shittr-blog

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Title: FLICKR Views: 148 Comments: 66

When the creators of Flickr finished all their hard work and uploaded the first version of the site, I'll bet they were just waiting for the day when someone would pay homage to their exertions with a near illegible rendering of the site's name in woodland berries. Better still I'm betting they're enthused that their own genius 'Explore' algorithm picked up this masterpiece and brought its delights to the viewing public.

Amongst the things I love most about this photo is that the berries on the left actually look like the little pieces of shit that collect on the fur around a sheep's anus. Note also the fact that the strawberries in no way resemble a letter 'R' - in fact I'm having trouble imagining that random grouping of strawberries as an avatar for any letter of the alphabet, unless of course the artist decided to switch to an oriental alphabet for the last letter only. I also love how the photographer has done such as shitty job isolating the berries from the background that she had to crank up the exposure to nuclear levels and even then was left with a blanket of yellow at the bottom.

However the best thing about this image, without a shadow of a doubt, is the fact that it more closely resembles the word 'FUCK' than it does Flickr. Secret message? I reckon.

Best Flickr comments: "Flickr is sweet, like berries! I'm glad you like it here.", "hehehehehe, nice ! At first, I miss red ! Better that way... but love the other thing too ! ;o)", "U got me....no offense but first i thought it was you know F*** with a middle finger ;-) u r really a creative person...love this one."

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Title: DSC01466 Views: 185 Comments: 88

Taking a photograph of a flower? It's sheer genius! Nobody has ever trodden this virgin photographic territory before and, given the masterful techniques on display here, I doubt they ever will. This is also an object exercise in trying to cover up a shitty photograph. Out of focus? Check. Woeful composition? Check. Terrible framing? Check. So what do we do when we've got a piss-poor photo? That's right - wheel out the old filters and obscure the photo as much as possible behind a veil of revolting cracks. By a strange quirk of fate, DSC01466 is also the scientific name of the Shite Nebula in Orion. Not a lot of people know that.

Best Flickr comments: "So you too, you need some flowers? It is a Lovely color, Inès I wish you a nice evening! Kisses", "Taking this opportunity in wishing you good health, happiness and happy clicking in the Year of the Dragon!", "Bom dia,minha querida! Tenha uma linda e maravilhosa semana."

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Title: When Love is on the Top Views: 387 Comments: 410 Even if I was tripping my balls off on mushrooms, I'm not entirely sure I could ever create anything as disturbing as this. It's a weird amalgamation of Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts, created in order to mimic the appearance of a burns victim - or Skrillex - or both. To complete the burns motif, the 'artist' has encased Hulia/Jugh with a shrink-wrapped plastic filter and, to add insult to injury, stuck a love-heart on its nose. If that wasn't bad enough, they've managed to find a font worse than Comic Sans. Finally we have a weird stuck-on book, held by a disembodied hand which is itself shrink-wrapped. How this circumvented Flickr's 'Safesearch' I do not know, but you might need counselling after stumbling on this monster.

Best Flickr comments: "I had an exciting weekend. I became a grandpa on Sunday:)))", "Maravilhosa! A sweet movie and a sweet image from you, very very sweet and dear Edinei!! :))", "Wow...I missed this one hours ago...............sorry dear ...... I am late but ...........must go to the eye doctor...............Please God not the eyes!!! Later ...perhaps wine in the afternoon...............something to look forward too! LOL!"

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Title: Be My Valentine Views: 156 Comments: 88 At first glance I thought this was the winning entry in the 'How Many Nasty Frames Can You Stick on your Snapshot' competition, crammed as it is with embossed awfulness. Then my eyes were drawn to the love heart, which has the unintentional effect of making the cat look like he or she is wearing an Emperor Ming style headpiece. The fact that the cat looks like he's suffered from one too many cuddle sessions only adds to the Flash Gordon vibe. There's a dark bar on the left of the screen which I like to think is a stick the cat is wielding in order to fend off the lady taking the photograph. Finally, the icing on the cake - bokeh love hearts sprinkled liberally all over the artwork, just in case anyone accused this of being a modest work of animal portraiture. Bravo! Best Flickr comments: “Milka! How could I resist you Sweetie! Lovely and splendid Valentine's card!”, “beautiful card. Is that your true love? Lucky guy”

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Title: midnight Views: 613 Comments: 10 I think the thing I love most about this woeful photo is the dribble of spunk on the right-hand side. I like to think that the photographer, on realising that they'd left the lens cap on, had a swift angry wank and came on the lens in a shower of blood and man fish. Best Flickr comments: "The red scale looks really cool here. such deep red", "I particularly love the background and your idea, it's the great artwork,thank you to shared:)"

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Title: snow for a short time Views: 137 Comments: 23 Pretty much your classic example of filteritis - if the photo's shite, run it through a few filters and nobody will realise it sucks tramps cocks. I think there's a house somewhere in there and some trees, but they could easily be an igloo and some drinking straws. This photo gave me a migraine. Best Flickr comments: "Spooooky", "Beetje blair witch project... Tenminste komt zo op mij over. Lekkere foto!" ,"Very suggestive"

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Title: Belgentier - Var Views: 2.609 Comments: 455 About a decade ago, a clever person discovered how to produce high dynamic range images. Little did they know that the technique would become decidedly mainstream and you'd be able to wang any old photo through an HDR app. All of which has lead to a huge number of monstrously disgusting images, like this one. I'm pretty sure that Phillippe here turned the old HDR knob up to 11 when he made this disgustingly overblown acid-drenched nightmare of an image. Best Flickr comments: “What fabulous color and textures here. It makes me want to walk that path and go around that corner!”, “Every color in the rainbow here. Very intriguing textures. Interesting building architectural design. Looks a bit old world. Marvelous capture and processing”, “it really looks Van Gogh ..........!!!”, "ami excellent travail les couleurs sont un régal!!"

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Title: Bristol Views: 144 Comments: 6

Sometimes I swear Flickr's 'Explore' algorithm is simply taking the piss. This photo, which sports the in-depth caption 'Bristol', is a good case in point. It depicts an urban setting, the view down a cul-de-sac to the sort of office block they built during the 1960s in England under the misguided belief that the concrete monstrosities were modernist delights. I'm pretty sure the person that took this photo didn't upload it for aesthetic reasons, but I could be wrong. One thing is certain - I have absolutely no idea why Flickr consider this image 'Interesting'.

Best Flickr comments: “excellent low light and use of lines,good reflections in the far windows", "!!!", "Klasse!"

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You don't take a photograph, you make it.

Ansel Adams

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Title: If I follow you home... will you keep me? Views: 27,094 Comments: 158

It's a the moon and a puppy and they have both been abandoned in a universe darker than George Bush's soul. Since there are no cues as to the perspective, we can only wonder whether it's a tiny tennis ball sized micro-moon or an interplanetary Labrador puppy. The puppy has an expressionless face devoid of all feeling and that nicely sums up this woeful montage that's managed to rack up nearly 30,000 views.

Best Flickr comments: "excellent! you've become a real graphics pro!", "I could never have dark thoughts looking at this..So wonderful in every way", "Cute, so cute... Love to think that he is thinking for the moon", "Love the diagonal comp....and how the pup fills up his triangle. And the full moon, wow, did you take that shot ? Outstanding"