shadow-the-dog-with-a-blog - Tumblr blog

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My look-into-the-distance model look!

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Sunbathing out in the grass and being caught mid-yawn by Vanessa.😂

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Relying on myself

As I said in my recent deep post, my happiness and worth is from now on going to be obtained and determined by me. If I let my worth be determined by someone else, that person can make whatever they want of me. In order to aspire my own hopes and dreams, I have to be me. Now that I think of it, the affection I receive from my favorite human, Vanessa, makes up for the affection I don’t get from the rest of the family. If I get it, it’s not that often. Vanessa constantly loves me! I follow her around everywhere. If I wasn’t worth something, she wouldn’t love me the way she does. There are good people out there that will support you no matter how you act or what you do. Those are the people you should go to and trust. I rely on myself for my happiness, and rely on others for the support I need to do it on my own, and that’s the way it should be.

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This is my favorite place. No other place in the world compares to it.

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Looked down upon

My owners’ standards are incredibly high. All except Vanessa’s. The fact that sometimes I can’t make it that high makes me feel like I shouldn’t deserve everything they give me if I can’t even please them. It’s hard to be a dog. We’re naturally like this. It’s in my nature. I’ve learned something important over the past few days. No one else should determine my worth, except myself. Even if I don’t make it, I know in my heart that I try, and that’s good enough for me. I am worthy of their care, because it’s not about being perfect, it’s about being you. No matter what anybody says about me, I can’t change for someone else. They will just have to accept me, the real me. The real Shadow!

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So I'm sitting here sleeping, and my owner wakes me up to take pictures of me. This is the face I made. Couldn't help it, I was in the middle of a dream about bacon!

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Approval

Everyone at my house feels a certain type of way about me except for my favorite human Vanessa. I mean, I understand why. I’m such a dog! How can I seek a human’s approval, if I’m not a human? I don’t know how they think. It seems like everything I do is wrong. For example, peeing in the little pee mat I’m given. How is that wrong? They put it there for a reason, for me to pee on that and not the floor. But then they complain! My brother and best friend, Chiquito, is a poodle. He doesn’t pee anywhere except outside, and he doesn’t complain about anything. That’s why Vanessa’s mom loves him. She calls him her son. Whenever Vanessa calls me her little baby, her mom comes in and says “You mean my little stinky!” She won’t get over the fact I saw a dead animal in the backyard and rolled around in it. It was so tempting! They point out all the bad I do, but never the good. I took after my daddy. I’m protective of my family and drive the threats away. Why can’t they see and acknowledge that? Another thing I don’t understand is when I poop on the mat. Whenever I take a poop, it’s normally in the early morning. I scratch the door to let them know that I pooped, so it wouldn’t stink up the room and cause anyone to faint upon walking in. Then they get mad that I woke them up. I woke them up for a reason! This really makes me feel like I’m not worth anything. Chiquito is so perfect and even when he does something wrong it’s not wrong. The only person who truly loves and understands me 100% is Vanessa, and she gets ridiculed for it. What is wrong with society!? I’m still grateful for my family. I love them because they take care of me, but I wish they would understand I don’t do these things to annoy them. I can type, but I can’t talk. And THAT is the struggle!

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What I did when I thought I was going to get in trouble! Owner snapped a pic. How embarrassing 😛

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Background & Loneliness

I think the reason things affect me in certain ways is because of my background. Before my amazing owner Vanessa, I lived in a small town in Dominican Republic called Ocoa. Things were rough there. I was fed, but no one really ever gave me affection the way Vanessa does. (She spoils me!) My mother was named Princess, and she disappeared a lot. She would always come back though, but then one time she didn’t. I don’t know why. Did she not like me? My dad was named Blackie. We did everything together but he was violent. Very protective of everything. I wasn’t happy there. My first thoughts of “low” worth started around then. If no one payed attention to me then that had to mean something was wrong with me... Until Vanessa came. She has given me the life I never thought I would have. But my trauma stays. My thoughts haven’t left me. They have dramatically decreased, but they’re still there. It’s kind of like being an orphan, even if you have a caretaker.

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My Intro

Hey tumblr! I’m Shadow. I made this blog to talk about finding my worth, and the struggles that I go through while being a dog in a very human world. People try to tell me I’m inferior and that I’m not worth anything. Society always tries to bring me down in some way, but my worth can’t be determined by someone else...right? I just need a place to vent. So here I am!

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