selfpossess

[selfpossess]

ballazos​:

sure, she looked different than the last time they met. She kept a steady handle on her look, attempting to blossom into something different from her last relapse. One of which included cutting the very thing Xavier loved on her. Locks that used to rest at her hip now brushed against her shoulders. She held her head high while his gaze glowered over her. Rather than asking how she was, why she was there, what she wanted – she was met with a question about their son. Fuck, of course. Her tongue feathered between her lips as she fought the urge to roll her eyes. Remember, she was meant to be sweet this time. Instead of heading towards another fight like a bull, the brunette attempted peace.

❛     Given our track record, I have him with a sitter tonight. I’ve been in Montreal for a month. Uh, I need your help. I need you.    ❜    Her fingers laced around her wrist as she rubbed it nervously. She never liked to profess her sins because the man would always tear her from the cross her son cast her on. But he needed to know. They needed to sort this out.   ❛     I fell back off the wagon a few months ago and – Jo caught me. I didn’t want him growing up where his only source of comfort was seeing me with a needle half the time. He needs his dad, and shit, I need you. I can’t raise him on my own. I’ve tried and I just seem to keep fucking it up. He needs better stability, so I got a job out here. He would be better with his family, eh? Better than what we grew up with.    ❜

She stepped aside awkwardly, tensing as her eyes met the high tide in his.   ❛     Can I come in?    ❜

It was a simple question, and her hesitation to answer was enough of one for him. Of course this wasn’t a good kind of talk. When were they ever? His scowl deepened while Kat fished for her words. Xavier shifted his weight, let her spin her wheels trying to find her excuse, and didn’t open the door. 

“What’s our track-,” Xavier started, honing immediately on the best place for an argument, eager to start into their cycle again. Her confession cut him short. Xavier leaned forwards, looming over Kat and glowering. “You did what?” He demanded. “A few months ago? Why am I just hearing about this right now?”

Kat barreled through his efforts to pick a fight, unloading the entire story without giving him room for input. It was a lot. Xavier, stunned by the cascade of confessions, stood in the doorway gaping at his ex like a fish. Finally, blinking a few times her seemed to catch his bearings. 

“Alright,” he said eventually, finally taking a step back to allow her into his apartment, pulling the door open with him. “Come in. Did you really move here?”

[selfpossess]

Xavier’s head swung towards the sound of someone knocking at his door. Not a lot of people visited his home, and fewer unannounced. Clue sprung from her spot on the couch, tail upright and tip crooked curiously, chirping a soft ‘mrwoo’ as she trotted expectantly to the door. Nikki was almost the only person who came over, and he suspected occasionally, just to see his cat. 

His approach was slower, and a little more cautious. While Clue twined circles around his ankles, Xavier peered through the peep hole in the door. Kat wasn’t who he was expecting. He almost wouldn’t have recognized the distorted picture as her, if it wasn’t for the tattoos. They were distinct.

Xavier flirted with the idea of not opening the door for her. She was almost the last person that he wanted turning up on his doorstep. Heaving a sigh, he backed the cat away with a foot against her chest, and opened the door half way, just enough to lean his shoulder against the frame and turned his head to look both ways down the hall, before finally landing back on Kat’s face.

“Where’s Jonah?”

             [ @selfpossess​​ ] 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙽𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙴𝙳:  𝚇𝙰𝚅𝙸𝙴𝚁 𝙳𝙾𝚁𝙽.                   𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓  |  𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃

she was trekking dangerous waters approaching a city that wasn’t hers. There was a reason for their split, their distance placed nearly thousands of miles, their disdain for one another. Ah, but they couldn’t think of themselves any longer. Each aching argument was another reason they should move to work together. Kat firmly believed that they should be parents on suitable terms, if not for their blood pressures’ sake, for their son. So, she stood outside of his apartment. She held a vague idea of his work schedule. Jonah wasn’t with her this time. He was hanging at home, tiny fingers tangled in whatever video game occupied his attention on his Nintendo Switch. He barely registered that Kat left their small apartment.

It felt nice to see Jonah gain some independence. She wondered if he grew up too fast. It was a racing thought in slew with every other mistake she made as a mother. But this was right. Approaching Xavier was a good first step towards what she wanted. The pity was that he expected her to be in town next week, not a month ago. She didn’t reach out ‌or update any of her social media. She limited his phone time with their son, not wanting him to catch on where they were. It was explicit in Jonah’s conversations with his father that he still pretended he was in New York. The kid didn’t question it much, already aware of the tension blossoming between her shoulders. Jonah behaved well to ease the weight on his mother’s shoulders.

As he approached, Kat tried to relieve the tenseness in her body. A smile cracked her features, delicate. That’s how she wanted to paint herself. Soft. The brunette pressed a hand against his door as her throat squeezed out a breath of words.     ❛     We need to talk.    ❜

[selfpossess]

lunavargas​:

Luna’s attempted to repress her giggles, but there was something about the way he fumbled through the words - she couldn’t help it. Her eyes lingered on him for a while, before falling onto the paper in his hand. The man was cute - his lack of understanding the French language added to it some home. Luna usually didn’t find something like that endearing, but here she was. “Oh, no, that word means towards.” She pointed to where she presumed he mis- translated.

“Not a local, but I actually know where this is.” Luna smiled softly, facing him again. “If you would like, I can walk there with you. It is on my way home - anyway.”

Her smile was sweet, and Xavier answered it naturally. A laugh was a good sign she might stick around to help him out. In his time in the city, Xavier had developed a bit of knack for guessing who might be willing to lend a hand. It was necessary, he really hadn’t expected there to be quite so much french in the city, even if in all likelihood he should have. Xav held the paper out to her, eager and expectant. Frankly relieved to pass the problem onto someone else.

“What?” Xav frowned when she found his mistake, pulling the paper from her to study again, squinted and shook his head. His lips tilted into an annoyed line, realizing she was right. “You sure?”

He let out a sigh, but her offer brought back his grin, eyes creasing at the edges. “Actually, it would keep me from getting lost again.”

[selfpossess]

julianpistris​:

“Oh, I’m just dandy, about to be in an even better mood after we finish this task.” There was one thing about the Vittori that Julian appreciated. You were either in with your whole ass or you ended up in the riverbank. There wasn’t much grey area, proving to make logistics much easier for the Commissioner. And while he usually saw those rules in place, Xavier had managed to fall into Nikki’s lap. He never quite understood why the women sheltered him from the ugly… maybe it was fondness, maybe it was distrust. Either way, Julian Pistris was here to make sure the PA took the plunge.

Letting a lit cigarette hang lazily out of his lips, the man looked up at the building. “This is one of my properties- and we’re going to go visit one of my tenants. Weird guy, I guess you could say he’s not all there.” He spun his keys around his fingers, long strides headed towards a side door. The resident they were going to see had involved himself in Julian’s business which had turned out to be a big mistake. Yelling about the ports, a supposed drug trade and the police… well that combination did not lend the cards to fall in his favor. Frankly, that wasn’t something that he was going to tolerate… Especially after leasing out such a lovely place to him. “I personally like taking the service elevator.” 

“Glad to hear it. Guess we should get this over with then, Xavier said. His interest was piqued, but Julian didn’t seem hurried to give more details. Either way, Xav fell into place behind him, and tried not to wrinkle his nose against the smell of cigarettes. It didn’t pay to be rude, but Xavier had never liked the smell. Maybe it had something to do with his ex.

When Julian kept talking, Xavier cocked an ear to listen, half-frowning as he tried to slot the information away as potentially useful. There was nothing much more forthcoming. He hoped if the details were important for him to know, well Julian would fill him in, but he was equally just curious.

“Your building,” Xavier let a shoulder lift and fall quickly in an affable shrug. He shot a smile at Julian, letting himself be led into the building. “So this guy. The weird guy. How’s he not all there?”

[selfpossess]

ballazos​:

“you know what i mean,” Nikki signed back, a scowl deepening onto her expression. She tried to not give it much thought. After all, she was always one that put family second. Never in her life did she value the one she came from. Why did it matter now with her own? She barely saw Alex, signing off on summers for visitation if she wasn’t too busy. There was a steady disconnect, but it was healthy. It was good. Her son, barely eighteen and floundering, didn’t need to feel close to his mother to know the love was there. Why couldn’t Xavier instill in the same values as her?

Her brow rose as he skimmed over the tensing. So, his son was coming. This was a statement, not a question. Nikki felt her lips turn, walking briskly from the elevator as the doors pried open. “I don’t give a fuck if it’s hard to see him. You want to see your son? Find another job.” The tycoon signed. “I didn’t move you all the way from New York for you to act ungrateful with what I gave you. I can easily replace you. Remember that, Mr. Dorn.”

Of course he had known. Just as Xavier had known Nikki wouldn’t be pleased with the news. That was why he’d put off telling her. Probably put it off too long. He just hated when she was annoyed with him, almost more than he wanted to see his son. Really it was the one drawback of his job, that it kept him from Jonah, if probably for best given that also meant there was distance between him and Jo’s mother. As much as they cut into each other over the phone, at least that could never progress to physical, by any sense.

Nikki stalked out of the elevator as soon as the door’s opened, hands already moving, and Xavier had to jog a half step to catch the rest of her words. He missed the first half of a sentence, but caught the fuck, and winced through the rest of her beratement. At the end, it seemed better to let her have the last word, catching the door for her before falling back into heel. He followed her to her car, then circled around to get in the driver’s seat, reaching for the handle and hesitating.

“Maybe you could join us while we do some touristy stuff. Might be fun,” Xavier signed, unable to leave the tension unbroken for more than a few moments. He reached for the door, getting into the car and sliding the key into the ignition, then starting it before turning his head back towards Nikki.

[selfpossess]

lunavargas​:

Heading out from the gallery, Luna pulled out her phone to check her messages. Work flew by, with client after client stopping by. The woman built up her clientele after being in Montreal for over a year now. A dream of hers was coming true even if underneath it all of her worst fears were coming to the surface. Her head lifted as a voice fumbled out some basic French.

“Oui. Est-ce que tu parles français? Or would you prefer English?” She chuckled out softly. Her eyes rest on the paper in his hands. “You trying to get somewhere?” Luna still felt new in town, but she was starting to get her barrings.

“Oui. Yes. Ah. A petit peu. I’m still learning. Je apprend Francis. Still,” Xavier finished lamely, tried to smile to hide the wince he wasn’t able to help. Generally, women were more likely to stop and help him when he stumbled his way through their language, but the younger they were, the more likely their English was to be fluid. 

“You know, actually English would be great. You local, any chance? I’m trying to find this place, but I either I’m reading it wrong, or my neighbor lost it. Go green? Does that make sense to you?”

[selfpossess]

ballazos​: 

normally, Kane wouldn’t help out just anyone. His gaze remained plain as it planted on the wavering giant. He had to look up at the man to fully catch his eye. Astonishing. The man swallowed back his judgement and glanced at the shotty handwriting. “Yeah, you’re no where near where you need to be. You must’ve missed a stop.” The man tapped the fragile slip of paper before looking up at him. He didn’t recognize him. Maybe, that was a good thing. His lip twitched as he tried to think of the right phrase. “Ah, do you have a phone? Why didn’t you just map the place?”

A response back in English made his shoulders drop gratefully. The man was serious, something about the line of his jacket and the dark, intense look when he met Xavier’s eyes. A lot of men didn’t bother to look up, and let him get away with avoiding it. It made Xavier pause, frozen in the moment until the man broke the silence. 

Incredulity broke the tension, and his next instinct was to scowl. He pulled back the address to squint at it again. “No, not possible. I did put it into my phone, it said it was down this block,” he said, gesturing broadly along the street and getting out his phone to prove his point. When his phone opened again, it was to the map, the dot that was supposed to be him hovering a short distance from the marked destination. Xavier frowned at it. “Yeah. My neighbor wrote it down for me, her handwriting is...But I just put in the name...Joli patte, it should be right here.”

[selfpossess]

ballazos​:

nikki knew so, but she was limited in what she could say to him. Of course, she trusted him. What man would he be if she didn’t? The magnate stared at the man’s hands for a while, careful to twitch between reading his expression and hands. He folded just as quickly as she expected him to, expecting to overhaul late again tonight. Though with the subtle input of his child, Nikki had to question his motive.

“Are you sure that’s smart – with the mother?” Nikki signed back, trying to not let the irritation mask over her expression. The only thing worse than his child coming to live with him for a few months was the thought of his mother coming with. Nikki had scrubbed his record way too many times, paying off whatever beat cop she could within NYPD. His child would be a burden between work. In all aspects, he didn’t need to tell her about his personal life, but they always managed to mangle the two. Business and personal. 

She glanced. Well, this was personal. “Don’t let it interfere with your work. Come, we’re eating out.” Nikki signed towards him as she left her belongings in the office. Her keys tangled through clenched palms as she tossed them to Xavier. “You drive.”

“Smart?” Xavier signed, head inclining with the question. Ear cocked to listen to what she’d said with her hands, and that he knew the meaning to already. “What do you mean?” 

He’d posed it as an idea. Might to cushion the blow he’d already bought the tickets. Xavier could only pretend he didn’t know why Nikki didn’t like the idea. Him and Kat always fought. It was an inevitability. He’d tried to stay civil. He’d tried never meeting her alone. He’d moved across the border and taken a job in a foreign country, but that had only made the screaming rack up long distance charges.

“It’s just going to be Jonah,” Xavier assured her, cutting the last word off when he lifted a hand to catch the keys she tossed to him, and dropping pretense. “It’s hard to see him with the job.”

[selfpossess]

Xavier had been told to show up, and here he was. Caught in the instinct to obey, he hadn’t even remembered to ask for what purpose. Until he was pulling into the stop, turning the key and the engine dying bellow him, it didn’t occur much to him.

He drummed his fingers over the wheel, face half-turned to the apartment building he’d been given the address of. Not a place he knew, but it was a big city. There were lots of apartment buildings. Xavier reached for his cell from the seat beside him, and typed out that he’d arrived to Julian.

The message back a few minutes later told him to wait. That Julian would be down in a minute. Xavier let his phone slide down into the console, unfolding as he stepped out of the can and stretching his arms over his head as he stifled a yawn. Settling to lean back against the car door, he searched the slow trickle of people walking out for a familiar face.

He broke out a smile when he caught sight of Julian, pushing off from the car and beginning towards him. 

“Hey, how’s it been?” Xavier said, holding a hand out to Julian. “What’s this place, anyways?”

@julianpistris​

[selfpossess]

ballazos​:

it was an average day between them. Nikki didn’t find herself necessarily phased by the array of numbers and margins they grazed through. She found comfort in the fact that she knew her assistant didn’t have a clue as to what was being said. Men were useful when they were dumb. Though, sometimes the idiot spoke. The raven-haired woman shook her head, lifting her hands to respond back to him. “I know they weren’t. Sometimes, they forget the audio isn’t great in Zoom. Honestly, it’s a shit program. I hope it dies fast.”

Her gaze darted towards the chair, watching it creak back and forth. Bothersome. A grin touched her lips as she caught the movement of his arms. “I was thinking coffee,” She signed back. “What are you hungry for? We can always continue this until eleven. Do you have plans tonight?” She always asked even if there was a heavy implication to cancel them.

“You think? Alright,” Xavier signed, accepting she knew better and shrugging off the concern. Turning to face her fully then he paused, scowled, dropped his hands for a moment. 

“Coffee? You have to eat something,” Xavier insisted, rolling his eyes and turning his head away to reach for the laptop again with finality. “You know me. I don’t care where we order,” he signed. Almost anywhere served french fries, and most places would even make a burger. “Chinese?” he suggested, pulling the website up. He could eat chicken balls and fried rice. 

“No plans for the night,” Xav lifted his head to sign, finally processing the rest of her question. “You think we’re going to be that late? You definitely need to eat something in that case.” 

Fingers drumming over the keyboard, he didn’t look down again at the screen. He watched Nikki instead, frown beginning. “Hey, you know I think Jonah is going to stay with me for a few months this summer,” Xav signed with an uncasual shrug.

[selfpossess]

8:41pm, Downtown Montreal - @open 

Xavier glanced down at the paper in his hands, then raised his head again, neck craning as his eyes jumped between the illuminated signs over the shops. The crease between his brow got deeper, face turning down again at the paper.

He’d known he wouldn’t remember, that was why Xavier had asked them to write the address down for him. Foolish to assume just because he’d asked in English, that would be how he’d get it. Xavier sighed, shoulders lifted and then fell and turned around, putting on his best, affable smile.

“Por favor, um voulez vous aide moi?” He asked, eyes crinkling at the edges as he held the paper out, scrawled directions in a tight cursive handwritting.

[selfpossess]

@ballazos​ - w/ Anika Park

When the video feed cut Xavier’s artificial smile slipped away, and he leaned forward to flip the lid of the computer closed.

“You know, I think they were lying to you,” he signed towards Nikki, pushing his chair out from the table as he stood. “Did you get that? They seemed a bit evasive,” Xav let his hand trail off in an uncertain wobble, shrugging and clasping them behind his head to stretch. It had been a long meeting. The crackling audio in the video had been impossible for Nikki to make out on her own, but despite the fact that he’d translated most of it, Xavier hadn’t understood much of the conversation. Intricacies of financial and real estate dealings that were beyond him, and no amount of interpreting for Nikki had so far unlocked some sudden understanding he’d half expected.

“It’s getting late,” Xav signed, nodding towards the golden evening glow in the windows behind them. “Take out?”

[selfpossess]

visual esthetic of Adam Hillman

[selfpossess]

[selfpossess]

DAVID CORENSWET as Jack Castello - Hollywood (2020)

[selfpossess]

DAVID CORENSWET ph. by Shane McCauley for Man About Town (2020)

[selfpossess]

DAVID CORENSWET as “Jack Castello” in Hollywood (1x05)