shiksenstuff-blog

[shiksenstuff-blog]

sounding words #1

таракан (tarakán)

Kakerlake

cockroach

[shiksenstuff-blog]

Maybe here is the place where I can keep a distance from myself. First, there is the language. My mother tongues are German and Russian, but it is difficult for me to define whether it’s true what I write. Are they really my mother tongues? Both? I can express myself with German much better than with Russian. Russian is connected with my family, with pressure, with a country I never set a foot in. When people find out I speak Russian, they ask always if Im from Russia. No, I was born in Ukraine. But I spent only two years of my life there and my mother always speaks ill of Soviet Union. It is always difficult to explain where I come from. Yesterday, there came my flatmate’s relatives and found out I speak Russian and the same story started again...

With English, I feel I can be more objective, more far from myself; but this distance allows me on the other hand an analysing perpective on myself. Like an astral trip. I’m not bound to social expectations. My vocabulary is consists of academic wiritings I read in my studies at university, some bad classes at school and my journeys to different countries. With English, I feel free, somehow. Even though in writing this text, I have to look up some expressions and even though I’m aware of using some words and grammar not correctly. Or maybe, just in a different way.