alone; it was a thought that spurred several late night texts that he immediately answered so that he could reassure her.

He deserves someone better...but he chose you. He loves you. Don’t make him regret it, or else you’ll be alone. He won’t be there to comfort you forever.

...I love him so much.

[showmanfreakshow]

Felt bored so I drew Hiroki in an outfit she’d wear during a show! Her drag name is “Oh Honey,” a play on both her last name and the fact that she focuses on a dessert aesthetic for her outfits.

[showmanfreakshow]

Development for Chapter 1 has officially started! Aka I have 2 paragraphs in a document and like 75% of the story planned in my head.

[showmanfreakshow]

You guys probably could tell but the prologue for The Showman’s Freak Show has officially been posted! Simply follow the link on my pinned post! I hope you all enjoy ☺️

[showmanfreakshow]

Welcome one and all to The Showman's Freak Show!

It's my turn to contribute to the Fanganronpa community with my circus/carnival based one! This is a Danganronpa-inspired killing game that I have been working on for a long time and can finally share with the masses.

All characters within this fanfiction are 21 or over and live in America! You can find this fic at the AO3 link provided on this post. This blog will contain updates, pictures, and other related content for this Fanganronpa specifically! Please feel free to give me any feedback or questions you may have; I don't mind at all!

Finally, PLEASE keep in mind that my Fanganronpa is intended for an 18+ audience. I am an adult, and sensitive/mature topics will be brought up in my story.

[showmanfreakshow]

Good news: I officially have an ao3 account!

Bad news: I’m so so so extremely busy so I still probably won’t be able to post the prologue soon.

I definitely cannot do it tomorrow, so I’ll try and shoot for either Sunday or Monday. So be prepared >:)