sex-andthe-suburbs

[sex-andthe-suburbs]

2009

Who knew this is where we’d be 10 years later? As I was going to sleep tonight, stressing because your name hadn’t shown up on my screen in hours, I remembered a simpler time. The nights we would sit on the phone for hours on end, even on the land line when my father would take away my phone. A time when we were first learning each other, and learning about ourselves at the same time. The year we started at the same school, having never met before, and yet instantly connected.

“It’s always so natural with us,” you said to me between kisses that February night. A simple notion strung together with simple words, but a powerful one. There is a magic alive between us, a spark that time has never dulled. It’s as if our souls have always known each other, and every time our eyes meet the world around us ceases to exist.

“It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together, and I knew it. I knew it the first time I touched her. It was like coming home, only to no home I’d ever known. I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew it. It was like magic.” -Sam Baldwin; Sleepless in Seattle

A connection that begs the question, were we meant to meet? That day, in the gym of our new high school, in a sea of well over 100 people, was it an accident or an act of fate that sat us next to each other? It can be argued either way, sure, but what cannot be argued is the instant connection we shared. In an age before total social media take over, we walked out of orientation day with each other saved in our phone as best friends.

10 years later, we’ve reconnected. You’re once again (usually) the last person I speak to before I go to bed and the first when I wake up. There is a comfort in seeing someone who truly knows everything about you. The jokes we have from a decade of learning each other, and the new things we discover daily.

So, tonight, as I lie in bed and playback the past. I think of those nights staying up all night, hanging up, and getting a few measly hours of sleep with the biggest smile in my face. I wonder why you haven’t called or texted when you said you would. I start to get nervous, because you are the one person that I would hate to let get away. I reassure myself of our connection, and that you are really not like all those other guys. You are my best friend. You’ll text me in the morning, and all will be right with the world.

Just as I close my eyes, my phone rings. It’s you. ♡

[sex-andthe-suburbs]

I’m back, bitches.

[sex-andthe-suburbs]

Fool Me Twice..

Over the last year, I’ve spent a lot of time, energy, and effort into a friendship with a guy I used to have a ���thing” with. Unfortunately, it looks as though that’s all been in vain because of his new girl. 

I clung onto the friendship hard, because the relationship with him was important to me. Not just because of the work we both out in, but because he became someone I knew would always have my back, a sentiment we drunkenly affirmed multiple times together. It seemed that the feelings we once shared had returned and that everyone was noticing. He even talked to all of our guy friends about us dating and that it was because they were so relentlessly joking about us that we weren’t together. I know that that wasn’t fair to me, but I can see where he’s coming from.

Now, I know I wasn’t just imagining things, and I knew his feelings. There were multiple times over the past year that things looked how they used to. He would try and come home with me, too, but because of my living situation he couldn’t. So, what changed?

Well, for starters he seemed to grow more erratic in the last month or so, and I was completely thrown off. See, the weekend before he brought this new girl out, we were talking about why he and I couldn’t be together because he had to get his life together, and I was supporting him. He was wasted, so I’m sure he’d say he doesn’t remember it, but I do. Then, he kept telling me how much he loves me, but started to go off about how we weren’t dating. It took our friends and me by surprise. Where was the guy I thought I knew?

Fast-forward to my birthday party where he yelled at me for fighting with him over our friendship. Every time I’d tell him I care more about our friendship than anything else and that either of us talking to other people shouldn’t change that, he’d freak out on me. To the point where I sat down quietly and cried. 

This past weekend we got into another fight, again, over our friendship and the fact that he’s jeopardizing it. He didn’t seem to care. We basically sent the word “friend” back and forth insincerely. There’s nothing more heartbreaking than watching a friendship slowly die. I told him the longer he puts off the conversation about the state of our friendship, the worse the tension between us is going to get. 

I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday and I think I’m just going to have to cut my losses. I’m giving him until the end of the year to fix things and then I’m done trying. The issue isn’t his girl, the issue is the way he’s been treating me, and all of our friends agree. 

This post turned out sounding more like a diary entry, but that’s all right. I need to put this energy into the universe and focus on myself. Next year I’m fully turning focus onto myself, hiring a personal trainer, and only putting out light into the universe. 

My new year’s resolution is to stop acting like I’m not worthy of all that I know I am. In all aspects of my life. 

Talk about new year new me. 

[sex-andthe-suburbs]

“Siri, Play Jesse’s Girl.”

The best part of any job for me? Having a manager to crush on. I don’t know, I feel like it motivates me to go to work more. I usually find someone when I have male managers, but this one was different. He was 31, from California, and had the sexiest personality I have ever known. He had an almost magnetic draw to him that was irresistible. 

He’s a Leo, I’m a Scorpio. Talk about sexual sparks flying. 

I basically sold my soul to the restaurant industry after high school. 

I was hired on-the-spot the day after Christmas in 2015. The next day I met the man who I now consider to be the most heartbreaking almost I’ve ever had. 

I got along very well with all of the managers at this restaurant, but he and I hit it off instantly. I was their go-to host; ran that place. To make it better, he and I would be flirting and singing the various hits that would play throughout our shifts over the radios (the headsets he all wore). We’d frequently find excuses to be near each other, touching, or alone. I’m telling you, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. 

This is NOT a story of a creepy boss coming onto a younger or less-willing employee, this was all 100% reciprocated on both parts and we were/are two consenting adults. 

One night, I was working with him and one of the other managers (and a whole waitstaff but details) and the night came to a lull. It was what those of us in the biz call “dying”. I knew he was in the office working on the schedule, so I used that as my excuse to see him. I called the office and told him I was coming back to see it. Then I had to let the other manager know I was going in the back. He was less than pleased because I think he caught onto the vibes and I always thought he was a little jealous (even though he was unhappily married). 

*Knock knock knock* Him: Hey babe Me: *HEART EYES*

We spent the rest of the night hanging out and he showed me his project he was working on. My other manager tried to get me to come up front, but my manager bae told him to just seat the guests because it wasn’t that busy and I was helping him with a project. He brought me into the electrical room and it wAS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY, but nothing happened. My heart was racing while we both just stood there for a few extra seconds before we figured we should probably get back, so people don’t wonder where we were/what we were doing. We went back into the office and he asked me to scratch a spot on his back. Again, the magnetism was palpable. He (unnecessarily) stayed until close, and we said goodnight. AND. STILL. NOTHING. 

It was the most sexually frustrating night of my life, and every shift we worked together after that night was better and better. And then, the worst thing happened: he got offered the job of G.M. at a new restaurant...across the country. He’s essentially be moving home, I think about five hours away from where he’s from in California. It was a common thing for this chain, which was based there, but it was still sad. We worked closely for the next few weeks before he left, and he was sleeping with the only female manager on staff (whose favorite past time was snorting dope in the office - classy). They were never anything more than f-buddies, though, and he made that clear by flirting with me daily and taking my side in disagreements. 

Then, on his last shift, I came in to say goodbye and we promised to add each other on everything. Which we did.

Fast forward about nine months later (January 2017) and he likes something on my Facebook. Well, I’m drunk and it’s 2:41 a.m., so naturally I messaged him.  He replied right away (after I threw my phone across a McDonalds bathroom stall freaking out because I JUST DID THAT) and we talked all night. He admitted that he had liked me the whole time we worked together, and that he still regretted not making a move in the electric room. I’m telling you, Pikachu would’ve been jealous of all the sparks in that little closet-sized room. 

We still talk here and there, and he wants me to visit him at the new restaurant he manages...in Tennessee...which is only about nine hours away. I might do it. He also said that he’ll be coming up here at some point soon to settle some “unfinished business”, sounds ominous, I know. BUT MAYBE I’M THAT UNFINISHED BUSINESS. I know that’s a long shot, but I’ll see him next year, I’m making it a resolution. 

He was telling me the other day that he still thinks about that night in the electric room, and still kicks himself for not making a move. I agree with him every time. He messaged me at 6 a.m. one Tuesday morning and said that when he woke up his Facebook was open to mine. So, he messaged me to check in and talk to me on his day off, while also casually mention he was lounging in bed in his boxers all day. So, making me really upset that I was going to school and not driving on a confusing Tennessee high way on my way to join him. He told me to come visit ASAP. 

There’s something so sexy about a manager, though. Someone who’s in charge of you and your every move for those few hours you’re there. It helps when they’re attractive, charismatic, and their words are like honey. something about him was different than other managers I’ve had things for in the past. Something about him I still find outrageously sexy. While writing this, I was looking at messages between us and his Facebook, and yep, I’m still in love. 

It’s a turn-on, I suppose, like a uniform or an accent. A man in charge...maybe that’s also why the Fifty Shades movies are a guilty pleasure. God, I would climb this man like a tree. I might even message him right now because he’s online and I’m basically drooling. What is it about him??

I’m not saying it’s a love match, but I do think that the sex would be amazing, and I don’t want to deprive either of us of that. 

According to Cafe Astrology:

Both of you are very proud, stubborn, strong-willed individuals and you are attracted to the strength of character that you sense in each other. There is a feeling of conquest between you that may serve to intensify the excitement of your attraction to each other. However, your strong wills may also prove to be a problem in a long-term relationship. You face the possibility that your combined inflexibility will make it difficult for the two of you to reach mutually satisfying decisions and both of you tend to stubbornly resist compromising when your preferences are different. A battle of wills is likely to ensue!

Another potential problem is jealousy or lop-sided bonding. SCORPIO bonds very intensely in romantic relationships and is inclined towards monogamy. LEO is also very loyal, but not nearly as intense, emotional, or obsessive as SCORPIO is.

So, with that, I’m going to go plan my road trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras with a pitstop in Nashville to bang tf out of this man. 

♥

[sex-andthe-suburbs]

Ghosts of Men Past

HO HO HO, readers!

It’s Christmas time, and you know what that means. It’s a time for telling the truth, forgiving, and giving. It’s the season of remembering what really matters in the world, and bottling up your seasonal depression.

It also happens to be the time of year when past lovers and friends come out of the woodwork and try to be relevant again. I swear, it’s like the universe is testing just how truly merry you can be.

Side note, the girl I nanny is playing Pentatonix right now and I am not a fan. At least she’s not playing Josh Groban, though. Then we’d have a real issue...and probably a broken computer.

I’ll take credit for calling my one ex, but I never thought he’d answer. Also, thank you to the universe for throwing him so heavily into my dreams lately. Then, as if in order, everyone seems to be following suit. With the exception of one guy who came back earlier this year.

I’ve also been messaged by a few missed connections/almost lovers. Two from high school (one of which I wouldn’t mind seeing though), and my ex manager who I would 100% make the seven-hour car ride to see.

So, not all are bad.

Except the worst, who I guess I have to take accountability for as well. The worst of my worst, the one who had to be arrested for us to finally be over for good (classy, I know). I had one too many Miller Lites the other night, combined with my current boy problems, and then I texted him saying we needed to talk. Surprisingly enough, he answered as well. I turned off all notifications for WhatsApp and haven’t looked since. Oops.

He’d be like my “Ghost of Look How Terrible Your Life Could Have Been”. As of right now, it’s been three days since he responded to me, and I have very little desire to know. You know what they say about curiosity and the cat.

So, why do ex-lovers and friends try and come back at this time of year? What is it that makes people (including myself I guess) think that this is a good time to reach out?

As far as my one ex goes, this is a difficult time of year to think about him because this time two years ago was almost a very different time for us. Had he not been sent away, who knows what could have been between us. Hell, I could be a married woman. *shudder*

If someone pops back up, stay strong. Don’t open that door unless you really want to and it won’t be toxic and detrimental to your mental health and well-being.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Holidays to one and all. Be happy, be safe, and here’s to a New Year new me (we)!

My advice for 2019 would be to focus on yourselves, ladies and gents. I’m putting my Christmas gift from the family I nanny and putting it towards a personal trainer.

Cheers, babes!

[sex-andthe-suburbs]

first love.

Here’s a list of firsts:

First Kiss: My ex’s best friend. Thought I liked him, I was wrong. It was like first kiss hype. Now, he’s engaged, stalks me on on instagram, and is a total weirdo.. (update: He might not be engaged anymore?? Totally unclear, but I stand by the rest of what I wrote.)

First Love: We’ll get to him in a second.

First Time: Again, we’ll get there.

First BJ: Really funny story, which is the only reason I’m even mentioning it. I learned on the neck of a Miller Lite bottle while totally drunk and prepping to hookup with my crush. I was so good, he believed he wasn’t my first time. (ohhhhhh the power)

First Crush: A boy in kindergarten. I Told everyone he was my husband. I now can’t stand him because we grew up in the same town and he’s gross.

I’ve been really avoiding this topic because it’s kind of annoyingly still difficult for me. Hey, I’m human, and it sucks. 

So, let’s talk about him. He’s on my mind today because I’ve been dreaming about him a lot recently...and I spoke to him the other day. For the first time in six years. He was my first love. We may not be in love anymore, but I don’t regret a single second of our relationship because I know what I felt was real. 

We all have a person like him. He’s the one that got away. He’s the one that we can trace a lot of our current issues to. He was the first broken heart; and, boy, do I mean broken. That’s the guy we’re talking about today.

He was also, coincidentally, my friend’s first love. Now, I know, Girl Code and whatnot. I get it. However, my friend stopped being my friend, lost her marbles, went after the guy I liked, and moved out of state. So, she was gone. He was fair game. I even waited until she was actually out of state to be with him, not just until we weren’t friends anymore.

Nothing happened between us until who knows how long after she was gone. We had a really bad fight after we went out for the first time, and he dropped out of my life. This is after I cried in his garage for about an hour, and he held me, wiped my tears, and told me how he’s always been in love with me. He was my best friend. Like, you know when you see those old couples that say they ‘married their best friend’, that was us. There was actually a lady at the concert we went to together that told us that would be us. HOW CUTE. 

Look, when I get married I do not intend on being married to a cheater. 

When we finally got together it was like rainbows, butterflies, and toxic waste. We could be so perfect together, yet our song was a break up song because we were constantly “breaking up” with each other. If you’re interested, listen to “What Kinda Gone” by Chris Cagle. I cannot, but you go for it! At the end of the day we were horrible for each other. 

He dropped out of my life a couple of times over the years we were “together” (and that’s only in quotes because sometimes we were actually together and other times we weren’t). Eventually he cheated on me with his ex (who he also cheated on my ex-friend with), and we were over. BUUUUUUUT, as young love tends to go, that didn’t totally stick. We tried to be in each other’s lives again, and he broke my heart and started seeing this new girl. I thought we were working on things and that we would be together again, but I was wrong. After fighting over the next few weeks, he blocked me on everything and was gone. 

The last time I saw him was at my 19th birthday (again with the cursed birthday trend). The last time I spoke to him (before the other day) was a two hour long phone call that left us both in tears. I walked to the park by my house and broke down because I didn’t want my mom to see me and ask me questions. Because there’s nothing worse than people asking you about what’s wrong before you’re ready to talk about it. 

I can honestly say that I think a lot of my insecurities and self-doubt comes from that failed relationship. Not because it failed, but because it ended with hardly any closure and an Edward Cullen-style clean break. For years I couldn’t watch New Moon or listen to country music without thinking of him. I still have those feelings from time to time, but the pain is definitely less in 2018 versus 2013. As I’m writing this, I’m listening to my playlist entitled “WARNING: This is a Dangerous F*****g Playlist.” Jason Aldean is playing. So, essentially, I’m putting myself back in 2013. 

I still remember the moment I knew I loved him, as I know everyone does. We were in his garage (yes, I touched on this earlier), I had just stopped crying because we had been fighting. He pulled me into him, held me as I cried, lifted my head, and wiped my tears. He looked me in the eyes, and told me that he knew he loved me from the second he met me. He was still with my friend, but when he saw me he knew. I laughed and tried to discredit it, but he wouldn’t have it. We laughed together and I asked him if I looked like a raccoon. He laughed again, wiped my fresh tears, fixed the mascara under my eyes, and kissed my forehead. I knew in that moment, I was in way over my head and that I was in love with him.

So, why did we talk the other day? Well, he’s a car guy (like my dad) and I was having both car and dad problems. I found myself telling my friend that I wish I still had him in my life at times like these, so I had her call him off her phone. He didn’t answer. Then, to prove a point, I tried him on my phone and it was declined. Not blocked, declined. My heart raced as I texted him about the issue, and it just about dropped out of my butt when his name popped up calling me. Even thinking about it now my heart is racing. He was there for me. 

Now, I’m not an idiot. he could have very well blocked me again after that, but something tells me he didn’t. I always said if he ever needed me for anything I’d be there for him no questions asked, and maybe, just maybe, he feels the same.

Thinking about him always brings the age-old (and albeit a little cliché) question, “is it better to have loved and lost, or to have never loved at all?” 

I actually get asked it a lot when it comes to him, too. Earlier when I said that I have no regrets when it comes to him, I meant it. He was my first time. My first (almost) everything. I will always love him. I will always be there if he ever calls me. It broke my heart open (somehow in a good way) when he called me back the other day to help with my car. I almost cried when I realized that my number was no longer blocked. 

Despite the blocking, the cheating, and the youthful naïvety, we really didn’t end in a way that warranted hatred on either of our parts. I think that’s a lesson that time has taught me while it’s healed my wounds. At one point, he told my friend that: 

“You can love someone with all your heart, but that doesn't mean you have to be in their lives.”

That’s the bittersweet truth in this story, as I hope it is with most of yours. It’s okay to have loved and lost, because if you really loved you will always love. It’s not something that goes away, but it is something that cools. I would still kill to have the closure conversation with him, but after that I wouldn’t want to be with him again. I’m not even sure I could be his friend if the opportunity ever presented itself. I will, however, always love him.  

*Queue the Dolly* 

(not Whitney, Dolly is the OG and hers has so much emotion - fight me if you want) 

All my love.

I would love to hear from people, if anyone’s reading this. My asks are going to be open. Feel free to send me stories, ask advice, anything. I’m here. 

[sex-andthe-suburbs]

My Birthday is Cursed.

*This isn’t me being dramatic, it’s actually an issue.*

Last year, a friend of mine accused two of my other friends of assaulting her. It was a lie. Everyone considered blowing off my party, and I almost lost all of my friends.

The year before that, the guy I liked blew me off and didn’t come to my party. I cried. A lot.

The year before that, my ex whateverhewas ditched me and I cried over a martini with the cast of the show I was in that year. Everyone felt bad. I felt worse. 

The year before that the same aforementioned ex threw me a birthday party that was really for him, got into a fight with me because he brought a new girl he was sleeping with, and then got mad at me when I had a problem with it. Her and I have never liked each other. It was fun. I also had a pregnancy scare with him that I told our mutual friend about in the middle of our revenge-sex. 

The Year before that was the first time I ever blacked out. I don’t remember much, but I can’t drink Fireball, or even eat a cinnamon Altoid anymore. 

AND THAT WAS ONLY FIVE YEARS WORTH

This year, the guy that I wrote my entire first post about, who happens to be the guy who didn’t show two years ago, is back at it and making my life hell. If you didn’t see the first post (welcome), basically he’s this guy I’ve been ‘will they or won’t they’-ing with for the past two/three years, and we are on a seriously considerable ‘won’t they’ right now, thank you very much. 

So, he’s talking to this girl, who without getting into too much detail, is a psycho. She and her friend followed my friend and me into the bathroom, stared at me, and then tried to play like she’s more than just a less serious alternative to him actually being with me. Contrary to popular belief, I wouldn’t hate her just to hate her, I just don’t appreciate the fake way she interacts with me and the rudeness she showed the other night. The second my friend and I make up I’m planning on ostracizing her so fast, she won’t know what hit her. 

Of course my friend and I got into a huge fight that night, because he was being a jerk and not speaking to me at all (I ended up crying, it was très chic), and now I’m not sure if he’s going to even say anything to me, let alone come to my party on Friday. If you’re reading this, turn on “The Moment I Knew” by Taylor Swift, you’ll understand. Also, though, if he doesn’t show up I’m going to take that as a declaration of war, and if he learned anything last time, it should’ve been that I always win and he’s just going to end up drunkenly cry-apologizing to me. Hey, I don’t make the rules, I just write them down. 

All of our friends say that I’m right. Now he just needs to learn that. I have a sneaking suspicion that he already knows, though. 

Besides that, there’s also so much relationship drama with my friends that if my guy shows up he’s going to have to compete for who’s more of a drama-filled mess, and which relationship takes the cake. We’ll still probably win, but it’s fine.

WARNING: Here comes the part where I include the relationship problems of my friends. You know who you are if you have this site, and I’m not shying away from it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you from the jump.

So, what do you get when two of your best friends share a common history with one of your mutual friends and with your friend from a different group? I’ll tell you, drama. Things don’t ever seem to work out for my poor little friend with the ladies, but it makes it worse when our mutual childhood friend insists on making out with both of the girls he was interested in right in front of his face...two years in a row. That’s not to say that he’s totally innocent, he’s not. He is controlling, rude, conceited, and childish. Not to mention that he (along with all of my guy friends) has a bad habit of listening too much to the other guys, and not letting himself be truly happy. Also, he tends to mess it up with girls because he can honestly be that stupid. He’s a frequent “I let the good girl get away” speech-giver, and he tends to do that because he doesn’t realize that everyone’s just that far out of his league. Mean? No. Harsh? Maybe. 

So now I’m also worried about the impending doom with that group of people, and mentally preparing to have to literally prevent them from killing each other. I’m honestly mostly worried about the boys, as usual, they’re the most dramatic ones. 

Besides party drama, there’s my dad. He and my mother are in a constant battle for who I go out with on my actual birthday since their divorce, and my mother always wins (because I came out of her so I think she deserves it). So now I have to get up at 8 a.m. on my birthday and be ready to drink all night (woo, Blackout Wednesday!). He just needs to fight with me every year, and threaten to not associate with me at all on the actual day-of, which always leaves me crying.

tl;dr

I’m sad and depressed, my life sucks, boys suck, my dad sucks, and I’m poor until tomorrow. 

It’s almost my birthday, but I’m not as excited as I should be. WOO!!!!!

My mother is taking me to my favorite restaurant tomorrow, so yay for her. Love her.  

[sex-andthe-suburbs]

Le Premier

Sometimes when I’m drunk I start speaking in French. I know that it’s weird, but it’s just how I am. I’m constantly teaching my friends the basics (or whatever pertains to what's happening) so they understand what my current meltdown is and why. Sometimes it’s about the hot guy that just walked in the room, and other times it’s about our friends or the guy one of us currently likes. Somehow, though, the boys have only learned “voulez-vous coucher avec moi?”...although, they’re 25 year old boys so I guess I understand why.

Not to sound like every person under the sun complaining about dating in today’s world, but seriously let’s all group groan over the boys who claim to be men, and the way they treat women and each other. Ready? *UGHHHH*

There’s always one guy that drives you up a wall - almost literally. Like, you’re better off climbing the wall so you don’t beat him up when he goes for a smoke. If you read my “about me” tab, I said that something brought me to the idea of this new venture. Well, this one is a part of that something.

When you’re not friends before you hookup with someone, it has its benefits. No awkwardness, no expectations, just a good time. But then things maybe don’t work out, and that, my friends, is when sh-...stuff hits the proverbial fan. (See also, me trying not to swear...we’ll see how long it lasts.) So, then you’re left to pick up those pieces and figure out a friendship. You know, after six months of not speaking and most interactions leading to fights.

Pro-tip: If you’re sleeping with someone, don’t call them to pick you up from a one night stand after leaving a four a.m. bar.

Also, don’t very publicly hook up with your ex (that your new guy knows all about) in an attempt at revenge. It will work, but you’ll regret it.

Anyway, months later you’re good friends and then he decides to re-spark some flames, so here you are: confused and feeling feelings you thought you got rid of. After months of flirting he told our friends that we would be dating if they weren’t so obnoxious about us. When I tried to confront him about it he lied. Right. To. My Face. hahahahahahahahaahahahahaha

So, I get hit with the “I can’t do all this right now, I need to focus on moving out and getting my life in order so I can be happy” and all that fun stuff. At least it wasn’t “it’s not you, it’s me”...well, I guess it kind of was, but he also always tells me how much he loves me and holds me when it’s just us in the car. I’m honestly making myself gag at this point.

With all that fun background, that I promise will be relevant, let’s talk about last night. He shows up with a clearly older woman who, to quote the great Elle Woods,

“She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but otherwise, she's not completely unfortunate looking.”

I kept it together, though. Miraculously. He kept looking at, talking to, and coming by me. Sometimes I think that everything a boy does is a test. Like, he’s with this woman, she can tell there’s something between us, and he’s watching me like a hawk. I know he was jealous of the attention I was giving our friend (on his birthday and at his show lol), but I think he was more bothered that I wasn’t bothered. So, I’m re-installing Tinder and wearing the outfit that made probably the most douchey (is that a swear?) guy I’ve ever met obsessed with me. Helloooo, burgundy sheer bodysuit and leather jacket!

Anyway, back to the French. My best friend (I have about four) of the last four years or so moved across the country this summer. She’s going read this and love that I’m mentioning her in my debut. I’ve taught her enough french to know when I’m freaking out, and last night I could’ve used her. My new friend (who saved the day as usual because I had like no one because my other three best friends ALL MOVED BECAUSE THEY’RE RUDE) had to remind me that I haven’t taught her French yet, so when I wanted to rip my guy’s head off last night, I just had to go to the bathroom and re-center myself.

He’s still my guy, fight me on it.

So, there’s some background and updates on my life. You got to know about a few people, you’ll hear about them and so many more soon enough. I just can’t post this anywhere yet because everyone would lose their minds the second they read about the guy. Remember, they’re crazy about us and that’s why we’re not dating (insert crazy smile here). I’ll make this more public soon enough.

Stay classy, and thanks for stopping by.