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Mary, Watch this youtube link when you can, especially if you haven’t already watched “Amy”. So many things killed me about that movie. First, was that I felt like I participated in her death because I read EVERY single news story about her, her relationship with Blake, her cancelled tours, etc. I was in love with her music, but also her crazy persona. I feel awful knowing that I was watching someone fall apart like that and clicking on the stories that helped do her in. Secondly, it reminded me so much of my first few years of marriage to Levi. We had her music on non-stop. I’d say Amy Winehouse’s music and the tv show “Six Feet Under” remind me the most of 2005- early-2008. It was before we bought our house and before we started trying to get pregnant. It was that enjoyable era when we had disposable income and time on our hands. We ate such crappy food and had lots of fun. I wouldn’t trade any of my life now, but listening to her music as we watched it together last night made me remember a lot of fun memories of our early years. Also, from a cinematic standpoint, I was really blown away by the documentary and the way they chose to structure it. There were no sit-down interviews. The director only used voice-overs and used real footage of Amy, of which there are hours and hours. Her father and ex-husband were such villains, yet the director simply showed you footage and let you draw your own conclusions. Yes, she made her own choices, but nobody important in her life tried that hard to do anything and instead just rode the gravy train. So sad.

Anywho, if you want to walk down memory lane, check it out!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3su4q5fVGQg

-C

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Hi Mary,

I’m sitting here writing, rather than cleaning, doing my hair, or any other thing that needs to get done in the next twenty minutes.

Poor Auggie seems to have another ear infection. I have an appointment with his pediatrician in an hour. We lucked out with Hadley, she’s only had two ear infections her whole life, although one of those infections caused her eardrum to rupture, which caused blood to run out her ear, which caused me to almost pass out. Seriously, I freaked. Apparently it’s somewhat common. Who would have thought?

I am loving this spring weather. Yesterday when we were leaving Hadley’s OT (whose office is right by the river) we stepped outside and the scent of blossoms, trees, and the river smelled SO good. I made the kids sniff the blossoms. It was amazing. I am definitely a spring/summer kind of gal. I never know what to think of people who prefer fall/winter.

We are getting the exterior of our home painted this week. Count yourself lucky that your house had just been painted its beautiful color before you moved in. I sure hope this turns out, and I sure hope it doesn’t cost more than our original quote. (I told the guy I don’t have a penny more than the quote, so hopefully he knows it would be a lost cause to try to up anyof the prices.)

I’m glad you came to terms with your baby hungriness. I sure love babies too, but have zero desire to bring another into this world. I’m lucky that my mind tells me exactly how much of something I can handle, and right now the stress-meter’s needle is dangerously to the right, so the option for another child has been taken off the table and I’m TOTALLY ok with that.

Let’s plan a night out soon. Movie and/or a little shopping??

Talk to you soon!

C

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Carly, have you seen People, Places, Things? It was on Netflix streaming. It will make you fall in love with him all over again. Sigh... M

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Library late nights

Hey C - 

I’ve been working in the evenings at the library on Wednesday nights. I was training my new hires, but now I mostly go in because I need to make up hours I miss during the week. The library is very busy in the late evenings - at least very busy with studiers and people using the computers. They don’t need the staff very much, other than to do occasional shushing in the quiet study areas.

About babies -- I was feeling super baby hungry, like super so. I think it was a mix of feeling out-of-sorts at work and wanting an out (”feeling unsatisfied at work, create a lifelong commitment to another life!”) and worrying that maybe there is another Aagard out there. Luckily, I’ve been babysitting sweet Ada and it has helped me see that babies are lovely but babies are hard! And I’ve finally gotten to a place where I’m not constantly yelling. Even though Eddie tells me I’m constantly yelling. I feel more able to control my emotions and my actions now that they are a little older. Do I want to go back to feeling out of control? Probably not.

I hear on you the reading. There’s just nothing that is really grabbing my interest. I want to fall in love with a book and get a good cry or good laugh. I should read that Bernadette book.

Tomorrow I don’t have to work because I’m working on Saturday. I’ll be spending the day getting my hair cut, exercising, and watching movies, maybe folding laundry if I’m feeling generous. 

Hey, we will get our writing legs back --

Cheers, M

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Who we are is not who we can become.

Donald L. Hallstrom (via mormonchannel)

M- I like this.

-C

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And I’m baaackk too!

M-

I can’t believe I missed your last post! I hope you don’t think I was ignoring you, I just need to be better about checking this. You know you’re tapped on how much technology you can handle when you turn down snapchat, or periscope (whatever the hell that is!) because I feel like I can’t even master tumblr or twitter.

I’m so sorry to hear about your spiritual struggles. I’m not minimizing it at all, but as far as the pride thing I will say this: when have you ever been better off hanging onto anger and pride, rather than letting go and allowing goodness to fill your heart again? I know you’re a spiritual masochist like me, who likes to hang onto things that hurt and not allow yourself to feel things through prayer, etc. (again, I am guilty of this too) but how freeing would it be to let go of the pride and open your heart? I think being humble is one of the hardest things for me, but my-oh-my is it rewarding when I do allow it to happen. Keep me updated and let me know what I can do to help!

Thanks for the High love! I sure love having you in class. I can’t believe how rewarding and fun it has been. In April, I’ll be upping my classes and teaching 6 days/week (3 at the studio and 3 at the new Idaho Fitness Factory off Cole/Ustick.) I’m worried my body won’t be able to deal with it. If it gets bad, I’ll probably drop the Thursday 8pm class at the studio, since it’s the lowest attended class. We will see.

I have been in a reading funk. Last year was great, I read 34 books, but this year I am sluggish and would just rather do a sudoku puzzle. I have some good titles on hold for me at the library, and I love reading in the sunshine, so perhaps spring and summer will help me catch up.

I am happy that we are going to try this tumblr thing again. Let’s encourage each other to keep writing!!

-C

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Very necessary to share.

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And..... we’re back.

C - So I’m going to start again. I need an outlet. I need to express myself somewhere so here goes.

I’m feeling trunky at work and on days I stay home I turn into the best housewife that ever was. I’m in the middle of the “grass is greener” syndrome. Every thing seems better than what I’m doing. On Monday I was home with a sick Eddie and when Minnie got home she actually talked to me. Like really talked. Normally by time I pick her up at 5pm she is tired and needing a chance to zone out. Hans used to get this time with her and he knows so much more about her life right now. I was jealous and then I got a chance to be with her when she was willing to be open and it was wonderful. I want more of that.

I have been loving your HIGH class. Truly loving it. Thanks for encouraging me to keep coming. I needed the push. Getting back to exercising has been a real blessing to me.

Church stuff is still a great big fog. I’m letting myself remain suspended in a limbo-y place. Not a limbo in-between staying or going. But a limbo between humbling myself and developing a deeper connection to God and holding onto my anger and pride. Not a fun place but I’m having an extremely hard time letting myself get out of it.

Any who -- time to go. I would love to write more about how much I want more children. I need to see an analyst because clearly a thought like that should require it.

Be good -- M

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C - my derby name -- or stripper name -- or any name -- Roxy Casbah. Foreve always.

-- M

These bookish roller derby names are the bestttttt

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The only thing that came out of this marketing campaign that matters.

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Mary, what would your roller derby name be? I always wanted to be Bloody Holly, but Luscious Malfoy or Hermione Danger is pretty great... -C

These bookish roller derby names are the bestttttt

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Feeling a lot of Potter-nostalgia. Thinking it's time for a re-read. -C

And I thank those Those who kept me company [x]

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Ugh, Mary. He is utterly adorable. I think my favorite movie I've seen this year is What We Do In the Shadows. Haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

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Could it really happen, or do dreams just fade away?

Carly -

I am looking over my cover letter one last time before I submit my application for my “dream job.” My ultimate dream job is my own movie theater, but this is a very very close second. I feel like it is an incredible long shot but I’d be honored just to get a phone interview. It surprised me that I even came across the job ad. HP was looking at a postdoc in California and so I idly thought, well if he got that, where would I work and this job ad popped up. 

When I applied for my current job, HP and I were at a crossroads in our lives. He had been working at a job for over three years that was a good job, lots of good experience, but he wanted to try something new. He was seriously considering film school - getting a MFA in directing. We looked at different schools and evaluated living expenses and costs and if we could financially make it work. This process started at the end of my pregnancy with Karen. I was a little stressed about the timing - worried about caring for an infant and three other children while trying to apply for film school, move and start a new phase in our lives. Even if Hans didn’t get into another graduate program, he wanted to take his career in a more creative level - he wanted to create media, write about its effects on children and families, and be involved in a larger way. 

When deadlines for application submissions started looming, I decided to look for jobs in places where HP was hoping to apply. I didn’t find anything, but I did find the opening here in Boise. It was a position that all of my experience had led me to, in the exact area of libraries that I was qualified for and was good at. The application period closed in 1 week or so from the time I read the ad. I got my application packet in on the very last day they were accepting them. We decided that if I got the job, we would move to Boise, Hans would stay at home with the kids and start blogging, writing, and working on media projects.

We moved to Boise, and as you know, staying at home with little children is no cake walk and doesn’t leave a lot of time for creative work. HP started losing it a bit, he got very depressed and was having a hard time not having a support network of friends and co-workers. He just so happened to have some skills that my library needed at the time and he was hired for 19 hours a week and eventually interviewed for and got a full-time position. We felt very very lucky and blessed. He was able to work for awesome people, conducted research, and eventually finished his dissertation and received his PhD. 

I felt that seeing the job ad for the Boise job was divine intervention of sorts. I didn’t even think I’d ever move back to Idaho and didn’t think I’d be working that soon after having Karen. She was 5 months old when I interviewed and 8 months when I started. This job has been such an overwhelming blessing and incredible challenge. It is HARD but so fulfilling. 

Now this other opportunity has passed my eyes and I know I need to throw my hat in the ring. I know I was meant to see the ad, regardless of whether I’ll get it or not. I know I need to apply. So that’s what I’ll do, I finish it up and get it in tonight. 

Cheers, Mary

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C - we Mormons love telling stories about other devout religious folk - you think stories of Stephen Colbert would be worn out -- not so, and what a pity.

M

Comedian Stephen Colbert announced Thursday that he would fund every existing grant request South Carolina public school teachers have made on the education crowdfunding website DonorsChoose.org.

Colbert made the announcement on a live video feed Thursday at a surprise event at Alexander Elementary School in Greenville.

Colbert partnered with The Morgridge Family Foundation ’s Share Fair Nation and ScanSource, which is headquartered in Greenville, to fund nearly 1,000 projects for more than 800 teachers at over 375 schools, totaling $800,000.

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Mary- this is so rad. I have a great Colbert tote bag that I used to bring all my stuff to the RS activity. Not sure if all those women like him as much as me, but I think he's the bees knees. -C

Comedian Stephen Colbert announced Thursday that he would fund every existing grant request South Carolina public school teachers have made on the education crowdfunding website DonorsChoose.org.

Colbert made the announcement on a live video feed Thursday at a surprise event at Alexander Elementary School in Greenville.

Colbert partnered with The Morgridge Family Foundation ’s Share Fair Nation and ScanSource, which is headquartered in Greenville, to fund nearly 1,000 projects for more than 800 teachers at over 375 schools, totaling $800,000.

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Carly - You know - I like Mother’s Day. I know it is a day filled with ambivalence, angst, unmet expectations, and grief for some and I understand it - but I dig it. It is one day where I get a lot of love and attention from my family. Schools and churches promote the day by having children make gifts and pictures for their moms. Because it is announced all over social media and advertising, my husband doesn't forget. It is a guaranteed day I get something nice. Yes I’m selfish and I like it. On the day itself I’ll try to post more. 

These pics are of me and Karen at her Mother’s Day party. And then some of Eddie at his. He didn’t want me in his selfies; at least he invited me.

-- Mary