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Camera: Canon EOS 500

Film: Kosmo Foto Mono 100

Lens: EF 75-300mm 1:4-5.6

August '21

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Alejandra Pizarnik, tr. by Yvette Siegert, from “[...] of The Silence”, Extracting the Stone of Madness: Poems 1962 - 1972

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Magnolias on Light Blue Velvet Cloth, C. 1885-95. Martin Johnson Heade

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“I’m laying in my bed, in my house and all I want to do is go home. This means something different to everybody.”

—

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Inktober - Day 30 - Beauty & the Beast. @inktober

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'That, dead or not, people needed to mourn you because you were gone, even if one day you would come back.'

The Debt of Time

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The world definitely needs more love letters #whp❤️ ~Ola Foryś

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you are not a failure just because you are not where you thought you’d be by now.

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US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

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(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

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Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

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my love left me

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"My darling, you hold so much sadness in your eyes, I can almost touch the scars of your soul and cry."

—Alexandra Vasiliu

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Always Been

Short story, but might continue | After being rescued, the trauma of being stranded on an island weighs heavily on Terra's mind. Unable to control her racing thoughts, she experiences insomnia. There's only one person who could help her.

TW: language, slow pace, suggestions of depression, mentions of therapy, insomnia

A/N: Characters and story are mine. Please do not repost on Tumblr or any other platform without my permission.

Terra couldn't sleep. She laid in her bed, eyes wide open, staring at her ceiling through the darkness of her room. It was quiet, but it was a different quiet from what she had experienced in the past two months. Terra turned on her side, curling up into a ball. She tried to force sleep to take her, but it didn't come. Her mind wandered too much.

It was impossible for her mind not to wander. She had so much to process. If it weren't for that airplane passing through, if it weren't for the accidental fire they had caused, she and Vlad would surely have died on that island. The thoughts raced through Terra's mind. She was sure of it -- had they remained on the island, they would have died from starvation, thirst, infection, or an animal attack.

"Ugh," she groaned, sitting up. If she was going to stay awake, she might as well do something to take her mind off of the island. Grabbing her phone from her nightstand, she scrolled through her messages. Most were from friends and family who were showing their concern and checking in on her. She didn't want to keep saying that she was ok, especially when she was clearly not. Then her eyes landed on a name she wanted to see. Vlad.

Vlad: You're probably sleeping. I can't, so I thought I'd try you anyway.

So he couldn't sleep either. Terra couldn't respond fast enough.

Terra: No, I can't fall asleep either. Glad I'm not the only one.

A few minutes passed without getting a response and Terra was about to throw her phone across her room.

Ring, ring, ring...

Terra picked up the phone. "So..." you trailed off, skipping the formalities of a typical phone conversation.

"So," a familiar voice cooed back. His voice wasn't particularly deep, but it sounded like his tone dropped an octave. Perhaps he was trying to keep quiet around his family. "How's normal life going for you?"

"Honestly...not the way I thought it would."

Silence. Vlad's dramatic pauses caused Terra to roll her eyes.

"You still there?" she asked, impatience clear in her tone.

Vlad chuckled. "I am. I was just thinking how we're both unhappy even though we're back to our normal lives."

Now, Terra paused. She didn't expect Vlad of all people to say something so introspective. And something so...comforting. She had tried to explain it to her family and friends, but none of the really understood where she was coming from. But Vlad did. He was on the island with her after all. Tears welled up in her eyes. She tried to muffle her sobs, not wanting Vlad to think she was weak, but she was too late.

Sounding more alert, Vlad asked, "Terra? Are you ok? What happened? You know I don't know what to do when girls cry."

"Woman," Terra corrected through her sobs. "I'm sorry, I just...no one here really understands me right now, so hearing you say exactly what I feel was..."

Vlad sighed, relieved that Terra wasn't in any immediate danger. "Have you gone to see a therapist?"

Terra forced back a sob, clearing her throat and wiping her eyes on her bed sheets. "Yeah..." she whispered.

"That's good. They can help you process."

"Sure, but I still can't sleep."

"It might take some time, but we'll get there," Vlad reassured. It warmed Terra's heart to have him to optimistic about their future.

She moved to lay on her right side, her phone balancing on the opposite ear. She hugged herself. "I..." she started, not sure if she should be admitting something so intimate with this man. She opted for a safer sentence, "...miss having you around."

Another pause. Was he taking it the wrong way?

"I miss sleeping beside you," he whispered, causing Terra's brows to raise. "Maybe that's why we can't sleep. We're too used to each other's company."

This time, Terra was quiet. It was true. For two months, they had no one but each other. Terra was shy about sleeping beside him when they were on the island and insisted that they keep a generous distance between them as they slept. She had even altered their makeshift "house" to have two separate "rooms". However, the nights were frigid, and she came around to the idea that sharing body heat would only increase their chances of survival.

After two months of sleeping beside him, she remembered how he would turn to face away from her in an attempt to make her more comfortable. She stared at his back during those nights, keeping a far enough away to not be touching, but close enough to share body heat. Eventually, they became less self-conscious around each other, not feeling so awkward when they woke up in different positions than they had started with.

"I kinda...miss hearing you breathe," she finally said, earning her a low chuckle from his side. Hearing him laugh made her smile. She closed her eyes and imagined him beside her.

"Was I your island ASMR or something?" Vlad joked. "I guess I miss your snoring the most."

"Hey!" Terra scoffed. "I do not snore."

"Whatever you say, princess," Vlad said sarcastically. Terra could practically imagine him rolling his eyes.

"But I guess you're right about needing each other to fall asleep," Terra said in a quiet voice. Her eyelids were getting heavy. "Keep me company until I fall asleep?"

He chuckled to himself. Terra could hear the smirk on his face, "Why the fuck not?"

"Your ASMR is already working. I'm getting lulled to sleep," Terra whispered.

"I'm glad one of us can get some rest," Vlad responded. His voice was still steady.

He started talking about how life was going on his end, not sure what else to talk about. For as long as Terra was still conscious, she managed to give him a few Mhm's and Yeah's to keep the conversation two sided enough. But when she started lightly snoring, all Vlad could do was smile to himself.

"Good night, Terra," he whispered before hanging up. He slid his phone into his back pocket and sighed. What he really missed was being physically beside her.

A warm body? he thought. After taking a minute to think about locating a more accessible woman, he shook his head. No, it's always been Terra.

He swiveled on his chair to face the dual monitors glaring at him on his desk. Mindlessly, his fingers alternated from keyboard to mouse, pressing keys and clicking things. Eventually, he found himself having purchased a one-way ticket.

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Read Me

18+

When I feel the need to write

Reblogs for writing inspo

Occasional aesthetics

Some mindless drabble

Works

Masterlist

Do not repost on Tumblr or any other platforms without my permission

Quick writes

Petals Towards Happiness

Short stories

Always Been

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“Find someone who knows how to calm your storm.”

— Donna Aradini

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