seyonahbwords

[seyonahbwords]

can you hear me screaming for help?

mind betraying me,

a hostage in vessel hollow

endlessly dark, cold and echoing

please, a one way glass

all i see is out.

[seyonahbwords]

i’m scared i won’t find love

at least a love worthy of my heart

so i seek it out

in books, movies, and poetry

desperate to feel the longing looks

soft caresses,

and passionate outspoken acts

tastefully curated

to be beautiful on screen

wrapping its fingers around the hearts of many.

[seyonahbwords]

part of me wishes for a different ending,

my slipped finger and text tone going off,

the words we speak to each other no longer out of anger.

no longer pointing blame and words of hate

but sadness, vulnerable with want,

desperate to have the other hear the cry for their love.

could you love me though all of it?

you know all of my secrets.

my inner workings laid out

tangled in your fingers

the power to rework me,

cast me with your mercy.

[seyonahbwords]

i wonder what seeing you for the first time would feel like.

a cold

Manchester day

you in an all black puffer

the tip of your nose pink,

my hair would be blowing in the wind

sticking to my lipgloss,

my brown eyes staring back at yours.

all the breaths in our bodies would expel

made visible by the cold

would we surrender to one another?

would you smile?

would the feeling in the bottom of my stomach settle?

our first moment

year of love and hate,

lust and pain

inches away from each other

yet still so far away.

[seyonahbwords]

i want to be shown love out loud

with bouquets of sunflowers,

and tulips sprinkled through them

mundane moments of standing in line

made special,

whispered sweet nothings and light kisses

when the world goes dark

our legs intertwined together whilst we enjoy the silence of our shared space

i want to be made soft

by someone who takes me as i am and

is patient in the act of softening my tough exterior

[seyonahbwords]

did i lose myself in you,

breaking down and attempting to

mold myself in your perfect view.

i’m sorry you don’t like how much i laugh…

i’ll be more quiet.

oh,

you only want to talk when my makeup is done…

sorry let me get myself together,

it’ll just take a few minutes.

you said you don’t prefer my skin color,

i can’t change that…

but i’ll try to be just like all the other girls.

so you see less of me,

and more of who you want me to be.

[seyonahbwords]

i crave you in the most innocent ways.

phone calls about our days

while my hands warm the steering wheel,

blushing and smiling from across the room as our eyes connect,

dancing in our living room at midnight.

my soul craves to know yours,

what is your inner child like?

tell me about your orange striped shirt.

can i offer him a green crayon?

let’s take a late morning walk,

will you push me on the swing set?

[seyonahbwords]

how bittersweet it is to know my lips will never touch yours

our eyes will never meet across the room,

people fading into the background

as our bodies draw us closer together.

are you happy?

the one that’s done wrong

yet i’m the one paying for it.

missing, and craving,

aching for you,

my souls lost it’s other half.

late nights alone,

wishing that things were different,

racking scenario after scenario

searching for a time in which you would

stay belonging to me.

lost,

and longing

i’m

condemned,

serving a life sentence of being away from you.

[seyonahbwords]

it’s okay to grieve a life you hated.

you found comfort in your unhappiness,

in the stress of it all.

there’s no right way to move on.

but you will,

move on.

the long days will get shorter.

your nights being filled with friends and laughter.

a smile will find your face again.

the crowded hallways of of your brain

will soon run empty,

a wave of new beginnings taking over.

you will move on,

the things that broke your heart

will start to feel small.

you’ll grow,

you’ll heal,

you’ll succeed,

a version of yourself that no one has yet to see,

the best version of yourself.

[seyonahbwords]

i would lean towards you in every lifetime.

our souls,

intertwined.

mine,

reaching for one last chance

to be surrounded in your warmth.

across each universe,

in every age,

praying we’ll find our way back,

drawn together by our hearts.

seeking solace in a love that transcends time and space.

for in your arms,

i find my home,

and in your eyes,

i see the echoes

of every moment we’ve shared,

over and over again.

[seyonahbwords]

maybe this rotation of ours is done.

maybe we really aren’t meant to be…

maybe fate skipped our names on the list,

and the time i spend lurking through your profile,

wondering if you’re thinking about me,

should stop.

the feeling of loving someone who didn’t see you,

but took up so much space in my heart

is a weird feeling to grieve.

i miss you,

i love you,

i want to hear your voice.

but i need to choose me,

find me,

love me.

because we were never meant to be.

[seyonahbwords]

how easy it was for you to get rid of me,

as if i didn’t hold your hand over the years.

does my absence hurt you?

like yours hurts me.

or do i still mean that little to you?

did my answers to your questions not reshape the way you saw me?

the way i opened,

and became vulnerable telling you the ways that your love lacked.

many years spent wasted on the hopes that one day,

you would see me the way i saw you.

past tense,

because now i see you for the monster you truly are.

taking and taking,

vile words, backhanded comments and the overwhelming need to own my body,

but not my heart.

[seyonahbwords]

I hope to one day become someone you’ll never recognize.

A new, distant version of myself,

someone you’ll never get the chance to relearn.

A version who’s stronger, wiser, and finally free from the ache of loving you.

You’ll no longer have the privilege of uttering my name,

or asking how my day was,

I’ll be nothing but a memory slipping through your grasp.

There will be nothing left for you to come home to.

just an echo of what we once were,

fading.

[seyonahbwords]

the lack of respect should’ve been my closure.

the lack of consideration should’ve been my closure.

the lack of empathy should’ve been my closure.

the lack of love should’ve been my closure.

[seyonahbwords]

i want to know if my absence hurts him,

like his hurts me.

If he bottles it up so i can't see it,

but thinks about us when the room goes empty.

because my skin is cold,

begging for his warmth again

like an addict going through withdrawals, my heart, mind and soul is craving every piece of his.

[seyonahbwords]

When everyone’s left for the night,

and the silence wraps around you,

the walls of your home no longer echo with laughter.

Do you miss me?

Do our old conversations haunt the corners of your mind,

the words you spoke fading, replaced by what you longed to say?

Are my eyes still the first thing you see when you close yours?

Can you still hear my voice if you try hard enough,

or does it slip through your fingers like smoke?

My love,

do the remnants of me still cling to your soul,

haunting you with memories every time you pass a bookstore?

Do they whisper of what was, leaving a bittersweet ache

in the quiet spaces of your heart?

[seyonahbwords]

i’m such a “why?” person; i want reasons, and i need to understand