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Too distracted by the ship of Theseus apples to notice the entire crate is edible

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This but replace the weighted blankets with my fiancé. Unfortunately he's not a big lord of the rings fan

I would like to be wrapped in several weighted blankets and left on the couch with a nice cup of tea someone made for me with lord of the rings on the tv and gentle rainfall outside

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what america needs right now is an even older candidate, and though i have forgotten my name and age i am excited to throw my twisted, spirally hat into the ring

vote Evil Wizard / Whispering Obelisk 2024!

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So when I was getting dressed today, I very quickly put on a lab coat and some cat ears, not even trying to have something coherent, just wanting to have some kind of costume, and then I used some eyeliner to draw some whiskers on my face, so, yeah, that's my costume, cat in a lab coat, does it make sense? no. who cares. Still wearing the same skirt and striped knee-high socks from yesterday, but that's just my work clothes.

But then when I got to my office in the physics department, one of my colleagues was immediately like, "Oh! Schrödinger's catgirl!"

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just got fired from my government job… apparently they can control the weather with space lasers now so they don’t need me to stand on a dark tower and chant in a big bellowing voice to summon clouds and winds of fear and frost

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save scumming? no of course not! what i do is character-driven advanced time magic

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Windows 11 Patch Notes

Force disabled SFWMS service

Inserted ads into every available bit of screen real estate

Adjusted your mouse sensitivity, screen scaling and microphone volume by 5%

Uninstalled your webcam driver

Set your keyboard to DVORAK

Activated Bitlocker

Force enabled SFWMS again

I think computers should have some sort of a "stop fucking with my settings"-setting. Like when you've set all your settings to your liking, they stay that way. So instead of fucking with all your settings and shifting everything a little bit to the left, your computer would just. not do that.

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I understand that museums have to be dark because light can destroy fragile artifacts. That said, I’m always afraid to walk around the blind corners because what if there is a skeleton

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Hello, does anybody know how to remove a cylinder from inside a copper nanotube? It's very important the cylinder remain fully intact

Tumblr staff: ten options is enough for polls, right? No one needs more than that on a regular basis. The average tumblr user: Hey guys which element of the periodic table do you think is the most fuckable?

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Unlike everybody in the replies I'm not going to drag you for mixing up metric and imperial because it's a bloody mess and completely understandable. I am however going to hijack this post to yell about recipes that ask for "a scant cup" of something. "A scant cup" means "don't fill the cup all the way up". But it doesn't mean half a cup or 3/4 cup. It means "just under" a whole cup.

You know what would be better than that?

USING ACTUAL AMOUNTS THAT ARE MEASURABLE.

Things about the metric system that confuse me

Why are there 16 parts to an inch. Like yeah it's divisible by 4 but decimals and percentages on a system based on 100 are so much easier to calculate than fractions.

What are those little sixteenths called

Why don't you have millimeters. What happens if you need to measure something smaller than 1/16th of an inch. Why is your smallest area measurement the length of my fucking thumb

BECAUSE of your dumb inches and sixteenth and fractions, nothing else makes any fucking sense to remember. What's an inch? 16 little notches. What's a foot? 12 inches. What's a mile? 5,280. How the FUCK does anyone remember that. You know what's easy to remember? 10 millimeters are 1 centimeter. Do you know what centimeter means? 1/100th of a meter. You know how many of them are in a meter? 100. Easy shit

Okay this one is at Imperial but whose tablespoon is a tablespoon based off. Why are tablespoons and teaspoons both distinct measurements, they're fucking spoons. They're almost the fucking same. Like if you had "inches" and "binches" and binches were for no reason at all 1/42nd smaller and you only used them for measuring sawdust. Fuck completely off

Okay actually still looking at Imperial and speaking of Teaspoons and Tablespoons, the names don't indicate anything. How would ANYONE simply deduce by name which is bigger or smaller. Why would a spoon for food be bigger than a spoon for a drink. They both gotta fit in your fucking mouth don't they

Did we all standardize our fucking spoon volumes before we standardized our math? And CUPS? Who in the cholera factory was using scientific standard measurements to quality control your cutlery for any of this to be at all reliable for anyone following recipes

Alright back to you Metric WHAT DOES OUNCE MEAN AND WHY IS IT ABBREVIATED AS OZ

WHY IS POUND ABBREVIATED AS LB FOR LIBRA LIKE SCALES LIKE A CRYPTIC ASS ILLUMINATI SECRET MESSAGE WHEN "P" IS PERFECTLY AVAILABLE. YALL AINT PAYING MONEY IN POUNDS AND PENCE SO WHATS THE CONFUSION

Okay also why the hell would the British using Pounds to mean money run away to make America and start using Pounds to mean weight instead. Do I weigh a hundred dollars? Does Chadley at the gym bench press a thousand cents? I hate you

What is a gallon for. What does it mean. You know what's easy to convert to milliliters? Liters. What the hell is an ounce to a gallon

On top of that, what's your measurement transference? We have grams for weight, liters for liquid, meters for distance, and they're all like 1:100:1000 and shit. What do you DO to like. Show how many square inches of mass a gallon has or whatever

Oh shit I ain't even got into Fahrenheit yet

Actually fuck all of us, the end

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Me (furry trash) and my (furry trash) fiancé tried this tonight, a whole glass of the stuff is way too much but a half measure each of fireball and Bailey's in a shot glass is absolute perfection

Dragon Cum

Thick And Creamy

Burns A Bit On The Way Down

You Can Feel It In Your Stomach

If these descriptors don’t make the drink sound worthy of the name “Dragon Cum,” then, well, you’re probably not the same level of Furry Trash that I am. All the same, if you like sweet drinks, are a fan of sipping, or are just a culinary or alcoholic explorer, Dragon Cum may be worth a shot! It’s pretty straight-forward. 1 part Fireball cinnamon whiskey, paired with one part Hazelnut Coffee Creamer, and you have the most basic variant. You could always mix it up, use a different kind of creamer, say, cinnamon roll, and find yourself perhaps with Red Dragon Cum, or perhaps use Rumchata instead of Coffee Creamer, and find yourself with the exceptionally potent Elder Dragon Cum. Lot of possibilities here, but basically, this is my new favorite drink, I have a new camera, and this is all very silly. Enjoy!

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Wanna do something really sweet for International Ledbian Day?

Show this tired lesbian some love by downloading the TTRPG she made 🧡🤍💜

I put a lot of love and thought into making this a beautiful, easy to run, and easy to play game. Because I know I don't always want to read 200+ pages of rules. I just want to get straight right to flirting with my friends and having a ridiculous time with stompy robots! And I'm sure some of you do too

It's available to download for free!

Though any change you can spare is always appreciated. (That being said, I made this game to be played and enjoyed, so don't let that "pay what you want" deter you from downloading it. if you can't spare anything right now, I totally get it hun)

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You mean we need crowdward endorscence?

The worst thing about formal English is that it offers these wonderful suffixes, then only lets you use them in prescribed circumstances. I should be able to describe things as meatful or leftly or falsewise without departing from the formal register if I darn well please.

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The temptation, when adapting a really iconic detective, is to delve into his personal backstory. That's the devil talking.

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My tattoo artist told me his teenage son came out to him as trans by giving him a bunch of blue cupcakes and a greeting card that said "it's a boy!"

"That's cute," I said.

"It was NOT cute!" he snapped. "I thought he was pregnant."

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The job should also pay me enough to live comfortably so I can focus on creating art and enjoying being alive

They need to invent a job where I don't have to wake up or go to it