seltzerontherocks - Tumblr blog

[seltzerontherocks]

End of Long Weekend Blues

I always start a long weekend optimistic and hopeful, with a huge todo list of things I’ll get done. Then the first day, I relax (I have so much time, and I’ve earned this!). The next day is the same, or maybe I deal with something unexpected. Before I know it, I haven’t done anything I wanted to do and only have 4 hours left in my long weekend.

Cue anxiety and depression attack :)

Just those strong feelings of self-loathing for having wasted all my time and done nothing (that self-loathing can dip into suicidal ideation if I’m not careful), the paralyzed anxiety trying to figure out what else I can do to make it feel like I did something this weekend. Trying to figure out how to optimally use the last few hours I have….only to do nothing but freak out and berate myself. A bunch of aborted attempts to start something to feel better, and yet not finishing any of them and making me feel even worse.

In the past, I’d eventually just fall into some sort of self-soothing thing, usually surfing the internet while eating my weight in sugar. Today, I’m doing something a bit different:

1- Making a plan for tomorrow for work. Planning is generally something I find soothing, and it tends to pull me out of anxiety-induced paralysis. Plus I know from history if I wait until tomorrow morning I’ll panic into giving myself a migraine.

2- Finding one item on my todo list that I can do for sure, and tackling that. Today, that happened to be making this blog!

3- Make a list of the things I *did* do this weekend and take the time to acknowledge that I really needed that relaxing time. This weekend I paid bills, ate all of my meals, played a lot of games on my Switch, got a lot of sleep, but a bright red streak in my hair, read 2 good fanfics online, walked my dog, called my parents, and cleaned the cat boxes. Pretty much all good things :)

I might still eat my weight in sugar, but at least I’ll be prepared for work this week! So far, this is feeling better but I suppose we’ll see how this goes.

[seltzerontherocks]

About Me

I am new to tumblr, so let's see how all this goes!

I am a female, introverted software engineering manager at a top tech company. I have anxiety, depression, undiagnosed stomach issues, and migraines. These are my thoughts and stories about navigating these issues and a career :)

I am choosing to maintain some level of privacy here, so I will be using the following fake information:

Name: Alyssa

Company: Cool Programs Inc

Location: San Francisco, California

Pets: Data, Spock (cats) and Batman (dog)

Partner: Linus

Age: ~30

Job: Engineering Manager of internal tools

Everything else I’ll endeavor to keep honest and straightforward. I choose to share my thoughts and strategies and stories here to help inform anyone else struggling through the same things and spread awareness. I by no means know that these were the best solutions or if they’ll even work for you. But I hope it let’s you feel less alone at least.