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Me if you even fucking care anymore

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Vent---

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Everything ive done up until now, has felt like some kind of act. I feel defeated now. No matter what I do, no one wants to see past it. No one asks.

It doesn't even make me feel better to pretend to be outgoing and social. I'm not confident. Everything people say about me I take it to heart. I don't feel pretty.

I'm absoloutely spineless.

I can't make people feel better anymore like I used to, all I do is drain other peoples energy and piss them off. As cringey as it sounds, I truly do feel like a "shell of a human". I've been pretending to be real, and do all the things that makes someone real and conscious, and now I've given up. A year ago I thought that was the lowest I was ever going to feel, but this now truly makes that feeling miniscule.

I have no redeeming qualities I'm just a fill in character for someone a lot more interesting and capable than me. Any life I had left in me feels like it's gushed out of my body somewhere.

This is me, and this is who I've been, and this is all I'll ever be.

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Not even that, like sometimes I can feel that the ppl talking to me feel like it's a chore

sometimes it feels like people are interacting with me out of pity

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Boom Shake shatter in my bones

Yeah you break me like a stone

Leave me alone.

Oh baby can't you understand

I don't wanna be your man, ohw

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私にとって生と死は同等の価値があります。自分の意志で死ぬこと。それが唯一絶対的な自由です。- some evangelion fag

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26 Sep 2021

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water tank

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sometimes I wanna say God awful things to people but I don't because I know that it'll make me feel worse and I'd only be doing it because I'm miserable

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basically

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sooorry sorry sorrrryyyyy soooOOSOOSOSOSRRYY soooorrryyy SOOORRRRYYY SORRYYY SORRRYYYYHHHHYFDHFDFDHJF soooororry sorry sorry sorry soorrrys spoooorosrys SOOORRYYY sorry SOORRYY SORRYYYYHHGUFH soorryyyy aooodhfgdujdh bHHDSJHAJD FA D ADFA FDJJVDJ SOOOOORRYYYY SOOOROOOOYEDYYRFUYHJAD FDDFJ DF DF FS GFKKV KIOG J JBH B B G H JJ HGFYGHD SOOOOOORRRRRRUYYYYY sooorr7ns jksd s99s9gjs ggijsjg soooeryryy soorrry

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a post I made on lilyphilia, deciding to post this rn because it's happening again, really bad this time. I'm filled with this deep resentment and vague panic.

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up mastering emotional detachment 💯💯

id rather feel nothing positive towards someone than feel way too outwardly happy to people that could very well just leave me whenever they want

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In the nastiest dirtiest ways u can imagine