shadow-monster

[shadow-monster]

The loss of one

Kaidan, the crimson red eyed man chopped the remaining wood. He felt the breeze of the cold crisp cold hitting his bare back and chest. He felt goosebumps on his skin, but he didn’t feel cold. It just felt like a pressure sensation. He felt the snow melt against his Carmel skin, water slowly trickling down to his brown pants that he decided to fit in. He was shocked to see them fit so nicely after all these years.

He tied a rope around the structure, and looked up to see the many crafted ornaments around the tree that’s he’s made over the past 15 years. He’s made sure that each one came from a different wood that he remembered her liking. The craftsmanship was in good shape, and was smooth. He threw the rope and the ornament tied together on the branch that he directed, he felt it dangle and move around a it and settled nicely. As if it was a perfect piece.

Kaidan brushed aside his hair, he felt it getting longer than usual and seeing the strands of grey as well. Than again he hasn’t cut it in the past decade, nd he didn’t want to. He remembered her saying he loved his long hair, and wished he would have it down all the time. He could still feel her thin and beautiful hands brush within hair, and massaging his scalp.

He suddenly heard a loud crunching from the snow beneath someone feet. He could also hear who it belonged to based off of their stride and how they held herself. “Good morning Alea,” he muttered, not turning towards her. Already grabbing another log to shop up, to prepare for another ornament.

“Good Morning, Kaidan.” She greeted back, looking up at his work again. She wore a simple greenish black cloak to warm herself from the cold. She had a handful of expressions when Alea glanced up at the work. Kaidan knew the majority of the feels she had, but some he couldn’t. Just like she didn’t know half of what he felt when he looked up at them when he admired them from afar. “Todays her Anniversary.” Alea announced bluntly, her voice echoing through the forest.

Kaidan chuckled horsley, still feeling the scab that was on an old wound being pushed. “Yes, it is.” He replied, cutting the wood. He kept his mind to how she taught him, how to carve woods without harming the wood itself. He teased relentlessly at the fact she cared about wood life despite it being already chopped and gone. She would always argue that it was what her mother taught her, and she loved the trees.

Alea furrowed her eyebrows at him as she saw him ignore her. She sighed, “you need to get back inside Kaidan.” She ordered, her voice stern but gentle. Knowing why he’s out here in the first place, why he’s always making ornaments around a tree.

“I’m fine Alea,go back inside with the boys. I just…” he stopped for a moment, feeling himself fletch around himself. His voice almost wavering, he swallowed thickly and took a deep breath in. He let it out smoothly, and looked back up at the ornaments seeing it all hit eachother in the wind. “I just need a moment, Alea, please..” Kaidan requested, looking over his shoulder with a pleading look in his eyes at Alea.

Alea looked at him for moment, opening her mouth for a moment. But, decided against it. She sighed, and nodded in understanding. “I’ll let Farkas and Vilkas know than.” She muttered, walking back to the wooden house. Stopping for a moment, to look back at the lonesome man. “Remember Kaidan, we’re always here for you. We, too, miss our little wolf, never forget that.” She demanded, walking back to the cabin. Kaidan flinched slightly as she shut the door abruptly.

Kaidan gripped his axe tightly, and threw it down to the ground in anger. He sighed deeply, trying to calm down the fire in his throat. He wasn’t getting better, and he thought he had been. He’s been trying for the sake of his friends, and very little family he has left. But he misses her.

The day he saw her in that bed, it was hard on him to even look at her without being reminded of everyone before her that left in a similar fashion. On a bed, look pale and nothing but skin and bones. But no less smiling, as if she didnt mind being taken away to a place when he couldn’t fellow. Not yet.

She would constantly tell him to be strong, that she would always be there. Even if she wasn’t going to be in the way he hoped. She’ll always watch over him, their children, their friends, everyone. She was a protector even in the after life. If anyone in Skyrim were going to come after them, they would deal with a legendary Dragonborn ghost they all joked.

But it still wasn’t enough for them to stop feeling the impending fact of her being gone. He remembered her asking so sweetly, to be buried under the Willow tree near their home. Kaidan didn’t care, she could bluntly tell him that she would want to bury on the other side of Tamerial and Kaidan would gladly do the trip. Alone if she wanted him to. Willow grabbed a hold of his face, and kissed him softly at that. Kaidan almost broke how light and little preside he felt.

Kaidan cried during her final moments, and so did their children dispite not knowing exactly what was going on. They all were around her, holding her close. Along with the pack as well, touching her legs, arms, hands as she passed. They all whimpered and cried as she was humming softly, having a small hand on Kai’s face as he basically wrapped around himself around her. While leaning her head on the kids, who were smiling at her. Saying that they couldn’t wait to see her again. Not fully grasping the meaning of it.

Yes she smiled so sweetly at all of the. She kissed Kai’s head softly again and on her kid’s. She felt a tear trickle, as the last note she sung. And felt her hand slowly slip away from Kaidan’s face, and her grip failing to keep its hold on Erik’s hand. Kaidan kissed her head softly, muttering “I will see you again my tre huger..” Lydia bit her lip tightly, fighting back any more tears on her face as she held up both of the kids who were about to crawl back to their father.

Lydia held the children’s hands toward their rooms, saying the adults would need to discuss some of things in private. Not wanting to interrupt anyone’s grieving, and saying at a later time they’ll discuss more of this.

Everyone went in their respective rooms, not wanting intrude on anyone’s moment. While Kaidan still stayed in the nursery’s room. Laying near to Willow’s Body, and slowly letting go of her. She felt so cold now, and he wished he could hold onto her just a little bit longer. And kissed her forehead wince again.

Kaidan felt himself be pulled back to the present. He heard the door slammed open again, and saw two of his children running fast at him. ”Papa!” Kaidan first instinct was to check if they were harmed or were going to be harmed, he instantly instantly picked up his axe, and checked for danger behind them. Instead, he saw was Alea, and the wolf twins grinning ear to ear.

He felt their weight ram into him, causing himself to be unbalanced and crash into the snow below him with a thump. “What?! What is it?” He asked the kids who had bright smiles, that Kaidan had to look away. “Are you in danger? Are we in danger? Is your uncles and aunts in danger?” He asked instantly, his mouth speaking before he could think.

“No! Papa, come on you promised us!” One of Teens exclaimed. “Please papa!” The other exclaimed excitedly, practically hopping.

“Huh? Promised you what?” Kaidan cocked an eyebrow, trying to decipher what they were all reminding him of something. He looked past at the two, and silently pleaded them for assistance or help. But all they gave was a wave, and shut the door behind them. With a undeniable smirk on all their faces. He grumbled, and looked at his kids for answers.

“You promised you would tell us about Mama.” They answered bluntly, Kaidan was taking a back from their honestly and stright forward approach. It made him almost proud of them. However, he felt his gut clenched at the idea of telling his kids about their mother.

“Kids, I know you all want to know her-“

“Please dad. You promised, you can’t keep her memory of her forever.” One of the grimaced,it felt like a gut punch towards his scab. “we want to know her, see her life through the memories of the man who loved her the most. A-and it’s-“ he cut himself off, trying to composed himself. The other finished for him. ��Papa, what we’re trying to say is we want to hear of our mother. What she stood for.” She answered, getting up walking towards the Willow Tree in their yard. She looked in awe of the ornaments that hung around it, if anything ot made the tree looked more beautiful with around her.

“What she was for this family. And to you.” The son finished, standing by his sisters they all turned towards Kaidan, who looked at his children in shock. They waited for his response, what he would say, and what he would think.

He sighed, and looked at his children. “I’ve been selfish for 15 years, I think it’s time I tell you kids memories of her. She would probably kick me in my hind neck for doing it towards you.” He looked at the ornmaments for a moments in wonder, and looked intently for a moment. And chuckled softly, “no, she would definitely do so.” He chuckled, he walked towards them and learned against the willow, and patted the spots near him for them to sit. Which the kids did so.

“Where should I begin? Hm.. how about when I met her.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’m starting to make a possible one shots of my oc and Kaidan. Cause I’ve already made one story. But oh, well!

[shadow-monster]

Oh my god! You’re a life savior! I will definitely be doing this tomorrow! Thank you so much for your help again! Will it be okay if DM you if I have any questions about the whole process? Thank you again!

This is my legit rant. I tried following an understandable tutorial but i started getting lost, and saw that they were doing files that I didn’t need for my own replacer. I wanted to kill myself because I got all of their set up, and took hours to fellow them, and I hated it all. I’m contiplanting to just hire someone to make the personal present I have and just make it into a file I can download, cause this shit is just too hard.

I hate that I.m too stupid for this.

[shadow-monster]

Yes, please! I’ve tried using the Nikscope, but I didn’t know how to continue the tutorial that was using CORT (or something like that) I would appreciate it!

This is my legit rant. I tried following an understandable tutorial but i started getting lost, and saw that they were doing files that I didn’t need for my own replacer. I wanted to kill myself because I got all of their set up, and took hours to fellow them, and I hated it all. I’m contiplanting to just hire someone to make the personal present I have and just make it into a file I can download, cause this shit is just too hard.

I hate that I.m too stupid for this.

[shadow-monster]

Anyway, enough of me crying about Kaidan.

i decided to update my character (again), this time added a lot more things with my character that goes wit their lore that i had. if you're curious of her background, please let me know! i would love to go in depth with their physical description, how they got their scars/tattoos. i really love the eyes, and decided to change the hair. i do love the long luscious hair that i originally had, but i felt like it wouldn't fit her. if you're curious what mods I'm using for her i would gladly give away them (that is if i can find them within my NOW 609 mods) i love the shots i took! i tried to use more of the dresses that i loved with an armor pack that i got. i never use those clothes due to me running around in the world trying to get all the quests done lmaoo. but here are some more!

I've love Rain (as you can tell with my screenshots), and the lightings mods, along with my ENB I'm in love with how its all turned out. anyway, I'm exhausted. i still have yet to go to church tomorrow, which i haven't gone in a while.

[shadow-monster]

This is my legit rant. I tried following an understandable tutorial but i started getting lost, and saw that they were doing files that I didn’t need for my own replacer. I wanted to kill myself because I got all of their set up, and took hours to fellow them, and I hated it all. I’m contiplanting to just hire someone to make the personal present I have and just make it into a file I can download, cause this shit is just too hard.

I hate that I.m too stupid for this.

[shadow-monster]

hey! I've given you guys some cool screenshots, and some updates about Kaidan. I've discovered the right tattoo that was for him. (Legit thank you so Much @rinasai for the help, I'm in love with the majority of their Kaidan replacers as well as the look of their game is just *French kiss*)

so i think I'm really starting to dislike the whole thing with designing my own character for Kaidan. i feel like i can NEVER get what i want for his character down, cause legit. look at this man without his badass armor i gave him.

there's an annoying neck seam, and his skin is way too different skin tones that i was hoping for(i can NOT get those stupid Skin sliders right) . i think its mainly due to the fact that i'm using Proteus for this replacer. its mildly frustrates me because I'm trying to figure out the Kaidan that all of the other replacer have for him have (in a sense) in common with. and think its also the fact that i suck at designing Men's character physical.

any recommendations for designing Kaidan, and mods please just let me know! i would appreciate any mod recs as well. i'm just going to also dumb some more of photos i took as well.

thank you for listening to my rant!!

[shadow-monster]

I wanna thank personally @ultimatewarriorbambo so much for the help with this. there is an annoying neck seam, but i'm 99% sure its due to the difficulties of getting the right number/color for him in the racemenu. which is a pain in the neck (GET IT?! cause the issue is in the neck).

but anyway, i'm so happy how it came out! there are definitely going to be issues with trying to figure out the best look for him, due to the fact i have never bothered with Males appearance (like seriously, i struggle with trying to draw men but women i have no problem) until now. so be preparted for Kaidan to change his look time to time. i'm definitely keeping couple things about Kaidan that i've always loved and for my personal thing.

such as the height difference, its amazing being short for when you have a thing for tall dudes. cause no matter what, they're going to be taller than you lmaoo.

LIKE Look at him! i find it so funny and i personally love it.

as well as a little signature that Personal Replacers for Followers have. like for Han's personal replacers, she usually has something written on them to show that replacer is hers. for mine, i wanna added a little heart on his face, (cause i love hearts, shut up.)

i don't know if you can see it, but there's one on the right corner of his cheek (around under his eye if i remember correctly). and for the life of me i couldn't find where the heck is the Daedra paint symbol that is usually on his cheek that was made by one of my favorite Replacer (the red eyes warrior). so, still trying to figure that whole thing out lol.

here are some other photos for the people mainly her for my Playthrough before i had to reset for this mod to work. (trust me, i'm used to it. but I'm a little salty cause i just had started the Romance)

anyway! save travels adventures!

[shadow-monster]

Gere are some pictures of my gameplay! a little annoyed that the pic is a little grainy, and i'm currently in the theives guild. where, my personal favorite part, we delve into Kaidan's romance. i seriously can't wait for the family update.

[shadow-monster]

hey! here's some pics about my character and the Frat Pack. I'm about to go to Bleak falls Burrow soon. i don't know if i want to grab Lydia for her to be part of the party. i really don't like her character, and she has the worst times of saying her lines. and besides i like having this big of a group/party.

[shadow-monster]

Kinda experimenting with more Hair mods. i love the one that i'm curently playing now. i'll definitly show it off when i have the right kind of screen shots. right now, i'm playing with the mod of "let your hair down," and its a lot of fun and immersive too.

[shadow-monster]

Alright, these are the last bath. I’ll definitely be updating more screenshots from my game this weekend. I’be been busy with work, school, and other stuff behind the scenes of my posting. I enjoy my Skyrim content and posts, and can’t wait to update more.

[shadow-monster]

Heyyy, I know I’ve been dead for like.. onemonths?? Sorry, I’ve been busy with school, and other things. And I hope these memes would explain some of it. But these are for forgiveness.

[shadow-monster]

some really cool shots i took. i keep on switching ENB i have no idea which one to choose, or which one looks better lmao. and i find it so funny that the location im in is all summer/spring, and in the background its winter. i just find it pretty humerous. anyway, i can't wait to show more photos lol.

[shadow-monster]

looking for SKYRIM SE MODDERS patreons for me to commission to

Hey, travler! you've seen the title. i'm looking for people who are able to do Commissions for my Skyrim game. such as making a replacer for a specific modded follower (Kaidan EE & IF of course). I've tried to make the replacer for myself for this follower, but i couldn't understand how to do it, it didn't work, or i just didn't enough time for it. its gotten to the point that i've kinda given up on trying to do it myself, and now looking at people who are able to do it for me, and of course pay them for it. i already have handful of commishable modders who could be able to help me, but i would feel like just in case have more people to help me. i would appreciate any help, guidness, or recommendations. thank you so much!

and i hope to update as soon as i can about this issue!

[shadow-monster]

‼️credit will be given after the post if I can find it‼️

Kaidan doing a solo quest, spots someone riding a pissed off dragon: oh, what a bloody idiot.

Kaidan after realizing it’s Willow: wait, THATS MY BLOODY IDIOT!!

Credit goes to ________

[would appreciate and help to find credit]

[shadow-monster]

‼️credit will be given after the post of I can find it‼️

Lydia: okay, you’re up!

Willow: alright, never have I been romantically kissed before!

Kaidan: *bursts through the inn’s walls* I can change that.

Credit goes to @prompts-otp for the original post!

[shadow-monster]

‼️credit will be given at the end of the post if I can find it‼️

Willow: *accidentally gets caught for stealing flowers*

Kaidan having to bail her out: why are you like this?

Willow: aw, come on! You know you love me!

Kaidan giving them a sly grin: what have you that idea? *joking*

Willow:

Kaidan:

Willow: *sniffles*

Kaidan: NO! WAIT I WAS JOKING!! Im sorry lo-!

Farkas busting through the walls: what did you do there, brother…?

Credit goes to @entranedbyink