sf-jinli-blog

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It’s only 2PM in the afternoon. I’m out of bed and I have clothes on. And it’s a fucking Monday. What the hell?

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Day one. Oh, fuck.

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It’s just your mind attacking you, Jin.

Something was wrong. He could feel it just as soon as the substance swarmed the shaft of the straw and barricaded through his nostril and began its journey, Jin knew he had gotten his hands on a bad batch of coke. His hands reached for his head in misery as he wallowed in pain. Cringing at the impending shitshow he would have to endure. There was a sensational burning pulsing through his head, eradicating his clarity and making it extremely difficult to get a grip on reality. Soon, his entire body had succumbed to the effects of the bad drugs and the young man was left lying on the floor, crumpled in a heap as he waited for the poor high to leave him. Nausea overcame him and he was sweaty, shaking uncontrollably while his heart pounded wildly in his chest. 

He hated these highs. These highs brought him no joy, no peace of mind, no moments of tranquility. These highs never silenced the demons in his head or took away Nora’s dead, vacant smile from his memory. It was in these highs that seemed to amplify his torment somehow. It seemed to hone in on his misery and guilt and used them against him. Used Nora against him. The bad coke would bring Nora alive in just about every sense of the word. Jin could see her with his eyes open during these visions, he could hear her voice, he could feel the deathly cold touch of the woman as she reached out and touched him, questioning him in an otherworldly voice: “Why? Why didn’t you save me? Why did you let them throw me to the bottom of that river? My family deserved to bury me!”

And she would always turn violent as the hallucinations continued, as Jin’s descent out of control. She would grip him violently and burn his arms from the cold of her death and then she would shake him desperately. Nora would torture Jin with what was real and fantasy. She would show him visions of those he loved being harmed or killed. His family, his friends, Lolita, Elaina. His mind twisted those few that he actually cared about and used them against him while he was defenseless. So he waited. Waited for the high to end.

Time passed by and naturally Jin wasn’t sure how much time he had lost while he was fighting his mind. Once he was consciously aware of his surroundings, the man pulled himself up from the floor and immediately flushed the remainder of the cocaine before calling the guy who had supplied him with the bag to cuss him out for giving him a bad supply. After swearing he’d ruin his business - which was mostly a threat - Jin took a hot shower.

The troubling events that came with this latest high left the man on edge, his heart was heavy. He was anxious and paranoid, constantly looking around. Waiting. Waiting for Nora to pop up on him. Waiting for the visual and auditory hallucination to ensnare him again. He knew better than to buy from a new supplier, but his old dealer had been arrested and he didn’t want to tell Lolita he already needed more coke. His excessive use was what sent her away in the first place. Sitting on the edge of his bed, draped in only a towel, water droplets still rolling down his wet skin, the man came to a decision. He was going to get sober. Again.

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She’s getting good at this.

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I keep falling out of time I was blamed and cauterized All will change and calcify Feed the hate and starve the lies

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Can’t seem to outrun my mind. 

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Hey, San Fran ✌️😋

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Goddess in human form. Taking @sf--lolitaestrada out tonight.

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I try to face the fight within but it's over I'm ready for the riot to begin and surrender

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It’s only 3:30PM. Being in bed is still totally acceptable.

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Two things about me:  1. I never wear clothes.  2. I rarely venture outside. 

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Why are we going on this way Why do we play these games in vain Nothing's gonna break it down and build us back again

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Being patriotic. 🇺🇸🎆🎇

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It’s 4:30 in the afternoon and I’m still in bed. No shame.

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As I whisper in your ear, “I want to fucking tear you apart.”

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Being a lazy ass today.