shesa1nt - Tumblr blog

[shesa1nt]

“She apologized all the time, as if it was a habit; but you could see it in her eyes that she meant it. Every apology was sincere. She was sorry for the way the world worked. She was sorry for everything.”

— (via jan-zhao)

[shesa1nt]

what if i made the mistake of doing a starter call here too ??

[shesa1nt]

a day at the gardens GRACE VAN DIEN via instagram

[shesa1nt]

jacket startles her to life , the new warmth a comfort in cold night. blue hues glance up to @whitelace , forcing glossy pink lips to up turn in a smile. ❝ i just needed some air. ❞ val and her had connected from the moment the pair had met. a friend. the first that hadn't come from the six. she holds tight to the jacket around her , scooting to invite val to sit beside her on bench outside their hotel. passing cars and changing street lights held her attention. better then the thoughts that race inside her head , that eat her alive. cigarette is tossed to the side , only in moments like this. ❝ you should be back up at the party, i'm fine, really ! ❞ chrissy cunningham has always been a liar. her entire existence had been one. they started small , the little ones told to please her mother. and then her friends. her husband. she never knew sadness , only that unending optimism required to be the one who looked after everyone. who was never hurt , who never struggled. the girl who smiled even with tears in her eyes. val had seen right through her. the first few times they had met , rehearsals and parties. the two had become inseparable , even now on the time chrissy was able to make it to tour. ❝ you did incredible tonight. ❞ her voice changes from shaky to excited , to give meaning to her words. because they were the truth. valerie , karen , daisy. they were women chrissy admired. unapologetically themselves. ❝ the six's first tour? ❞ she wants to stop , but the words don't. they spill out and she hates herself for it. but with val everything is easy. ❝ i found billy. with some fans. i was pregnant with marlee. ❞ it's been unspoken about. something they've kept secret. a topic they dance around. ❝ and i never could get mad at him, not even in that moment. i still can't. but i think i was mad. even if i couldn't say it. but it was because he was throwing away his dream. not our marriage. i loved him, i still do. he and marlee, they're my entire world. he got better for her, for us. ❞ it was the lifestyle. that's how she had justified it. tried to make sense of it all. not that she wasn't enough for him. ❝ but i see the way he looks at daisy. on the stage , when they're together. and all i can think about is that day again. ❞ she sniffles , keeping tears at bay. all of this is stupid. ❝ i love them. i love the music. i love that he's happy. ❞ those are three truths. things that she would never lie about. ❝ but i feel like , i'm losing him. ❞ her hand interlaces with val's , head leaning against the other's shoulder. ❝ do you think , i can learn to be more like you? you're brave. you don't take shit. ❞

[shesa1nt]

𝗂'𝗆 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗎𝗌𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌. 𝗂'𝗆 𝗌𝗈𝗋𝗋𝗒.

the munson trailer is the last place she should be. the trailer park was vastly different then her suburban street. a set of few flickering and dim street lights that illuminated minimally with their yellow glow. it's not quiet , night full of dog barking and muffled arguments from the inside of other mobile homes. but none of this stops chrissy from following him inside. neither did the rumors. @hedev1l was a killer. everyone in hawkins had already agreed on it. and by bringing chrissy here , she'd be his next victim. but the cheerleader doesn't believe it. at first in those woods , startled by him like a doe. maybe then , she could have believed it. but just from that short time at the picnic table. chrissy had sized him up as different then what picture the rest of the school and town had painted him. he wasn't so scary. she remembers him as the boy who had given her his bike tire , when her own had gone flat in the rain. the boy who had given her a band-aid covered in stars. it was the last they had.

and when she had come home , yelled at by her mother for being soaked to the bone. a mother who hadn't even worried why chrissy had been so late. only that her daughter would be a mess for that night's mass. the star band-aid and boy with the buzzed hair was all she could think of. the trailer is full of clutter. dirty dishes left in the sink , bills and other papers scattered on the counter. the smell of cigarettes coat everything. it's a home that's lived in , a home instead of a house. blue hues watch him dart around the trailer , trying to clean up what he can. she shakes her head , offering a lighthearted laugh. it's the second time she's done that today. god , it felt real. when was the last time chrissy hadn't feigned laughter? given those giggles that pleased her friends and jason?

❝ it's okay eddie , really ! ❞ she gives him a sickly sweet smile. even as fingers pick her cuticles raw. it isn't him or this place that makes her nervous. it's that she can't shake the blue eyeshadow. or that girl now dead , had been from their school. she walked the same halls , sat in the same desks. she can't stop shaking , even in the warmth of knitted cheer jacket. ❝ you said , this stuff? it'll work right? it'll help me sleep? ❞

[shesa1nt]

Hello, Sidney. Hi. Who is this? You tell me. Well, I have no idea. SCREAM (1996) dir. Wes Craven

[shesa1nt]

affectionate prompts

“  i’m happy when you’re around.  ”

���  i like having you here.  ”

“  i’m glad you came.  ”

“  just tell me what you need.  let me give it to you?  ”

“  why are you smiling at me like that?  ”

“  i trust you with parts of myself i’m afraid to show anyone else.  ”

“  you have a good heart.  ”

“  your eyes look so beautiful in this lighting.  ”

“  i’m all yours.  not going anywhere.  ”

“  you have my full attention.  ”  

“  i never want you to stop looking at me the way you are right now.  ”

“  follow me,  i have a surprise for you.  ”

“  you make me feel brave.  ”

“  come walk with me.  let’s get some air.  ”

“  c’mere.  sit down.  tell me what’s going on.  ”

“  i want you around.  if i didn’t,  i wouldn’t be here would i?  ”

“  it’s okay,  you can sit here with me for as long as you’d like.  ”  

“  here,  take my hand.  ”

“  stay still—  i’m trying to hug you.  ”

“  do you like my new dress?  ”

“  do you like my new suit?  ”

“  could you hug me again?  i think i need it.  ”

“  i like hearing your heart beating when i put my head on your chest.  ”  

“  i like watching you work.  ”  

“  just sit there.  i’m going to make you something to eat.  ” 

“  why don’t you tell me what i can do to make your day better?  ”

“  what’s on your mind?  i want to listen.  ”

“  i sure you hope you don’t think you’re walking out that door without giving me a kiss first.  ”

“  i know i need to go but—  one more kiss.  ”

“  here,  take my jacket.  you look like you need it more.  ”

“  keep the jacket,  looks better on you.  ”

“  you just make me feel good when you’re here.  i feel better any time you’re around.  ”

“  i don’t feel whole unless i’m touching you.  ”

[ GRIN ]  for one muse to reach out and playfully push the other’s cheeks up to make their lips curve into smile. 

[ PRESS ]  for one muse to poke either side of the other’s cheeks where smile dimples would be. 

[ BOOP ]  for one muse to playfully tap the other’s nose with their finger. 

[ LIGHT ]  for one muse to kiss the other’s cheek. 

[ WARM ]  for one muse to take off their jacket and drape it around the other who is cold. 

[ COMFORT ] for one muse to place a jacket or blanket around the other’s shoulders because they’re upset. 

[ TEASE ]  for one muse to squish the other’s face between their hands. 

[ SCOLD ]  for one muse to gently pinch the other’s cheek in response to something they said. 

[ REST ] for one muse to rest their head against the other’s shoulder while they talk. 

[ REASSURE ]  for one muse to place their hand on the other’s back as a subtle comforting gesture. 

[ SAFE ]  for one muse to wrap their arm around the other’s shoulders and kiss their temple. 

[ LEAP ] for one muse to run and jump into the other’s arms because they’re excited to see them. 

[ SEEK ] for one muse to track down the other at a crowded function because they noticed they slipped away. 

[ COMPANY ] for muses to sit on a balcony or roof together sharing a drink/food/joint etc. 

[ HELD ]  for one muse to offer their hand out to the other to hold to comfort them.

[ REACH ] for one muse to reach out and take the other’s hand to comfort them.  

[ LACE ]  for one muse to hook their arm around the other’s while they walk. 

[ INTERTWINE ]  for one muse to offer their arm to the other while they walk. 

[ DIRECT ] for one muse to pull the other into that kind of hug where their hand rests against their head and they tuck them under their chin. 

[ SLEEP ]  one muse discovers the other napping and simply joins them. 

[ EQUAL ]  for a taller muse to pick up the other and place them sitting on a counter/table so they can be eye level. 

[ URGE ] for one muse to move their arm to be around the other’s shoulder or over the back of a chair so the one sitting next to them can scoot closer. 

[shesa1nt]

i just think if you don’t like chrissy as a character, we can’t be friends ✨.

[shesa1nt]

I heard one thing, now I'm hearing another

[shesa1nt]

𝘄𝗵𝘆 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 ?

𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘮. someone needed you, cared for you, held you close in their heart. They are who they are because of you. Your presence was comforting, guiding. You were loved. In turn, your absence leaves an empty space in someone's heart, in their life, a hole within the very text of this story. You are still loved, but now you are also missed. I wish I could promise you that your death will lead to great (and positive) change. Alas, you are just as likely to fuel a villain's origins as a hero's. Take comfort, then, in what you can: Your life holds as much meaning in death as it did in life.

[shesa1nt]

ETHEL CAIN'S PREACHER'S DAUGHTER (2022) ALBUM PROMPTS

ₓ ˚ .   ୭   ˚ ○ ◦ ˚     as always, some triggering content may be present! change any pronouns to better suit your muse(s) needs!     ˚ ◦ ○ ˚   ୧   . ˚ ₓ

it hurts to miss you.

make it stop.

i was too young.

if they strike once, then you just hit them twice as hard.

know that one day, you and i could be ok.

i'm just a child but i'm not above violence.

tell me, what have you done.

i thought good guys get to be happy.

i was there in the dark when you spilled your first blood.

it's just not my year.

you loved your dad and the love he had for your mother.

you were my whole world.

daddy said shoot first, then run, and don't look back.

you came alone to me.

i am here now, as you run from me still.

we all know how it goes.

god loves you, but not enough to save you.

i'm never gonna leave you.

it's worse to know.

he keeps looking at me.

i just wanted to be yours.

don't run, i'll take you anywhere.

show me how much i mean to you.

don't think about it too hard.

you know i raised you bеtter than this.

i need you still.

you know i'll still be right behind you.

we'll make love in your attic all night.

just know that i love you.

i do what i want.

it's already been done.

the fate's already fucked me sideways.

i feel so alone without you.

even the iron still fears the rot.

i'm not happy.

you wanna see me on my knees?

am i no good?

i should have known that there's no getting in.

i've tried, but i think it's about time i put up a fight.

i can see it in your eyes.

am i making you feel sick?

putting too much faith in the make-believe…

lay it on me.

when the preacher talks, that man demands his silence.

i've had enough.

leavе me hanging so they all can laugh at me.

i may never sleep at night.

i can't lead him back.

tell me a story.

please, can i sleep?

trouble's always gonna find you.

he's cold-blooded so it takes more time to bleed.

i still feel like they all know.

i just pray that you're alright.

i’m alone.

i thought that you were so beautiful.

good luck taking care of yourself.

i'm doing what i want and damn, i'm doing it well.

you love blood too much.

you wanna fuck me right now?

i'm sorry if i sound off.

i don't want him to worry, always wondering if i'm alright.

i don't need anything from anyone.

i am no good nor evil, simply i am.

all that's left are your walls, and you'll die there.

i'm all good out here.

i always knew that in the end no one was coming to save me.

listening to the choir, so heartfelt, all singing.

don't worry about me.

hell don't scare me, i've been times before.

i watched him show his love through shades of black and blue.

i hate this story.

the neighbour's brother came home in a box.

i spend my life watching it go by from the sidelines.

he's never looked more beautiful.

we finally reached the edge after all this time.

you might never come back home.

i didn't find my love, but i still made it this far without it.

you won't come home.

i can't let go when something's broken.

god is telling you and i there is death, for all of us.

you poor thing.

you and me against the world.

you can't hide from me forever.

i'm tired of you.

don't talk to strangers or you might fall in love.

love's never meant much to me.

he wanted to go, so maybe it was his fault.

i've killed before and i'll kill again.

it was love, i guess.

the neighbours beat on the walls while i'm face-first in the bed.

please don't look at me.

how funny, i never considered myself tough.

you wanna rip these clothes off?

you were the only one i was never scared to tell i hurt.

you got lost in it and yet you found yourself.

there's nothing you can do.

i'm so alone out here.

i never blamed you for loving me the way that you did.

why do i feel alone in this room with you?

if it's meant to be then it will be.

i tried to be good.

my mama raised me better than that.

you'll never sleep a wink at night again.

says he's in love with my body, that's why he's fucking it up.

you're so handsome when i'm all over your mouth.

by seventeen, you knew you had to see it all.

love's out there and i can't leave it be.

i invited you in.

say what you want, but say it like you mean it.

you wanna get my clothes off?

you're all the same.

take me down to the river and bathe me clean.

you wanna love me right now?

show me your face.

well, maybe not 'cause look at what i've got.

i followed you in.

the more it hurts, the less it shows.

please don't tell me.

i don't mind 'cause that's how my daddy raised me.

you watched me.

just give it one more day, then you're done.

i haven't spoken to my daddy in a long, long time.

i'll still be alright.

i have come to take what is mine.

what i wouldn't give to be in church this sunday.

i just hope you're doing fine out there.

just tell me i'm yours.

i'd hold the gun if you asked me to.

can i be yours?

that's why i can never go back home.

it's just the way that you are.

i'll come with you if you're sure it's what you need.

[shesa1nt]

𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗒 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗎𝖻𝗅𝖾.

there's a smile feigned. she's happy for him , really. a tour was a huge deal. each day had brought more excitement from @hedev1l. chrissy matched that enthusiasm with her own , genuine. ❝ trouble is my middle name. ❞ things wouldn't be different. school , work. the only thing missing would be him. she could do it. just a few weeks , and then she'd fly out.

❝ it's not like this is a forever goodbye. so neither one of us should be sad silly. ❞ she stands on tip toes , kiss pressed to cheek. ❝ and you can call me every night. just like we used to sometimes. ❞ the pair hadn't been apart , not since they had left everything behind. it's easy to hide behind that smile , that image crafted of someone put together. but being alone had never been easy. not even when she was a child. there's a fear , the memories of what happened. what if she wasn't safe? what if it really wasn't over? but she doesn't show those thoughts , only instead continues with bright doe eyes. ❝ just don't forget about the pretty girl back home. ❞ she teases him , arms wrapped around his frame.

[shesa1nt]

[shesa1nt]

@goeshard

🤍

[shesa1nt]

Grace Van Dien and her puppy Pluto

[shesa1nt]

fear is all consuming. small frame trembling within pew. chrissy isn't sure why she had come here. but here was better then alone. typically pulled by the arm of her mother , the last place she felt she belonged was here. an outsider , who only came because of obligation. but now she sat , whispered pleas. if you exist, help. it's over and over , as though it will drive away everything that's happened. but it doesn't stop her , doe like eyes squeezed shut and hands clasped together.

she startles at the sound of his voice. eyes flutter open beneath dark lashes , composing breathing to force a pageant smile. ❝ it's okay , to sit i mean. ❞ her voice trembles , struggling to find words. despite the way her mind has taken her , unable to rid of those nightmares. here , there's a comfort. for a second , chrissy believes she can be safe. ❝ i think . . . maybe , i am lost. ❞ her eyes are back on the floor , the stark difference of perfect white tennis shoes against dark floors. ❝ this is my first time being here in a really long time. but you're right. it is kind of nice. ❞

⌜ @shesa1nt ⌟ it is quiet , it is peaceful . this chapel drowning in dim light of the candles set alight by previous visitors . now , there is only one & she does not seem to belong in this cold and dark place . there is no god here , for HE is the only one they pray to . for papa emeritus the third is the one they rely on . he moves , his steps silent while they carry him to where she sits . ❝ are you a lost soul ? ❞ comes the question from painted lips , mismatched hues searching her face for answers even before she speaks . gesture to the space next to her , as if he questions if he is allowed to sit . ❝ here in the still , all that you feel is tranquility . ❞ a moment of silence , sometimes , the ministry can be scary & dark , but at times wen the sun is just about to set ... ❝ i too like it here , it is a place where you can think about everything , and nothing at the same time . ❞

[shesa1nt]

matilda comes on my spotify shuffle and chrissy lives.