shittybuthonestpoetry

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

Why does it hurt

To feel love for the first time

Real love

Not the facade I've swallowed whole before

From someone who owes me nothing

Guilt laces my teeth

A storm in my chest

Breath gone but trapped still

Drowning

Grief lays along my back

Like a cat seeking comfort

Mourning for the versions of me

That never got to feel this

My ribs are open

Skin peeled back

On view

Walls are crumbling

And the sound is terrifying

The crash of all I built to protect me

Fingers tremble

Ribs threaten to crack under the strain

My vision is a blur of colors

Some I havent seen before

And still love pours back from my heart

Choking me from my throat

Scars bleed anew

Nails still bloody underneath

It hurts so bad

I'm so scared

You don't deserve this

I feel too much for someone who means so little

I'm falling apart

You don't even know how much I feel this

But you might still feel the same

I love too easily

I barely know you yet I crumble

It hurts so bad

And I don't know what would break me worse

If you kept going

Or if you stopped

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

does anyone wanna hold hands until we feel a little braver

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

You decided you didn't want to talk to me anymore

"Too clingy"

You said

I'm sorry I got too attached

Fooled myself into thinking I was wanted

You're gone now

Out of my life

Its all my fault

I wish you well

I don't think I can wish myself the same

It was nice knowing you

Or thinking I knew you

I hope you do well in life

I hope she's the one for you

I'm a little glad you left

Theres some peace in ending the delusion

That I let myself believe for too long

No longer torn up inside

Still, it hurt

More than I expected it to

Damage I did to myself

I deserve it, after everything

For messing it up

For now

Its just me again

Alone

Just how its supposed to be

How it always will be

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

I'm not alone

I think I was for a very long time

It's hard to tell when it all blurs together

Time wasted isolating

No need to hide

Too disgusted, too wrapped up in my self hate

Unable to let anyone in

Until someone forced their way in

And dragged me into a group

A group of people so kind and funny it aches

People like me

People who have experienced things I have

I never thought I would get that

But I'm still a stranger to them

I dont know how to be me anymore

All i can be is who I wanted the strangers to see

The mask and coloring of a predator

To scare away the other predators

Strong and stubborn and so so angry

Mean and cruel to those that annoyed me

I can only remember how to love with my teeth

So I try giftsIts what I've always done

Dragged the half eaten corpses of my hobbies

Given gifts so mangled and broken

Tried to hide my claws

Hope that it can show them that I care

Even if I can't remember how to have a new friend

How to have a large friend group

Thats not out to hurt me

To not be torn in half between people

To have more than cherry picked individuals

Ones that hate eachother

To have people

Strangers really

Still care

For me, for me, for me

I'm mangled and bloody and broken

Hiding the parts that keen and cry and bleed

I'm not strong

I'm not a predator

I collapse and cry and break too easily

I try to smile, but can only really show fang

So, I taught myself not to smile

Don't smile

Don't cry

Only anger

Smiling around new people still hurts a little

Lips catching on sharp teeth

I ache so bad

To be known

To be touched, embraced

To be someone's to belong

This is a group just like me

But I still cant make myself fit

Why would I i force my way in

Memories of nicknames burn in my chest

The desire to be touched without hesitation

Without worrying about my reaction

Because I dont know how to ask for it

The need to be called by a name other than my own

A nickname

Somethjng familiar and short

Something for me, not mine

I try, and they try, not seeing the problem is me

But I will always be outside

Cursed myself to hell of my own making

Unable to let myself be loved the way I crave

Forcing my way in and running away

Too desparate and too scared in turns

A tug of war between need and fear

Torn asunder under the pressure

I just need to belong

I dont think I ever will

A taste was more than I deserved

I'm getting greedy again

It pushes people away

I care too much, too desperately, and then they leave

I need to stop

Get control

You dont need them

They dont want you

Alone

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

You stopped talking to me

Its only been a week

I've waited longer to hear from you

But

It hurts

I can see you're online

But you never respond

Best friends

To nothingIs it nothing?

Is it just in my head?

I liked you

I loved youI loved you I loved you I loved you I love you I love you

Silence...

Talking every day

Calls filled with chatter and banter...

Nothing

Did I do something wrong?

What did I do wrong?

How did I fail?

How can I fix it?

I just want you back

Please

Don't leave

I have a flower

Woven by my own hand

A confession wrapped around its throat

Choking

Suffocating

Fighting for release

I want to tell you

I want to tell you so bad

Maybe its just the night

Or maybe its your eyes

You mocked a girl for liking them once

I hope you wouldn't mock me

Would you want me?

Can you want me?

Am i worth wanting?

Its only been a week and I'm losing my mind

10:39pm

And I'm writing poetry about you

Its terrible

But it rings true with a painful sound

I texted your sister

To ask if you were ok

She hasn't responded

It hurts

6 years of being best friends

5 years of tentatively hoping, not willing to ruin it

1 year of realising what I felt, too scared still

1 week of not hearing from you

I'm a coward

I just want to hear from you

I'm sorry

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

I'm an awful person

Sometimes

It feels like I just let my self struggle

Give in to the hardship

Give in to fighting it

Instead of just getting things done

Just do it

Why aren't you doing it

It should only take a little work

Why is it so hard

What is stopping you

Just do it

Glass bones beating against rock

Wondering why they shatter

Maybe

How I work is like the ocean

Coming in waves

Gentle like the sea

Yet violent and powerful like the storm

Eroding little by little here

Destroying en masse there

Inconsistant and free

The world wants consistancy

In a world so unruly

It demands miners

Beating the rock

Day by day

No time for waxing and waning

Languishing under the sun

Singing old songs and playing new games

Following the moon and the wind

Reflecting the stars

Why can't I work like me?

Why can't I be what you want me to be?

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

lizzy odonnell

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

"I woke up at two today and if you guessed am your wrong I’m probs not going to sleep anytime soon although my brain should catch up with my body cuz that bitch is tired AF"- my bff at 12:01 at night

the poetry writes itself

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

Sleep is a fickle mistress.

She croons and cradles,

Yet leaves too soon or comes too early.

Sometimes,

Between the hours of dusk and dawn,

She plays coy.

Close, yet never close enough.

Wiping tears yet staying out of reach,

Kisses on cheeks yet still so far,

Barely out of reaching distance.

Despite her moods though,

She always comes.

Late or early.

Convenient or not.

Eventually,

She holds you close,

Closes your eyes,

Envelopes you in a warm embrace.

It may not last long,

It may be fraught with terrors,

Or decadent with a lovers kiss,

Even filled with adventure.

Sometimes its a warm void,

All encompassing and endlessly deep.

Often it passes in a blink,

Gone before it was noticed.

Occasionally it lasts forever.

Regardless of time,

It is gentle and warm,

A soft cradle of dreams and rest,

Holding you until you can stand again.

Rest, I am proud of you, little dreamer...

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

Sometimes, somehow

Good things can come through pain

Like light through broken glass

Rainbows and refractions

Is the glass less broken?

Does it not deserve to heal?

The pain still hurts

The glass still cuts

Sometimes the scars never fade

But stories are written

Poems are made

Sometimes, Its ok

And sometimes, surviving is the rainbow

Being here, with me, is what makes it okay

You don't need to do anything else but love

It's okay

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

There is no greater poem than the stars

Shining for eons

Twinkling in laughter

Seeing and smiling

So many tales

Told by generations, outliving civilizations

Stories new and old

Little pictures in the sky

A trillion tiny faces, looking up at some point

A trillion tiny eyes, winking down

We see you, hear our stories

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

I don't know if anyone will ever want me

Like me, sure

Love me, maybe

Choose me though, I'm not sure

Sometimes I wonder, If I were a flower

would I want to be picked?

Or to grow my roots ever deeper

And feel the warm sun on my leaves

Taste the breeze

But I crave to be cradled

Warm hands tracing scars

Held tenderly and firmly

Chosen again and again and again

Enough for one, despite the thorns

despite the pain

Chosen by someone who can know everything

I want to Know someone

Cradle them gently

Hold them constantly

Pick them forever

Wipe their tears and kiss their smiles

But maybe I am a tree

Destined to be alone

Stand the tests of time

Shade for many, fruit for some

Home for none

Alone with the stars, the breeze a companion

Never to be held

Only seen, never known

Alone

[shittybuthonestpoetry]

I'm ready to go back to who I was

little hands in soft dirt

crooked teeth and warm sun

gentle breeze and raucous delight

little worms in flower pots

big smiles and bigger hearts

sticky fingers and waterfights

homemade food and playing on the swings

homework and boardgames

catching fireflies and daydreaming

I want to go home now

Go home to her, where everything is alright