shesnowamomma

[shesnowamomma]

New Season

I love reading my previous entries because it’s like the ‘past’ me is giving advise to the ‘present’ me. It’s like I’m giving myself a reminder or wake up call.

It’s the new year and I felt like I entered a whole new season in my life. I just can’t imagine I am what I am now. I am truly a family woman now.

I gave birth to my 2nd child on August 12. It was an unexpected delivery. I thought I’ll be giving birth at the end of August. I was actually wishing that I would give birth on Mama’s birthday. But I gave birth on my 37th week and 2nd day of pregnancy.

Fast forward to now — my baby turned 5 months. Everything has been & is smooth and easy (oh’ i hope i wont jinx it!)

There are more responsibilities for us, husband & wife. Outside family and work, we’re working on other things to have other sources of income.

So yup, we’re onto a LOT of things right now and to be honest, I feel it’s too impossible to do. I just hope God can grant me different bodies so they can all work at the same time.

My personal goal for this year is to go slower, despite of all what we need to do…I aim to be slower and be more present with my husband and kids. Soon my kids will be both toddlers & for me, it’ll be a crucial part and our presence are the most important to their early years.

We will try our best. All for our kids. ❤️

P.S

I’m just writing down whatever goes into my mind. So sorry to my future self if you’ll get confused haha. And also, hubby gave me an Iphone 15 Pro as my birthday present. I really appreciate him knowing he’s a frugal one 🤪

#01132024

[shesnowamomma]

Momma of 2

It's been 2 years since the last time I posted here.

2 years have gone by SO quickly yet everything feels like it all just happened yesterday. It's crazy!

My eldest just turned 2 this month. Welcome to the "Terrific Twos"! as they say. I'm very blessed to have a healthy, smart and active toddler. To be honest, I felt that she's a whole different person. Far different from that little bean I used to breastfeed and carry on my arms. She's starting to show her own personality and style. And man–no one warned me about the tantrums/meltdowns. I was and still not ready for that phase. But every time it happens, I remind myself that my toddler is not being "difficult" or "manipulative" but instead, she is currently feeling a big wave of emotion and stress that she cannot handle yet at her age. And my job is to be with her all throughout the process and letting her feel that she's safe with me. But again, i'm no perfect momma. I still have a loooong way to go. And to be honest, my mom-guilt has gotten bigger and i'm trying my best to overcome everything.

Also, some big news — i'm soon going to be a momma of 2!!!

WILD, right? My husband and I have always been, "it it (baby/pregnancy) comes, then it comes). But we've been wanting to have more kids with short gaps in age. We believe that it will make the bonding between our children as siblings easier.

We were not doing it (getting pregnant) in purpose but God blessed us with Little Bean #2 last year and now I'm in my third trimester, a month and few days til we meet our 2nd baby.

My 2nd pregnancy has not been easy. Which I'm not really expecting given that this is already my 2nd. But during my 1st trimester, I suffered with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, a whole new information to me. No studies have shown what it causes but beat to describe is — hundredfolds worse than morning sickness. I was hospitalized for days due to dehydration because I cannot eat or drink anything (even water!). I had HG for the first 4 months and got better during halfway of the 2nd trimester. The experience got me thinking if we would ever have a 3rd baby. It's still far ahead to think about it now so I offer everything to the Lord.

Fast forward to now—

I don't know if these are all 'hormones' but most of the time, I'm feeling down. Like at the moment...I had this feeling of wanting to write my emotions or just anything as a release of what I'm feeling right now. I'm so sad, tired, umotivated and just lazy all the time. Yet feeling frustrated because I feel like I still have lots of things to do and I'm running out of time. Same feeling when I'm having burnout.

Hopefully, I won't get stressed because it's not gonna be helpful to me and my baby. Oh baby, I'm so sorry. I hope you don't take all these sad hormones from your momma. :(

[shesnowamomma]

#PregnancyJourney | How We Found Out

I thought of writing my pregnancy journey while I can still remember how was it, so I can go back to this online diary years from now and relive my memories of being a preggo. 

I discovered I was pregnant when I was already at 5 weeks of pregnancy. Few days from finding it out, I experienced some of its symptoms:

One night, I was helping my boyfriend (now my husband) cook dinner. While I was chopping garlic & onions, I suddenly felt dizzy (like I was about to faint) and nauseous, so I hurriedly went to the bathroom to “vomit”. But it was only saliva I threw up. I just ignored it back then.

I am working at night that’s why throughout the day, I am just sleeping. That day, I slept too long and woke up feeling nauseous again, which I thought it was normal for me. I was thinking, maybe I’m jut hungry and sometimes I do really feel like throwing up when I’m really really hungry. 

I was at my boyfriend’s house during that time (because we were house & lot hunting around Cavite). My in-laws made me drink Gaviscon thinking it is only acid in my stomach. They also made me sotanghon cup noodles, but I can’t eat it. And I don’t know why! I was just thinking maybe because I don’t feel good that’s why I don’t want to eat it.

I still logged in for work during that time. But I am still now feeling well. I was palpitating and had a hard time breathing. My husband told my in-laws about it (my sister in-law is in med school). In my husband’s house, they go to the hospital straight away whenever someone is sick or just “not feeling well”, unlike in our house, we go for alternatives first or rest it out unless it is a serious condition. That’s why I was really hesitant of going to ER because I was thinking that I will get well the next day.

I gave in because I really can’t breathe and my stomach felt uneasy. So we went to the ER together with my husband and mother in-law. After the general procedures, they have me took up a pregnancy test. I swear, during that time, being pregnant did not come to my mind.

So we just waited in the room and after a few hours, the nurse came in with a doctor. And asked me again why I was rushed to the ER. So I told him, I am having a hard time breathing and I feel gassy. The doctor just handed me a paper and said that “this” is the reason why I am feeling like this.

When I opened the paper, I didn’t know where to look. The words in it looked all blurry and the letters looked jumbled. When the doctor said, “congratulations”, the word “POSITIVE” in the pregnancy test popped out and yep, I am pregnant. 

My first reaction? I CRIED. SO MUCH. It was all mixed up emotions. I felt fear because I didn’t know how would I tell family. I felt joy and at the same time, panic, because I AM GOING TO BE A MOTHER. I also felt happy, because I really wanted my now-husband to be the father of my children. And during that time, we were in the stage of planning for our future. And if ever we got pregnant, we would definitely be delighted with it.

My husband’s reaction? He hugged me and kissed me in the forehead. He was really happy about it. My mother in-law was also excited. I was just the only one who looked “speechless” that time. Because all sorts of emotions were coming to me.

We went home around 2:00 AM with the big news. We went straight away to my in-law’s room and told my father in-law that he’s now going to be a grandpa. He said maybe that’s why he can’t sleep that time, and also, he’s happy and shocked that he’s now a grand dad. 

How I told my family? Me, together with my husband, mom & sister in-law and their cousin travelled to Bulacan to tell them personally (My father in-law is a high-risk patient and the brother in-law has online classes that day). Prior to going home, I just sent a message to my cousin/aunt that I am going home with my husband’s family, without telling them why.

To cut the story short, we told them and they were happy about it! And I just realized that my palpitation that time were panic attacks. Because it lessened after we told my family. 

That’s it! I’ll try my best to write another entry about my pregnancy journey. There’s so much to tell about! :) 

[shesnowamomma]

Baby Blues

August 8, 2021

Years back, when I didn’t have a kid yet, I wonder what postpartum depression really is. Yes I know it by definition but, how mothers get it and what does it really feel, that I didn’t know.

After all the excitement and baby high (don’t get me wrong, I am and still over the moon and obsessed with our baby), I suddenly felt different. I found myself getting frustrated because my baby cries and feeds from time to time which gives me no time to rest or even breathe (not literally but it feels like that). 

The first few weeks after giving birth was tough. And I guess it’s normal because we haven’t adjusted yet. Plus, me and my husband are first time parents - zero experience of handling a newborn. I didn’t know how to juggle my time yet. It feels like my baby needs me 24/7 which made me sooo exhausted and drained. I got overwhelmed of this big change in my life.

There were times I cry because I’m so sleepy and tired but I have to get my baby and feed her, no matter what time is it. Given that I still feel pain in my body because of giving birth and also, during that time, breastfeeding was hard. My breasts were all sore and every time my baby would latch, it would hurt (thinking of writing a separate entry about my breastfeeding journey).

And I would cry more because I feel guilty of what I am feeling. I felt like a bad mom for feeling that way.

It also affected how I see my husband. But please don’t get me wrong. I am so blessed with my husband (also with my in laws who are a BIG help in taking care of our daughter). I’m not disregarding all his efforts but during that phase, I get annoyed at him when he sleeps while I’m feeding our baby so late at night. I get annoyed when he gets to do whatever he wants while I can’t even eat on time or go to the bathroom when I need to pee or take the shower.  I can’t do all those things because I’m stuck with my baby. 

And that hit me, is this what they call, postpartum depression? 

So I tried to look it up and research more about it. It turns out that what I was feeling that time is “baby blues”. 

Baby blues is only for a short term (in contrary to PPD, it’s a worse condition). In my case, I only felt it during the first 2 weeks after my baby was born. And my mood swings did not occur everyday. There were only certain times I would feel sad, irritable or even alone. 

But weeks go by, I am also adjusting. It’s true what they say, “It will all get better”. It did and still will be. I’m a mom for only more than a month, and I still have lots to learn (No doubt, because being a mother is a life time commitment, and also a gift to be embraced).

I learned that having this “baby blues” is normal and a lot of mothers out there has experienced and is experiencing this.  I also learned the importance of rest and taking care of myself more. I know it seems contradicting because you really don’t have the time to sleep. But when I’m nursing my baby, I try my best to also sleep or just shut my eyes so I could rest. 

Also, I learned how to accept help. As I mentioned earlier, I’m really thankful for my husband and in laws. My husband would feed me while I’m nursing our baby. He would do chores by himself (though I would feel bad, because I can’t help him), do favors for me, and would help me in taking care of our baby - diaper change, baby bath, etc. I could never ask for a better partner, to be honest.

My in laws are also a big help. They would take care of our baby just so I could sleep and take the shower. My mother in law does our laundry (which I really, really, really feel bad for. That’s why whenever I can, I would offer to do other chores just so I could also help around the house). They just love our daughter and I am so thankful for having them as my in laws.

I could really go on and on about this new chapter of my life, but y’know, I gotta nurse our baby lol. 

So if you’re also a new mom like me, please do know that rest and accepting/asking help are very important. Read books, watch your favorite Netflix series, meditate or listen to hypnobirthing (also helped me during my pregnancy), or whatever would make you feel relaxed. You have to take care of yourself, in all aspects.  In that way, you could also take care of your baby well.

You can do it, momma.

[shesnowamomma]

August 2, 2021

Me at 38 weeks - when a whole new life is still growing inside of me.

9 months of carrying our little one inside my womb up until to this day that she's now in my arms, made me discover strength I never thought I have.

My pregnancy journey was never an easy one esp my first tri 🥲. All the struggle, pain & challenges...but still, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Truly God is so good for giving us a strong baby girl who held onto us until we finally meet her. Thank you Lord, for watching over us in this journey. All glory and praises to You...

So so so grateful to our families for all the help & full support, and to our close friends who have been checking up on me (almost) everyday. Thank you all for praying with us.

And of course, to the hubs, for taking care of me pre-birth, post-birth, always and forever. Just so you know, you are an amazing hubby and a dad to our baby girl. We appreciate & love you.

To our daughter, you are so much loved and I'm just grateful to be your momma.

P.S Our little one is turning one month 2 days from now. Still can't believe it. Time is flying too fast!!  She was just this tiny hooman rolling, kicking & swimming in my tummy huhu🤸‍♀️

[shesnowamomma]

July 04, 2021 • 7:31 AM

It was the happiest day of our lives when I gave birth to a healthy, 2.89 kg baby girl.

Every contraction I felt made me more and more excited because every wave means I'm close to meeting her soon.

Her first cry was music to my ears... I just wished that her dad also heard it too.

When we had our "Unang Yakap", all the pain and tiredness were gone in that minute.

She's so beautiful.

Oh, how could you love someone so much?

Truly, when a child was born, a mother was also born.

Here's to a new chapter -

Hello, motherhood.