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[sex-weekly]

Laws of the First Date

When we were younger kids, possibly middle school aged, we developed this sense of bases, which would consist of holding hands, hugging, kissing on the cheeks, etc.

Growing into our teen years, as we began to explore ourselves as vessels of sexual embodiment, the Sense of Bases shifted into kissing, making out, groping, the hand-job realm, and intercourse.

But there was something passed down to us by our ancestors; a warning of utmost concern: refrain from sex on the first date. First date sex is supposedly a straw that breaks the camels back, and the firmness of the camels back represents, in this situation, potential for romance.

The perfect first date is supposed to end with a kiss, right? So, where does sex factor into the first date at all? Can it?

First dates come with a whole package: sweats, nervous ticks and jitters, avoiding eye contact, etc. So how is it that anyone could just jump right into the bedroom—or wherever sex wants to take people—on the first date?

This isn’t a hookup, where you would get sexy off the bat—this is a first date, with conversation and quirks.

A first date ends, just as in the films, with First Base. Doesn’t it?

So what if First Base progresses to sex?

On the first hand, if you’re looking for passion and the fantasy relationship with someone, you may very well be damned to nothingness.

Sex is an icebreaker: you’re either going to feel the same emotional connection previously developed, or you’re going to be restricted to no man’s land.

Here it is, no man’s land; you’re never going to be more than an outlet for sex and the occasional “Hey” wherever. In no man’s land, hope for emotional intimacy is lost.

However, damnation to no man’s land is not always the result of first date sex, especially not if you push for a second date. The key here is communication.

This guy that we’ll dub Oliver told me about this person he was talking to. They had spoken a few times, flirty as one is, and so they decided to go out on a date.

One condition, however, stands strong: no sex when it’s all said and done.

Oliver goes on this date, and by midnight, he and this person have shared a dinner and done their dirty deeds. He thinks that, by the time they’re pulling their clothes back on, that it’s done for.

That’s not the case. The two talk about their experience together, surprised, but they communicate. They plan a second date, ignoring the false rule.

And that’s exactly what the concept of “you can’t have sex on the first date” is: a false guideline that we stress over. And for what?

As it is under a variety of circumstances, communication is key to maintaining a connection to someone if you slip up and bone on the first date.

Conclusively, not all hope is lost if first date sex ensues, not if you swallow your pride and speak up. Don’t let uncertainty drag you down.

[sex-weekly]

Dudes and Nudes

It sits there, looming deep in our storage: the photo of John Doe’s 8-incher, erect and, when we peep at it, staring deep into our souls.

And why is it that our hearts start pumping? Why is it that we get slightly aroused? And why—goodness, oh why—is it even there?

I once witnessed my grandmother screaming in horror over a naughty photo she received on a dating app, and she had exclaimed, “What is the purpose of this nonsense?”

And so, as one does, I asked the same question.

Male peacocks tend to have brighter feathers in order to attract females, and those into men swoon over them. Are nudes just the bright feathers of the human male?

Under some research, a friend claimed that they receive nudes sporadically from their partner, whether they’re in public or at home, and under no clear prompt. They said that they thought of it as exciting, like a game almost.

Imagine this: you’re at brunch with a friend, and your cell phone lights up. Naturally, you open up the text, and there it is. A penis.

What do you do? Go into your saved photos and send one back!

Another source came to me on the matter, and when asked, they said that they believed male nudes were used as a ploy to receive something in return, like a trade.

It’s sexting at its peak, unless you’re savvy with telephone calls. Nudes? Just dudes being dudes.

I’ve been told that, pertaining to women, nudes are sent for validation. Let’s admit it. We all like to be told we’re sexy, or at least in a way that’s not pressuring and uncomfortable.

But I’m sure that many women share nudes for many of the same purposes that men do, and that’s plenty okay! Own your sexuality, ladies, and don’t let patriarchal sex standards get you down.

There we have it. Dudes are just peacocks, flaunting their cocks to wrangle in someone precious. In the end, we’re all animals after all. Right?

[sex-weekly]

Treaty to End the Battle of the Sexes

As we see it today, how we express ourselves in regards to our gender is much more fluid, much more unpredictable and undefined at first glance, then it was before the 21st Century, or at least sociologically speaking.

The 19th Century saw patriarchs reject what we, today, consider to be feminine aspects of physical expression, such as cosmetics, skirts, floral print, long hair, etc.

Moreover, men adopted emotional fixations centric on the construct of being “manly,” as I am sure we are all aware. This is, however, deteriorating, and very well for the better.

Before the turn of the century, being in touch with more “feminine” emotions (compassion, sadness, etc.) was to be deemed “gay,” or at least if you were a man. Gender roles were prominent. Are you emotional? That’s gay, bro.

Yet in time, we’re starting to see a normalization of men being in touch with their emotions; it’s not really taboo for a man to cry in public anymore, or to maybe wear a little bit of blush, or to wear jewelry beyond a wedding band and a wristwatch.

In the fifth grade, I remember a boy showing up to school in a pink tutu; sure, it was a joke, but if we’d been living in the ‘50s, he would have been lynched. It was a total shock, but I had been completely flabbergasted at the sight!

Dare I say that we are slowly choosing to tear down the expressive barriers the patriarchy has established in the last 150 years, and for the better. Look around: women wear denim jeans just as men do.

Today, you can identify yourself as male, be biologically male, and paint your nails whatever bright color you want without being gay. Ladies can cut their hair short, even go bald, and never, ever put on a dress, and they are still socially women.

Your identity is what you make it to be now, and the balance between feminine and masculine expressors is eradicating the divisive gender roles we’ve been brought into.

This, kids, is what is going to mend the social break between men and women.

[sex-weekly]

BDAID

While slightly uncommon, we sometimes stumble upon an excessively large penis. They hide in plain sight, and could be anywhere; they hide among our friends, our mentors, our nemeses, our family members, and even that one male sales clerk at your local superstore.

A friend of mine has recently stumbled into an issue that all of us male-pursuers run into eventually: their latest catch is “too big.” Long and thick, as they told me, and too big to fit into their mouth. They asked me, “What am I to do with it if it’s too big?”

I got to thinking, as one does, and if I’m honest, I’ve never run into this problem; what is there to do?

Here, we run into the Big Dick Admirative v. Intercoursal Dichotomy, or BDAID. It is not, as many of us have learned from a young age, too hard to learn to admire the aesthetics of male genitalia, or as much as one can, especially one of larger proportions.

However, it is implausible for one to refrain from doing something with a large penis. So, how exactly does one proceed, especially when the pilot won’t fit in the cockpit?

If you’re up for playing around a little, slide up on this post to learn more about vaginal stretching—the next slide will have a link directed toward anal stretching. Before you begin, wash your hands.

Alternatively, I’m going to talk about what you can do to orally satisfy your partner whom beholds a large penis.

For those of you who enjoy giving “head” and would like to improve, you’re in for a treat. Treat the penis like one of those old Bop-It electronic party toys, meaning you’ve got to get really creative. Pull, twist (but not in a painful manner), and utilize your cheeks. Your saliva, tongue, and cheeks are going to be your best friends.

There you have it, how to overcome a bad case of BDAID. Don’t let the big dick scare you; just go for it! I believe in you.