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[shining-castiel]

uh hey guys i’ve decided that i’m going to post whatever i write on my main blog now (@leftistcas) !! @castiels-bumble-bee you asked to he tagged in my stuff so it’s going to be there now:)

[shining-castiel]

i have started to write something djdhdhdb please stand by!!

[shining-castiel]

Some reader, lightly commenting on my fic: hey i liked this.

me, me eyes enormous: you COMMENT me? you comment on my fic, like the story? oh! oh! love for reader! love for reader for One Thousand Years!!!!

[shining-castiel]

[shining-castiel]

15x03 coda for the one year anniversary!

cas heard the dull thud of the heavy bunker door behind him and took a deep breath. he really thought that dean would stop him after all these years, after all he’d been through, all they’d been through he thought he’d ask him to stay.

 ‘we’re family’ dean had said all those years ago ‘we need you, i need you’, his words echoed in his mind as he stood there outside the bunker, half expecting to see dean push the door open and apologise, to tell him that he wanted him to stay but it never happened. it was time to move on he thought as he stepped through the gravel and towards his car. he was right, he thought dimly to himself feeling the unfamiliar sting of tears forming in his eyes, there wasn’t anything left for him here, not anymore anymore. he really was just a tool that would be discarded when it wasn’t needed. he just thought this was going to be different. 

the car door slammed and the engine sputtered as he drove off and didn’t look back. ‘it’s better this way’ he repeated to himself over and over, like a mantra, during his journey into the unknown

notes under the cut :)

ok i have no idea what this is and i haven’t proofread it enough but i wanted to get something out for the anniversary slkfdjal, it’s really clunky (?) at some parts but oh well-

[shining-castiel]

I want to write. I have ideas. I open document. I type four of the worst sentences ever created in the english language. I daydream the rest of the scene. I close document.

[shining-castiel]

does-

does this mean cas taught dean how to wield an angel blade at some point

[shining-castiel]

… . . Cas … … … please… . 

[shining-castiel]

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[shining-castiel]

cas was grimacing in pain, the blood spilling out of him mixed with the empty’s black gunk. it stained dean’s jacket, stains that would stay there for years and would never wash out. cas was in dean’s arms dying and for a moment dean almost laughed at how much of a cliche this was, he could see chuck laughing at his pain

“i love you cas” dean said, his voice cracking. cas deserved to know that he was loved before he died, dean thought dimly, he thought cas already knew but it only felt right to say it, say it for the first and last time it seemed “not in the way i’ve always said i do” dean felt the need to clarify, “cas i don’t love you like i love sam, i love you how i love you and i need you to know-“

cas pulled dean down and kissed him, and dean felt like everything was ok for a moment, that cas wasn’t dying and there wasn’t nothing he could to about it. he wanted to forget about what was happening, pretend that everything was fine for once.

“you know, i wanted to grow old with you cas, i always thought we should retire one day”

dean met cas’s eyes, searching for validation, a sign that he should continue

“really?” cas said, smiling through his tears

“yeah, nothing fancy, maybe we’d get a little flat on top of a bar” dean was smiling too now, smiling at the thought of a future he knew he’d never have

“tell me more dean” cas whispered

“we’d wake up late every morning and we’d go to the kitchen and i’d make you pancakes, the really sickly sweet ones that you like and that i think are disgusting”

cas laughed a bit then his face twisted in pain

“i’d tease you for liking them so sweet” dean continued “but really i’d love it, love making them for you”

“i’d love that dean” cas said softly

“and one day i’d take you to that barn, the one we met in and i stabbed you in remember?”

“how could i forget dean” cas tears were spilling down his cheeks now and onto dean’s jacket

“and i’d have set up a table with nice food and some wine and when the moon was high i’d finally get down on one knee and ask you to marry me”

dean was crying too now, tears spilling down his face onto cas

“i’d never leave you dean” cas’ breathing was becoming heavier “i’d never leave your side” he said finally then he was gone. and dean cried in sobs that shook his whole body, he cried for the future that he had just lost with the man he loved and he cried for all that he had lost.

notes under the cut

notes- ok then this is honestly not that good and i wrote it in the notes app of my phone while waiting to go into a piano lesson then edited it a bit but oh well, i can’t read angst at all but apparently i love to write it- also like this is meant to be set after that promo, and i was wrote a you-fought-for-this-whole-world bit but it wasn’t working to i deleted it lmao

[shining-castiel]

“I can’t let you do that Dean because I love you and I can’t let you go and do that to yourself” 

Cas’ eyes widened when he realised what he had just said and backed away slowly, not wanting to mess things up even more.

“You love me?” Dean asked after a moment of silence

“I-”, Cas was looking for a way out of this one but there was no one else in the room and he had clearly addressed his confession to Dean “Yes, I do Dean” he paused, “I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable,” he said averting his eyes.

“I never said that,” Dean mumbled, he cleared his throat. “That it makes me uncomfortable I mean” slowly stepping towards Cas “I just need to know what you’re saying here” he said, trying to make eye contact  

Cas looked into Dean’s eyes, he was about an inch away now and he could feel Dean’s breath on his nose

“Cas can I-” Dean started but it was Cas who closed the distance between them. After a moment which felt like a lifetime, he pulled away.

“Are you going to do it then?” Cas asked, his brow was furrowed but he was smiling

“Take me out to dinner and we can talk about it after” Dean suggested, also grinning. Maybe he had more things to live for than he thought

notes under the cut :)

i’ve become the very person i had always hated and wrote a kiss without having ever been kissed irl lmao, i also swear destiel isn’t the only thing i write about i’ve just been watching lots of spn recently! again please give feedback this is lowkey only the second thing i’ve ever written and there is definitely lots of room for improvement :)

[shining-castiel]

i’m so soft for deancas tonight i just want them to spend the rest of their lives together. like they love each other bro it’s time they actually got to be in love.

[shining-castiel]

Cas handed Dean a burger, smiling when he saw his face light up

“God I love you Cas,” Dean said, grinning maniacally 

Cas froze, he tried to bask in the moment, this is what he had wanted for all these years after all wasn’t it, Dean’s love, Dean’s validation but he couldn’t bring himself to be happy. The way Dean said he loved him spoke of friendship, of brotherhood, something so different to the devotion and passion that Cas loved Dean with. He felt the smile slowly leave his face and looked away.

“I wish you did Dean”, Cas whispered in a response that Dean would never hear.

[shining-castiel]

[shining-castiel]

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