shafiqahpotts - Tumblr blog

[shafiqahpotts]

Playing

Things getting harder and harder.

I have no power nor heart anymore

I cried, i need help.

[shafiqahpotts]

Q- part 2

20/10/2022

Imagine how long I tunggu the day I finally met you. I did asked him untuk lunch with me after I finish my hospital appointment. But he was so busy, dia oncall. I know I takkan dapat jumpa dia.

But, we keep on texting and he said okay jom but I need to wait at emergency department. I hate hospital. Going to emergency department is a nightmare. However, I did wait at the emergency department for him.

My heart beating so fast. I was nervous, I went idk how many time to toilet just to make sure my tudung looks good, my face, idk. Nervous sis. And after 30 minutes ye i tunggu and we met for the first time at the hospital. Like punya banyak tempat dekat dunia but Tuhan takdirkan jumpa dekat hospital. I wonder why and how.

If you read this, I malu sangat bila jumpa you, i tak boleh nak tengok mata you but i lapar so i jalan cepat2. You stole my heart. Thats it. I was so nervous bila masuk your car, when you open your facemask. Damn, kenapa dulu kita tak jumpa? Why now? Again, you stole my heart. I tak tahu nak buka facemask atau tak. Bila tengok muka you, i feel safe. I feel home. I tak pernah rasa macam ni seumur hidup i. I swear.

We went for lunch. Arab food. Actually arab food is one of my favourite food. I actually risau sebab dia tak tidur lagi and keep on playing phone (he got work to settle) and i feel so proud of him. I stared at his face, the face that I want to see every single day. I swear. Oh and he looked sexy when he speaks arab. Like i cair sangat. Like weh. Okay pengsan.

That was the best lunch ever in 2022. I never want to share drink with any guy but, i did shared drink with him. Omg Qif semualah you buat. I will continue part 3. Part 3 ni sedih sangat. I will write when I have the strength.

Sometimes, kita tak boleh paksa orang untuk mencintai kita tapi kita kena selalu doakan dia.

[shafiqahpotts]

Q - part 1

I asked her, who the hell is that guy that broke my best friend’s heart? And she told everything to me. I was mad af. I texted him because whyyy you broke her heart?

He knew that I am his ex girlfriend’s friend. We started to become friend through phone. I always texted him. Idk how but I feel happy everytime I texted him. We were 18. “Kejut me at 12, nanti mami marah kalau bangun lambat sangat” then it became my routine to call him at 12 afternoon. Listen to his voice was my favourite thing but I knew those thing between us won’t work.

Heard that he’s playboy. He texted many girls and he only want hot girl and also rich which I am not. I came from poor family and my education is nothing compare to him but deep inside my heart I prayed to God about him. I want to be his forever friend or wife.

He got place in uitm kot I lupa but i know he always wanted to be doctor walaupun, “u, i pun tak tau apa cita2 i” haih why so cute?

Okay, then he went to egypt. Okay this part is funny. Every single we chat (using facebook) me : u belajar jordan kan? Him: egypt!! I always get confused, sometimes jordan, sometimes idk which country but i keep on lupa. And he always “u, i nak berhenti lah” you know what i like it when you mengada mengadu macam ni. But I always doakan you berjaya jadi doctor.

I always stalked his pictures, his new girls (plural) and I always asked myself, kalau dia kahwin nanti mesti tak best dah.

We always like nak jumpa nak makan sama, he was always “u, i ni mana ada duit” all the time. And i was like “ye la, ye la” everytime i rasa i tak cantik he will always jadi mangsa. “U, i cantik tak?” Hahaha he asked me to learn to put on makeup, dress well and he said that I’m pretty.

Damn, baru perasan the day he asked me to learn wear makeup i did. Why I always listen to you not to other guys I met?

Time passes, he finally did it and came back here in Malaysia and we still havent meet each other yet. I diagnosed with sle while he struggled with his housemanship. We both struggle maybe sebab tu Tuhan tak jumpakan kita?

[shafiqahpotts]

Instagram and facebook

Hi! It has been longgg time since i deleted this app from my phone. So here I am back on tumblr.

So, today is day 3 I deactivated my instagram and facebook account. Why i did that? Well, because I have mission to do which I might be success or not. But at least I tryy kan?

Did i miss instagram? Nope, oh except for the filters that can make me prettyyy. Hehehe.

I can leave everything just to be with you, to be yours. Idk if this will have a happy ending or sad ending, I’ll just keep on praying to God. Because I really want you to be part of me.

The one yang seorang fatin shafiqah akan dengar cakap. Idk why and how but its you.

[shafiqahpotts]

Run

Running freely while closing eyes

Running towards deep forest

Cold

Scared and cold

Not know where to go

Don’t know what to do

Look fine but bleeding inside

[shafiqahpotts]

Rain

Rain rain go away

Don’t come again.

Just go

I’m completely wet

Till no one can see me cry

Let me breathe

[shafiqahpotts]

Empty

Rain drops

The sound of wave

Little girl cry

Finding the way out

Too complicated

Too dark

Too scared

Too painful

There’s no way out

Trapped

Out of oxygen

Dying slowly without getting noticed

Dullness

White flag as closure

Buried with broken heart

Thank you

[shafiqahpotts]

Deep

Having syiera as my best friend is a blessed, how can I live without hearing her story which never make any sense. (We only talk bout things that make senses 1am till 2am once in a blue moon) Oh and the one that always proud of me put on weight.

Having wardina, anuar and atif as my siblings is the greatest gift from God. Although sometimes we fight but we still have each other back. Alhamdulillah

Having a very understanding and cool dad is the best thing ever. Although mom is fierce but she still the one who give birth to me.

And naim, that one random guy suddenly appears in my life ( i bought his tote bag because i love flamingo) hahaha is another blessed in my life oh and he also the reason why I put on weight! He is the best chef ever!

Paan,

this one friend that always there for me from my diploma till degree till we almost 30. I pray that he will get whatever he wants because he has the purest heart ever.

Afiq is like a brother to me that I know will always be there to protect me like his little sister. Love you my brother!

Alysa,

this girl that I met when I was 10, we fight because of stupid syamir and Alhamdulillah now she is there for me. She’s the one that pujuk me ( she even came to my house okay ) to do the blood test. And she even help me financially by sending her two kids to my tuition class at night. Idk how to repay her kindness.

Farah.

My UK girl. I know it has been awhile we haven’t met but trust me, you are still my stargirl. My beautiful and smart farah. But I hate you right now because you are thin!!! Hahaha

Kak kema,

My first ever sister. She is my neighbour but I call her sister. My love towards her is infinity. She is the one who hugs me tightly when she knows syamir left me. I still remember, she said its okay. I will be fine. A hug is all i need at that time and Allah gives me kak kema. Thank you Allah.

Mun

The one that I met during mamma mia. The one that makes me believe kun fayakun. The one that always spread positive vibes to me. Thank you mun!

Tasha Tan

My former housemate. We are not that close back then but right now, I feel so close to her. The one that suddenly give me a cute bag just to cheer me up. I cried actually when I received it. It means so much to me. Thanks tasha sayangg.

Ara

“Nanti kalau I dah takde you pergi lah kawan dengan Ara. Dia baik sangat. She will take care of you bila I dah takde nanti” arwah Ameer told me this. And yes, my protector! Until now. I love you my coffeemate!

Kak zety

“I dah suruh kak zety baik2 dengan you. I minta maaf sebab buat you gaduh dengan kak zety” Ameer knows that He want to go so he wants to make sure that kak zety baik dengan i sebab he knows how much i love kak zety. She belanja me ciken chop library when I have no money and i tengah craving nak ciken cop! And yes ameer, I’m in a good term with kak zety and ara. You don’t worry okay ramai orang sayangkan i!

Kak hanis

Garang, but deep inside she always pray and take care of me. I know she will always and forever love me. Aten sayang akak jugak tau!

Kak shananana

We rarely talk to the each other but she never forget to always check on me. Makes me laugh, share information about my favourite films, actress and all. She knows how to put a smile on my face. I love you kak shana KSBB

Syirain

My bodyguard, my girlfriend. She always said tak payah cakap aku selalu doakan kau. Thank you fo always there for me baby. You are my favourite baby in this universe. Hehehe

Kiara ooi

Haven’t met this gorgeous girl but feel so close to her. She always gives me good words to makes me feel better. You are one of kind and you have such a golden heart my sister!

Fazreen Amira

My SLE buddy that always check on me just to make sure that I tak down. She always reminds me to be grateful and strong. I can’t wait to go to Sarawak and meet her!

Ayushhhh

After being diagnosed with SLE I try to find SLE friends but end up I meet this beautiful MS warrior. Thank you Ayush for telling me that we can do it like a normal although we are sick! We are stronger than we think!

Fatini and Izzy

From enemy to the best listener ever to me. Only Allah knows how grateful I am to have you both as my friends in my life. They always gave me motivation and positive words to keep on going. Thank you so much you two.

Dear Allah, thank you for these amazing people in my life. I am more than grateful. Alhamdulillah

#blessed #love

[shafiqahpotts]

Fact

Well life can’t be good all the time.

Sometimes it will be hard and dark

Sometimes it full with love and light.

That’s the fact that we can’t deny.

Well, no matter how far you run and hide fact will always be fact. Truth will always be the truth, you cannot lie to yourself. Okay you can deny it as much as you can but still thats the truth. Yes it is hurt but still you can’t change or you can learn from your past mistakes and change to be better from day to day.

If only you can low down your ego and accept the fact that you are imperfect and you make mistakes too same goes with others.

[shafiqahpotts]

Sunday

Not a bright sunday for me. Such a gloomy and heavy day from morning until night. Perhaps I did not pray for a happy Sunday but it is okay. You can’t expect your day will be as beautiful as sunflower everyday, there’s day that will be bad.

Covid-19 has been in Malaysia for almost a year. Many business has fall down, economy crisis. I asked my dad early of this year on April or March I don’t really remember. I asked him about this pkp thingy and my dad said, this is the time that you have to reflect yourself. This is the chance to read Quran more, to pray more and more. To realised what you have in life, to be grateful in life. Yes, that is true.

I sit back, and think about what my dad said to me. Yes, Allah gives me a break from work to be closer to him. To always remember Him, to be better.

Started in August, I bought any book that can make me feel closer to Allah, I forced myself to read more, to learn more and to know more about my religion. To reflect myself. I started to paste dua’ and dzhikir on my wall for me to remember and read every single day. I started to buy tasbih and make it as my bff. Then, I download telegram apps and subscribe neelofa, mizz nina, ayesha syahira and people that can make me closer to Allah.

I started to learn to be grateful. I started to always recite dua’ for everything. I started to always inhale positives vibes and try to always be better person although I always failed but i will keep on trying.

Till then. Bye

[shafiqahpotts]

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