shahbaz360-blog-blog
It Was For Her. It Was All For Her.
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Conveniently yours
Why does she contact me when it’s convenient? Why do I respond? She must know how much it hurts me. She must know how much I loved her.
What’s worse still is the facade of “I want you to feel better.” No you don’t. You would act like this is you did. In all reality, and this is the sad truth I’ve learned, you only care for me when it’s convenient. It’s ironic that you want to “stop talking” when it’s convenient for you. I am the person you came to when the boy you replaced me with was acting shady.
Let’s be honest — you don’t actually want me to feel better.
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Ariel
3 years ago, I fell for you. I fell for you harder than I have ever fallen for anyone before you. You were broken. I was hurt. I cared for you, when no one else did. I loved you. Showed you that you deserve to be loved. I wanted you to know that you were beautiful, strong, and that you will survive. And you did. You survived and came out a warrior.
I poured my heart into to us. I was loyal. I respected you. I tried to do what I could to keep pushing you without breaking you. Push you towards greatness. Push you towards a brighter, fuller future. And you let me.
But then things changed. You had outgrown me. And you looked to leave. You wanted to flutter away, a butterfly that had just emerged from her cocoon. You wanted to do what was best for you, and you did. Some would call it selfish — I partly do too — but you knew you had to. Maybe I was a reminder of what you used to be. Maybe I wasn’t good enough anymore. You found someone else earlier than we had had a chance to commit to the breakup. But all that mattered was that you were happy.
But what about me? I am broken. I am hurt. I lost my friend. The only friend that mattered. I lost my love. I lost the woman I wanted to make my wife. I am shattered and don’t see a way of getting out. I am disappointed. And that’s what hurts the most — the disappointment. How could you so easily forget what I did for you? How could you so easily forget what the bottom feels like? How could you push me down there? How could you break me like that? How could you not care? How could you be so selfish?
Maybe you have changed. Maybe you’re not the girl I fell in love with. But how do I tell my heart that it needs to stop wanting you. It still remembers the quite, innocent, beautiful — so very beautiful — girl that I fell in love with.
#broken#anything for her#heartbreak#she was the one#how do i move on#moving on#broken heart#i love her#why him
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Who do you turn to when the only person that can stop you from crying is the one making you cry?
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Maybe it’s best
She told me, “maybe it’s best if we don’t talk too often.” So that’s it. She doesn’t want to talk to me. Maybe she’s doing it for me. Maybe she thinks this is what’s good for me. Maybe she just doesn’t want to deal with it.
In any case, she’s happy. So I’m happy. Or so I think. Or not. I don’t know but who the fuck cares about me anyways. I’m not going to be the reason that she doesn’t stay happy however, so I will fade away. I won’t bother her. She deserves happiness. Even it it is without me.
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To my beloved ex-potential wife
She said “I was ready to move in with you and marry you.”
How did I mess it up from there? I had it all. I had everything that I ever wanted and I let it go. I ruined it. I destroyed it. But worst of all, in the process, I hurt her.
I didn’t deserve her. Not if it went from her feeling that way to the way she feels now. Not if if she’s ready to move on with someone else and leave me in her past. Not if I am this flawed. I am to blame. The consequence is massive. It’s almost too much to bear this torture; this punsihement; this suffering; this madness. It may just prove to be.
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I messed up. I lost my love. I want her back. I need her to come back.
Who will show me I’m loved now?
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Day14: The things I love about her
I love how she breaks my heart. How she tears my heart apart with a few simple words, “I don’t love you anymore, Shab.” She is the only one that can put me back together but she won’t. She’s ready to move on.
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I can’t be asked not to love you. It’s my right. Just mine and mine alone. It’s pure and it resides within me. You can’t take it away.
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Day13: The things I love about her
I love how patient she is with me. Lord knows I give her enough reason to lose it every time.
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