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Pure lesbianism baby.

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I do not regret turning on notifications for taylor’s instagram

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So apparently Tumblr ate my original post about this but:

A couple weeks ago I’m going to get lunch and as I open the fridge, my mother attempts to communicate to me that any chicken currently in the fridge is ok for people to eat, because the chicken that was intended for the dog to eat has been used up.

What she actually says is, “That’s human chicken.”

After taking a minute to process all horrible implications of the phrase “human chicken”, I decide to go a different route and hold the tupperware of chicken out to my sister, saying, “Behold, a man!”

This was evidently the wrong choice, as it meant I had to explain to my parents who Diogenes was, thereby cementing the incident in their minds and leading to me, just now, opening the fridge to see the following incredibly cursed image:

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😘

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AOC taking Dinesh to the woodshed.

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Saw a commercial that said “without the letters A B and O there’d be no you”

It was about blood types

As someone versed in fanfic tagging, that’s not the first thing I thought of

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I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired

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The Lincoln Assassination is really just wild if you think about it for a moment. The younger brother of one of the most famous actors in the country- himself a famous actor and heartthrob in his own right- killed the President in a theatre and yelled “Sic semper tyrannis,” a line often associated with Brutus, a character that his brother had famously played.

Like, imagine if Liam Hemsworth killed the Prime Minister of Australia at a red carpet movie premiere or something and yelled “I went for the head,” and Chris had to leave the Avengers press tour to tell everyone, “I swear I had nothing to do with this.” Imagine how weird that would be.

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Tag a sad little man

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MONEYBAGSHFHHJHS

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it’s a tragedy that dinotopia was adapted as a weird gritty looking tv movie with bad cgi when it’s, without exaggeration, the most ghibli any book has ever been

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just saw bindi irwin got engaged and apparently her fiance is american. she’s 21 and they’ve been dating for 6 years. I wonder if his family lives in aus/works in conservation because imagine just being a random 15-year-old tourist at the zoo and having a meet cute with steve irwin’s daughter lol 

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fuck every other personality test, reblog this with your sign and whether you were better at algebra or geometry

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me time