sergeant-norman-allen

[sergeant-norman-allen]

This made me immeasurably happy I love yall.

What if norm was in real life

Posting my Halloween costume a tad late but I'm just so proud of it!

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Just know that all y’all, every single one o’ ya, is always safe an’ welcome in dialtown.

Howdy yall. I know I ain’t been on here much lately but I wanted to come on and say that fer yall American citizens, I’m sorry. Yes, I’m gettin’ political, because I assume yall as queer, trans, and neurodivergent folks are scared if yer in America right now.

I love my country, but I’m feelin’ a lotta hate fer some people livin’ in it right now. I know that time an’ time again it’s been proven that th’ system favors homogeneity an’ tradition over sensibility, an’ I know that don’t feel good. I’m sorry y’all, I really am.

This ain’t th’ end though, ya hear? It ain’t always gonna be like this. An’ remember that even in th’ cold o’ hatred an’ ignorance, yer fellow humans will huddle up together and survive it. It ain’t th’ end.

Stay safe y’all, be gentle with yerselves an’ others.

God bless America.

Please.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

thank you norm g allen from dialtown phone dating simulator

Yer welcome anonymous tumblr user on th’ Sergeant Norman Allen askblog

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Howdy yall. I know I ain’t been on here much lately but I wanted to come on and say that fer yall American citizens, I’m sorry. Yes, I’m gettin’ political, because I assume yall as queer, trans, and neurodivergent folks are scared if yer in America right now.

I love my country, but I’m feelin’ a lotta hate fer some people livin’ in it right now. I know that time an’ time again it’s been proven that th’ system favors homogeneity an’ tradition over sensibility, an’ I know that don’t feel good. I’m sorry y’all, I really am.

This ain’t th’ end though, ya hear? It ain’t always gonna be like this. An’ remember that even in th’ cold o’ hatred an’ ignorance, yer fellow humans will huddle up together and survive it. It ain’t th’ end.

Stay safe y’all, be gentle with yerselves an’ others.

God bless America.

Please.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

norm i see you as a father figure can you please pat me on the head

Howdy lil feller, sure can. (pat pat)

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Happy Halloween, y’all!

Remember t’ stay safe, have fun, an’ eat some damn vegetables at some point. No tummy aches allowed.

What are y’all dressin’ up as this year?

[sergeant-norman-allen]

I genuinely wonder how you fit the hat ON TOP of the bag :[

big hat.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

How long is your wiener(erect)

I don’t own one but th’ average is 21.5”-25” (55-64 cm), which don’t change dependin’ on whether or not it’s standin’.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

vomits all my estrogen on you

Hey now wait just a-

. . .

[sergeant-norman-allen]

hi norm!! i think theres something paranormal going on in my house!! a few days ago i thought there was something IN my room and i cried

and yesterday i thought it was monday but its monday TODAY am i just paranoid or should i get this checked

Well Pardner, I ain’t got reason t’ believe in ghosts, but if it makes ya feel safer I think that gen’rally makin’ jokes an’ makin’ peace with th’ Thing ya think is there is a good way t’ make it less fright’nin’. If ya wanna do some witchy-type protections n suchlike, I ain’t th’ fella t’ ask ‘bout all that, but I could probably getchya some info if ya need.

An’ regardin’ th’ day mixup- lots o’ normal things can seem mighty scary when ya get yerself all in a tizzy. Remember it’s right ordinary fer a tired mind t’ get a lil confused sometimes, an’ it ain’t nothin’ t’ worry ‘bout. Sometimes things happen without reason, an’ even if that’s vexin’ to ya (I know it is fer me, I like answers.) th’ world’s gonna keep on spinnin’ round. Ain’t no reason t’ fret, lil feller, it’s alright.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

This … feels like one o’ them HR workplace presentations that shows you what an’ what not t’ do t’ someone in yer office.

Good LORD.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

I know this is very serious but being comforted by you could. Almost fix me I swear because I'm in love with you,,

So like basically I feel like I'm good for nothing except sex and I don't deserve to live unless I'm sexually pleasuring men as I have zero talents, I try to draw, write, edit you name it but I'm not even DECENT and I think that maybe I should just stfu and be a sex tiy for men and detransition so I can satisfy them better, I don't deserve my own identity or to be alive anyway

Well pardner, I’ll put it real simply- validation ain’t never gonna give ya true satisfaction. If ya keep tryin’ t’ please other people, ya ain’t gonna please yerself, an’ that’s what’s important.

An’ another thing; nobody’s good at nothin’ right away. Th’ pleasure o’ creation is in th’ creation, it don’t gotta be in th’ product.

Make bad art, sing poorly, make shitty baked goods; our world is mighty obsessed with perfection t’ th’ degree that it kills young artists, young scientists, young lovers an’ dreamers, when bein’ human is nothin’ if not makin’ mistakes an’ creatin’.

Ya deserve t’ exist as ya are, pardner. Ya deserve t’ exist t’ make yer mark, no matter how messy it may be, an’ ya deserve t’ not just survive, but t’ live.

Live fer yerself. I promise ya got at least one cowboy rootin’ fer ya.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

This ain’t t’ say I harbor any hate fer object heads, y’all just take a second t’ get used to when someone don’t know yall exist.

What was your first thought when you came outa that worm hole and saw the Dialup had occurred Mr. Allen :3

Well now in between all th’ hot n’ bothered hootin’ an’ hollerin’ in my inbox we’ve got a serious question.

I’d like t’ start off by sayin’ that it’s hard t’ pinpoint just one thought, or even remember my thoughts t’ begin with, when I landed amongst th’ other garbage they’d sent through. My thoughts an’ th’ way it felt are both mighty stuck in my head, an’ impossibly murky. I ain’t got much in th’ way o’ words or thoughts t’ give ya, However, I’ll try my best t’ describe it as a feelin’:

Horror. Genuine, sheer horror.

I want ya t’ imagine what it feels like t’ be asleep, an’ t’ wake up knowin’ quite a bit o’ time has passed. Now imagine ya ain’t asleep. Now imagine it ain’t just a few hours, but years. Years, and years, and years. As jarrin’ as it is t’ wake up a few hours later when ya ain’t meant t’ fall asleep, imagine goin’ from one end of a wormhole t’ th’ other, wide awake, an comin’ out right then knowin it ain’t just th’ time o’ day that’s different.

Th’ air felt different. It smelled different. It *tasted* different, somehow.

All that, I had tried my best t’ prepare myself for. I’d even prepared fer th’ prospect that maybe all my kin were lost t’ time. I can’t describe t’ y’all how unprepared I was fer th’ reality I was met with when, as I wandered out o’ my ship an’ down int’ Dialtown, I came face t’ face with a human woman with th’ head of a typewriter. An’ she screamed when she saw me.

I can’t describe th’ way my heart dropped.

At least when ya fall asleep, ya know that when ya wake, yer still yerself. Ya ain’t gonna be met with a reality that not only ya couldn’t even begin t’ imagine, but a reality that ya come t’ realize means ya no longer got a place not just in yer home town, but *anywhere*.

Ya ain’t gonna wake up t’ th’ knowledge that, in a world o’ new horror- yer th’ one that’s gonna make someone scream.

You aint a horror t’ th’ horrors ya found.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

What was your first thought when you came outa that worm hole and saw the Dialup had occurred Mr. Allen :3

Well now in between all th’ hot n’ bothered hootin’ an’ hollerin’ in my inbox we’ve got a serious question.

I’d like t’ start off by sayin’ that it’s hard t’ pinpoint just one thought, or even remember my thoughts t’ begin with, when I landed amongst th’ other garbage they’d sent through. My thoughts an’ th’ way it felt are both mighty stuck in my head, an’ impossibly murky. I ain’t got much in th’ way o’ words or thoughts t’ give ya, However, I’ll try my best t’ describe it as a feelin’:

Horror. Genuine, sheer horror.

I want ya t’ imagine what it feels like t’ be asleep, an’ t’ wake up knowin’ quite a bit o’ time has passed. Now imagine ya ain’t asleep. Now imagine it ain’t just a few hours, but years. Years, and years, and years. As jarrin’ as it is t’ wake up a few hours later when ya ain’t meant t’ fall asleep, imagine goin’ from one end of a wormhole t’ th’ other, wide awake, an comin’ out right then knowin it ain’t just th’ time o’ day that’s different.

Th’ air felt different. It smelled different. It *tasted* different, somehow.

All that, I had tried my best t’ prepare myself for. I’d even prepared fer th’ prospect that maybe all my kin were lost t’ time. I can’t describe t’ y’all how unprepared I was fer th’ reality I was met with when, as I wandered out o’ my ship an’ down int’ Dialtown, I came face t’ face with a human woman with th’ head of a typewriter. An’ she screamed when she saw me.

I can’t describe th’ way my heart dropped.

At least when ya fall asleep, ya know that when ya wake, yer still yerself. Ya ain’t gonna be met with a reality that not only ya couldn’t even begin t’ imagine, but a reality that ya come t’ realize means ya no longer got a place not just in yer home town, but *anywhere*.

Ya ain’t gonna wake up t’ th’ knowledge that, in a world o’ new horror- yer th’ one that’s gonna make someone scream.

You aint a horror t’ th’ horrors ya found.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

I'm so sorry for talking to you I fucked up so bad I'm terrible kill me

Pardner. Calm down. I don’t know what yer talkin’ about. Ain’t no reason t’ be so hard on yerself, good lord.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Hey :3 I wanna do something for you, but I don't know what, is there anything you need / would like me to do? Ya deserve it!! <3

If ya can draw I’d love ya t’ do that. I like yalls art very much.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

I just wanted to say that this blog saved my life countless times/gen thank you for being here 🩵

I’m so, so glad I could help, pardner. I ain’t really sure what t’ say, but I’m mighty happy yer here. Stay strong lil feller, things get better.