shayley - Tumblr blog

[shayley]

riley: normalize reversing on the highway when you miss your exit

[shayley]

riley: i was gonna make some joke about mixing green and blue together. which would make yellow, right? its green and blue that makes yellow, right? or is it... or is it blue and green that makes yellow? ...oh, blue and yellow makes green, lets move on shaun, staring at her in total disbelief

[shayley]

riley: can you preheat the apartment? i'm on my way home shaun: what are you, banana bread? riley: be very careful what you say next

[shayley]

riley: what the fuck, anteaters can flip their tongues 150 times per minute? shaun: oh, no, yeah, i- same! fuck you, i can do that too, dickhead riley: you sound like you're jealous!

[shayley]

riley: asked my 5-year-old what he wanted for dinner and he said “not a burned quesadilla” because in the summer of 2019 i overcooked one side of his quesadilla

[shayley]

riley: after a thorough medical assessment, the doctors have described me as "a lot. just like a lot to deal with"

[shayley]

shaun: are you seeing anyone? riley: haha... no, why? shaun: idk i think a therapist would be good for you

[shayley]

riley: so it turns out the “bad vibes” i’ve been experiencing are actually “severe psychological distress”

[shayley]

rileyy: shaun's chapstick tastes really good kyle: you two finally kissed? shaun: no, she ate it

[shayley]

riley: i'm not a boy or a girl, i'm a silly goose

[shayley]

riley: why are you putting garlic in your pants shaun: so dracula doesnt try and eat my ass riley: ..why would dracula try to eat your ass shaun: he wont, the garlic- are you even listening to me

[shayley]

shaun: any catholics around? i have a question riley: im catholic, whats up shaun: how do i get into heaven by being violent riley: thats called a crusade, but you need the popes permission first

[shayley]

shaun: i fucking hate when my phone throws a little fit about not having enough storage, fuckn GET more then im NOT deleting any pictures of my girlfriend

[shayley]

shaun: you into cars? riley: yes, it was a masterpiece of a film shaun: no, are you a car person? riley: im a human

[shayley]

riley: people call anything "mental illness" these days. like, sometimes ill lie in bed all weekend, because i no longer take pleasure in things i used to enjoy. does that make me "depressed"? shaun: yeah, yeah it does

[shayley]

riley: being in a relationship is awesome, i can get a milkshake with my boyfriend n if i ask nicely, he'll let me get two straws so we can drink at the same time n its the coolest thing i'll ever do

[shayley]

shaun: sorry for having a huge dick and correct opinions on everything. as if its my fault